Eddie Low Random Encounter 1/Script

The following is a script of the first encounter with Eddie Low in Grand Theft Auto IV.

Script

Eddie: Hey there pal. Hey!

Niko: Hey.

Eddie: Hey... what are you doing out here so late?

Niko: What's it to you?

Eddie: Nothin'... just trying to make conversation... just trying to keep the lonliness at bay... you know?

Niko: Whatever you say.

Eddie: Hey... you're not from around here, are you?

Niko: No, I'm from Florida.

Eddie You're funny... you're a real joker. I knew a joker once. Lovely guy... came to a rather unfortunate end though. But I guess we all do though... Neee... in the end.

Niko: Okay...

Eddie: Wait! Wait! Wait,mister. Do you ever wonder? Do you ever wonder if animals... if they masturbate?

Niko: Okay, listen, friend you're creeping me out.

Eddie: No... it's a silly question, I know... silly question. It's just that I was wondering. Because maybe that's what makes us different... from animals, I mean. Masturbating. Because it turns out we don't have souls, and animals use tools, and all that kind of thing... So maybe it's the masturbating. Maybe that's God's real gift to us?

Niko: Okay. I'd really like to get back on planet earth, so maybe I'll see you later.

Eddie: No wait. Wait a minute mister! I'm sorry, I'm strange. I'm a weird guy... I know. Hey, hey do you have a car? Can you get one?

Niko: Why?

Eddie: Because I have this rather heavy bag and I really need a lift, I can pay you.

Niko: Okay, okay.

Eddie: Thanks! I'm Eddie, by the way... Eddie Low.

Niko: Yes. Fine. Come on.

Dialogue

Eddie: Hey friend, this bag is awful heavy. You mind taking us down to the docks?

Niko: Do you have a ship to catch? You going somewhere?

Eddie: I'm not going anywhere, my friends are though, they're heading off.

Niko: That's a funny joke.

Eddie: Joke!? Joke!? Eddie never jokes, Eddie needs to be taken seriously. They laughed at him once, but you can't laugh without a tongue. You can't point if you haven't got fingers, can you? That's what daddy told me, late at night. In my room.

Niko: Easy there buddy.

Eddie: We're friends, aren't we? We can talk to one another, share things?

Niko: Spill your guts.

Eddie: Eeeeeew, that's nasty. I don't like doing that. It's smelly. I'm kidding. Isn't the world strange and nasty? I mean- when a girl looks at you, but it turns out she doesn't really love you at all, it turns out she's a whore!

Niko: You are kind of a strange guy Eddie, have you ever considered psycho-therapy? You've got issues.

Eddie: The only issue is I don't accept the world's bull shit.

(Niko drives Eddie to the docks)

Eddie: Wait here for me, friend. Special friend. I'm just dropping the kids off.

(Eddie throws the bag into the water and runs back to Niko)

Eddie: Glad I got rid of that. Wouldn't want to get caught with it- people can be so narrow minded. Can... can you take me to Westminster? I like Westminster. Lots of nice boys there, it's one of my hunting grounds.

Niko: Whatever gets you off, friend.

Eddie: Mmm, yeah. I like boys. I like girls too. Both are fun in different ways. The same ways as well. We're all the same under those layers of hair and skin and fat. Everyone's got the same rotten livers and black hearts underneath it all."

Niko: Sure. You should visit planet Earth sometime.

Eddie: Where are you from, pal of mine? What's your accent? Are you from East Europe? Romania? Bulgaria? Balkans?

Niko: Hey, you're a smart guy.

Eddie: Eddie's smart. Eddie's real smart. They always told them that, Eddie you're smart. Why don't you play with the other kids? Don't touch him like that, Eddie. Stop it, Eddie. Stop It!

Niko: Yeah, stop it, Eddie. Please.

Eddie: Your accent is funny. You know you can hear people accents when they scream? I can tell what borough people are from just by hearing them scream. I've heard enough Alderney accents tonight. Oh God, oh God. Ahuh! I want to hear some nice rounded Algonquin voices. "Please stop, please stop!" Do... do you see? That?

Niko: You're making me a little uncomfortable, Eddie. I hope you're joking.

Eddie: I'm sorry, pal. Of course I'm joking. Do you think I'm weird? Please, I'm just a no bullshit kind of guy. So, so what's your name and what'd'ya do? Those are normal questions.

Niko: Niko Bellic, I do what I can to survive... to get by.

Eddie: That's cryptic. Things must be difficult for you. Do you hurt other people, Niko?

Niko: If they get in my way.

Eddie: I wouldn't want to get in your way, Niko. I wouldn't want you to get in mine either. Aw, we're good friends now, uh-huh? Special friends...

(Niko takes Eddie to Westminster)

Eddie: Here we are. Eddie's off to hunt for a nice boy. Thank you, Niko. Thank you, friend. I'll see you later, man-eater.

Alternate dialogue

Niko: What you got in your bag, friend?

Eddie: None of your business, nosey parker. You know, if you keep sticking your nose into other people's business you might just lose it. You might have it cut off and be left with a bleeding, bubbling stump of flappy skin and cartilage. You wouldn't want that, would you?

Niko: I wouldn't let that happen.

Eddie: What if it did? What if it happened when you were asleep?

Niko: I don't sleep.

Eddie: He, he, he, he, he. You're funny. Everything sleeps. Even sharks swim when they sleep. Hey, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be eaten by a shark?

Niko: No.

Eddie Low: Do you think that a shark's mouth smells of fish when it opens up to eat you? Do you think that sharks are evil?

Niko: I think humans are the only evil things on this planet.

Eddie: I agree. You're clever. Apart from squirrels. They're evil, they squirm a lot when they die.

(Eddie throws the bag into the water and runs back to Niko)

Eddie: It's hard to say goodbye to people sometimes, isn't it? You don't know when to let them go. Have you ever had to say goodbye to someone close to you?

Niko: I don't let people get close to me.

Eddie: That's sad. I get close to a lot of people. Quickly. You always have to say goodbye to them, though. It's really sad.

Niko: What makes you have to say goodbye to them?

Eddie: They start to get smelly. That's when Eddie goes out into the yard and starts to burn tires again. The neighbors don't like it when Eddie burns his tires. They don't know what the other smell would be though. They wouldn't mind burning rubber if they knew what the other option was. No they wouldn't, pal of mine.

Niko: You know, I already have a lot of friends.

Eddie: I though you didn't let people get close to you? You have to let down your barriers. Let Eddie inside. What's your name pal?

Niko: Niko.

Eddie: Don't push me away, Niko. Eddie doesn't like it when people push him away. Eddie pushes back.

Niko: I push back too.

Eddie: If I didn't know better, Niko, I would think that that was a pick up line. I push, you push back? Beast with two backs. Number of the beast. Man and beast. Do you want to come out to Hercules with me?

Niko: I'm not like that, friend.

Eddie: What are you like, pal? Eddie is into most things. Would you let Eddie tie you up? Tie you up and have some fun with you? Have you ever lost control? Have you ever let someone else take charge of you? It could be a wild ride!

Niko: This ride is wild enough for me, so can you stop with that weird shit, pal? Now.

Eddie: You are cold! You really don't like other people, do you? You don't like to play!