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==Script== | ==Script== | ||
(CJ is outside the casino. His phone rings.) | (''CJ is outside the casino. His phone rings.'') | ||
CJ: Hello. | '''CJ''': Hello. | ||
The Truth: Who am I speaking to? | '''The Truth''': Who am I speaking to? | ||
CJ: It's CJ. Hey, Truth, is that you? | '''CJ''': It's CJ. Hey, Truth, is that you? | ||
The Truth: Might be. Might be a government algorithm trying to pick your brains, so don't admit anything! | '''The Truth''': Might be. Might be a government algorithm trying to pick your brains, so don't admit anything! | ||
CJ: Whatever, man. Whassup? | '''CJ''': Whatever, man. Whassup? | ||
The Truth: I need a favour, Carl, thought I could cash in some karma chips. | '''The Truth''': I need a favour, Carl, thought I could cash in some karma chips. | ||
CJ: Your credit good. | '''CJ''': Your credit good. | ||
The Truth: I took some fellow travellers deep into the desert on a peyote safari a few nights back. We faced the inner light and communed with the lizard king. | '''The Truth''': I took some fellow travellers deep into the desert on a peyote safari a few nights back. We faced the inner light and communed with the lizard king. | ||
CJ: Sounds fun. How did it go? | '''CJ''': Sounds fun. How did it go? | ||
The Truth: That's the problem, I don't know. I'm in Los Santos. I woke up in a Japanese bathhouse about an hour ago. I have no idea how I got here or where the others are. | '''The Truth''': That's the problem, I don't know. I'm in Los Santos. I woke up in a Japanese bathhouse about an hour ago. I have no idea how I got here or where the others are. | ||
CJ: They're probably fine. | '''CJ''': They're probably fine. | ||
The Truth: I don't think so. They were Brits - a band and their managers. They have no experience about the desert. | '''The Truth''': I don't think so. They were Brits - a band and their managers. They have no experience about the desert. | ||
CJ: OK, where'd you make camp? I can go have a look. | '''CJ''': OK, where'd you make camp? I can go have a look. | ||
The Truth: I took 'em up Arco del Oeste - fantastic sunsets. Best start looking for them up there. | '''The Truth''': I took 'em up Arco del Oeste - fantastic sunsets. Best start looking for them up there. | ||
(CJ is in the desert. Maccer and Paul are laid out on the ground somewhere.) | (''CJ is in the desert. Maccer and Paul are laid out on the ground somewhere.'') | ||
CJ: Hello? Hey, anybody out here? Truth sent me! | '''CJ''': Hello? Hey, anybody out here? Truth sent me! | ||
Maccer: EH! Over 'ere! | '''Maccer''': EH! Over 'ere! | ||
CJ: Hey, man, you all right? | '''CJ''': Hey, man, you all right? | ||
Maccer: 'Kin' 'ell, I'm fucking hanging. | '''Maccer''': 'Kin' 'ell, I'm fucking hanging. | ||
Paul: Stone me bloody crows. Where am I? | '''Paul''': Stone me bloody crows. Where am I? | ||
Maccer: I dunno, mate. I was having a dream; I was wanking over some fat bird's tits when this twat turned up. | '''Maccer''': I dunno, mate. I was having a dream; I was wanking over some fat bird's tits when this twat turned up. | ||
Paul: Maccer, you fucking psycho! You did it again, didn't you! | '''Paul''': Maccer, you fucking psycho! You did it again, didn't you! | ||
Maccer: That peyote was shite, you were lucky I brought some tabs along! | '''Maccer''': That peyote was shite, you were lucky I brought some tabs along! | ||
Paul: I've told you a million times not to put stuff in my fucking drink! | '''Paul''': I've told you a million times not to put stuff in my fucking drink! | ||
Maccer: Oh, piss off, kidder! | '''Maccer''': Oh, piss off, kidder! | ||
Paul: Who are you again? | '''Paul''': Who are you again? | ||
CJ: Oh, I'm a friend of The Truth's. He said you guys might need a ride into town or something. | '''CJ''': Oh, I'm a friend of The Truth's. He said you guys might need a ride into town or something. | ||
Maccer: But I'm a fucking raspberry! | '''Maccer''': But I'm a fucking raspberry! | ||
Paul: You're not a fucking raspberry! | '''Paul''': You're not a fucking raspberry! | ||
Maccer: I can't feel me legs, our P. I've wanked the use out of them! | '''Maccer''': I can't feel me legs, our P. I've wanked the use out of them! | ||
Paul: Just stand up, you soppy cunt. We go through this every weekend. | '''Paul''': Just stand up, you soppy cunt. We go through this every weekend. | ||
(Maccer tries to stand up.) | ('''Maccer tries to stand up.'') | ||
Maccer: Ah! Ooh! | '''Maccer''': Ah! Ooh! | ||
CJ: Man, what the hell was y'all doing last night? | '''CJ''': Man, what the hell was y'all doing last night? | ||
Maccer: Anybody got a rag? | '''Maccer''': Anybody got a rag? | ||
(Paul hands Maccer a rag. CJ turns away and sighs disgustedly.) | (''Paul hands Maccer a rag. CJ turns away and sighs disgustedly.'') | ||
CJ: So, where am I taking y'all? | '''CJ''': So, where am I taking y'all? | ||
Paul: I've got a pal, Rosie. He's got some casino gig going down in Venturas. Sweet. | '''Paul''': I've got a pal, Rosie. He's got some casino gig going down in Venturas. Sweet. | ||
CJ: Alright. | '''CJ''': Alright. | ||
(Maccer goes to hand Paul the rag back.) | ('''Maccer goes to hand Paul the rag back.'') | ||
Paul: Fuck off, string. | '''Paul''': Fuck off, string. | ||
Maccer: Oh, charming. | '''Maccer''': Oh, charming. | ||
CJ: Alright, ladies, let's go. | '''CJ''': Alright, ladies, let's go. | ||
Paul: Come on. Fucking Northerners... | '''Paul''': Come on. Fucking Northerners... | ||
Maccer: Well, it felt like I couldn't feel them, honest! | '''Maccer''': Well, it felt like I couldn't feel them, honest! | ||
(CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards the Snake Farm. There are two hillbillies standing outside the Snake Farm.) | (''CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards the Snake Farm. There are two hillbillies standing outside the Snake Farm.'') | ||
CJ: Here we are, look familiar? | '''CJ''': Here we are, look familiar? | ||
Maccer: Looks just like Salford to me... | '''Maccer''': Looks just like Salford to me... | ||
Paul: What are you talking about? | '''Paul''': What are you talking about? | ||
Hillbilly 1: Take a gander at 'em fellas, is that 'em? | '''Hillbilly 1''': Take a gander at 'em fellas, is that 'em? | ||
Hillbilly 2: That there city boy has gone and been with my prize hog! Now I don't even get no sugar from her! | '''Hillbilly 2''': That there city boy has gone and been with my prize hog! Now I don't even get no sugar from her! | ||
(Two more hillbillies come around the corner. A man and a woman.) | (''Two more hillbillies come around the corner. A man and a woman.'') | ||
Hillbilly 3: And that one done screwed my sis! I've had a terr'ble aching in my grinds ever since! | '''Hillbilly 3''': And that one done screwed my sis! I've had a terr'ble aching in my grinds ever since! | ||
Hillbilly Woman: I'm gonna slap you silly for giving me and my fella the red bumpies! | '''Hillbilly Woman''': I'm gonna slap you silly for giving me and my fella the red bumpies! | ||
Hillbilly 3: What'n tarnation? I'm a fixing to give ya a whoopin' for what you gone and done to my young 'uns! | '''Hillbilly 3''': What'n tarnation? I'm a fixing to give ya a whoopin' for what you gone and done to my young 'uns! | ||
(If the hillbillies follow CJ, Maccer and Paul to Caligula's Casino, then CJ, Maccer and Paul, along with the hillbillies in their vehicle, pull up outside Caligula's casino.) | (''If the hillbillies follow CJ, Maccer and Paul to Caligula's Casino, then CJ, Maccer and Paul, along with the hillbillies in their vehicle, pull up outside Caligula's casino.'') | ||
CJ: Shit, here comes them snake farmers! Alright, I've had enough! Let's finish this! | '''CJ''': Shit, here comes them snake farmers! Alright, I've had enough! Let's finish this! | ||
(The hillbillies aproach CJ, Maccer and Paul.) | (''The hillbillies aproach CJ, Maccer and Paul.'') | ||
Maccer: Oh, I'm gonna grab some big tits, man! | '''Maccer''': Oh, I'm gonna grab some big tits, man! | ||
Paul: Oh, bollocks. In for a penny, in for a pound. | '''Paul''': Oh, bollocks. In for a penny, in for a pound. | ||
(CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards Caligula's Casino.) | (''CJ, Maccer and Paul are walking towards Caligula's Casino.'') | ||
Paul: Come on then, let's go in and see Rosie. | '''Paul''': Come on then, let's go in and see Rosie. | ||
(Rosie is in his room inside Caligula's Casino. There is a knock at the door. Rosie's assistant opens the door to CJ, Maccer and Paul.) | (''Rosie is in his room inside Caligula's Casino. There is a knock at the door. Rosie's assistant opens the door to CJ, Maccer and Paul.'') | ||
Paul: Kent Paul, here to see Rosie. | '''Paul''': Kent Paul, here to see Rosie. | ||
Assistant: Hey boss, there's somebody here to see you. | '''Assistant''': Hey boss, there's somebody here to see you. | ||
Rosie: Oh, go away, I have a migraine. | '''Rosie''': Oh, go away, I have a migraine. | ||
Paul: Oi, Rosie, son, it's me, Paulo! | '''Paul''': Oi, Rosie, son, it's me, Paulo! | ||
Rosie: Oh, God. My despair is complete. OK, let him in. | '''Rosie''': Oh, God. My despair is complete. OK, let him in. | ||
Paul: Rosiiieee! How are you, me old son? | '''Paul''': Rosiiieee! How are you, me old son? | ||
Rosie: I pray that one day I can escape my perpetual torment and retire in peace and comfort a million miles away from anyone I've ever fucking known, instead, I get this. | '''Rosie''': I pray that one day I can escape my perpetual torment and retire in peace and comfort a million miles away from anyone I've ever fucking known, instead, I get this. | ||
Paul: Come on, it's me, Kent Paul! | '''Paul''': Come on, it's me, Kent Paul! | ||
Rosie: Well, hello, Paul, what a pleasant surprise. Who the hell are these guys? | '''Rosie''': Well, hello, Paul, what a pleasant surprise. Who the hell are these guys? | ||
Paul: These are my boys - Maccer and Carl. | '''Paul''': These are my boys - Maccer and Carl. | ||
CJ: Whassup? | '''CJ''': Whassup? | ||
Maccer: You want any Speckled Doves, boss? I'm peaking on one right now. Top-of-the-range, man. | '''Maccer''': You want any Speckled Doves, boss? I'm peaking on one right now. Top-of-the-range, man. | ||
Rosie: Well it's fitting. As I sit here up to my neck in a river of shit, with every Mafia gorilla from Liberty City to Los Santos pissing in my face, that you, Kent Paul, should witness it. | '''Rosie''': Well it's fitting. As I sit here up to my neck in a river of shit, with every Mafia gorilla from Liberty City to Los Santos pissing in my face, that you, Kent Paul, should witness it. | ||
Paul: What's the matter, son? | '''Paul''': What's the matter, son? | ||
Rosie: Too numerous, oppressively insurmountable and depressingly fucking typical even to mention. | '''Rosie''': Too numerous, oppressively insurmountable and depressingly fucking typical even to mention. | ||
Paul: It's alright, bruv, Paulo can help. Give us some space would you, son. I'll give you a tinkle later. | '''Paul''': It's alright, bruv, Paulo can help. Give us some space would you, son. I'll give you a tinkle later. | ||
CJ: Alright, for sure. | '''CJ''': Alright, for sure. | ||
Paul: Not you, Maccer. | '''Paul''': Not you, Maccer. | ||
Maccer: Oh, you twat. | '''Maccer''': Oh, you twat. | ||
Paul: Unbelievable. | '''Paul''': Unbelievable. | ||
(CJ is outside Caligula's Casino. He phones Woozie.) | (''CJ is outside Caligula's Casino. He phones Woozie.'') | ||
CJ: Hey Woozie. I think I found a way to scope Caligula's without causing too much suspicion. We can talk later. | '''CJ''': Hey Woozie. I think I found a way to scope Caligula's without causing too much suspicion. We can talk later. | ||
==Reward== | ==Reward== |
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