...Blog This!/Script

Pre mission phone call

Luis: T, bro, what's happening?

Tony: I've organized that face-to-face with our good friend the Celebinator.

Luis: Oh shit. We gonna show him a good time?

Tony: Yeah. I thought we could persuade him that we're not such bad guys after all. He's meeting us at the Heliport on the West River - we're taking him out on a tour of the city.

Luis: I wouldn't miss this. See you there, T.

Script

(Luis arrives at the heliport)

Tony: Get in, Lou. Don't worry, I didn't forget about the vertigo, I got you a chute.

Luis: Okay, man. Whatever you say.

(Luis enters the helicopter)

Tony: I thought we'd start over the Statue of Happiness. Take us up.

Tony: Luis, meet our new friend, the Celebinator.

Celebinator: Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Luis: Yo. Do you got, like , a real name? Or do I got to call you the whatsit?

Celebinator: This is a guise I wear in public. I'd prefer it if you'd call me the Celebinator.

Luis: Okay.

Celebinator: It's a lovely helicopter you've got here, Tony.

Tony: I'd love to say this was mine, but I'm just borrowing it off a rich friend of mine, Mr. Yusuf Amir. He let us use it because it's such a special occasion.

Celebinator: This is a very grown up gesture of yours. I thought it'd be just tit for tat from here on in.

Luis: What you mean "tit for tat"? You just started insulting us on your website. We ain't done shit to you.

Celebinator: I'm not naive, Luis. The Derriere launch? Maisonette's fifth birthday? You left me off the list, it was a deliberate snub.

Luis: What are you talking about? We'd never even met you.

Celebinator: I was on the scene, Luis. Fuck it. I am the scene. Me! Moi! Leaving me off them lists, it was a declaration of war. So I fucking brought it.

Luis: You one deluded motherfucker, man. Having a website doesn't make you the scene.

Tony: Not now, Lou. We're trying to charm him.

Celebinator: So, it's time you asked what it's going to take to get me off your backs.

Tony: Excellent. Blackmail is a language I know only too well.

Celebinator: Your problem's that you think you're operating in a vacuum. The blogs are just as important a part of the ecosphere as the clubs. I write a blueprint that you should follow. The Celebinator creates taste.

Tony: Does he now? I'd never thought of it that way.

Celebinator: The stars, the designers, the club owners I make your jobs easier by telling you what to do.

Tony: It's a thankless task.

(Luis flies above Happiness Island)

Tony: Show our friend the sights, L. I'll take the controls.

Celebinator: You really don't have to show me anything. I've blogged every inch of this town.

Luis: You know what, I don't think you ever seen Liberty City like this.

Celebinator: What's he doing, Tony. Help.

Celebinator: This is a fucking scandal.

Celebinator: Shit. Fuckin' please.

Tony: Ask him what's gonna be in tomorrow's update?

(Luis begins to intimidate the Celebinator)

Luis: Who the big bad blogger now, huh?

Luis: You pig-ugly motherfucker.

Luis: Come back here.

Luis: Your blogs don't mean shit.

Luis: How you liking your tour, bitch?

Luis: Where's that influence now, bro?

Luis: I think you slipping.

Luis: You ain't so tough without your keyboard, are you?

Luis: You think we'd kiss your ass? You really are crazy.

Luis: I'm sorry. Did I just hurt you?

Luis: Bye, bye, birdie.

(Luis throws the Celebinator out of the helicopter)

Tony: Go get him, Lou.