Ricky Gervais: Difference between revisions

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 '''Ricky Gervais''' (born July 25, 1961) is an English comedian, actor, and film maker. He appears as himself in [[Grand Theft Auto IV]] on both the [[Weazel]] television network and live at the [[Split Sides]] Comedy Club in [[Star Junction]], [[Algonquin]]. There is also a radio interview which can be heard within the game's radio.
-==Ricky Gervais' first Proformance==
+==Stand-ups==
+===Obesity===
-"Obisity Comedy":
+'''Announcer''': And now, Mr. Ricky Gervais!
-Announcer Over Megaphone: And now, Mr Ricky Gervais!
+''Ricky walks onstage waving at the appluading audiance'': Whoah. Thank you. Hi, wow thank you very much. What a lovely welcome.
-''Ricky walks onstage waving at the appluading audiance'': Whoah. Thank you. Hi,wow thank you very much. What a lovely welcome.
+'''Ricky Gervais''': As you know I do a lot of charity work, but in all honesty,
+I think that some causes are more worthy than others.
-Ricky Gervais: As you know I do a lot of Charity work.
+Obviously cancer is a very worthy cause, AIDS is a very worthy cause,
+but I got asked to do a benefit gig recently for sufferers of obesity.
-But in all honesty, I think that some causes are more worthy the others.
+What? Sufferers of obesity.
+I said "You mean fat people?",
-Obviously cancer is a very worthy cause, AIDS is a very worthy cause,
-but i got asked to do a benefit gig recently for sufferers of obesity.
-What? Sufferers of obisity.
-I said 'You mean fat people?".
 ''Minor laughter from audiance''
-she went, "No because obes...", Well, she actually went,
+she went, "No because obes...". Well, she actually went,
+"No because obe...", she was eating.
-'No because obe...", she was eating.
 ''Laughter''
-So she went, "Obesity is a Disease".
+So she went, "Obesity is a disease".
+I went, "No it's not, is it?
-I want, "No its not, is it?"
 ''laughter''
-"No it's not, you just like eating, don't you?
+No it's not, you just like eating, don't you?"
 ''more laughter''
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 ''Laughter''
-I went, "whats the disease?"
+I went "What's the disease?".
+She went "Everything tastes good".
-She went, ''Everything tastes good..."
 ''Laughter''
 Everything?
+"Not salads".
-"Not salads",
+That's not a disease, leprosy is a disease.
+Can you imagine Jesus in the Temple,
-Thats not a disease, leprosy is a diseasy.
+people coming up to him in bandages, going "Jesus my flesh is falling off"?
+And he goes "I cant stop now - there's a fat woman over there on her third pie".
-Can you imagine Jesus in the Temple,
-people coming up to him in bandages, going "Jesus my flesh is falling off".
-And he goes "I can't stop now ... theres a fat lady over there on her third pie.
 ''laughter''
 ''Ricky Sighs''
-I saw a documentry about a woman who was three hundred and fifty pounds,
+Saw a documentary about a woman who was three hundred and fifty pounds,
+cause she ate ten pie and chips a day.
-cause she ate ten pie and chips a day.
 That'll do it.
 ''Laughter''
 Ten pie and chips a day, ten separate meals, ten separate trips to the chip shop.
 In a cab, didn't even walk that. Wasted calories.
 ''laughter''
 So in this documentary they wired her jaw together, to try and stop her eating.
 So she liquidized ten pie and chips a day.
 ''loud laughter''
-Pie smoothies. Now shes not even chewing.
+Pie smoothies. Now she's not even chewing,
+that used up ten calories.
-that used up ten calories.
+So, er, they took her to hospital...
+to give her that operation where they staple your stomach together.
-So, er, they took her to hospital...
+And she was sitting there in hospital, looking all depressed,
+well you can't eat for an hour before an operation can ya?
-to give her that operation where they staple your stomach together.
-And she was sitting there in hospital, looking all depressed,
-well you can't eat an hour before an operation can ya?
 ''laughter''
-And she went, ''sad voice'': "It's, it's a dangerous operation, but it's the only option left".
+And she went, "It's, it's a dangerous operation, but it's the only option left".
 ''Ricky puts his hand up, points to himself, then puts his hand down''
-One, Jogging? Oh you don't even walk. Um..
+One, jogging? Oh you don't even walk. Um...
 ''Laughter''
 Salads? You don't like salads, ok.
+Nine pie and chips a day? It's a start, isn't it?
-Nine pie and chips a day? It's a start, isin't it?
 ''Loud laughter''
 They make excuses, don't they, fat people? They say things like...
 "It's glandular". It's not glandular, it's greed.
 ''laughter''
-"It's big bones". Yeah big bones coverd in meat and gravy.
+"It's big bones". Yeah, big bones covered in meat and gravy.
 ''laughter''
 Unbelievable, always complain.
 "Oh... aeroplane seats...
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 ''laughter''
-there not big enough for someone like me"
+They're not big enough for someone like me."
+No they're not, because if they were, we'd get twelve fucking people on the plane.
-No they're not, because if they were , we'd get twelve f**king people on the plane!
 ''Loud Laughter''
-"Its not fair." It is fair, you ate too much!
+"It's not fair." It is fair, you ate too much.
+And if we're talking about fairness, and aeroplanes,
-And if we're talking abouth fairness, and aeroplanes,
+why is it that I get the same luggage allowance
+as a guy who's four hundred pounds?
-why is it that i get the same luggage allowance
+We're both allowed thirty-two kilograms on the plane.
+I wanna go "No, he used up his thirty-two kilograms on his tits!".
-as a guy who's four hundred pounds?
-We're both allowed thirty-two kilograms on the plane.
-I wanna go 'No, he used up his thirty-two kilograms on hit tits!",
 ''Applause, laughter and clapping''
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 ''Ricky starts to walk off stage''
-Thanks very much, goodnight... Enjoy your meals.
+Thanks very much, goodnight. Enjoy your meals.
 ''He points to a guy in the crowd''
 Not you, you've had enough.
 ==External links==