Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend/Script
Niko: What's wrong?
Gerald: There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is everything is together. The bad news? It ain't gonna make a blind bit of difference to me.
Niko: Uh? What do you mean?
Gerald: Do you want me to spell it out?
Niko: No, I guess not.
Gerald: Thanks. Packie will give you a call and explain. The ex-boyfriend of your girl, he's gonna agree to the divorce terms. Unfortunately, it turns out he wasn't our only problem. Some other crap has turned up. I don't think I'll be getting out anytime soon. Been a great laugh. Look after yourself.
(Niko leaves the prison and calls Patrick)
Patrick: Niko, me and Gracie is waiting for you just off Frankfort Avenue in Northwood. Looks like our joyful time with her is coming to an end.
Niko: That's a fucking tragedy. We should throw her a goodbye party.
Patrick: That's the plan. Hopefully someone might bring a big present for us to this shindig as well. Maybe a big bag of diamonds will help us get over the pain of losing her. We're waiting for ya, man.
(Niko meets Patrick at the safehouse)
Niko: Hey, man.
Patrick: Alright, Niko. The exchange is over on Charge Island at the water treatment plant.
Niko: Packie, my man. How are you and Gracie getting on?
Patrick: Like a house on fire, ain't that right, Gracie?
Gracie: You fucking bastards.
Patrick: See, she was just telling me how much she loved me. What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
Gracie: I fucking hate the both of you.
Patrick: Gracie, watch your mouth. Niko is a good friend of mine. Don't say that about him.
Gracie: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Patrick: Gracie, you're sweet. I know I'm too good for him, but sometimes a guy has got to hang out with lowlifes like Niko here. He's got his uses.
Gracie: I'll give you some fucking uses.
Patrick: That's right, he is definitely a bad influence on me.
(Niko drives to Charge Island and they meet Gay Tony and Luis Lopez)
Gay Tony: Gracie, you alright? The bastards didn't hurt you, did they?
Patrick: She can't speak. We got a gag in her mouth.
Gay Tony: Give her back, you animals. She's suffered enough.
Patrick: Hand over the stuff.
Gay Tony: Hand over Gracie! I'm here for you, sweetie.
Patrick: Hand over the fucking stuff!
Niko: Alright, calm down. Both of you.
Luis Lopez: We put the ice in the middle, we walk back. Then you send over the girl. We leave and you pick up the stuff. Entiende?
Niko: Sure, show us the goods.
Gay Tony: Come back to me, honey.
Niko: Let her go.
(Patrick releases Gracie and she leaves with Tony and Luis. Bulgarin arrives at the scene)
Ray: Niko Bellic, how is it that whenever something is stolen from me you are not far away?
Niko: I have never stolen anything from you, Mr. Bulgarin.
Bulgarin: These men. The big faggot and his Dominican bitch, they stole my diamonds. And you have been trying to rob the thieves. To rob me. Kill them all!
(Bulgarin leaves and his men attack Niko and Patrick)
Patrick: I don't care what you did to that man, but we ain't leaving here without them diamonds. I think I know who's got the ice. Follow me.
(Niko and Patrick begin to fight Bulgarin's men)
Patrick: You're a prince, Niko. We got the fucks.
Patrick: You got 'em, my man. Good fucking work.
Patrick: Nicely done, Niko. We fucking got 'em.
Patrick: They ain't getting back up, Niko. We put the bastards down.
Patrick: There's guys above us. Get them, Niko.
Patrick: Fuck Niko, there's some guys up there.
Patrick: They're some more of them up there.
(Niko and Patrick run into Russians on the catwalk)
Patrick: Use the pipes for cover, come on man.
Patrick: Get in cover behind them pipes, Niko!
Patrick: Jesus, Niko. You're gonna get killed. Get some cover.
(After a group of Russians are killed)
Patrick: Over here, Niko.
Patrick: Over here, Niko boy.
Patrick: Keep close, Niko boy.
Patrick: Follow me.
Patrick: Niko, my man, you gotta follow me.
Patrick: Stay close to me, Niko.
Patrick: You following me, man?
Patrick: This way.
Patrick: Stay on me.
Patrick: Come on, stay close.
Patrick: Niko, they're done. Let's go.
Patrick: Come on, stick close.
Patrick: Alright man, keep on me.
(The two run into more Russians and kill them)
Patrick: The guy with the ice has to go be this way. Let's split up. I'll take the high road and you take the low road.
(Niko and Patrick split up as reinforcements arrive)
Patrick: Jesus, Niko. There's more of the bastards arriving.
Patrick: Fuck me, a whole load of them are showing up.
Patrick: Shit, we got even more company.
(Niko kills the reinforcements)
Patrick: Enjoy that, you fucks.
Patrick: Fire and fucking ice.
Patrick: Burn baby burn.
(Niko and Patrick confront the Russian with the diamonds)
Patrick: Give us that fucking ice, you're trapped. We'll let you go if you give 'em up.
Russian: I'm screwed either way. If I don't give you the diamonds, you kill me here and you take 'em. I do give you the diamonds, Mr. Bulgarin kills me later. Don't nobody having them. Screw all of you!
Niko: Fucked up, as usual!
Patrick: You selfish piece of cocksucking shit!
(Niko and Patrick kill the Russian)
Patrick: Serves you right, you selfish cocksucking piece of shit. Shit, I don't wanna spend another minute in this crap-hole, let's get outta here.
Niko: Gracie, it's been too long. We should hang out more often.
Gracie: I'd rather see you hanging from a fucking tree.
Patrick: Hands off my woman, Bellic. Gracie and me is in love. Gonna get hitched. White picket fence and all that shit.
Niko: Packie, this is great. You've finally found a woman who will sit down and listen to your shit. Maybe you should bind and gag all the girls you meet?
Patrick: That might be okay where you're from, Niko. But this is an enlightened society we live in. U S of fucking A.
Niko: Real enlightened, real civilized. That's the impression I've got so far. An example to the rest of the world.
Patrick: You know you love it, Niko. Doesn't he Gracie?
Niko: Maybe Gracie ain't so different. You normally just shove so much coke up a girl's nose she may as well be tied up.
Patrick: You're in a mood, ain't ya Niko? Is it finally beginning to sink in that my sister's chastity belt don't come off?
Niko: Fuck you.
Patrick: Fuck you.
Gracie: Fuck the both of you.
(Niko begins to drive Patrick back to his Ma's house. Dialogue differs whether or not Pest Control has been complete.)
Pest Control not completed
Patrick: Fuck, fuck, fuck. All that trouble for nothing. Kidnapping the bitch, holding on to her, fighting through them damn Russians... all of that for jack shit.
Niko: Look on the bright side, at least you got to meet Gracie.
Patrick: Screw that. I got close to knocking her teeth out. That was about it. We ain't got shit now. Maybe we was going to have to give up them diamonds to fucking Ray Boccino but we woulda got a payday. Now we ain't getting shit.
Niko: Yeah, but there is no guarantee we woulda made any money out of those diamonds anyway. I've got a suspicion those were the ones Ray Boccino got me to handle a while back. They're back luck. Me and some biker had to try to sell them to a diamond dealer and it turns into a blood bath. That was when those friends of Gracie's must have gotten them.
Patrick: Stole 'em from you, did they?
Niko: No, they stole them from the guys I sold them to. Shit, these diamonds have been trouble since Ray first made me take them out of a trash can for him. Is good they are on their way to a landfill somewhere. Best place for them. The population of Liberty City would have been higher if we had.
Patrick: You might be right, Niko. Whose fucking diamonds where they anyway?
Niko: They were not Ray's, I can tell you this much. Maybe they belong to his homosexual man, Gracie's friend. I don't know. Maybe to Bulgarin.
Patrick: Bulgarin, he the motherfucker who busted up our peaceful hostage exchange? What in Christ's name went on back they're anyways?
Niko: Some time ago, I worked for Mr. Bulgarin in Europe, smuggling people across the Adriatic. A ship sunk, the cargo sunk to the bottom of the sea, I had to swim for my life. Bulgarin lost a lot of money that night and he needed someone to blame. This was one of the reasons I leave Europe and come here to Liberty City.
Patrick: And now he shows up claiming the ice belongs to him? What are the chances?
Niko: Our paths crossed back when I was living in Hove Beach as well. My cousin and I moved up to Bohan to get away from him and another man called Dimitri Rascalov.
Patrick: That's a real shame, I can see you fitting right in down in Hove Beach, Niko. Probably a good thing you got out though. Wouldn't a met me if you'd stayed, would ya?
Niko Bellic: When you put it like this, I'm one lucky motherfucker, Packie.
Pest Control completed
Patrick: Jesus Christ, why did that moron have to throw the ice away? It was just plain selfish.
Niko: There's always one who ruins it for everybody else in the class.
Patrick: You're telling me. We woulda let him live. He coulda walked away from there. Instead, he's fucked and the diamonds are who knows where.
Niko: A lot of people are going to be upset about that.
Patrick: My brother, Gerald, is going to be one of them people. There ain't much that could cheer him up now that he thinks he's doing serious time but this is really gonna piss him off. It's gonna be a nice thing to mull over. You know, while he's staring at them metal bars for the next decade or so.
Niko: A guy like Gerry can still do stuff in the joint. He organized this kidnapping shit, didn't he? It can't be the only card he's got to play.
Patrick: Fuck, he weren't too chipper the last time I spoke to him and he's gonna be a long way from chipper when I tell him what went down. If I can get what went on straight in my head in the first place, that is. Okay, so we exchanged Gracie for some diamonds that Ray used to have. Then some Russian turns up saying they're his. Then everything goes to shit. That's about right, isn't it?
Niko: There's nothing right about this situation, but that would be an accurate description of what went down. The Russian is called Ray Bulgarin, I worked for him on the Adriatic, he thought I stole from him and he came after me. I had to leave Europe because of him.
Patrick: And they were his diamonds?
Niko: I don't know about that. They're nobody's now. The only thing that makes me smile about this shit is that Bulgarin does not have the ice. Piece of shit does not even stay at a fight to see the outcome. Just leaves his boys to clear up.
Patrick: We was outnumbered, Niko. I can see how he thought it was covered.
Niko: This is not the first time he has assumed that I will be killed by some of his employees. Hopefully one day I will be able to teach him his lesson by putting a bullet though the back of his head.
Patrick: You're not meant to say what you wish for out loud. It won't come true if you do. That rule even works for wishes as cheerful as yours.
(Niko drives Patrick to his Ma's house)
Patrick: Well, Niko. That was a whole load of effort for no fucking reward. Story of my life.
Niko: It is the story of a lot of lives, Packie. I'm getting used to hearing it.
Patrick: See you Niko, I've got to go break the news to Gerald. At least I'm gonna be on the other side of some bulletproof glass to him. You know what, I'm still fucking scared.
Niko: Good luck.
Post mission phone call
Dimitri: You love to disappoint me, Niko Bellic. You really do.
Niko: Are you disappointed that I have not found and killed you yet, Dimitri Rascalov? Do not worry, your time will soon come.
Dimitri: I went to the sewage works on Charge Island. I picked through the bodies and yours was not amongst them. Very disappointing.
Niko: I am sorry. Or maybe the thugs who failed to kill me should be blamed though.
Dimitri: I cannot believe that you would steal from my friend ray Bulgarin twice. First in Europe. and then these diamonds in Liberty City. You are in debt to him, Niko. Why don't you just pay him what you owe and we can all get along?
Niko: I have no debts to Bulgarin, Dimitri. And the only thing I owe you is a bullet through the temple. You will be paid in full, fear not.
Dimitri: You have a sharp tongue, Niko. It is only a matter of time before it is cut out of your mouth. Goodbye.
Post mission text message
Shit, man. I keep going over it in me head and I can't fucking understand what happened back there. No diamonds, no girl.. Fuck! Still, it was intense. You're a fucking prince.
Failing the mission
Patrick: A whole lot of trouble for jack fucking shit. I hate that I'm the one that has to tell Gerald about his. Later on, man.
Niko: Go to your fucking family. I don't want nothing to do with you.