GTA San Andreas |
|Full Name||Darius Fontaine|
Lazlow (formerly) |
Cris Formage (rival)
Children of the Mountain (former leader) Brother Adrian (formerly)
Sociology Professor (formerly) |
Darius Fontaine is a character in the 3D Universe and the HD Universe and is the founder of Inversion Therapy, which attempts to help people conquer their fears. He founded the program in 1978. Fontaine wrote the book "Fear It? Do It!", although he has no qualifications for this. Lazlow describes him as 'a former sociology professor' on WCTR's Entertaining America, although he is a qualified gardener. He hates religion and in 1992 has an on-going feud with Cris Formage, the Epsilon Program's founder and cult leader, and Lazlow. Lazlow in 1992 had a restraining order against Darius after he encouraged Lazlow to sleep with his grandmother, although Lazlow slept with his mother and was almost imprisoned.
Darius has various phobias on his website for the visitor to chose from. When the phobia is chosen a solution is give:
Death/Necrophobia : Go RIGHT NOW and kill the first person you see. You will notice that death is not really so very bad.
Dogs/Kynophobia : DON'T WORRY. There is no such thing as dogs.
Drug Addiction/Pharmacophobia : Buy several hundred dollars' worth of high quality crack cocaine. Smoke it all. You will notice drug addiction no longer holds any fears for you. You have taken ownership of your fears. Well done.
Foreigners\Xenophobia : You will discover they are not very frightening when they have been surprised by a sniper's bullet.
Insanity\Maniaphobia : You're not mad. Life really is this bad.
Masturbation\Masturphobia : It is perfectly natural, assuming you do it correctly. Please send a video for verification to DARIUS FONTAINE(TM).
Monsters/Teratophobia Are you mad? Don't be afraid of monsters. Pedophiles, mass murderers, terrorism and the government pose a much bigger risk to society. Own your fear.
Root Vegetables/Vegephobia : WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID?
Sex/Coitaphobia : Come to my office. In a series of personal sessions, I will rid you of all your sexual hang ups, in exchange for money. Please send a photo first.
Transvestites/Trannyphobia : Try it, you might like it. BRAS CAN BE VERY SUPPORTIVE.
Water/Aquaphobia : Drink a glass of water. Notice how nothing happens! YOU ARE FREE! Go in peace!
Women\Gynophobia : Join the club.
- It is evidenced by Darius' Online Diagnosis that he condones murder, incest, and drug abuse. He also seems to be a sexual offender.