Bang Bang/Script

The following is a script of the mission Bang Bang in The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Script

(Luis enters Tony's apartment and finds Evan dancing to the song Maneater)

Evan: Here some comes. Watch out boy, she'll chew you up. Whoa oh here she comes, she's a man eater. Whoa oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll chew you up. Whoa oh here she comes, she's a man eater.

(Evan begins to dance in front of Luis until he turns the record player off)

Evan: What's your problem, man?

Luis: Where's Tony?

Evan: Where's Tony? Where's Tony? What's wrong with, "Hi Evan, you're looking cut". "Hi Evan, like a drink?" "Hi Evan, if I wasn't straight I'd ravage you right now".

Luis: Evan, where's Tony? He said meet him here.

Evan: Who cares about fucking Tony? The man's a neurotic. He's back on drugs. He's looking old. He refuses to get any work done. And p.s: the man's a wreck.

Luis: Then break up with him for the last time and fuck off out of all of our lives. Please.

Evan: Wow, somebody's got his sister's underwear on by mistake.

Luis: Ay Dios Mio. Evan, look, I've always thought that, even for a coke pushing steroid junkie, you were a particular asshole, okay, I'm just going to admit that. Now would you shut the fuck up before I shut you up? Now where's Tony?

Evan: He's in the bedroom.

(Luis finds Tony sleeping in his bedroom)

Luis: Hey Tony, get up.

Tony: Ahh, piss off.

Luis: Come on, get up man, let's go.

Tony: Piss off. I wanna die.

Luis: Okay man, if that's how you want it. Come on. Let's go, let's go. Whoa, over here. Over here. Over here.

(Luis puts Tony's head in the sink and turns the water on)

Luis: Better?

Tony: Oh, great.

Luis: Come on, papi. Let's go. This way. This way. Come on.

Tony: Come on? Fuck this.

Luis: You said we had something to take care of. I ain't having you screw up.

Tony: I should have let your parole officer put you back in prison all those years ago.

Luis: You're a degenerate.

Evan: What about me? You guys can't just leave me here.

Luis: Yeah, good point.

(Luis headbutts Evan then helps Tony off the floor)

Luis: Now fuck off, Evan. You gave him the pills. Be gone before I get back. Let's go. Come on, you got it. Let's go.

Tony: I'm good.

Evan: You fucking hetero!

Tony: Oh, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Luis: What?

Tony: I forgot something.

Luis: Forgot what?

Tony: Th... th... the explosives.

Luis: Explosives? Explosives?! What's wrong with you, man? You run a nightclub, not a terror cell.

Tony: Rocco's gone nuts. He's gonna burn the clubs down for insurance. He's gonna fucking kill us.

Luis: Yeah, he's gone crazy and you're running around with some bombs, okay. What kind of drugs are you on? I hope they're strong.

Tony: I told him I'd take care of his Union problems for him. It's the only way out. Either that, or they kill me.

Luis: Yeah, I wish you'd talked to me about this first, man, okay. Blowing shit up ain't exactly your side of the business, okay? It's not your forte.

Tony: What do you care about the business? You got your fucking head in the clouds. Huh? You think you're a big shot. You're a nothing and soon you're gonna be a dead nothing.

Luis: Yeah, no doubt, boss. Now, where are you going?

Tony: They got a guy digging up Frankfort Avenue for Liberty Electric.

Luis: Okay. What else?

Tony: The Transport Workers guy is driving an out of service subway train through North Holland. I'm meant to take the whole thing out.

Luis: A subway train? Jesus Christ. Please tell me that's it.

Tony: The head of the LTA is out at Francis International in his private jet.

Luis: And you'll probably blow yourself up as soon as you walk out the door. You ain't doing this.

Tony: I've got to. It's the only way we can survive. Get out of my way.

Luis: I'm sorry. As much as I'd like to right now, I'm not letting you kill yourself.

(Tony gently places the bombs on the floor and prepares to fight Luis

Tony: Try and stop me.

Luis: Okay.

(Luis knocks Tony unconscious)

Luis: Shit, Tony. You're a real piece of fucking work, you know that?

Dialogue

(Luis destroys the crane)

Luis: That's gonna take some cleaning up.

or:

Luis: Get out the way!

Luis: There she goes.

(Luis approaches the subway)

Luis: I got something for you.

or:

Luis: That's the train.

Luis: You going somewhere?

(Luis destroys the subway)

Luis: That's fuckin' done.

or:

Luis: Get off the track.

Luis: You outta service.

(Luis arrives at the airport)

Luis: Where this bitch at?

or:

Luis: Let's find this dumb fuck and get outta here.

Luis: Where's this hotshot at?

(Luis finds the plane)

Luis: He got a nice plane.

or:

Luis: He ain't taking off today.

Luis: That's got to be him.

(Luis destroys the plane)

Luis: Shoulda flow n commercial.

or:

Luis: Those private jets ain't safe.

Luis: Holiday's over, bro.

Post mission phone call

Tony: Alright Lou.

Luis: Hey Tone.

Tony: Was knocking me out really necessary?

Luis: We're you gonna let me take care of this explosive bullshit, or were you gonna insist on blowing yourself up?

Tony: I got us into this mess...

Luis: Exactly, man.

Tony: Thank you, partner. You should know that Evan's walked out on me. We're over.

Luis: Yeah I heard that before, T. If it's real this time, it's a good thing. He's dragging you down, man. He's a fucking parasite. You need to concentrate on getting your own life together. See you soon.

Failing the mission

Subway escapes

Tony: If it ain't Left Hook Lopez.

Luis: Hey, T. How's the jaw?

Tony: Okay. I know why you did that, so thank you. How'd it go?

Luis: Not so good, man. Turns out I don't make much of a subway bomber.

Tony: Maybe that's a good thing. I'll tell the brat he needs another demolition guy.

Luis: Later, T.

Plane takes off

Tony: My business partner punched me out, my boyfriend left me, could this day get any worse?

Luis: Yeah! You coulda blown yourself up!

Tony: Fair point.

Luis: Listen, you gotta tell Rocco that the plane took off. I couldn't finish the job.

Tony: Only when you want a plane to crash does it stay in the air. Figures. I'll tell him Lou... and thanks.