Jump to content

Ricky Gervais: Difference between revisions

no edit summary
No edit summary
No edit summary
Line 1: Line 1:
'''Ricky Gervais''' (born July 25, 1961) is an English comedian, actor, and film maker. He appears as himself in [[Grand Theft Auto IV]] on both the [[Weazel]] television network and live at the [[Split Sides]] Comedy Club in [[Star Junction]], [[Algonquin]]. There is also a radio interview which can be heard within the game's radio.
'''Ricky Gervais''' (born July 25, 1961) is an English comedian, actor, and film maker. He appears as himself in [[Grand Theft Auto IV]] on both the [[Weazel]] television network and live at the [[Split Sides]] Comedy Club in [[Star Junction]], [[Algonquin]]. There is also a radio interview which can be heard within the game's radio.
==Ricky Gervais' first Proformance==
"Obisity Comedy":
Announcer Over Megaphone: And now, Mr Ricky Gervais!
''Ricky walks onstage waving at the appluading audiance'': Whoah. Thank you. Hi,wow thank you very much. What a lovely welcome.
Ricky Gervais: As you know I do a lot of Charity work.
But in all honesty, I think that some causes are more worthy the others.
Obviously cancer is a very worthy cause, AIDS is a very worthy cause,
but i got asked to do a benefit gig recently for sufferers of obesity.
What? Sufferers of obisity.
I said 'You mean fat people?".
''Minor laughter from audiance''
she went, "No because obes...", Well, she actually went,
'No because obe...", she was eating.
''Laughter''
So she went, "Obesity is a Disease".
I want, "No its not, is it?"
''laughter''
"No it's not, you just like eating, don't you?
''more laughter''
How is that a disease?
''Immitates person scoffing food into their mouth'': "Oh, I'm so f**cking ill..." num, num, "Oh I'm well ill",
''Laughter''
I went, "whats the disease?"
She went, ''Everything tastes good..."
''Laughter''
Everything?
"Not salads",
Thats not a disease, leprosy is a diseasy.
Can you imagine Jesus in the Temple,
people coming up to him in bandages, going "Jesus my flesh is falling off".
And he goes "I can't stop now ... theres a fat lady over there on her third pie.
''laughter''
''Ricky Sighs''
I saw a documentry about a woman who was three hundred and fifty pounds,
cause she ate ten pie and chips a day.
That'll do it.
''Laughter''
Ten pie and chips a day, ten separate meals, ten separate trips to the chip shop.
In a cab, didn't even walk that. Wasted calories.
''laughter''
So in this documentary they wired her jaw together, to try and stop her eating.
So she liquidized ten pie and chips a day.
''loud laughter''
Pie smoothies. Now shes not even chewing.
that used up ten calories.
So, er, they took her to hospital...
to give her that operation where they staple your stomach together.
And she was sitting there in hospital, looking all depressed,
well you can't eat an hour before an operation can ya?
''laughter''
And she went, ''sad voice'': "It's, it's a dangerous operation, but it's the only option left".
''Ricky puts his hand up, points to himself, then puts his hand down''
One, Jogging? Oh you don't even walk. Um..
''Laughter''
Salads? You don't like salads, ok.
Nine pie and chips a day? It's a start, isin't it?
''Loud laughter''
They make excuses, don't they, fat people? They say things like...
"It's glandular". It's not glandular, it's greed.
''laughter''
"It's big bones". Yeah big bones coverd in meat and gravy.
''laughter''
Unbelievable, always complain.
"Oh... aeroplane seats...
''Ricky pretends to put food in his mouth''
''laughter''
there not big enough for someone like me"
No they're not, because if they were , we'd get twelve f**king people on the plane!
''Loud Laughter''
"Its not fair." It is fair, you ate too much!
And if we're talking abouth fairness, and aeroplanes,
why is it that i get the same luggage allowance
as a guy who's four hundred pounds?
We're both allowed thirty-two kilograms on the plane.
I wanna go 'No, he used up his thirty-two kilograms on hit tits!",
''Applause, laughter and clapping''
''Ricky starts to walk off stage''
Thanks very much, goodnight... Enjoy your meals.
''He points to a guy in the crowd''
Not you, you've had enough.


==External links==
==External links==
Members, Alumni
3,424

edits

Cookies help us deliver our services. By using our services, you agree to our use of cookies.