Los Santos Shepherd
The Los Santos Shepherd is a newspaper based in Los Santos, The newspaper has been printing since at least 1973 when they reviewed the film Rum Runner. News articles detailing the players actions and other events can be found on the main Eyefind website when accessing the internet. Donna DeSimons and Makayla Taylor work as reporters for the newspapers.
Joyrider smashes into cars dealership in Pillbox Hill
Traffic accidents are common enough in Los Santos. Traffic accidents involving parked cars are not uncommon. Traffic accidents involving cars parked inside a dealership are still unusual, however, but that is just what happened yesterday in Pillbox Hill. A deranged or possibly drunk joyrider drove his car straight into the showroom of Premium Deluxe Motorsport. The owner, Mr Simeon Yetarian, was injured in the accident, but the driver fled the scene before cops could get there. Mr Yetarian told our reporter "I am a well known philanthropist and charity worker as well as an excellent car dealer. Therefore I can only say it is greatly unfortunate that a chubby alcoholic would consider my showroom an acceptable place to crash his car. I am hoping given all the work I do in the community and especially for race relations that the city will help me pay for the damage," A spokesman for the city commented "we have no comment at this time."
Suspected drug deal turns into bloodshed
Something went very wrong as a drug deal at a recycling plant in La Puerta descended into a violent shootout, leaving several gang members dead and police confused as to what has cause these recent upsurge in extreme gang crime. The dead mostly seemed to be affiliated with the notorious Ballas gang. If this was an internecine struggle between different 'sets' within the gang, or parts of the Ballas eternal struggle with The Families, or a falling out with another of the city's many street gangs, is at this point unclear. The LSPD called for additional funding to look into the program and potentially restart some of their long since discredited anti-gang programs. Vinewood has applied for the movie rights to yesterday's events.
Wealthy citizens are promising to stop Metro extension.
Delissa Wilkins doesn't have a car. She takes the bus and Metro an hour and a half each way to work. And people like her are the problem according to City Council member Heather Polinsky. "We can't just keep dumping billions of dollars into trains and buses nobody wants to be seen on. I mean, aren't these people embarrassed? You might as well stand on top of the roof and yell, ‘Hey everyone, look at me! I'm poor!" Polinsky said in a recently hearing. Community leaders say expanding mass transit will help residents who may not have the funds to buy a car and are productive members of society. Council members laughed at that idea and moved on to the next order of business.
Azerbaijani Philanthropist Murdered at party in Chumash
A beach front house party turned into tragedy yesterday when an Azerbaijani-American was killed, in what appeared to be a professional job by a long range sniper. Police are baffled by the case not merely because they are baffled by most things, but also because no motive is apparent. The man Tahir Javan an Azerbaijani-American in his late 40s moved to this country when he was 13 and grew rich in the green energy sector and has subsequently donated large sums to education initiatives here and in his former country. Who would offer a professional hit on him and why, or whether this was a professional hit or a psychotic prank gone dangerously wrong is still unclear. Tahir was a smoker, a bon vivant and a lover of life and all that was precious. "Why would anyone want to kill him? He didn't have any enemies, just friends and friends he hadn't made yet. We all loved him," Said partygoer Rachel Withers who described herself as something big in greeting cards.
MC Clip Clipped
MC Clip was killed yesterday after gangsters feeling a shootout in Davis overran a photoshoot and shot Clip dead before escaping on some Speedophiles. MC Clip, real name Curtis Cray turned his back to gangster life 3 years ago to embrace narcissistic consumption, and was about to release a new album when he was gunned down. Experts believe this will be a great career move, especially for a rapper with messianic delusions. Police are searching for 3 gang bangers on Speedophiles.