Easy Fare/Script

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The following is a script of the mission Easy Fare in Grand Theft Auto IV.


Vlad: Come on hottie, forget about the fat serf.

Mallorie: Vlad! Shut up!

Vlad: But he's a serf, and you're a countess. Talking about serfs...

Mallorie: Oh, hey Niko.

(Niko walks in looking for Roman)

Niko: Where's Roman?

Mallorie: Huh. Good question.

Vlad: Hey, yokel. Your dumb cousin isn't here. Go get me a coffee.

Niko: What?

Vlad: Get me a fucking coffee! Come on... I'll get you one. What? You keep staring at me, I'll burst one of your eyeballs. Gorgeous, this guy's a fucking creep!

Mallorie: Give him a break. He's new in the country.

Vlad: I can see that. Did you walk here from nineteen eighty five?

Niko: Yeah.

Vlad: Excellent! Now stop fucking staring at me. I mean, I know I'm good looking and everything, but come on.

(Roman walks in)

Roman: Aah, hey, Mallorie. Hey man!

Niko: Hey

Mallorie: Huh. About time.

Roman: Vlad... Vladdy boy... what's going on?

Vlad: Roman! Roman boy... you tell me what's going on.

Roman: Nice aftershave! What is that? "Sex Pest"?

Vlad: No, it's "Where Is My Fucking Money"?

Roman: I had it, I had some of it... then those Albanians you said you would deal with came and smashed my computer.

Vlad: So it's my fault?

Roman: I didn't say that...

Vlad: Good.

Roman: Anyway, Niko dealt with them... broke Dardan's arm, then beat up a couple more. Then we teach them a real lesson.

Vlad: Is that so? I'll tell you what... while you don't pay, maybe you and Niko can do me few favors.

Roman: Sure.

Vlad: Good

Roman: Why not?

Mallorie: Later, Vlad.

Roman: What?

Mallorie: The phone's ringing.

(Roman answers the phone)

Roman: Hey? Yeah... okay... no, I can't do it: my cousin will do it. Yes he can drive. No, he's not a cop. His name is Niko. He'll be right over. Niko, sorry to ask, cousin... can you go pick up Jermaine, one of my regulars? He's over on Rotterdam Hill on Mohawk Avenue.

Niko: Whatever.

(Niko leaves)

Roman: What was this all about?

Mallorie: Niko came in looking for you and Vlad told him to get him a fucking coffee and Niko didn't want to.

Roman: Coffee? What was he thinking?

Mallorie: I know.


(Niko picks up Jermaine)

Jermaine: Thanks for coming. Can you take me over to Masterson Street?

Niko: Masterson Street it is, Jermaine.

Jermaine: Shit. I thought Roman was gonna pick me up. I need someone I can trust for this run.

Niko: I'm Roman's cousin. If you can trust him, you can trust me.

Jermaine: Ahh, he told me about you. You're Niko, right? The hotshot lady's man cruising around the Mediterranean, breaking hearts and making millions?

Niko: Yeah, I traded in the yacht for this cab. That's exactly the kind of bullshit I can imagine Roman making up. You've got to give him credit for his imagination.

Jermaine: Yeah, you gotta. I had a feeling you sounded to good to be true. The question is, are you willing to get your hands dirty?

Niko: My hands haven't been clean for a long time. Being here in Liberty City is just making them dirtier.

Jermaine: Ok, ok. I've got to pick up some hot parts from my lockup, you down?

Niko: I ain't got no problem with that. Just don't tell me if you stole this shit from a hospital or a school for sick kids. My conscience is troubled enough already.



Failing the mission

Jermaine dies

Niko: Roman, man, I got some bad news. Your client, Jermaine, he got hurt.

Roman: Shit, Niko. He was one of my only regulars. This ain't good at all, man. Later.

Roman's car is destroyed

Niko: Hey Roman, sorry about this, but your cab got trashed.

Roman: Niko, how come you trash my cab but you never trash those tanks you drive back home? This is real bad, man.