Liberty Tree Articles in GTA III/May 2001

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The May 2001 issue of the online version of the fictional Liberty Tree newspaper (Vol. 1, Issue 4) was released on May 1, 2001. It is the forth in a series of Liberty Tree issues to be released to promote Grand Theft Auto III.

The issue is given a green color scheme with "Masticating The Truth In Four Honest Stomachs" as its present motto.

Articles

Gangs Rife on our City Streets, Corruption Everywhere

By Walt Karl, Liberty Tree News Bureau

May 1st 2001 4:59pm EST

Gang activity impeding the flow of traffic in the St. Marks area.
Normally peaceful citizens are forced to carry protection.

The Liberty City Police Department has conducted a survey into the roles gangs play in our city's violent crime problem. The results were staggering. For a long time, social commentators had argued that problems were caused by a lack of services for the mentally ill and deranged, along with the lure of easy money to be made in petty street crime. Politicians used this to argue crime was only endemic in the lower echelons of our society, but it turns out we're all at it!

Apart from the widespread and well-documented problems with mugging, carjacking and physical assault, street gangs have become a way of life for all minority and ethnic groups as they attempt to assimilate into the American dream. At present, it is believed Japanese gangsters have begun to flex their muscles in Liberty City, joining the Chinese gangs, thought to be Triads who have been operating in Liberty City since the Hong Kong handover in 1997. Also causing concern is the rise in Jamaican and reggae-influenced gangs who have begun to be arrested within the city. Originally thought only to exist within Kingston and in the large Jamaican communities in London and Canada, they are a new menace on the streets of Liberty City.

Another fed-up Libertarian practices what hizzoner has dubbed a "citizen's arrest"

For young kids from all backgrounds, joining a gang is becoming an increasingly fashionable lifestyle choice. The South Street Hoods, taking their influence from hip hop music, have grown ten fold in the past five years and are increasingly linked to extreme acts of violence, while Hispanic youths are also thought to see the gangster lifestyle as a desirable option.

At the same time, a new report shows just how rife corruption is in our city. From the Mayor's office to the police department, from ambulance drivers to construction firms, it seems everyone can be bought and the only dirty word is 'integrity'. Well, at least we're all in the same boat! The well-documented documentation on the subject documents that the one thing that keeps our city functioning is an appreciation of just how bad things could get if it were to get any worse, if you see what I mean. Better news, spring is finally here, so at least we'll be taking bribes and killing each other in the sun!


Mackerel Factory to Expand

Liberty Tree News Bureau

May 1st 2001 3:14pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Kristen Burns

Cheung Industries of Shanghai announced that they were to expand the factory production of mackerel in the Liberty City area. Cheung Industries is well known for the creation of what has been derisorily called "artificial" Mackerel, a tasty, fishy meal made from the bones and skeletons of any animal matter. The factory will bring thousands of jobs to Liberty City, and make it a world leader in artificial fish.

Protestors claim that Cheung's technology causes untold environmental damage and creates a supposedly healthy fish that contains as much saturated fat as butter and smells like a three-week-old kipper, but a spokesman for Cheung commented "Our mackerel is the finest in the world. From Shanghai to Liberty City, we will create a fish that tastes better than the real thing. We paid a lot of money to continue our business practices in Liberty City, and believe people who believe in this city should eat Cheung Mackerel as a way of supporting the city.

Sure it isn't technically a 'real' fish, but what's real anyway, these days? Are you telling me a mouse with an ear on it's back is real? But science has made one. What about a dog that walks on two legs and talks in Hungarian? I've seen one, and it is going to revolutionize child care in this country." Mayor O'Donovan commented, "Cheung industries have put the fish back in fishy. Their mackerel is the finest I've ever eaten and I am glad they see Liberty City as the place to conduct genetic experimentation and create foods of the future."

The factory is due to finish its expansion next month.


Mayor O'Donovan Denies Misuse of Government Funds Over Nail Gun Fiasco

Liberty Tree News Bureau

May 1st 2001 1:14pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Joel Stahlman

Mayor O'Donovan. Is he a mayor or a nail gun? Sounds stupid, I know, but not in Liberty City. The Mayor's brother is CEO of Donovan Hardware, makers of the aforementioned nail gun and he hasn't been shy about getting his brother to endorse his "revolutionary new way of knocking nails into wood". Only last month, the Mayor was pictured opening a STD Clinic with a nail gun instead of the more customary scissors and ribbon, while he sent a signed nail gun to a Veterans Meeting the month before. Colonel Fitzgibbon (retired) commented "we asked the Mayor for something for our prize draw to raise money for victims of Liberalism" and we got sent a huge nail gun. The thing is, it does fit snuggly in a garage, but I'd rather use a hammer." The Mayor's office denied any conflict of interest. A spokesman said, "sure his bother makes a revolutionary tool, but O'Donovan's interest in hardware is well known. Only yesterday, he was saying to me "This hammer's no good. I can't get the nails in straight. Have you got a nail gun?"

This follows well-documented incidents of corruption, campaign financing and aggravated assault too boring to go into right now.


Editorial: Advertising Good for America

by Jeffrey Veselik, Liberty Tree Associate Editor

Do you like our new format? We've included much more adverts, and far fewer stories. Why? Because we're an American newspaper. A lot of people claimed that when The Liberty Tree lost its much over-valued independence and got consumed by Love Media last week, that it would lead inexorably to a decline in standards. Well, I have two things to say to the doubters. Firstly, what does inexorably mean? I'm a journalist, not a dictionary. And secondly, my standards have certainly gone up. Since Mr. Love gave me a 300% pay rise, I've been able to afford things I couldn't have even dreamed of a few months ago. Integrity, "go figure" as my daughter would say. America was built by advertising. We need more marketing people, and a lot more focus testing. In these busy times, people only have a little time to spend on a newspaper. If you don't know what to buy, what do you get out of a newspaper?


"The Powers of the Fugue, A Mystery Uncovered"

Entertainment and the Arts by Morgan Merryweather

Welcome back to my Memoires Entertainments, as they say in gay Paris. Have you ever been to Paris? It's magnificent. A place for the senses and the mind. Last time I was there, I met a charming Arab boy called Hossan who led me a merry dance, a waltz, or a cha cha, I can't remember, but it was marvelous. Anyway, I digress. This week in Liberty City, we've got a banquet of emotion in the arts. Some powerful fugues and some lesser ones, but all by major talents. If you want to understand what makes a fugue powerful, please check the handy graph I've created for you. Anyway, again, the mind wanders, to Morocco and Thailand. Like the paintings of Lautrec or the hands of a Turkish masseur. Mmmm. For those who like opera, my show, "The Fat Lady Sings" will calm all of your anxieties about the lack of quality radio in the Liberty City area. None of this rap or technology music. All arias and, of course, powerful fugues. It's a new weekly show on Double Cleff FM, a Donald Love station intent on bringing culture to this dangerous town of ours. Only yesterday, I was perusing the internet for photographs, when there was a knocking at my door. It seems Morgan, moi, has a secret admirer, because someone sent me an unsigned letter, all cut out of newsprint. "Stay away from my son, sicko!" it said, which I think must be a code I'm not yet familiar with. Strange, because I speak so many languages, including Thai, Moroccan, Flemish (when in Brussels, darlings!), French and classical Italian, such as Dante or Vergil might have known. Anyway, must dash. This is Morgan saying, "Keep it high brow, mes petits amis! Marvelous!"

(Broken image link to "graph.gif")

PS - Proust - a man or a mountain? I'll let you decide!


Trivia

  • The issue marks the beginning of the website's more excessive use of advertorial banners, as well as sponsorship from larger, more established businesses (whereas earlier advertising involve smaller, local businesses). This is attributed to the Liberty Tree's acquisition by Love Media (following Donald Love's arrival to Liberty City in March), and is also blatantly boasted in the issue's "Advertising Good for America" editorial.
  • Advertising on the May issue includes adverts for Ammu-Nation (which links to the Rockstar Games website), Pets Overnight (which links to both the Rockstar Games website as well as petsovernight.com), the Donovan Nail Gun (links to the Rockstar website) and the usual Liberty City banner (links to the Rockstar website).
  • The Donovan Nail Gun advertising is humorously included on the "Mayor O'Donovan Denies Misuse of Government Funds Over Nail Gun Fiasco" article, which reports on the Mayor's alleged abuse of his power to promote his brother's nail gun business, which happens to be advertising in this issue.
  • The issue humorously includes "Alien Landings" and "Morris Dancing" among links on the left-side navigation bar.