Hating the Haters/Script
The following are dialog and mission scripts as seen during "Hating the Haters" in Grand Theft Auto IV. Dialogue spoken in Serbian is written in bold.
Script
Niko: Florian, open the door. Don't be a fag.
Bernie: Speak English. And I told you, it's Bernie.
Niko: Then Bernie, open the door. What's going on?
Bernie: Come in, come in. The haters are trying to kill me... I can't stand it. I won't stand it... it's not fair. I'm just being me!
Niko: Bernie! What are you talking about?
Bernie: I came to this country to be myself... to get away from small minded, angry macho pricks...
Niko: Oh, like me?
Bernie: Yes! Well, no. Well you know what I mean. It was hardly the most progressive place. How does my hair look?
Niko: Fine.
Bernie: I put a rinse in. Tawdry Night.
Niko: Nice.
Bernie: Bryce found some gray hairs. If he leaves me, I'll kill myself.
Niko: Forget about your hair, Florian.
Bernie: Bernie!
Niko : I mean Bernie. What's the problem?
Bernie: Someone is threatening to kill me. Every time I go out jogging, and doing aerobics or playing ultimate disc, some guy comes up and threatens me. He's loco!
Niko: Why is he threatening you?
Bernie: Because... I think just because I'm fabulous.
Niko: What?
Bernie: I keep thinking I'm being followed, and I don't know why. I'm a prisoner in my own home.
Niko: Okay, Bernie, let's go out and have a look.
Bernie: Ooo! I am so glad you've come back into my life.
Niko: That's cool. But listen... you and I don't know each other.
Bernie: How can you say that? I thought you were different!
Niko: Because we want this guy to attack you. Come on.
Bernie: Oh!
Dialogue
Bernie: The haters are in Middle Park, hon. Niko, you're still in great shape. You work out?
Niko: Not really. I keep active, you know.
Bernie: Is there a name for that fitness plan? I'd take a class if I could be guaranteed buns like yours.
Niko: It's called getting chased by the cops and being errand boy for the mob.
Bernie: Ahhh.
(Niko takes Bernie to Middle Park)
Bernie: Let's get our heart rates up, Niko. Remember to hang back, I need to charm him out.
(The two begin jogging)
Bernie: Watch my rear.
Bernie: Follow my buns, sweetie.
Bernie: Chase my tail, babe.
(Bernie continues to jog and the homophobe emerges from behind a wall)
Homophobe: I'm about done with you, homo.
(The homophobe hits Bernie with a baseball bat)
Bernie: Ahhhhh! Ahh! Urgh.
Niko: Why don't you pick on someone who'll fight back?
Homophobe: What's your problem? Fag lover.
Niko: Whatever you say, buddy. Unfortunately, for hitting my friend, I'm going to kick the shit out of you.
(Niko begins to chase the homophobe around Middle Park)
Homophobe: Leave me alone.
Homophobe: Get a pedicure of something.
Homophobe: Stay away from me.
Homophobe: Fuck you, fag lover.
Homophobe: Help me, shit.
(Niko makes his way back to Bernie)
Bernie: Get ready Niko. You and I are about to get real close.
(Bernie gets on the bike with Niko and they chase the homophobe)
Bernie: Catch him Niko. This man has haunted my dreams for weeks.
Niko: I'll do my best.
Bernie: They don't call it beauty sleep for nothing. I'll tell you, I don't look fabulous when I'm waking up with cold sweats at all hours of the night. No siree, you think I look like this when I get up in the morning?
Niko: I don't know.
Bernie: It takes hours of plucking and buffing before I can ever bear to look at myself. Sometimes I think it's a godsend that Bryce has to go back to his wife for the night instead of sleeping with me.
Niko: Let's just get this guy.
Bernie: Okay... okay. Get him
(If the homophobe starts to get away)
Bernie: He's losing you Niko.
Bernie: You're letting him get away.
Homophobe: I can't get beaten up by boyfriends.
Homophobe: Both of you?
Homophobe: Go hold hands or something, leave me alone.
Homophobe: I only wanted to mess with one of you!
Homophobe: Fuck off, the two of you.
Bernie: Sorry, love. You were born in the wrong century.
Bernie: Pick on someone else, bully.
Bernie: I don't take it lying down, hater.
Bernie: Nobody messes with Bernie's serenity.
(Niko deals with the homophobe)
Bernie: I'm not dressed with jail! We need to get out of here.