Niko Bellic: Florian, open the door. Don't be a fag.
Bernie Crane: Speak English. And I told you, it's Bernie.
Niko Bellic: Then Bernie, open the door. What's going on?
Bernie Crane: Come in, come in. The haters are trying to kill me... I can't stand it. I won't stand it... it's not fair. I'm just being me!
Niko Bellic: Bernie! What are you talking about?
Bernie Crane: I came to this country to be myself... to get away from small minded, angry macho pricks...
Niko Bellic: Oh, like me?
Bernie Crane: Yes! Well, no. Well you know what I mean. It was hardly the most progressive place. How does my hair look?
Niko Bellic: Fine.
Bernie Crane: I put a rinse in. Tawdry Night.
Niko Bellic: Nice.
Bernie Crane: Bryce found some gray hairs. If he leaves me, I'll kill myself.
Niko Bellic: Forget about your hair, Florian.
Bernie Crane: Bernie!
Niko Bellic: I mean Bernie. What's the problem?
Bernie Crane: Someone is threatening to kill me. Every time I go out jogging, and doing aerobics or playing ultimate disc, some guy comes up and threatens me. He's loco!
Niko Bellic: Why is he threatening you?
Bernie Crane: Because... I think just because I'm fabulous.
Niko Bellic: What?
Bernie Crane: I keep thinking I'm being followed, and I don't know why. I'm a prisoner in my own home.
Niko Bellic: Okay, Bernie, let's go out and have a look.
Bernie Crane: Ooo! I am so glad you've come back into my life.
Niko Bellic: That's cool. But listen... you and I don't know each other.
Bernie Crane: How can you say that? I thought you were different!
Niko Bellic: Because we want this guy to attack you. Come on.
Bernie Crane: Oh!