Dwayne: You ever spend time inside?
Niko: In prison? Sure, but I never did a long stretch.
Dwayne: It's strange man, you start off worrying about all the usual shit. About some maniac trying to fuck you up the ass, about some other maniac who wants to slash your throat, about the awful food, then that shit ceases to matter.
Dwayne: Yeah, you learn to cope with the environment, make the best of it, learn to scare people away from you, get food smuggled in, you know?
Dwayne: And after a while, you stop hurting, and that ain't the problem at all.
Dwayne: No, the problem is you realize it's all the same shit, in prison, outside, with a woman, on your own, with money, broke, happy, unhappy, it don't mean shit. You realize that life don't mean shit man. You teach yourself to stop caring.
Niko: I know about that.
Dwayne: But it's hard, man. I don't know how to fix that shit. I don't know how to care no more. Damn, listen to me? I'm pathetic.
Dwayne: Let me tell you man, I never wanted to be no drug dealer.
Dwayne: No. I wanted to be... shit, this'll make you laugh... you know what I wanted to be?
Dwayne: I wanted to be a cop.
Niko: Really, Why didn't you become one?
Dwayne: This is twenty years ago - they didn't encourage black policemen back then...
Niko: I guess not.
Dwayne: No... and I couldn't read so good anyway, but I could add up and I could scare people, so I started slinging dope. The money was insane. Crack took off, and it went crazy. I had apartments full of money - whole apartments stuffed with bank notes...
Niko: You're joking, right?
Dwayne: No... never made me happy, though. Made me fucking miserable, paranoid, angry, and I wasn't even smoking the shit! But I was good at it, the best. It was sort of fun, and sort of like living in hell; seeing your old school mates turn into zombies, and knowing they was going to be your best customers. Man, what a fucking life.
Dwayne: Man, life is hard.
Dwayne: I mean, I was never set an example. In prison they had me doing all this therapy bullshit. Discuss your childhood, you know?
Niko: That sounds fun.
Dwayne: My childhood, I was my dad beat my mom. I saw her try so hard. I remember once she got pops some golf club, 'cause his friend had some, thought he could be refined and shit, he was a pimp who couldn't read, fuck only knows what she was thinking, and you know what he did? He broke them over her back. Fucking animal. I was glad when he died.
Niko: Life is tough.
Dwayne: Damn straight.
Niko: Okay... I think.
Dwayne: Yeah, me too. Shit's on the up. I hope. Although as soon as I say that I begin to worry. I remember my dad used to always say, "Expect the worst, then you can only be pleasantly surprised.", he'd say that, then he'd hit me.
Niko: He doesn't sound like a nice man.
Dwayne: Guy was a fucking fool. He got his, though. He tried to rip off some local dealers. I remember the night they killed him. There was a knock at the door. My mom cried, but i don't think she meant it, I hope she didn't. You know what I felt?
Dwayne: I felt nothing man. Nothing. Not happy, not sad. Just nothing. My pop's dead, and I didn't feel a damn thing. Shit is fucked up.
Dwayne: Man, we gonna have some fun... at least we better.
Niko: I hope so.
Dwayne: Me too. You promised.
Niko: No, I said let's hang out. If we have fun, it is up to you as much as me.
Dwayne: People always let you down.
Niko: I'm not letting you down.
Dwayne: Yeah, no, I know, man, I know. But they do.
Niko: Sure, some people.
Dwayne: Everyone. People only out for one thing - themselves. I always tried to live by a code. To be a man who could look at his self in the mirror. And look where that ended me up. A long stretch, no family, nothing.
Niko: I know, Dwayne, you're a saint. The world's tough, you lived hard... it's always the same shit with you. I saw eight of my best friends killed in a ditch. You are not the only man to have seen bad things.
Dwayne: Shit, man, I'm sorry about that.
Niko: Don't worry about it. Just try to complain less.
Dwayne: You know what, Niko, I always thought of myself as a good person.
Niko: I know. You have high moral standards. For a crack dealer and killer, I mean.
Dwayne: I know. It's ridiculous, look at what I became.
Niko: No need to explain to me. I am a long way from a virtuous man.
Dwayne: But at the time, fifteen years ago or more now, shit was crazy. I knew it was wrong, but I felt like I didn't have a choice. I had no education, I had nothing. Nothing to eat, nowhere to live, and suddenly I was clearing fifty Gs a week. I looked after people and I looked after myself. Shit felt wrong, but it let me do good. I don't know. I can't decide if all the people whose lives was ruined by crack were my fault, or if I was just taking money any fool would have taken. I don't guess it matters too much now.
Dwayne: Know what? Man... I grew up real poor.
Niko: Me too.
Dwayne: And I remember the first time I had ten grand in my hand - after I began dealing and shit. I had ten grand. Felt good, for a while. Because I came from nothing. We didn't have shit. Only an old TV, only old clothes, no books, always the struggle, and suddenly I had a shit load of money. Crazy, man. You can't ever know what's it like, unless you been real poor. I can't explain that shit.
Niko: Where I grew up, we had no electricity until I was twelve.
Dwayne: Oh. Shit. My bad.
Niko: No problem.
Dwayne: Man, I miss Playboy.
Niko: I'm sorry.
Dwayne: I mean you, we did what had to be done, but it's a shame.
Dwayne: I remember when I met him - he was always a bright kid, but he had no street knowledge. He wanted to be in the game, but he didn't know the rules. We was closer than brothers.
Niko: Things change.
Dwayne: Things shouldn't fucking change. Things hurt man. They hurt. Why you so cold?
Niko: I've seen a lot of friends kill each other. You're not so very different.
Dwayne: You know what?
Dwayne: I may be fucking nothing in this life, but there is one thing I ain't, I ain't a fucking snitch. When I die, I can meet my maker knowing I did not rat people out.
Dwayne: When I got arrested, they offered me all kinds of deals - take 8 years off my sentence, money in off shore accounts, crazy shit. I never did it. If I had done, life wouldn't have made sense.
Niko: Good for you.
Dwayne: But I know somebody talked to send me down. Guess people gotta live with theirselves.
Dwayne: How you doing?
Dwayne: I'm depressed.
Niko: You're always depressed!
Dwayne: I know. It's ridiculous. I need some medication or some shit. Take the edge off.
Niko:' I think you'll be okay.
Dwayne: You know what I miss most about Playboy?
Dwayne: He was like my kid brother - he was like my family. Man, what I want most ain't a job or nothing. It's a fucking family. I want to be a dad.
Niko: So get married, start dating.
Dwayne: Nah, I've seen too much man, I'm too broken. That shit won't work for me. I missed my chance when I started slinging them drugs. Life got too complicated. I guess I don't believe in second chances, in redemption.
Niko: I don't think I do either.
Dwayne: You know something real embarrassing?
Dwayne: I can hardly fucking read.
Dwayne: Yeah. Hardly at all. I didn't pay any attention at school, never, apart from fighting and beating kids up - the reading bit left me cold, now I can't go for no job because I can't fucking read. It's ridiculous.
Niko: Why don't you try and learn?
Dwayne: Go back to elementary school? I think I'm a bit old for that shit, son.
Dwayne: Man I'm lost, prison really messes you up, man.
Niko: So it seems.
Dwayne: It fucking does.