The Cousins Bellic/Script
Dave Bosoy: Daddy's back, you bitches... Daddy's back, you bitches!
Niko Bellic: Dave, come on. [knocking on door] Come on Dave.
Hossan Ramzy: Niko? What are you doing?
Niko Bellic: Dave is not coming.
Hossan Ramzy: Ah, ignore him. Come on we got to get this thing ready before we dock.
(Niko Bellic and Hossan Ramzy climb a ladder to a higher deck)
Hossan Ramzy: Let's go. Here, pass me that. There. Whooh yeah! There she is... Liberty City.
Niko Bellic: Yeah.
Hossan Ramzy: You ever been?
Niko Bellic: No.
Hossan Ramzy: Crazy place, Niko.
Niko Bellic: What you going to do?
Hossan Ramzy: I might come back on board... or I might try to make a go of it. Like they say, it is the land of opportunity. I always wanted to make it big... own a nice place, get a dog, a house... live the dream!
Niko Bellic: Like my cousin.
Hossan Ramzy: Oh yeah?
Niko Bellic: Yes - he's got the lot - house, women, cars, parties... he writes me in these wild emails, and after I got into trouble, I thought maybe uh... and then I got this gig, and I spend the next seven months with you fine people and I forget... After the war finished, I couldn't get a job, nobody could... so I, uh, did some dumb things and got involved with some idiots...
Hossan Ramzy: Ahh, we all do dumb things... that's what makes us human.
Niko Bellic: Could be.
(Niko Bellic and Hossan Ramzy disembark and Niko waits for his cousin)
Roman Bellic: Niko! My cousin! I can't believe it! You're here!
Niko Bellic: Hey!
Roman Bellic: Welcome to America!
Niko Bellic: Good to see you, cousin.
Roman Bellic: What?
Niko Bellic: Good to see you, man - what, you forget our language?
Roman Bellic: Uhhh... cabbages? Maybe a little. I've been here 10 years! You can speak English. Remember, we learned off the English girls with the big...
Niko Bellic: Hey, a little... not so good.
Roman Bellic: Ahh, you'll be fine. Better than my Serbian. So good to see you cousin. I can't believe you made it! Ha! Shit... I have to tell you I had quite a night last night. Two women! The land of opportunity. I've made it!
(Roman Bellic stumbles around)
Roman Bellic: Shit, man, I'm still a touch drunk.
Niko Bellic: A touch?
Roman Bellic: My cousin is here!
Niko Bellic: Woah! Roman, Roman, come on, come on, relax.
Roman Bellic: We're going to rule the world!
Dock worker #1: Yeah, yeah, whatever, buddy. Just take over the world someplace else, alright?
Dock worker #2: Yeah, buddy! Take off!
Dock worker #1: You're in the Goddamn way.
Roman Bellic: Screw you... screw you all!
Dock worker #2: Hey, come on, man!
Roman Bellic: My cousin is here! Niko Bellic! He's the fucking man, bitches!
Niko Bellic: Roman, come on, let's go... to the mansion, eh?
Roman Bellic: Yes, the mansion! Whoa.
(Roman Bellic stumbles)
Roman Bellic: Maybe you should drive...
Niko Bellic: Maybe I should.
Roman Bellic: Okay!
Niko Bellic: Okay. Hey is this a cab? Where's the sports car?
Roman Bellic: Err, it's in the shop... come on!
(Niko Bellic begins to drive Roman Bellic back to his 'mansion')
Roman Bellic: Drive us to our place on Mohawk, it's just up the road. I'll let you know when we're there.
(Niko Bellic continues driving Roman Bellic home)
Niko Bellic: Why don't you show me around the city?
Roman Bellic: Fucking terrorists.
Niko Bellic: What?
Roman Bellic: Terrorists. There's been a big scare and you can't go across the bridges so good. You, without a visa, I would stay in Broker. Fuck it, stay in Hove Beach. Everyone like us does.
(Niko drives past the cab depot)
Roman Bellic: That is my cab depot, cousin. It is where I make all the money.
Roman Bellic: We are passing the cab office, Niko. This is the business that will take us to the top of the pile.
Roman Bellic: Niko, you ever had two women at once? Four big titties to be playing with? I thought I had died and gone to heaven, man.
Niko Bellic: I can't prove that I have.
Roman Bellic: Cousin, it's been too long... you should have come out earlier. Think of all the girls you've been missing out on!
Niko Bellic: Our country has women too.
Roman Bellic: Yes, but only locals. Here we have white, black, the Puerto Ricans and the Asians, Europeans on vacation, scared Canadians, bored housewives from the Midwest - every possible choice. The city is like a big Uder Milken Ice Cream shop: thirty-six flavors of titty. Hove Beach is our little corner of Eastern Europe.
Niko Bellic: What a charming image. Hove Beach, next to the docks. Immigrants here do not make it very far from the boats they come in on.
Roman Bellic: No, everyone seems happy where they are. It reminds them of the Black Sea or something - people leave home to hang around the people they ran away from, very odd. Is just temporary for us though. Our sights are set for the top. Mansions in Berchem, penthouse in Algonquin... a model on each arm - me and my cousin Niko, rulers of the world!
(Niko drives Roman to his apartment)
Niko: This is the mansion?
Roman: Just a temporary place. The mansion is coming, cousin. That's the dream... follow me.
(Niko and Roman enter the apartment)
Roman: Come in, come in! Make yourself at home... what's mine is yours!
(Roman stamps on a cockroach)
Roman: Got him! Little bastard. If he paid some rent I wouldn't care.
(Roman wipes the cockroach of his shoe)
Roman: Oh... shit... oh, that's not nice. Ah, cousin, it's so good to see you! Yeah! Hmm...
(Roman lies down on the bed)
Roman: Shit... well, I needed to change anyway... So!
Niko: So, you full of crap, or what?
Niko: Where's luxury condo? Where's sports car? Where's Barbara with big titties and Stephanie who sucks like a vacuum?
'Roman: What you talking about?
Niko: In your letters to my mother, in your letters to me... all I hear about is Mr. Big, Mr. Roman, living the American dream. Sports cars, condos, women, money, the beach... opportunity! I come here, and the only thing big about your life is the cockroaches.
Roman: That's right. I got the best cockroaches, I got the best dirt!
Niko: Screw you, you idiot!
Roman: Okay, I'm an idiot, but you must admit I have the best line in bullshit you ever heard.
Niko: Yeah, this I know. Asshole.
Roman: But here, all I needed was one good guy. One good guy, I could do well. Not take over the world, but do okay. Now, maybe I have this. But what about you? What about you, cousin?
Niko: What? What about me?
Roman: Well... why you leave home after all this time? First, I hear you're running around with the wrong kind, then I hear you joined the merchant navy, now you're here. You never tell me anything.
Niko: Huh. No.
Roman: What do you mean no?
Niko: No, I never tell you anything. Another time.
Roman: Oooh, mystery man... strange and exotic sailor! What happened? Did your captain make you pregnant?
Niko: Screw you! No, no, it's nothing like that. The ships were fine. It was before that, two things. You remember, during the war... we did some bad things and bad things happened to us. War is where the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other. I was very young, and very angry. Maybe that is no excuse... Roman? Roman! Are you sleeping, you fat fuck? Come on!
Roman: Huh! No! No way! What's the time? Shit... I've got to get the cab back. It's on a shift.
(Roman drinks his coffee but spits it back out)
Roman: Oh, Jesus! Tastes like a rat shat in it...
Roman: Niko, I've got to run, come meet me at the cab office.
Niko: Jesus... what?
Roman: It's easy. Out the door, turn left, then the first left at the diner...
Niko: What are you talking about? I don't...
Roman: Go down one block and turn right on Iroquois...
Niko: I'm new here...
Roman: then walk all the way down and we're right there on the left of the corner of Cisco Street.
Niko: What are you talking about, man?
Roman: It's really flash. We got lots of titties and some incredible motors... Niko. Give me a hug. Good to have you here cousin... I've got something for you.
(Roman's phone rings)
Roman: Oh, damn... damn, damn, damn!
(Roman answers his phone)
Roman: Yes, Vlad, sorry, forgive me, okay, no... no. Please don't cut my cock off, eh? Oh, okay, bye... yes, no, uh, okay.
Niko exits the car
Roman: I need to show you our place, come back Niko.
Roman: I thought we were a team? Come back Niko.
Roman: How you going to find your way round the city without me? Come back Niko. Don't be a child.
Roman: Cousin, are you running away from me as soon as you get here?
Roman: Where you going, cousin? Niko don't be a dick.
Roman: I'm drunk and tired Niko, please drive me home, be a good guy.
Niko re-enters the car
Roman: Did you see everything you wanted to see? Can you drive your cousin home now?
Roman: What'd you do that for? Let's go home. If that is okay with his majesty?
Roman: And stop with this weird behavior of yours.
Roman: I will show you around more, later.
Roman: Oh, you're back. Can we go home now? Please, important sir.