Chinese Takeout/Script

The following is a script of the mission Chinese Takeout in The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Script

Dessie: Hey, man.

Luis: Hey, bro. Tony in?

Dessie: Yeah.

(Luis walks into Tony's office where he is talking on the phone)

Tony: Mori, Mori - shit, no no, Mori. Mori no - I-I got the money, seriously. That's not the issue. No, I just want to make you happy. Is there anything else my team can do for you? We do events, parties... No, no, anything you like, just give it a think... alright bye-bye.

(Tony hangs up the phone)

Tony: What a dick.

Luis: So, what's up, T?

Tony: I don't want to think about what's up. Come on. There's something I gotta take care of. Alright, think. Think. Ah, got it.

(Tony and Luis stumble into Yusuf Amir as they leave)

Yusuf: Hey, Mr. Tony! You remember me?

Tony: Of course. Of course. My business partner, Mr. Lopez.

Yusuf: Yusuf Amir. What is up, homie?

Luis: Not much.

Yusuf: Hey, you guys want to join us maybe for uh, a bit of this or a bit of that?

Tony: Ah, we'd love to, but we've got to go deal with some business.

Yusuf: Okay good. Good seeing you. Take care, huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and if you ever want to talk about franchising this place just give me a call.

Tony: We will. We absolutely will.

Yusuf: Aiight! Let's go, I'm in the mood baby!

Dialogue (Practice Swing not completed)

Tony: We got to go to Dragon Heart Plaza.

or:

Tony: Head down to Dragon Heart in Chinatown.

(The two get in Tony's car)

Tony: Take this gun, Luis. Just in case.

Luis: Juts in case? Yo, this is some sci-fi shit.

Tony: I know a guy who gave me a deal. What can I say, it helps to be prepared.

Luis: Tony, man, we're going to Chinatown? Really?

Tony: What? We got business.

Luis: Tony! You know what you're like on the MSG. Those fuckin' headaches! You won't lave the house. All for a fucking egg roll? Ay Dios mio.

Tony: Aww, I'm glad you care.

Luis: It ain't that I care, it's that I can't take the moaning.

Tony: Well we're not heading out for dim sum. Rocco's asked us to talk to someone.

Luis: The rent-a-guido pretending to be a gangster? Now I wish we were getting takeout.

Tony: Hey, we're in debt to the kid and his uncle and he's got the ear of one of the most powerful families in the city. We got to at least pretend to play ball.

Dialogue (Practice Swing completed)

Luis: What we doing in Chinatown?

Tony: Take a guess - another job for that Rocco.

Luis: Oh yeah? That moron pal of yours. After what happened at the driving ranger? We still owe that pimply fuck?

Tony: I've done a lot of dumb things in my life, Luis, but none of them were dumber than borrowing from those pricks.

Luis: Really, Tone, because you done some real dumb things. I mean, you're still going out with Evan.

Tony: This is serious! The fucking mafia! They're gonna ride us into the ground. Even in we did have the money to pay them back they wouldn't take it. They're gonna ride us into the ground.

Luis: But you don't have the money, do you, Tone?

Tony: Didn't I tell you? Shit, London ain't happening. And I wouldn't travel to that side of the pond any time soon. If you were thinking about it.

Luis: Fuck, bro. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, again.

(Luis and Tony arrive at Dragon Heart Plaza)

Billy: In that case, I guess my brother is in good hands. You take care of that prick.

Triad: It seems the definition of family loyalty differs in your country.

Billy: The marketplace has a value for everything, and I guess that a disloyal Jew bastard ain't worth shit to me. Brother or no brother. Such are the heady joys of consumer capitalism.

Triad: A system that's flaws are becoming increasingly evident.

Billy: Ha! That's right, I forgot. You little yellow people are commies too, huh? Both sides of the fence? You know, I grew up watching your kind getting killed on the TV - hell of a show.

Triad: I'm sure, but perhaps the show wasn't as much fun as the reality of their war.

Billy: Hmm. Perhaps not. Now, I bid you farewell, sir. And don't do all that smack at once. On second thought... Y'know, go ahead. Do.

(Tony and Luis walk past Billy)

Billy: Boo!

Luis: Watch it, you greaseball fuck.

Triad: I apologize for our associate's uncouth manner. I can only say that our partnership with him is one of necessity, not volition. Please, you must be the famous Tony Prince.

Tony: Ah. Notorious, maybe. This is Luis Lopez, my business partner.

Triad: Mr. Pelosi has led me to expect much from this meeting.

Tony: Yeah, about that. Rocco has a tendency to promise more than he can deliver. He must have been weaned too early.

Luis: Yeah, or not weaned at all.

Triad: As you can see we are already behind schedule on this project. We need you to... How do I put this... to 'clear thing' with the Planning Department and to east some licensing troubles.

Luis: Hey, look. We're not lawyers. Okay? We run nightclubs. Pretty badly, too. We got enough trouble keeping the licenses on our own clubs. Okay? We don't do licenses.

Triad: Before I was being polite, Mr. Lopez, but I do not have to be. Mr. Pelosi made it clear that you are not in a position to chose who you help and who you do not.

Luis: Yeah, well, that kid's got a big mouth, okay? And he ain't in no position to be writing checks for us. Okay? We are not going to be able to help you. Period. Let's go, Tone.

Tony: Sorry to waste your time, Mr...

Triad: You are not going anywhere until we have an arrangement.

Luis: No, I'm afraid we are. There is no arrangement. You got a problem? Take it up with your boy Rocco.

(The Triad aims a pistol at Luis)

Triad: You are not negotiating column inches and bar tabs, you insolent fuck! We are serious people.

Luis: Really?

Triad: Yeah. Really.

(Luis kicks the pistol out of the Triad's hand and knocks him unconscious)

Tony: What is wrong with you? I was supposed to be the irrational idiot with anger issues?

Luis: I've got anger issues? Okay. The guy threatens to shoot me because I can't arrange a liquor license for him. Please give me a break, T.

Tony: Oh God. Oh shit, they're coming for us.

(Luis prepares to fight the Triads)

Tony: They're coming now! Why couldn't we play along?

(When Luis clears an area)

Luis: We cool, Tone.

Luis: All clear, bro.

Luis: Come up here, bro.

Luis: Tony, man, move up.

Luis: Stick by me, bro.

Luis: Tone, move up to me.

Luis: We clear here, Tone.

(After Luis clears an area)

Tony: Head down these stairs, Lou. I need to rest a moment.

Tony: Please can you check down there, Lou? Thank you, partner.

Tony: Move up, Lou. I can't stand this.

Tony: Can you take a look at the floor below, Lou? I'm having a fit here.

Tony: They'll get me if I go down there, Luis. Please.

Tony: Can you see what's going on up there? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Tony: Luis. Will you do me the honors? Fuck.

Tony: Check up ahead, Luis. For me. Please.

Tony: Oh shit, what's happening in front? I can't bear it.

Tony: I'm not going down there, Luis. Can you check it out?

Tony: Ummm. What's up ahead? I can't look.

Tony: Get in there, Luis. Please.

Luis: I'll give you the all clear.

Luis: I'll check it out.

Luis: Whatever you say, man.

Luis: Okay, man. Only 'cause I respect you.

(If Luis doesn't move)

Tony: Don't fucking stand there! Shit!

Tony: What are you waiting for? We're gonna die.

Tony: They're gonna kill us, Luis. Get in there.

Tony: This is why I pay you to be my bodyguard!

(As Luis fights the Triads)

Luis: Your beef ain't with us, man.

Luis: Hey, we don't wanna fight you.

Luis: That dago ass-fucker.

Luis: I knew Rocco was a piece of shit.

Luis: I'm gonna kill Rocco when we get out of here.

Luis: Yo. Calm the fuck down.

Luis: Fuckin' Chinatown.

Luis: Chill out, you angry motherfuckers.

Tony: Urghhhh.

Tony: Perfect. Just perfect.

Tony: Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Tony: Fucking psychopaths.

Tony: Not fucking fun.

Tony: Find a happy place. Find a happy place.

Tony: What have I done to deserve this?

Tony: Oh shit.

Tony: Help.

(A Triad rolls a grenade towards Luis)

Luis: Grenade! Watch out!

(The grenade explodes)

Luis: Oh shit!

Luis: What did we get into?

Tony: Does it matter? Just get us out of it.

(Luis makes it to the floor with the office)

Tony: You motherfucking cock sucking sons-a-bitches.

Luis: Give it to 'em, man. Maybe your words is gonna scare 'em off.

(Luis and Tony make it to the ground floor)

Tony: If I don't make it, the clubs are yours, Luis.

Luis: That mean the debt's mine, too? You can keep it.

(Tony exits the building)

Tony: Ahhh. Ohhhh. Please. Shit.

or:

Tony: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Tony: Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

(Tony gets in the car)

Tony: I'm a wreck. Drive us to the apartment, will you?

or:

Tony: Can you drive me to the apartment? I need to lie down.

Tony: I never thought we'd get out of that place.

or:

Tony: I can't believe we made it out of there.

That was worse than spin class. My fucking heart.

Luis: Hey, you need to look after yourself.

Tony: I'm soaked through. I must have lost three pounds in sweat.

Luis: Yeah, don't go looking for a bright side. Rocco's big mouth nearly got us killed. Fuck! When I get a hold of him.

Tony: You won't do anything, Lou. You'll play it nice. We can use this if we're smart.

Luis: We were dumb enough to walk into the death trap for the kid. I doubt we're gonna pull brains out of our asses now.

Tony: Leave it to me. You just concentrate on looking pretty.

Luis: Yeah, absolutely, T. You've done such a great job so far.

(Luis takes Tony to his apartment)

Luis: You gonna call Rocco then? Rip him a new one?

Tony: I got a feeling we ain't the only ones who'll be ripping him, Lou. God, I need my pills.

Luis: Don't take that shit, I. I'm serious.

Alternate dialogue

Tony: I got this gun for you, Luis. It helps to be prepared.

Luis: Yo, we prepared for the apocalypse with this shit, Tony. This is hardcore.

Tony: Yeah, well, I know a guy.

Luis: Hey I don't get it, T. The clubs are making money, but we always in the shit.

Tony: You think it's easy keeping you in the manner to which you've been accustomed?

Luis: Me? You're the one keeping the male beauty queen. If there's something that might kickstart the economy, it's that guy's spending habits.

Tony: The cocaine economy, maybe. But I don't think those guys are having problems to begin with.

Luis: Whatever, bro. Just tell me where the money from the clubs goes every week.

Tony: It goes on our debts. We're paying bank. We're paying that midget, Mori. Don't ask me how much the Ancelottis are taking. The staff are lucky they get a pay check!

Luis: I'm supposed to know this shit, man. I'm your business partner.

Tony: Shoot me if I like seeing you walk around with a smile on your face. I wish I could be blissfully ignorant.

Luis: Oh yeah? Blissfully walking around like a douche.

Failing the mission

Tony's car destroyed

Tony: Luis, shit, that was my fucking car!

Luis: Tone, come on, we been through enough together to not let a stupid car get us down.

Tony: When did you become the kind of big shot who could throw away cars like dirty underwear? Jesus, Lou. No wonder our business ventures are going so fucking well.