Caught with your Pants Down/Script

The following is a script of the mission Caught with your Pants Down in The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Script

Yusuf: Shoulders! We're getting Arab money. We're getting Arab money. Ho, ho, ho, ho! And again. Let's go.

Luis: Hey, bro.

Yusuf: Nigga! Yo, this is Jonelle...Jonelle, nigga.

Luis: I think you want to moderate your use of the word, bro. It's not fuckin' cool, alright?

Jonelle: Listen, are we going to do this or what? I'm on the fucking clock, man.

Yusuf: Chill, baby. Get into it. Feel it. Let's go!

Luis: Yo, what's wrong with you, man?

Yusuf: Nothing wrong with me, homeboy. I am going to build the biggest fucking building in this fucking town. The biggest. My name will go down in history.

Luis: Yeah, I don't doubt that, man. What did you want?

Yusuf: Well, I heard from a friend, that we can get some real hardware...bit like that chopper but better, partner. Better.

Luis: Yeah, I don't think I can handle any more of that shit, partner.

Yusuf: I'm talking something seriously intense. How about...a mother ...fucking...N.O.O.S.E. tank? Give it up, bro. Come on. Come on!

Luis: What do you need a N.O.O.S.E. tank for, man? What are you crime fighting now?

Yusuf: I want it. Come on baby, you and me. Doing our tank thing. Just rolling like some Desert Storm niggas. Chinese person. Bye bye nigga!

Luis: You're fucking ridiculous, man.

Yusuf: Hey, man. What is it, money? Is it money you want? Here, here. Have it. But come on, let's go get this thing... Come on! Come on, baby, get up. Come on, let's go again. To the left. We're getting Arab money. Come on, baby. We're getting Arab money.

(Yusuf's father walks in)

Abdul: Yusuf!

Yusuf: Oh, Poppa! What are you doing here? Welcome! Welcome, Poppa. This is my business associate... err err... Mr... uh.

Luis: Luis.

Yusuf: Mr. Lewis. Y'Allah, he is the greatest technical advisor in the whole city. And this is his wife, Jaundice.

Jonelle: Careful, motherfucker. Yo.

Luis: Hey.

Yusuf: Yes. And you know...we were just having a little creative meeting and things went a bit crazy and I somehow lost my pants. But you know, Poppa, I tell you are looking- you're looking- very well, in fact.

Abdul: I knew how disrespectful you were, but I didn't realize quite how shameful you were.

Yusuf:T hings are not how they look.

Abdul: Things do not look good, son.

Yusuf: Don't judge a book by its cover, Father. That's what you taught me.

Abdul: When a book is called "Guns, Drugs, Hookers, and No Pants" I think I don't need to read it.

Yusuf: Poppa, you know, these people... They mean nothing to me. In fact, they are just going. Go, get out. You, Mr. Lewis, take your wife, Mrs. Lewis. And may I say, madam, this is not a very appropriate way for a married woman to dress. I told them many times father, this is a disrespectful way to dress. Do they listen to me? Oh no, never! And you, by the way- I will text you in about one minute about the tank, okay?

Luis: The N.O.O.S.E. tank?

Yusuf: Shhhh. Go and leave right now! And don't you dare come back without uh- uh- knocking...first. These people are a disgrace, Poppa. But I tell you, moving swiftly on you will be proud of my plans. I want to show you for the Imperial Amir Towers. I tell you, Poppa, magisterial doesn't do justice to it!

Dialogue

(Yusuf calls Luis)

Luis: Yusuf?

Yusuf: Luis, I think I can give old papadap the slip. Meet me in Star Junction.

Luis: Really, bro?

Yusuf: I'm coming, dada. Just hold on. See you soon, my friend.

(Yusuf recklessly flies his helicopter into Star Junction)

Yusuf: Coming through, baby. Clear some space.

(Yusuf lands the helicopter on the street)

Yusuf: Your helicopter has arrived. Come on, homie. Let's go.

(Luis enters the helicopter)

Yusuf: You fly, man. I'm getting cramp.

Yusuf: They're airlifting the tank across town. Let's intercept the bitch.

(Luis begins to head towards Broker)

Luis: Where's your father then?

Yusuf: Dada's meeting some bankers in the Exchange. Luckily for us, this stuff is too 'serious' for Yusuf to be invited. He thinks I'm waiting for him in the lobby.

Luis: Parents, man.

Yusuf: Tell me about it! They think they can run your life. I'm old and ugly enough tot take care of myself.

Luis: Ugly? Yeah. Old? Sure. The 'taking care of yourself' bit, I don't know about that, bro.

Yusuf: Maybe you're right, I don't have the means. If only he gave me a few billion I could really call my own, then maybe I would grow up.

Luis: I feel the same way, bro.

(Luis and Yusuf find the APC being airlifted)

Yusuf: What is that holding the bank? I must have one.

Luis: It's an aircrane, bro. Do me a favor, will you. Just fucking buy one, okay? No stealing.

Yusuf: For you, Luis, perhaps.

(Yusuf takes control of the helicopter and Luis prepares to shoot the support cables)

Yusuf: Don't worry, man. I got these controls again.

(Luis shoots the cables)

Yusuf: Nicely done. Now we just need the rest of the supports.

Yusuf: Good work!

Yusuf: Get the last one and she drops!

(If Luis misses)

Yusuf: It's only a fucking cable. You want me to shoot.

(Luis shoots all the cables and the APC falls onto the Broker Bridge)

Yusuf: Bombs away! Go after her, man.

(Luis gets in the APC)

Yusuf: Luis. You got it.

Luis: Yeah, bro. But the cops are all over me.

Yusuf: Good thing you're in a motherfucking tank!

Luis: It's just a NOOSE tank, bro.

Yusuf: Who gives a shit, player? Bring her back to the site. Just don't have an army of LCPD trailing you back when you do. Clear those shitheads off.

Luis: I'll try.

(Luis loses the police and takes the APC to Yusuf's building site)

Luis: Yusuf, bro, where you at, man?

Yusuf: Over here, man.

Luis: Where?

Yusuf: Up here, motherfucker! Shit. Stand back while I pick this thing up.

Luis: Okay, man.

Yusuf: Thanks for everything, bro. You're a fucking diamond.

Luis: Don't mention it.