Last modified on 1 July 2014, at 22:51

Don Peyote

Mission
Don Peyote
The Truth asks Carl Johnson to locate and pick up Kent Paul and Maccer in the desert.

The Truth asks Carl Johnson to locate and pick up Kent Paul and Maccer in the desert.
Game GTA San Andreas
For The Truth
Target Rescue of Kent Paul and Maccer
Location The Four Dragons Casino, Las Venturas, San Andreas
Reward Respect
Unlocks Intensive Care
Unlocked by You've Had Your Chips

Don Peyote is a mission in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas given to protagonist Carl Johnson by The Truth from outside The Four Dragons Casino, a casino located along The Strip in Las Venturas, San Andreas.

Mission

Carl receives an unexpected phone call from The Truth. Apparently, he, a band and their manager went on a "peyote safari" in the desert last night. He tells Carl that he's in Los Santos, not knowing how he got there, and he doesn't know what happened to the other people. So, he instructs Carl to go to Arco del Oeste and pick them up, making sure they're safe.

Carl grabs a vehicle and heads out to Bone County. Once atop Arco del Oeste, he starts looking for the band's frontman and the manager by shouting. The band's frontman, Maccer, directs him to where he and his manager, Kent Paul, are. Apparently, they passed out from all the drugs, while Carl offers them a ride to town. Kent Paul tells Carl to take them to Caligula's Palace where his friend, Ken Rosenberg, is working.

Carl picks up a vehicle that can at least seat the two of them and fetches the two, since Maccer can't walk much. Carl and Kent Paul ask where are the other members of the band; Maccer narrates that he only remembers snakes, so Carl takes them to the Snake Farm west of Verdant Meadows. Once there, a few people notice Maccer and Kent Paul; they had sexual intercourse with a girl who received a rash from one of them, and passed it onto her brother who also had sex with her. Angrily, they shoot at the three with guns. They escape to their vehicle, and Carl takes them to Rosenberg's place at The Strip.

Once there, they go inside and make their way to the office. They find Ken, who's apparently in a tough situation. Kent Paul introduces him to Maccer and Carl. Rosenberg then explains he's in a very depressing and tough situation right now. Every Mafia family is pressuring Rosenberg, and, to make things "worse", Kent Paul is here to witness it. Kent Paul decides to give Carl a call later, in case they need help.

As Carl goes outside the casino, he calls Wu Zi Mu. Carl has thought of a plan to explore Caligula's without being too suspicious for the planned heist. He'll meet him soon.

Script

(CJ is outside the casino. His phone rings.)

CJ: Hello.

The Truth: Who am I speaking to?

CJ: It's CJ. Hey, Truth, is that you?

The Truth: Might be. Might be a government algorithm trying to pick your brains, so don't admit anything!

CJ: Whatever, man. Whassup?

The Truth: I need a favour, Carl, thought I could cash in some karma chips.

CJ: Your credit good.

The Truth: I took some fellow travellers deep into the desert on a peyote safari a few nights back. We faced the inner light and communed with the lizard king.

CJ: Sounds fun. How did it go?

The Truth: That's the problem, I don't know. I'm in Los Santos. I woke up in a Japanese bathhouse about an hour ago. I have no idea how I got here or where the others are.

CJ: They're probably fine.

The Truth: I don't think so. They were Brits - a band and their managers. They have no experience about the desert.

CJ: OK, where'd you make camp? I can go have a look.

The Truth: I took 'em up Arco del Oeste - fantastic sunsets. Best start looking for them up there.

(CJ is in the desert. Maccer and Paul are laid out on the ground somewhere.)

CJ: Hello? Hey, anybody out here? Truth sent me!

Maccer: EH! Over 'ere!

CJ: Hey, man, you all right?

Maccer: 'Kin' 'ell, I'm fucking hanging.

Paul: Stone me bloody crows. Where am I?

Maccer: I dunno, mate. I was having a dream; I was wanking over some fat bird's tits when this twat turned up.

Paul: Maccer, you fucking psycho! You did it again, didn't you!

Maccer: That peyote was shite, you were lucky I brought some tabs along!

Paul: I've told you a million times not to put stuff in my fucking drink!

Maccer: Oh, piss off, kidder!

Paul: Who are you again?

CJ: Oh, I'm a friend of The Truth's. He said you guys might need a ride into town or something.

Maccer: But I'm a fucking raspberry!

Paul: You're not a fucking raspberry!

Maccer: I can't feel me legs, our P. I've wanked the use out of them!

Paul: Just stand up, you soppy cunt. We go through this every weekend.

(Maccer tries to stand up.)

Maccer: Ah! Ooh!

CJ: Man, what the hell was y'all doing last night?

Maccer: Anybody got a rag?

(Paul hands Maccer a rag. CJ turns away and sighs disgustedly.)

CJ: So, where am I taking y'all?

Paul: I've got a pal, Rosie. He's got some casino gig going down in Venturas. Sweet.

CJ: Alright.

(Maccer goes to hand Paul the rag back.)

Paul: Fuck off, string.

Maccer: Oh, charming.

CJ: Alright, ladies, let's go.

Paul: Come on. Fucking Northerners...

Maccer: Well, it felt like I couldn't feel them, honest!

(CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards the Snake Farm. There are two hillbillies standing outside the Snake Farm.)

CJ: Here we are, look familiar?

Maccer: Looks just like Salford to me...

Paul: What are you talking about?

Hillbilly 1: Take a gander at 'em fellas, is that 'em?

Hillbilly 2: That there city boy has gone and been with my prize hog! Now I don't even get no sugar from her!

(Two more hillbillies come around the corner. A man and a woman.)

Hillbilly 3: And that one done screwed my sis! I've had a terr'ble aching in my grinds ever since!

Hillbilly Woman: I'm gonna slap you silly for giving me and my fella the red bumpies!

Hillbilly 3: What'n tarnation? I'm a fixing to give ya a whoopin' for what you gone and done to my young 'uns!

(If the hillbillies follow CJ, Maccer and Paul to Caligula's Casino, then CJ, Maccer and Paul, along with the hillbillies in their vehicle, pull up outside Caligula's casino.)

CJ: Shit, here comes them snake farmers! Alright, I've had enough! Let's finish this!

(The hillbillies aproach CJ, Maccer and Paul.)

Maccer: Oh, I'm gonna grab some big tits, man!

Paul: Oh, bollocks. In for a penny, in for a pound.

(CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards Caligula's Casino.)

Paul: Come on then, let's go in and see Rosie.

(Rosie is in his room inside Caligula's Casino. There is a knock at the door. Rosie's assistant opens the door to CJ, Maccer and Paul.)

Paul: Kent Paul, here to see Rosie.

Assistant: Hey boss, there's somebody here to see you.

Rosie: Oh, go away, I have a migraine.

Paul: Oi, Rosie, son, it's me, Paulo!

Rosie: Oh, God. My despair is complete. OK, let him in.

Paul: Rosiiieee! How are you, me old son?

Rosie: I pray that one day I can escape my perpetual torment and retire in peace and comfort a million miles away from anyone I've ever fucking known, instead, I get this.

Paul: Come on, it's me, Kent Paul!

Rosie: Well, hello, Paul, what a pleasant surprise. Who the hell are these guys?

Paul: These are my boys - Maccer and Carl.

CJ: Whassup?

Maccer: You want any Speckled Doves, boss? I'm peaking on one right now. Top-of-the-range, man.

Rosie: Well it's fitting. As I sit here up to my neck in a river of shit, with every Mafia gorilla from Liberty City to Los Santos pissing in my face, that you, Kent Paul, should witness it.

Paul: What's the matter, son?

Rosie: Too numerous, oppressively insurmountable and depressingly fucking typical even to mention.

Paul: It's alright, bruv, Paulo can help. Give us some space would you, son. I'll give you a tinkle later.

CJ: Alright, for sure.

Paul: Not you, Maccer.

Maccer: Oh, you twat.

Paul: Unbelievable.

(CJ is outside Caligula's Casino. He phones Woozie.)

CJ: Hey Woozie. I think I found a way to scope Caligula's without causing too much suspicion. We can talk later.

Reward

The reward for this mission is an increase in respect. The mission Intensive Care is unlocked.

Trivia

  • After the player has picked up Paul and Maccer, Paul will say that he's not feeling right, in response, Maccer will deliberately suggest that he should eat inappropriate food. As a result, Paul will demand that the player pull over and he will literally get out of the car and vomit. If the player does not pull over, Paul will vomit in the vehicle, triggering some interesting dialogue.
  • If the player lets the cowboys chase them to the casino, a fight would ensue between Paul, Maccer, CJ and the chasers.
  • There is cut dialogue that suggests Maccer would've urinated during the ride. Maccer does urinate if the player lingers around for a long time or using a slow vehicle to carry them.
  • Despite being a relatively major plot point, the player does not ever find out what had happened to the rest of the 'Gurning Chimps'. It is presumed that they are playing together again as in 1998, Head Radio DJ Michael Hunt comments about one of their recent concerts in Liberty City.
  • The name of the mission is likely a reference to the novel Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, or the fact that this task connected CJ to the Italian mafia and eventually their Don, Salvatore Leone.

Gallery

Video Walkthrough

PC Version - GTASeriesVideos