Bernie: Come on, Bryce... come on. You've got to be kidding me. But I'll be thrown in jail! I'm not legal! My friend just turned up. I think he can help. I love you! Screw your wife, honey... this is for real!
(Bernie hangs up the phone)
Bernie: Jesus H, Niko. I need a tranquilizer. Something strong... oh man, I am cooked.
Niko: Enjoying your new life in the land of opportunity, then?
Bernie: This is no time for jokes, buddy! Uh uh... no siree... I'm in real trouble Niko. Real trouble. Bruce is getting blackmailed.
Niko: About what?
Bernie: About me!
Niko: Okay... that's not good. Did he find out any information about Darko Brevic yet?
Bernie: No. But he's working on it. You've got to help me.
Niko: Got to? How?
Bernie: We're going to warn these bastards off. Come on.
Bernie: Go get us a car, sweetie. I want something big and awful and intimidating.
(Niko and Bernie get in a vehicle)
Bernie: Alright hon? The meet is on Walnut Way in Northwood. You know, I don't think I've ever been north of Middle Park. This is exciting. They don't even know what they're in for. No way. Nothing stands in the way of love. Love is strong enough to rip down mountains and throw trucks and all that stuff. Am I right? We're going to show them.
Niko: Who's blackmailing you?
Bernie: We don't know. They won't even meet us themselves. This is just some flunky they're sending. We have to tell them to tell the boss we won't be pushed around, no way.
(Niko drives to the meet)
Blackmailer: Where's Bryce? We wanted to speak to him, not his rent boys.
Niko: Listen, you're going to speak to your boss and tell him to back off.
Blackmailer: If that's the way you want to play it, fine. Bryce'll be all over Weazel News tomorrow morning.
Niko: You know what? Maybe the best way to get the message to your boss is for me to send him your heart.
Bernie: Yeah, tough guy. How'd you like that?
Blackmailer: Dimitri Rascalov only asks once. Your lover's career is over.
Niko: Fucking Dimitri.
(Niko and Bernie begin to chase the blackmailers)
Bernie: Come on, Niko. They can't get away.
Bernie: Let's go after them, sweetie.
Bernie: We gotta get them, Niko.
Bernie: Get them, honey.
Bernie: This is exciting.
Bernie: We've got them.
Bernie: Sorry boys.
Bernie: Go, go, go, go.
Bernie: We're close.
Bernie: Hit them in the rear, Niko.
Bernie: I can almost smell them.
Bernie: There you are.
Bernie: We're gonna show them.
(If the blackmailers start to get away)
Bernie: Don't let them get away.
Bernie: They'll ruin Bryce if they escape, Niko.
Bernie: This doesn't look good, sweetie.
Bernie: You're losing them.
Bernie: Please, Niko. Get them.
Bernie: Step on it, Niko.
Bernie: Oh Niko, we can't lose them.
Bernie: Come on, hon.
Bernie: Catch them, sweetie.
Bernie: Come on, Niko.
Bernie: Do they know what they're doing here? What right do they have to jeopardize Bryce's career, our relationship, the whole life we have built together.
Niko: What about the life Bryce built with his wife?
Bernie: That bitch. She's just in it for the status. She doesn't love Bryce like I do. All she sees in Bryce is mink coats and dinner party invitations. What he and I have is real. You know. You can feel it deep down inside. He may be a nasty hypocrite, but he's mine. Now, come on. Get them.
(Bernie continues to talk)
Niko: Can you please shut up until this is done.
Niko: Bernie, I can't concentrate with you talking.
Niko: Bernie, please. Can you be quiet until this is over.
(During the chase a cop car pursues the blackmailers but the car flips in the Castle Tunnel)
Niko: Damn, cops have a hard time, don't they?
Niko: If all the police in the city weren't on the take, I might feel sorry for that guy.
Niko: I thought the police might do our job for us for a second. No such luck.
(The blackmailers crash and try to escape on foot)
Niko: Stay here, Bernie. I'm going to handle this.
Niko: Sit tight, Bernie. Let me finish this.
Niko: Bernie, stay here. I'm going to get them.
(Niko kills the blackmailers)
Bernie: Thank you.
Niko: Alright. The guys are dead. I'll take you back to your place.
(Niko begins to drive Bernie back to his apartment)
Niko: So, we were just meant to scare them? Well, that didn't work out so good, did it? At least they can't tell Dimitri about the meeting or go to the papers. Dimitri is too much of a rat to go to the media himself. The information he has on Bryce is too valuable.
Bernie: You think? It would kill Bryce if he didn't have his career.
Niko: Maybe he should have thought about that when he started dating you. Not that there's anything wrong with dating you... Your choice is your choice, man. But he should have thought about who he really was before getting elected on a family values ticket. He preaches homosexuality is evil. It's insanity! He's a hypocrite and it was only a matter of time before someone like Dimitri tried to capitalize. Shit, I'll shut up now. You don't need me telling you about your life. I don't normally talk this much. I'm your friend, and I will try to help.
(Niko arrives at Bernie's apartment)
Niko: Here we are. Look after yourself, yeah? I hope Dimitri and his people back off now.
Bernie: Thank you so much, Niko. I'll speak to you soon.
Bernie: Yuk, I can't even imagine where that is, I hope you know.
Niko: I can find it.
Bernie: Have I told you about the first time I met Bryce? It was a foam party at Hercules. I was high on X and youth and beauty and I was dancing like I've never danced before. I was slave to the beat, and a god on the floor.
Bernie: Then it happened, out of nowhere I was struck. I saw his face through the bubbles and I knew. Every beautiful boy in Algonquin was there that night but he was the only one for me. I thought to myself "That middle aged, closeted, married, self-hating hypocrite, he's the man of my dreams." That's what people are trying to take away. That's love.
(Niko and Bernie begin chasing the blackmailers)
Bernie: Who's this Dimitri pig?
Niko: A man I met when I first arrived in Liberty City. After Darko Brevic, Dimitri is at the top of my list.
Bernie: Sweetie, this is a list I would never want to be on. Again, I mean.
Niko: He betrayed his best friend and used me to do it. Then he stabbed me in the back.
Bernie: Is that what you have to do to make the list?
Niko: No, he came after Roman. Destroyed the home and business he had worked hard to make. We're getting these guys.
Post mission phone call
Dimitri: Niko Bellic.
Niko: What do you want, Dimitri?
Dimitri: I always thought that there was something not quite right about you, Niko. Now that I hear you are friends with Bryce Dawkins and Bernie Crane, I know what it is.
Niko: Stop blackmailing my friends, Dimitri. You do not want to anger me more.
Dimitri: Persuade them to give up the contracts. We can work together. I will cut you in Niko. Let's be friends.
Niko: I made the mistake of working with you before. It's not one I'll repeat. Goodbye.
Post mission text message
Niko, I'm having a panic attack!! :( Meet me at Pier 45. Luv Bernie. Xxx
Failing the mission
Niko: We've lost them.
Bernie: My life is over, Niko. This is terrible. What am I going to do? I need to be in my apartment now. Bye.