No. 1/Script

The following is a script of the mission No. 1 in Grand Theft Auto IV.

Script

Niko: Hey, Brucie, what's up?

Brucie: Hey, Niko B, come here. Show me the love. Man hug time.

Niko: Hey, enough, alright?

Brucie: Whoa, whoa, what are we about here, you and me?

Niko: I don't know...

Brucie: What are we about, boy?

Niko: I'm an immigrant, and a hired gun, and you're a steroid junkie, but we get along.

Brucie: No! Not that stuff, that's superficial. I'm talking about the real shit.

Niko: What?

Brucie: We're winners, man. Fucking winners. That's how we roll, brother. Bling, check. Bodies, check. Paper, check. That's how we roll, bitches. The boss...

Niko: Are you alright? Too much bullshark testosterone up the ass?

Brucie: Fuck you. Fuck you, man. Hey, check this out. Lenny! Lenny! Is the bitch ready?

Lenny: Well, she's very shiny.

Brucie: Look at her and weep tears of pure gold. Motherfuckers. Come on now! Let's go show some people... just how we roll. Yeah, alright... come on, get in! Come on, start, you... Shit!

Niko: Pure gold, eh, big man?

Brucie: Lenny, you're a fucking asshole. What is this? What is this?

Lenny: You tuned her yourself!

Brucie: Well what should I do? I mean, I need a flashy car. People are going to think I'm a not nut bullshitter if I fail to deliver here.

Lenny: How about Steve's car?

Brucie: Yes. I'll call him on the way! Niko, can you drive us to Freetown Avenue in Willis?

Niko: Yeah.

Brucie: Come on. Let's roll, bitches! Woo!

Dialogue

Brucie: Come on Nicky, we need some wheels.

(The two get in a vehicle)

Brucie: Niko, man, excuse me but I got to make this call to tell this guy we're borrowing his car.

(Brucie calls Stevie)

Brucie: Stevie boy, how's tricks? No man, you can spot me. Ha ha. For sure. Alright, listen man, alright listen me... me and my ice cold friend Niko got to borrow your car. No, the other one. Of course it'll be cool. It's outside? Great. I love you man.

Niko: He's fine with us taking it? We won't have an incident like the last time I got a car for you?

Brucie: No way, man. That was a one time only baby. Me and Stevie are tight. Okay, tighter than that. Tighter than... shit I was gonna say my abs but I think you know that nothing's tighter than this shit. Wanna feel?

Niko: Thanks, but I got my hands full.

Brucie: God, this is exactly the type of shit you and me should be doing. Cruising for bitches, destroying the town. You and me could be doing some serious damage. Like a nuclear bomb up in this shit. But a sexy bomb, you know? A bomb that only affects girls with D-cups, tight asses, blond hair, no cellulite, and tan, yeah!

Niko: Right? I don't know if I get your meaning but we can hang out sometime.

(Niko and Brucie get to Stevie's car)

Brucie: Here we are, see what I mean? Sweet.

(The two get in the car)

Brucie: We got a race to win.

Niko: So, when we get there will you be driving?

Brucie: No way, man. I'm just here to look good. Me and you are cruising together. That's how we roll. Passenger side. Flexing the guns. Scoping the chicks. Flashing the bling. Pumping the sounds. Riding shotgun while my boy Niko pulls off some baddass, Red Army, pedal to the metal, skin of your teeth, burnt rubber moves. Am I right? Is that our style? Because I think that that is how we roll up in this shit. Man I'm fucking pumped today!

(Niko drives to the start)

Brucie: Here we be. You ready to feel the Gs? Your skin looks really rough man, you had some help? A little botulism special there? I like that homie. You want a shot when we get back?

Niko: I'm fine.

(Or, if Niko runs into the cars before the start)

Brucie: Shit, they're off. Hustle, hustle, hustle.

(If Niko is in first)

Brucie: Stevie-boy tunes these things like they're fucking pianos man. Pitch perfect.

Brucie: You're moving me Nicky.

Brucie: Numero uno.

Brucie: It's lonely at the top, NB. Lonely baby.

Brucie: Alpha males, baby.

Brucie: Oh yeah.

Brucie: Domination. That's all. Domination.

Brucie: This is where we belong, first place.

Brucie: Winners baby, that's the only place for us...

Brucie: I'm getting altitude sickness because the top of the pile is so fuckin' high. Yeah.

Brucie: I like that, baby!

Brucie: This is a spiritual fucking experience.

Brucie: No-one, I mean no-one can touch us up here.

Brucie: You got a hard body and the skills to back it up, baby.

Brucie: You think someone like me has come second even once in his life? No fuckin' way.

Brucie: All eyes are on us, Nicky.

(If Niko is not in first place)

Brucie: I thought the red army taught you better than this fucker?

Brucie: Don't hold back on this bitch.

Brucie: Believe in yourself, NB. Believe you're a winner. Know you're a genetically different person you fucker!

Brucie: Visualize yourself in first place, Nicky. First!

Brucie: Ride her so she won't fucking forget it man!

Brucie: Punish the shit out of her.

Brucie: Don't treat her right, treat her mean.

Brucie: Be number one man, come on.

Brucie: I don't think I've ever had to look at that back end of a competitor before.

Brucie: We wanna win this thing. Am I right, Nicky?

Brucie: Hustle, Nicky. We got to be at the top of the podium, baby!

Brucie: Winning is a state of mind, man. Hit this shit hit it!

Brucie: Give it 110 percent. Give it! Come on kid!

Brucie: Bitches don't like losers, man. You're genetically different homie!

(Niko wins the race)

Brucie: Intense, intense, I fucking love you man. Number one. Good driving. How do I look? Pretty good, right?

Niko: Yeah, pretty good.

Brucie: Take me back to my apartment, man. I'm feeling jacked. I wanna hit the weights. Now.

(Niko begins to drive Brucie back to his garage)

Brucie: You know what Niko, you can keep this car. You earned it and I can't have my boy rolling in anything but serious genetically different winner style, you know?

Niko: I thought it belonged to Steve?

Brucie: Fuck Steve, you are the man, man. You are number one. You won this shit anyway. I'll give Steve the bitch.

Niko: The bitch don't work too good.

Brucie: Don't worry about that. Brucie has the magic fingers. They only touch prime engines and hot models. No cellulite. Okay VIP only, read my lips, I'm a winner. And when they touch. Shit, they work some serious magic bro.

Niko: What is it that you do, Brucie? Are you a mechanic? I don't get it.

Brucie: I'm a businessman, an entrepreneur. I make shit happen.

Niko: Sure, but you seem kind of legit. Why do you need guys killed?

Brucie: Of course I'm legit. Have you seen my delts? That shit is as legitimate as it gets!

Niko: What about these guys you need killed?

Brucie: Fuck, Nicky, you know Brucie. He's number one. It's lonely at the top. Sometimes, the juice, it just takes control, okay. The red mist descends and I need shit to happen to people.

Niko: Are you talking about fucking 'roid rage? Is that why I killed those men?

Brucie: They were bad cats, Nicky. Maybe the juice meant I wasn't as patient as I should have been. But you know, as a businessman, I can't let people get away with shit. I need to be firm.

Niko Look Brucie, I like you and I think we should hang out but I don't want to work with you no more. I can't go around fucking people up because you've over done it on the juice.

Brucie: Alright, Nicky, man. I'm feeling you, ok? You don't wanna let our business thing get in the way of our personal relationship. That's all good man.

Niko: Cool.

(Niko and Brucie arrive at the garage)

Brucie: Nicky. I feel like we really bonded back there. I'm close to you, man. You let me inside. You let your armor down, you know? We had a moment, man. Call me and we'll hang.

Niko: Sure we did.

Alternate dialogue

Brucie: Hey Nicky, I'm just gonna hit this guy up.

(Brucie calls Stevie)

Brucie: Stevie, you serious hunk of lady-killing muscle, me and a friend need to borrow your car... the sweet one. It'll be cool, baby - ice cool. You know Brucie. What? Outside? Great. Stay strapped bro.

Niko: Your friend is fine with us taking it? He doesn't think we're going to trash it or nothing?

Brucie: Stevie knows that he can trust Brucie with anything. He'll look after shit. Trust Brucie with anything but your girlfriend, man. And you can't be so sure he'll look after her. At least not the way you want her to be looked after, you get what I mean? You know?

Niko: That's real cool, Brucie.

Brucie: I'm just joking, man. Brucie wouldn't fuck another man's bitch. He's got too many women after him already to waste his time with taken pussy.

Niko: That's good to know. I'll definitely ask you to chaperone any girlfriend of mine.

Brucie: Who are you kidding, Nicky? You and me aren't girlfriend types. We... we see bitches but we can't get tied down. We gotta get out there bro. Spread our seed in as many fields as we can.

Niko: I don't know. If I met the right girl sometime...

Brucie: That's what I say when people ask me if the juice has given me funny balls, you know? How would I be able to get with so many chicks if my balls were funny? Come on, man. Think about it.

Niko: Brucie, I don't need to think about your balls, I'm cool.

(Niko and Brucie get in the car)

Brucie: We're going to dominate this shit. Dominate man. I've got good feelings about this. We're gonna win for sure brother!

Niko: Yeah, you got some faith in me Brucie.

Brucie: There's no other place than first, Nicky. The rest of that shit don't count, ok. I got the best body, I get the hottest pussy, I ride the flyest cars. I'm number one, man. I'll burn your village and eat your children. I'm fucking intense man!

Niko: Yeah, intense is the word.

(Niko wins the race and takes Brucie back to his garage)

Brucie: You're an animal, Nicky. I love you. I love you so much that you can have this car. Take it, as a gift.

Niko: Hate to break it to you Brucie, but this car ain't yours to give.

Brucie: What's Stevie's is mine man, it's all cool. This car is a weapon. Take it out on the town and use it on the bitches. Alright? They'll fall at your feet bro. It'll be a massacre. A fucking feeding frenzy.

Niko: Yeah, I can't wait.

Brucie: You know what I call this thing? A weapon of mass seduction. It's good to keep this kind of thing around, you know? A bitch sees your cut body - she's interested. Then she clocks you dropping the readies at the bar - she's real interested. Now, you take her home in this thing - it's over. Bitch don't know what hit her, man.

Niko: What hit her? That could be your date rape drugs kicking in.

Brucie: Funny, man. The only drugs I roll with are the 'roids man. And they ain't even drugs. They're not even bad for you. It's like a hundred percent natural. People say I've got 'roid rage but that's fucking bullshit. Bullshit! Bullshit!

Niko: No. No rage at all.

Brucie: Maybe those guys I got you to kill. Maybe another person wouldn't have done that, alright? But, fuck it. They made me angry, so you iced them. That ain't 'roid rage. That's just the way shit works.

Niko: It sounds like you got me to kill a load of guys because you were juicing too hard. Shit, man. You're cool, Brucie. I like you. But I don't want to work for you no more. We can hang out, but I'm not killing anyone else because you've got the rage.

Brucie: Alright, Nicky. Alright. You wanted some money and I helped you out. That's all good. I like the fact that we're just gonna be friends now. You know? None of this money shit to get in the way.

Niko: Sounds good to me.

Other dialogue

(Niko leaves the car)

Brucie: What are you doing man? We got a race to win.

Brucie: Nicky, you animal. Get back in here.

Brucie: Shit man, how we going to win this shit if you're not even in the car?

Brucie: This is a car race, we ain't running. Now get in the car asshole.

Brucie: Man, there's a race going on. What you doing?

Post mission phone calls

Brucie: Nicky, you animal. The guys we raced the other day want a rematch. They liked your shit, man.

Niko: Cool, I guess.

Brucie: Any time you want to race, give me a call and I'll hit you up with a location. Peace, man.

---

Brucie: Yo Nicky, what's up homie? Our boy, Stevie, hit me up. The one who hooked us up with the sweet ride.

Niko: He don't want you to give it back to him, does he?

Brucie: Shit, no, that's cool. I was just telling him how you know, you can make things happen. He's going to be in touch with you about some cars he needs found. If you catch my meaning?

Niko: Sure, I have an ability to find stuff if the price is right. Give him my number.

Brucie: Fuck man, you are the boy. I'll call Stevie.

Failing the mission

Losing the race

Brucie: What the fuck man? This shit is rigged. That didn't count as a race. We'll come back another time to really show them how we fuckin' roll.

Niko: See you later then.

Car destroyed

Brucie: You trashed the car, man. What's up with that? It was fucking beautiful. Not cool, Nicky. Not cool. Man, you trashed it. You just don't give a shit do you? You're an animal.

Car destroyed during race

Brucie: Nicky. You're insane man... in a good way. You pushed that shit too hard. I love it though. We woulda won, definitely. Next time we'll finish though, right? I've gotta call Stevie.

Shooting other racers

Brucie: You're a fucking animal, man. I fucking love it. You wanted to win that bad. It's genetic. Genetically different homie. Let's get out of here. Shit man, I wanted to hit that race hard. But you got the rage, I feel that man. Another time.

Leaving the car

Brucie: Nicky, what the fuck? We ain't in this race no more. It's fuckin' over, man. Fuckin' over. Shit, Nicky. You're never going to be a winner if you don't believe that you're the best. You're the greatest, homie. Don't choke next time.

Unused dialogue

(Dialogue which isn't heard in-game)

Brucie: Alright man, the race start is over on Stillwater Avenue. Let's do this.

Brucie: Stevie's place is on Freetown Avenue over in Willis.