Bull in a China Shop/Script
Mel: Ah, fuck you! You're a bunch of pussies and fags.
Mel: I'm going back to the meetings.
Mel: I'm going to be somebody!
Mickey: Yeah, yeah. See you later, Mel.
Mel: You always were an asshole, Mickey...
Mickey: Hey! What where you're going.
(Mel stumbles into Niko and Niko pushes him down)
Mickey: I tried to tell ya.
Mel: Fuck you...
Niko: Excuse me.
(Niko walks to Vlad who is with Ivan)
Vlad: So, Ivan - I see you later, okay? Yokel, fatty Roman's cousin... what's your name again?
Niko: Big mouth prick.
Vlad: Very catchy, sit down. Cousin... Niko... that's it, Niko... not big mouth prick. You funny guy.
Niko: I try.
Vlad: Yes... and this once, I let you take the shit out of me.
Niko: Take the shit?
Vlad: Yes, mickey about.
Niko: I don't understand.
Vlad: People who fuck with me get fucked with!
Niko: Okay, fine. Calm down.
Vlad: Whatever, some old man not paid me in months, and I'm not kind of person who is treated this way. Old bastard owns a china shop on Camden Avenue in Dukes. Here you go... Don't hurt him. Just teach him a lesson.
Niko: I don't need a bat to teach a lesson.
(Niko goes to the store)
Niko: Hey, let me in. You owe Vlad protection money, old man.
Shop owner: Big Vlad and his protection money. I so scared. What I need protection from?
Niko: You think this door is going to save your shop? There's shit I can break out here.
Shop owner: Vlad should pay me to tell punks like you to go away. He get no money.
(Niko smashes the window)
Shop owner: Stop it, shit brain. I pay up now, I pay up.
Shop owner: Shit. Here. I thought Vlad and I had understanding?
Niko: Only thing I understood was you owed him money.
Shop owner: Here's your money. I hope you and Vlad choke on it.
Niko: Sure, whatever.
(Niko smashes the window before talking to the shop owner):
Shop owner: What fuck you doing? You pay for that, crazy man.
Niko: You should have paid Vlad his protection money.
Shop owner: Point proven. I get it.
(Niko takes the money back to Vlad)
Vlad: Hey yokel, you manage to do the job? Get Vlad his money
Niko: He paid up. I had to smash the shop up pretty good, but he paid.
Vlad: Don't worry our little peasant head about it. Stupid jerk made a mistake of telling me how much he gets that shit for back east. He's the biggest crook in the neighborhood. Lucky I don't tell his customers what they're paying for.
Niko: That it? Can I go now?
Vlad: Sure, get out of my face.
Post mission text message
Yokel, come see me for more work. - Vlad
Post mission phone call
Roman: Niko, how you doing? This is so much fun.
Niko: You know Roman, I haven't been having that much fun since I got here. Has been a lot like hard work.
Roman: Well, you should hang out with your cousin more often.
Niko: Maybe that is the problem.
Roman: Ha ha. I'm sitting here with Brucie. Well, we're sitting here and calling the cops and watching them show up and look around. The fucking stupid bastards.
Niko: You shouldn't cry wolf, Roman. Who knows when you will really need help.
Roman: Fuck, I think they see us. Have to go, Niko.
Failing the mission
Shop owner is killed
Niko: Vlad, I scared the old man too much. He's dead.
Vlad: Stupid peasant, think about it. Dead men can't pay me money. Now you cousin's going to have to owe me for this as well.
(Dialogue which isn't heard in-game)
Shopkeeper: Big man with the big bat. I so impressed.
Niko: But you know that there is nothing stopping me from coming back here and smashing it in your face.
Vlad: Come to the bar.
Niko: For the record, I don't take orders from Vlad. I'm just doing a favor for my cousin.
Niko: From people like me.
Niko: Hello, you got some nice stuff in here.
Shopkeeper: Hey, don't hurt me. Vlad say you too stupid to understand his orders.
Niko: I can smell you too.
Niko: I did what you said, I got your money.
Shopkeeper: I don't give no shit about you Russians.
Niko: I gave him the vodka.
Niko: I hope you don't mind.
Shopkeeper: I paid you all the money I had. There's no more.
Shopkeeper: I thought you were protecting me now?
Niko: I will give you a bottle of vodka now to apologize for what I did.
Vlad: If you give a shit about your fatty cousin's debt then I've got some more work for you.
Shopkeeper: Ok, this not so funny no more.
Niko: Seems careless to not be paying Vlad his protection money?
Shopkeeper: Smash, smash, smash. You boring me.
Shopkeeper: Stupid man, you wasting your time.
Vlad: Take this bottle of Cherenkov. Say you're sorry and you won't do it again.
Vlad: That means don't fucking hurt him, alright. Hear me now?
Vlad: What are you doing hurting my friends, yokel? You trying to make me mad?
Shopkeeper: What are you doing? I pay you already.
Vlad: You kissed and made up, that's sweet.
Niko: You know what, Vlad. I wanted that vodka all to myself, so I got rid of the shop owner.
Vlad: You pathetic halfwit, what if I decide to get rid of your cousin when I next pay him a visit. Shit.
Shopkeeper: Your arm starting to hurt already? I get tired just watching you.
Vlad: You're deaf as well as stupid. That's good to know, yokel. I said scare him, don't hurt him.