Ladies Half Price/Script

The following is a script of the mission Ladies Half Price in The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Script

Roman: Okay, if we walk in confident, we have a good time.

Dessie: Hey, you on the list?

Roman: No.

Brucie: Yes.

Roman: Yes.

Brucie: No.

Dessie: Then you're not coming in.

Brucie: Oh, oh wait a minute man, we're relatively important people. We're goin' in, bro!

Dessie: I don't give a fuck who you think you are. You're not coming in.

Roman: Come on, man, I'm a VIP. We come here all the time.

Luis: Hey, Dess.

Dessie: Hey, man.

Luis: Tony in?

Dessie: I ain't seen him.

Brucie: Hey, man! Luis! Bro, could you get us in?

Luis: Hey Brucie. Yeah, sure, Dessie - take care of them?

Brucie: Thanks man.

(Luis, Brucie, and Roman walk into Maisonette)

Roman: Man, I'm going to see some vagina tonight!

Luis: You walked in with one, bro.

Roman: What?

Luis: Never mind.

Roman: Hey, so I'm going to get the drinks. Okay.

Luis: Good seeing you guys, man, I gotta go take care of something.

Brucie: Hey, wait listen, can I just say something, man? Listen, can I just say, the way you dealt with Mori man? I was really grateful, thank you.

Luis: Hey, err. Don't mention it, man. Unless you want me to kill him...

Brucie: Maybe... hey, listen, you know you're a lot like me...yeah. That's right you're like a lone wolf. An adventurer. Tough, but with a sensitive side.

Luis: Not really, bro. I like killing for money.

Brucie: Yes, yes I know, but that's just your thing man...look, you know...I...err...

(Brucie leans towards Luis as if he were trying to kiss him)

Luis: What's your problem, man?

Brucie: Nothing! I didn't mean anything by it. I'm not gay.

Luis: It's cool, man. Just don't do it again, man.

Brucie: Hey, I fucked three girls last night, man. One of them can't even walk. I mean, now, she could walk before. She didn't need a wheelchair or anything. Look, I was just checking to make sure you weren't gay, bro.

Luis: Not a problem, man. I've got to go.

Brucie: Hey, listen...

Tony: Hey, Luis. Come on, man. We gotta go. Let's go!

Brucie: Alright, man. Peace out, bro.

Luis: Thank god you showed up, bro.

Tony: What?

Luis: I never thought seeing you would make things feel more heterosexual.

Tony: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that sweetheart.

Luis: Yeah, it's probably best.

Dialogue

Tony: Take us over to the Fishmarket.

or:

Tony: We're heading over to Fishmarket South.

Luis: What's happening, T?

Tony: We're getting Gracie back. She's coming home.

Luis: You mean taking her back? Or this gonna be tranquilo?

Tony: God, I hope so. They're getting the diamonds for her, so they better behave.

Luis: Shit. Wait a second. Slow up, man. What have the diamonds got to do with Gracie? What the fuck have we got to do with Gracie? Shouldn't her old man be handling this?

Tony: Apparently the kidnappers have asked for these rocks and we aren't being given much of a choice about it, if you catch my meaning.

Luis: Oh great. Angry mobsters, kidnappers, maniacs. Sounds like another fun day.

(Luis drives to Pier 45 and the two get in a boat)

Tony: We need to get over to Charge Island, Luis. They're expecting us to dock there.

or:

Tony: The exchange is on Charge Island. They're coming by land, we're on the water.

Luis: Tony, man, these diamonds...

Tony: What about them?

Luis: Yo, man, Ray Bulgarin's claiming ownership and he's got some serious resources. Maybe we should think about handing them over to him.

Tony: We got two options, Lou. Either we give them to the Russian, and Ancelotti kills us. Or we give them over to the kidnappers. Gracie lives and we take our chances with the Russian.

Luis: Alright, man. Sounds like you got everything figured out.

Tony: I got nothing figured out. Half the city wants to kill me, but they'll be lucky if they can get a chance before I die of a heart attack.

Luis: Easy, Tone.

(Luis drives to Charge Island)

Tony: Let's do this.

or:

Tony: Time to bankrupt ourselves.

Luis: Last chance, T. You sure you want to hand this stuff over?

Tony: Sure I'm sure. Her father's going to kill us if we don't.

Luis: Yeah, makes it nice and simple.

Tony: Yeah, lends a lot of clarity to my thinking.

(Luis and Tony meet the kidnappers that have Gracie)

Tony: Gracie, you alright? The bastards didn't hurt you did they?

Patrick: She can't speak, we got a gag in her mouth.

Tony: Give her back you animals. She's suffered enough.

Patrick: Hand over the stuff.

Tony: Hand over Gracie. I'm here for you, sweetie.

Patrick: Hand over the fucking stuff.

Niko: Alright come down. Both of you.

Luis: Oye. We put the ice in the middle. We walk back. Then you send over the girl. We leave, and you pick up the stuff. Entiende?

Niko: Sure. Show us the goods.

(Luis gives Tony the diamonds and Tony places them on the ground in front of Niko and Patrick)

Tony: Come back to me, honey.

Niko: Let her go.

(Patrick lets go of Gracie, the three leave and Tony and Luis ungag Gracie)

Luis: You alright?

Gracie: Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Luis: Babe, you okay?

Gracie: Why didn't you fucking kill them you fucking nothing?

Luis: Huh?

(A Russian runs up to the three)

Russian: You!

Luis: Fuck.

(Luis shoots and kills the Russian)

Luis: Go! Go!

(Another Russian runs to them and Luis fails to kill him)

Luis: Fuck! Get down!

(Luis drives the boat back to Pier 45)

Tony: What's happening?

Luis: You got Gracie back safe and sound, Tone. I hope she was worth 2 mil'.

Tony: You hit her, right?

Luis: She had a boating accident. Make sure her old man understands that. I don't want to see her again.

Tony: Okay, sailor. So long.

Alternate dialogue

Luis: Tell me what's up, T.

Tony: Gracie will soon be free, thanks to us.

Luis: You don't sound so enthusiastic.

Tony: The catch is that we've got to give up those diamonds to get her.

Luis: Fuck me, Tone. After all that shit. I know how much they cost.

Tony: So do I! Believe me, and we couldn't be doing this if old man Ancelotti hand't "made me an offer I couldn't refuse".

Luis: In this day and age? Huh, idiot must think he's in a movie.

Tony: I know. One man's tradition is another man's worn out cliche.

(Luis drives towards Charge Island)

Luis: We ain't gonna have much left in the bank after we hand over these diamonds.

Tony: The rocks've got us in enough shit. Let's forget about the bottom line for a second.

Luis: Okay, bro.

Tony: I mean, you're the one who just got ambushed by some crazy Russians because of them!

Luis: This is true. Maybe we should be worrying about what Ray Bulgarin has to say about handing over the ice.

Tony: I don't care what he has to say. We paid for it fair. His beef's with the chef.

Luis: What's left of him...

Other dialogue

(If Luis leaves Tony and confronts Patrick and Niko)

Patrick: Fuck off.

Patrick: Whatever.

Patrick: Watch it.

Patrick: Fucking people.

Patrick: Eat me.

Niko: Screw this shit.

Niko: What is this crap?

Niko: Not fucking funny.

Niko: Come on, you assholes.

Niko: I am not in the mood for this.

Failing the mission

Confronting the kidnappers

Tony: Great exchange, Luis. It was meant to be peaceful.

Luis: Yeah, well, those kidnapping bitches don't deserve peaceful. Fuck 'em, T.