Waste Not Want Knots/Script

Script

Patrick: ...so the plan was they were gonna hide the diamonds in the Queen's ass!

Kate: Oh, hey, Niko.

Niko: Hey, Kate.

Patrick: Get your fucking hands off my fucking sister, boy...

Kate: We're talking, not having casual sex, Patrick... I pray after the amount of practice you've had you'd know the difference.

Patrick: Sure, I know the difference. One leaves you feeling sad and empty and alone... and the other's casual sex!

Kate: Then I am quite sure you and mister Niko here will have fun on your 'play date'.

Maureen: Kate!

Kate: Coming, Ma... you boys play nice, now...

Patrick: For sure.

Maureen: Kate!

Kate: Okay!

Patrick: Oh, we're gonna play real nice... They're clean as a fuckin' whistle. One previous owner... safely driven... ready for action. We got an opportunity, my boy.

Michael: Yep. Fortune favors the brave.

Gordon: Gotta make hay while the sun shines.

Patrick: So is you down, boy, or is you out?

Niko: Down for what?

Michael: Down for robbing a thief...

Gordon: Robin Hood!

Patrick: Exactly, Robin fuckin' Hood...

Niko: Who are you going to rob?

Patrick: The fucking Mafia, boy.

Niko: Is the money good? What's the risk?

Patrick: Well, the risk is... we all die a very slow and painful death. And the money is good, very good indeed.

Gordon: So you in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill you?

Niko: Well... since you put that way, I'm in.

Patrick: Good, let's go.

Michael: Alright, alright, let's go. Let's do this.

Dialogue

Patrick: Can you get us a car, man? I'm afraid these two idiots can't drive for shit.

Michael: Fuck you, Packie.

Gordon: Yeah, fuck yuz.

Patrick: Take us out to the waste management plant under the Algonquin Bridge on Colony Island, big man.

Niko: A Mafia controlled waste management plant?

Patrick: You fuckin' guessed it. It's an Ancelotti operation. Ray tipped us off about a big payoff they just got. A fat cash payoff.

Michael: Ancelottis, eh? I can't tell none of those wop families apart. Ancelottis, Gambinos, Pecorinos.

Patrick: It's the fucking Pegorinos, man. We're workin for them. Pecorino's a type a cheese. Pegorinos is a bunch of guido gangsters outta Alderney.

Niko: They're all Mafia though?

Patrick: Course they are. Cosa Nostra and all that shit. Our family used to be bigger than all them Mafia families put together. Back in the day, that is.

Gordon: Not this shit again. I heard this speech a million times. The McRearys ran the city. People was scared to say their name let alone come near their place in Purgatory. Life was great. We were in charge.

Patrick: It's fucking true. I'd like to hear you tell Gerald that it's a boring story. Me brother wouldn't take too kindly to that now would he? You know that Purgatory is called what it is because people were so scared of the McRearys. Did you know that, Niko?

Gordon: It's called that because people found the McRearys' stories so fuckin' boring. Listening to them was like being in Purgatory.

Patrick: Fuck you, Gordon. I'll fucking come back there and kick your fucking ass in am minute.

Niko: I hear that Francis McReary is your brother.

Patrick: Fucking Frankie, my brother. He may have a badge, but I tell you for a fact he's as crooked as the rest of us McRearys. More so. At least we ain't fucking hypocrites. Kate's the only decent one.

Niko: I can believe that.

Patrick: You know Frankie do ya? I got a story for you if you do.

Gordon: Another fucking story.

Patrick: Shut up, Gordon. So, Niko, when Francis and Gerald was growing up, Frankie becomes an altar boy. He swears to this day that he wanted to serve the Lord. Gerry knows the truth though. He only put on that cassock so he could pocket the change in the collection plate. Fact. That's Francis down to a fucking T. I don't even know if he realizes what a crook he is.

Niko: That sounds like the Francis McReary I met.

Patrick: I bet. Model community leader, my ass.

Gordon: You're just worried he'll start clamping down on you, ain't ya Packie?

Patrick: I'd like to see him try it. Not gonna happen with the things Gerry knows.

(The four arrive at the waste plant)

Patrick: Here we are boys, moment of fucking truth. Alright boys, if Ray is correct then the money's going to be kept in the office in the main building. And there should be a boat docked out back for the getaway. Alright, it's up nad over the fence. Niko, stick fucking close to me.

(The four kill all the Ancelottis outside)

Patrick: Alright boys, let's go inside and find this money.

Niko: Hey Packie, I'll go get the money. Cover me, will you?

(Niko grabs the money)

Niko: Okay kids, I got the cash. Shit! Looks like we're not the only ones after it.

Patrick: There's got to be a pizza parlor on this island coz I ain't never seen so many Italians. Out the back, boys. Gordon, Michael. You hold these boys back while me and Niko make a swim for it with the money.

Michael: We'll see you back at the house, Packie.

Gordon: Try to keep the money dry, won't ya? I don't know how my bookie's gonna be about wet notes...

(Niko and Patrick exit the back of the plant)

Niko: Swimming for it, eh?

Patrick: Sure, me boy. There's the boat just out there. I'll race ya. Can you drive a boat? You got to this fine country in a boat didn't ya, Niko?

Niko: That don't mean I can drive one. Fuck it though, I'll give it a try.

Patrick: That was fucking beautiful. We did ourselves proud. My brother Gerry is going to be fucking ecstatic.

Niko: Providing the Ancelottis don't figure out it was us that ripped them off.

Patrick: Don't fucking worry about it. They'll just figure it was another one of the five families. Us McRearys are under the fucking radar nowadays. It ain't a problem.

Niko: I hope you're right for my sake.

Patrick: Shut up and think about the money. If that don't work, think about my sister. I tell you though, you're only getting your hands on one of those things, you maniac, and it ain't going to be my Katie.

Niko: I'll think about the money then.

Patrick: What a trooper.