Easy as Can Be/Script

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Brucie: Thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-five...

Women: There's someone here to see you...

Brucie: I'm working out! Thirty-six, thirty-seven...

Niko: Hey, Brucie.

Brucie: Niko! One second... Forty. Why didn't you tell me it was Niko? Why? Man, women. Man. Women. Yeah! Man, I'm ready for you, Nicky, I'm ready. I'm ready for fucking anything. Ah, motherfuckers...

Niko: Are you alright? You seem a little tense.

Brucie: Yeah! Sorry. I'm just juicing, makes me a little... pent up.

Niko: Juicing?

Brucie: Yeah. Bull shark testosterone, amigo. Ordered online from Chile. Makes you feel really... male.

Niko: Be careful, man. I heard that stuff does funny things to your balls.

Brucie: Hey. Do I look like I got funny balls to you.

Niko: I haven't considered it. You sent me a message. What do you want?

Brucie: I want help! I'm losing the plot here! Pause. No, I'm shitting you, man. Now look, you did really good with that thing. A lot of people are very grateful. Now listen. That guy, Lyle, had a car worth stealing. Can you get it? He left it in an alleyway off of Yorktown Avenue in Steinway.

Niko: If you pay like last time, no problem.

Brucie: Yeah, of course.

Niko: Any risks?

Brucie: Nah. Easy as can be.

Niko: Okay... I'll just go take care of it, then.

Brucie: Yeah!

Women: Bye.

(Niko finds the car and enters it. Gangsters show up and attack Niko)

Niko: No risks, Brucie? Maybe this juicing is fucking with your head.

Gangsters: He trying to take Lyle's ride. Step outta Lyle's car, man.

or:

Gangsters: That ain't your car.

Gangsters: I'm not gonna let you take this car.

Gangsters: You ain't driving away in this.

(Niko brings the car back to Brucie's shop)

Niko: Brucie asked me to bring this by, you're lucky it looks as good as it does.

Mechanic: Only thing Brucie thinks is good looking is himself. In the mirror. Thanks.

Post mission phone call

Niko: The car is in your lockup. It was not so easy. People were waiting for me.

Brucie: Shit man. If I'd known it'd be like that then I'd have gone to get it. People don't fuck with Brucie. I mean, you're cool though. You made it man. You got them mad Red Army driving skills. I'll sort you out with some big rims... spinning ones. Crazy original styles. You know, we'll cruise, we'll hang, alright, alright? Thanks, homie, thanks.

Failing the mission

Car is destroyed

Niko: Hey, Brucie, I'm sorry about this but Lyle's car got fucked. You ain't getting it.

Brucie: Fuck, I wanted that real bad. You should have seen that jumped up punk driving around in that shit. At least he ain't gonna be driving no more. Come back to see me, man.