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'''Ricky Gervais''' (born July 25, 1961) is an English comedian, actor, and film maker. He appears as himself in [[Grand Theft Auto IV]] on both the [[Weazel]] television network and live at the [[Split Sides]] Comedy Club in [[Star Junction]], [[Algonquin]]. There is also a radio interview which can be heard within the game's radio. | '''Ricky Gervais''' (born July 25, 1961) is an English comedian, actor, and film maker. He appears as himself in [[Grand Theft Auto IV]] on both the [[Weazel]] television network and live at the [[Split Sides]] Comedy Club in [[Star Junction]], [[Algonquin]]. There is also a radio interview which can be heard within the game's radio. | ||
==Ricky Gervais' first Proformance== | |||
"Obisity Comedy": | |||
Announcer Over Megaphone: And now, Mr Ricky Gervais! | |||
''Ricky walks onstage waving at the appluading audiance'': Whoah. Thank you. Hi,wow thank you very much. What a lovely welcome. | |||
Ricky Gervais: As you know I do a lot of Charity work. | |||
But in all honesty, I think that some causes are more worthy the others. | |||
Obviously cancer is a very worthy cause, AIDS is a very worthy cause, | |||
but i got asked to do a benefit gig recently for sufferers of obesity. | |||
What? Sufferers of obisity. | |||
I said 'You mean fat people?". | |||
''Minor laughter from audiance'' | |||
she went, "No because obes...", Well, she actually went, | |||
'No because obe...", she was eating. | |||
''Laughter'' | |||
So she went, "Obesity is a Disease". | |||
I want, "No its not, is it?" | |||
''laughter'' | |||
"No it's not, you just like eating, don't you? | |||
''more laughter'' | |||
How is that a disease? | |||
''Immitates person scoffing food into their mouth'': "Oh, I'm so f**cking ill..." num, num, "Oh I'm well ill", | |||
''Laughter'' | |||
I went, "whats the disease?" | |||
She went, ''Everything tastes good..." | |||
''Laughter'' | |||
Everything? | |||
"Not salads", | |||
Thats not a disease, leprosy is a diseasy. | |||
Can you imagine Jesus in the Temple, | |||
people coming up to him in bandages, going "Jesus my flesh is falling off". | |||
And he goes "I can't stop now ... theres a fat lady over there on her third pie. | |||
''laughter'' | |||
''Ricky Sighs'' | |||
I saw a documentry about a woman who was three hundred and fifty pounds, | |||
cause she ate ten pie and chips a day. | |||
That'll do it. | |||
''Laughter'' | |||
Ten pie and chips a day, ten separate meals, ten separate trips to the chip shop. | |||
In a cab, didn't even walk that. Wasted calories. | |||
''laughter'' | |||
So in this documentary they wired her jaw together, to try and stop her eating. | |||
So she liquidized ten pie and chips a day. | |||
''loud laughter'' | |||
Pie smoothies. Now shes not even chewing. | |||
that used up ten calories. | |||
So, er, they took her to hospital... | |||
to give her that operation where they staple your stomach together. | |||
And she was sitting there in hospital, looking all depressed, | |||
well you can't eat an hour before an operation can ya? | |||
''laughter'' | |||
And she went, ''sad voice'': "It's, it's a dangerous operation, but it's the only option left". | |||
''Ricky puts his hand up, points to himself, then puts his hand down'' | |||
One, Jogging? Oh you don't even walk. Um.. | |||
''Laughter'' | |||
Salads? You don't like salads, ok. | |||
Nine pie and chips a day? It's a start, isin't it? | |||
''Loud laughter'' | |||
They make excuses, don't they, fat people? They say things like... | |||
"It's glandular". It's not glandular, it's greed. | |||
''laughter'' | |||
"It's big bones". Yeah big bones coverd in meat and gravy. | |||
''laughter'' | |||
Unbelievable, always complain. | |||
"Oh... aeroplane seats... | |||
''Ricky pretends to put food in his mouth'' | |||
''laughter'' | |||
there not big enough for someone like me" | |||
No they're not, because if they were , we'd get twelve f**king people on the plane! | |||
''Loud Laughter'' | |||
"Its not fair." It is fair, you ate too much! | |||
And if we're talking abouth fairness, and aeroplanes, | |||
why is it that i get the same luggage allowance | |||
as a guy who's four hundred pounds? | |||
We're both allowed thirty-two kilograms on the plane. | |||
I wanna go 'No, he used up his thirty-two kilograms on hit tits!", | |||
''Applause, laughter and clapping'' | |||
''Ricky starts to walk off stage'' | |||
Thanks very much, goodnight... Enjoy your meals. | |||
''He points to a guy in the crowd'' | |||
Not you, you've had enough. | |||
==External links== | ==External links== |