Nelson in Naples
The film centres around the toothless and one-armed Horatio Nelson, played by Mitch Dexter, a navy hero who returned in 1798 as a hero and only eyes for Emma Hamilton, who had poked one of his eyes out five years previous. The two begin having sex, with Horatio dispatching an assassin to kill his wife in England and Emma's husband William watching. The two, however, lose their spark leading to Emma convincing him to have 'One more battle...' in an attempt to turn their sex lives around.
"Before he had a column, he had another man's wife."
Horatio Nelson, played by Mitch Dexter, arrives in Naples a hero in 1798. However, the only attention he seeks is from the woman who'd poked out his eye five years earlier: the alluring Emma Hamilton. Both are married, but Nelson has been at sea for so long he'd bone his own mother, and Emma has a real thing for celebrities, even toothless celebrities with only one arm. Plus it turns out that her husband William likes to watch, which means it's a green light all round, except for Nelson's dutiful wife back in England, so he dispatches a killer to end her life. And so begins a torrid love affair, and creppy ménage a trois, that becomes one of the biggest scandals of the time. By 1805, however, their sex life is dead... Emma has binged her way to obesity and Nelson can no longer get his column up. It was a common hunger for fame and adventure that first ignited the spark between them, and Lady Hamilton knows there's only one way to spice things up in the bedroom again. Blood! "One more battle, Horatio, one more battle" And we all know how that went... or at least we wopuld if they taught anything other than revisionist Civil War history in American high schools.
- boobyruby (8/10): You can keep your rom-com mush. This is a real love story.
- wallyjig8 (5/10): I used to have such a crush on Pamela Drake the chick who plays Lady Hamilton's scullery maid.
- filmnazi11 (5/10): What else has Mitch Dexter been in?
- scummington (7/10): I kinda get off on the fat Emma.
- rollpreviz (3/10): Dexter got buried in B-movies. They still wheel him out at award ceremonies now and again. He's been dining out on Nelson in Naples for the last 45 years.
- quipsmith77 (2/10): You can totally see his other arm.
- harpygreg (0/10): I've seen Pamela Drake panhandling on the streets of Los Santos. No joke. That old bitch is batshit crazy.