Mohammed/Script

Driving

The following is a list of dialogue spoken by Mohammad to Niko.

When the player first meets him

• Okay, Roman tell me I have to pick you up because you his cousin or something.
• I'm not getting paid to lug your ugly ass around and I'm not happy about it, okay, my friend? Get in!

When the player first meets him after Roman bought a new cab depot

• Roman is doing well, you see this new car, my friend?
• He doing good but he still get me to pick up his piss face cousin for free. Aren't I lucky boy?

When he picks up the player

• Get in quickly, you head dick.
• Hey craphead, get in the car, my friend.
• Hello you free riding dog lover, get in.
• Alright Mr. "I'm Roman's cousin so I'm too good to pay for a car". Get in.
• Get in my friend. You want me to suck your balls for free because you are Roman's cousin, too?
• Bring your ugly free riding face into my car very fast, my friend.
• Hey angry man. You better be going somewhere close, I need to pick up some real fares so I can make real money.
• Oh hello, you really like taking advantage of Roman's employees, don't you? Dog lover!
• I see you have taken a time out from romancing every animal in the zoo to abuse the generosity of your cousin. Great!
• Another free ride for the ugliest bastard in Liberty City. Perfect.

When the player chooses a destination

• Alright, let's go.
• Come on.
• We better get this over with.
• Sure... fine.
• Crap.
• Piss balls.
• I thought you would say you want go to a brothel full of men.
• I was thinking you would say sick bondage club.
• Just my luck.
• I'm going to hate this drive.
• This is a waste of my life.

When the player arrives at the destination

• Now get out of here and don't trouble me again!
• This is the point where normal customers pay. Go away, head dick.
• I hope you enjoyed your free ride, I certainly did not enjoy the driving of you.
• Not only do you not pay for the ride but you make the car smell of pig shit.
• I must get one of those tree-shaped air fresheners if I am going to be ferrying around dirt bags like you.
• I am really hoping that Roman realises you are a free loading shit hole so I don't have to drive you again.
• Good riddance, dog lover.
• Enjoy your shitty free loading life.
• I hope you enjoy the trouble you are going to be getting into here.
• Please, have as much fun in this place as I had driving you here.

Conversations

The following is a list of conversations between Mohammad and Niko. The conversations are spoken only once during gameplay.

First conversation

Niko: So, you... you been working for Roman long?

Mohammad: Ever since I got to this city, my friend. Roman's been screwing me ever since I got here - yes.

Niko: Hey man, don't talk shit about Roman. If he don't pay fairly, go work for someone else.

Mohammad: Yeah, whatever. I don't do this crap for the money anyway. I'm just here for the pussy, man.

Niko: Yeah? Girls dig this car, do they? Useful to know.

Mohammad: Is not the car, my friend. It's the player driving this shit. I pick a girl up from the airport, I going to be hitting that shit up in her hotel room soon as we get there. For real, man. I had my hands on more tourists than airport security. If a woman turns up at Francis International, then this guy is going to know about her concealed weaponry. You get me?

Niko: Sure. You bang tourists. I get the point.

Mohammad: My friend, I got so much pussy around this town, I'm surprised there's any left for the rest of you chumps.

Niko: Me too.

Second conversation

Niko: You're a charming guy, you know that?

Mohammad: Screw you, shit face. You remind me of my wife, man. Take advantage of my generosity and insult me at the same time.

Niko: You got a wife? How about all that women you pick up in the car?

Mohammad: My friend, you are a bitch. I thought you were ever since I first see your ugly-ass face. What it matter that I got a wife? If you'd been married for three years you'd realise getting pussy is a very different thing.

Niko: Don't you love her?

Mohammad: Course I love her, my friend. She cooks for me and does my laundry. I love that woman, yeah, but I love pussy too. There ain't no tying this warrior down. I'm an animal. I need that pussy.