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The Incredible Kleinman is a magician who entertains the audience in Perestroika by cheating death, with his "lovely assistant" Laurel, who he implies is his ex-lover. He is seen in many acts but fails each stunt as he gets either seriously injured or apparently killed like getting stabbed inside the black box and set on fire by Laurel, shot through the head by a Pistol, his left hand nearly severed with a guillotine, and cut in half by a table saw. He even "accidentally" stabbed his assistant by throwing a knife into her shoulder. He claims he was distracted by the thought of "that filthy stagehand [his assistant was] trolloping with." When his first act shown, a levitation stunt, went wrong, he claims to have accidentally turned her quadrapeligic. (The announcer tries to calm the audience, saying he's "sure she's only parapeligic.") His "cheating death" acts did not go very well as the audience becomes frightened. It is unknown how he keeps performing acts even after fatal accidents, or how his assistant does after she was paralyzed.

Kleinman's First Proformance

Announcer over the Maga Phone: We have two great acts coming up.

First, The Incredible Kleinman!

Strange Music plays as the curtain opens to reveal klienman lying down on a table facing the audiance with his female assistant, Laurel standing beside him.

Kleinman: Welcome.

I am constanltly asked, "Klienman, when did you discover you were magic?"

Laurel shifts to other side of table

Have you ever used your powers for good?

Like making cancer patients or nuclear warheads desappear?

One man even asked me, "Can you make my masculinity disappear?"

laughter

Kleinman gets off of table

But I am here to entertain you,

not your bi-curious fantasies.

I will now make my assistant... Float!

I will defeat fravity, I will be the master of Isacc Newton!

Laurel lays down on table

Kleinman holds out both hands towards Laurel

Now... Arise!

Laurel arrises, the audiance applaudes

Kleinman runs to other side of stage

Arise!

Runs to other side of stage

Arise!

Laurel arrises higher, audiance continues to applaud.

Yes, there! There!, Higher! Higher! Higher!

Laurel rises

Lower!

Laurel falls slightly

Higher!

Laurel rises

Lower!

Laurel falls slightly

Runs to other side of stage

Ah yes, i can make this filthy woman fall under my dominion. Oh arise! Yes!

Guy in crowd: You suck, A$$hole!

Klienman turns towards crowd

Klienman: Eat S*it!

Laurel smashes to the stage floor, music stops, crowd gasps, klienman turns to laurels body

Klienman: AAAGH!!!! LAUREL!?! LAUREL!?!

Klienman checks on Laurels body

Klienman starts to cry

Oh, Laurel your're... oh, you're a quadraplegic!

Curtain Closes

Announcer: Don't worry, everybody. She's probably only paraplegic!

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 {{cleanup}}
 '''The Incredible Kleinman''' is a magician who entertains the audience in [[Perestroika]] by cheating death, with his "lovely assistant" Laurel, who he implies is his ex-lover. He is seen in many acts but fails each stunt as he gets either seriously injured or apparently killed like getting stabbed inside the black box and set on fire by Laurel, shot through the head by a [[Pistol]], his left hand nearly severed with a guillotine, and cut in half by a table saw. He even "accidentally" stabbed his assistant by throwing a knife into her shoulder. He claims he was distracted by the thought of "that filthy stagehand [his assistant was] trolloping with." When his first act shown, a levitation stunt, went wrong, he claims to have accidentally turned her quadrapeligic. (The announcer tries to calm the audience, saying he's "sure she's only parapeligic.") His "cheating death" acts did not go very well as the audience becomes frightened. It is unknown how he keeps performing acts even after fatal accidents, or how his assistant does after she was paralyzed.
+==Kleinman's First Proformance==
+Announcer over the Maga Phone: We have two great acts coming up.
+First, The Incredible Kleinman!
+''Strange Music plays as the curtain opens to reveal klienman lying down on a table facing the audiance with his female assistant, Laurel standing beside him.''
+Kleinman: Welcome.
+I am constanltly asked, "Klienman, when did you discover you were magic?"
+''Laurel shifts to other side of table''
+Have you ever used your powers for good?
+Like making cancer patients or nuclear warheads desappear?
+One man even asked me, "Can you make my masculinity disappear?"
+''laughter''
+''Kleinman gets off of table''
+But I am here to entertain you,
+not your bi-curious fantasies.
+I will now make my assistant... Float!
+I will defeat fravity, I will be the master of Isacc Newton!
+''Laurel lays down on table''
+''Kleinman holds out both hands towards Laurel''
+Now... Arise!
+''Laurel arrises, the audiance applaudes''
+''Kleinman runs to other side of stage''
+Arise!
+''Runs to other side of stage''
+Arise!
+''Laurel arrises higher, audiance continues to applaud.''
+Yes, there! There!, Higher! Higher! Higher!
+''Laurel rises''
+Lower!
+''Laurel falls slightly''
+Higher!
+''Laurel rises''
+Lower!
+''Laurel falls slightly''
+''Runs to other side of stage''
+Ah yes, i can make this filthy woman fall under my dominion. Oh arise! Yes!
+Guy in crowd: You suck, A$$hole!
+''Klienman turns towards crowd''
+Klienman: Eat S*it!
+''Laurel smashes to the stage floor, music stops, crowd gasps, klienman turns to laurels body''
+Klienman: AAAGH!!!! LAUREL!?! LAUREL!?!
+''Klienman checks on Laurels body''
+''Klienman starts to cry''
+Oh, Laurel your're... oh, you're a quadraplegic!
+''Curtain Closes''
+Announcer: Don't worry, everybody. She's probably only paraplegic!
 {{GTA IV Characters}}
 [[Category:Characters]]
 [[Category:Characters in GTA IV]]