Jeff Random Encounter 1/Script

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The following is a script of the first encounter with Jeff in Grand Theft Auto IV.


(Walking up to Jeff)

Jeff: Bitch.

Jeff: You dirty whore.

Jeff: How could you do this to me?

Jeff: Why? Why?

Jeff: I won't be treated like this.

(Niko walks up to Jeff)

Jeff: Hey, how you doin'?

Niko: Uh, good. How are you?

Jeff: Well, I'm shit, to be perfectly frank, buddy. Fuckin' shit.

Niko: What?

Jeff: Terrible.

Niko: Oh. What's wrong with you?

Jeff: Me? My life's a fucking train wreck. I cannot believe this is happening to me. Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Niko: Hey, come on, calm down.

Jeff: Fucking bitch.

Niko: Who are you talking about? Who's this bitch?

Jeff: My fucking whore of a fucking wife, that's who!

Niko: Okay. What did she do?

Jeff: My lovely bride, the mother of my son is up there, right now, fucking some prick behind my back. After all I've done for that tramp, whore. Ah!

Niko: Hey, you okay? Hey come on, calm down. You're going to do yourself some serious damage if you keep going on like that.

Jeff: It's only angina. Come on, Jeff, be calm. Jeff, be cool. Come on, champ. You can do this. Be a winner.

Niko: Hey, mister - are you okay?

Jeff: I'm a winner. I can do anything.

Niko: Great. See you later.

Jeff: Hey you know, you could do me a favor here. You know.

Niko: What?

Jeff: Take some photos. Text 'em to me.

Niko: You want me to text you photos of your own wife?

Jeff: I'll pay buddy. I've got a black card!

Niko: I'm afraid I only take cash.

Jeff: I'll give you cash. Alright? Five hundred. Just follow 'em. Take some photos. Text 'em to me.

(Jeff sees his wife and gives Niko his card)

Jeff: Come on! Here they come. Here's my card.


(Niko follows him wife to the Superstar Cafe)

Man: You know, I'm here for you whenever you need me.

Shirley: It's just that he gets so angry and jealous. I don't know what to do. I've found bugs in my phone. I came home and my panty drawer was empty. Turned out he'd sent the contents to a lab for DNA analysis.

Man: It's not your fault. I'd trust you in his position.

Shirley: He wants to get a Trackify chip put in the base of my spine. Says I wouldn't mind if I didn't have something to hide.

Man: Have I told you how beautiful your eyes are?

Shirley: I mean, it's not like I keep things from him. I just don't want to become a paraplegic or anything.

Man: It'd be criminal for a woman with legs like yours not to be able to use them.

Shirley: You meet a guy with a nice smile and a black card, but you don't have any idea what kind of monster he could turn into.

Man: I'm not gonna change on you.

Shirley: It just doesn't make sense to me, what makes him think I'd cheat on him? A girl can have male friends. It's not like every guy I hang out with is trying to screw me, is it?

Man: You're wasted on him...

(If Niko takes a picture without the couple in it)

I can't see shit. Where are they? Are you giving it to her, too?

(If Niko takes a picture without the man in it)

I see my wife, but where is the stud that's giving it to her... the bitch!

(If Niko takes a picture without his wife in it)

That's the smug fuck, I can tell he's been giving it to her. Where is the bitch?!

(If Niko spooks them)

Man: Leave her alone! Leave her alone!


Man: I'm gonna stick up for her, if no one else is.

Man: You're as bad as the paparazzi who hound those poor celebrities.

Man: Take a photo of this.

Man: Some things are private.

Post mission phone calls

Shirley alive

Jeff: The bitch, the cum-guzzling bitch. She kisses our kid with that mouth. I love her so much. Oh, calm Jeff, calm, be calm, calm down.

Niko: Take your own advice, Jeff. Be calm. This don't necessarily mean she's cheating on you.

Shirley killed

Niko: Jeff, you lucky bastard. You don't have to worry about that bitch no more. I fucking iced her.

Jeff: Oh my God, Jeff, what have you done? You employed a psychopath and he killed the woman you love... the mother of your child. Why? Why? Why?

Failing the mission

Jeff's wife's friend dies

Niko: Jeff. I didn't like the look of the guy your wife was with so I killed him. No thanks necessary.

Jeff: You fucking killed him? God! He was probably just a friend or her pilates instructor or something. You crazy bastard, she'll never get over this.

Both targets die

Niko: Yo, Jeffy. I don't like you being treated like this. I killed your wife and the man who was dicking her.

Jeff: You psychopath. How could you do it? You turned them into Romeo and Juliet or something. I've got nothing now. Not even memories.

Jeff's wife escapes

Niko: Hey man, I'm sorry but your wife gave me the slip.

Jeff: Slip? You've been slipping it to her, haven't you? Banging my wife rather than helping me. Well, screw you.

Jeff's wife spooked

Niko: Hey Jeff, your wife clocked me. I slipped up, man.

Jeff: Slip? You've been slipping it to her, haven't you? Banging my wife rather than helping me. Well, screw you.