User:A-Dust/Sandbox/GTA V

Eva: De Santa house maid Carlos: De Santa gardner

Strawberry Safehouse

Franklin's room

Picture: Franklin and Tanisha
ProLaps shoe box x4
ProLaps poster
Rear Wall shoe box x2
Book - Bruce Wright: Bloody Canton
Chamberlain F.G. poster
Corkers poster
The Feud Baseball: Champions 91 poster
Burger Shot cup
Madd Dogg poster
The Brown Streak statue
Los Santos Owns You poster
Feuds baseball shirt
Sports Almanac
Pride Brew poster
Kill D Sac - Slotter vinyl
OG Loc vinyl
Rochell'le poster: "Rochell'le Dimes 4 Dolla
Chamberlain: R.I.P Slim Skills: F.G.4.Life
Bean Machine cup
Pussycat magazine
Book: Body Blitz - Real Training Regime
Book: Pain IS Weakness Leaving the Body
Book: Encyclopedia
Book: Feuds: Year Book 2010
eCola soda bottle
Pipe and Smoke Shop Amnesiac poster (Text: Hukka, Pipes, Waterpipes, Scales, Vaporizers, Tobacco Pipes, Open 7 Days)
Magazine: Filmbuff (x2)
Blick electronical product

Bathroom

Thriftex shower
Max Renda shampoo x2

Denise's room

Book: Yoga For Beginners
Book: Hollistic Healing with Crystals
Book: Self Help for Women
Bob Millet products: soap, gel (x2), 2 others
Fluffe tissue box

Kitchen

First Aid Kit
Tomato soup can
Blick kettle
Nature Foods: Sweetcorn
Krapea toaster
Kitchen Bubbles washing up liquid (text: Kitchen Bubbles: Fresh Cut Grass)
Sliced White bread x2 (one half used)
Biglogs' Rails cereal (Strawberry, text: The Breakfast Food You Snort!)
Biglogs' Crackles O'Dawn
Pisswsser beer bottle
Tomato Ketchup
Noodle Express menu
eCola fridge magnet
Kronos clock

Dining room

Daily Globe newspaper
Picture: Tavell Clinton
Vinyl albums: 705 Disco Classics, Funk & Soul and Liberty City Jazz Quartet: The Collection"

Living room

Picture: Denise Clinton
Magazine: Astral: Plane thinking In a Complex Age" (text: 10 Steps to a Better Life: Out With Hate: Saying YES To Positive Thinking)
More On TV magazine (featuring The Barfs on the cover)
Magazine: Pain
Fluffe tissue box
Daily Globe newspaper
Book: Hollistic Healing with Crystals x2
Open magazine. Article: "gave up acting to save my sanity"
Amnesiac tobacco filters
Medical Marijuana
Magazine: Vain
Book: Yoga for Beginners
Book: The Karma Sutra
Book: Chinese Folk Art
Book: Know Your Clans
Book: Self Help for Women
Book: Finding Yourself
Book: The Body of Celtic Designs
Book: Mysterious Stones
Book: Power Within
CD: Power Within

After Franklin and Lamar

Bleets

@ClayPGJackson #keepingitreal: I’m a former gangster but I have a sensitive side. I write poetry and wear dresses and go to ballet and cry just like a real artist. I make vodka. Also like a real artist #keepingitreal
@cowboy_becky: ive made peace with it if I think of him as my dads son it don’t feel weird luv dont have boundaries on an alligator farm
@RedwoodCigarettes #breakfastofchampions: New study in China concludes eggs are worse for you than cigarettes. Start your day the Redwood way.#breakfastofchampions.
@suicideplumber4: I can finally confirm with certainty that weed and building up a stockpile of emergency doomsday provisions do not mix.
@nobbly_head: just saw 2 crazzzzy hoods racing boosted cars on del perro freeway sweet ass convertibles too!!
@stabfino: pow pow I put u dwn bitches gangs r so cool man stylin it all day baby
@eColaSoftDrink #happiness: Happiness is bumping into an old friend, sharing an eCola, and picking up right where you left off, fighting about politics and then banging her in the can #happiness
@JillVonCrastenburg: Did I grow up too fast? Is 18 too young to retire? Why was I more of a sex symbol before I reached the age of consent? It’s a fucked up world.
@Fatallan75 #womenareevil: She warned me she was a screamer then didn’t make a sound all night. She overdosed. I’ve done nothing wrong.#womenareevil
@DudeEatDog: The semifinals – Doberman night! The show that animal activists are trying to get banned. Bow Wow Cho! Only on CNT.

News

WNKA International: Another studio shuttered and turned into flats.

Anne Bimby – WNKA International The implosion of the American film industry continued today with the announcement that another major movie studio has closed its doors for good. Lowenstein Pictures was founded by Vinewood mogul Roy Lowenstein in the 1920s and soon became a production line for insipid family-friendly entertainment despite Mr. Lowenstein’s much publicized vicious mistreatment of his own wives and children. The news will no doubt deal another blow to Solomon Richards and his beleaguered Richards Majestic studio, which was been forced to scrape the creative barrel in recent years with desperate movies like Defender of the Faith in a last-ditch attempt to stave off bankruptcy.

Daily Rag: Formage defeats revenue service – Epsilon program, ‘a religion, not a cult’ court declares.

Martina Bryans – Daily Rag Cris Formage and his fellow Epilsonists were celebrating yesterday after the Supreme Court of the State of San Andreas overturned the Revenue Service’s claim that they were a cult, and not a real religion, and therefore should have their charitable status repealed. An Epsilon Program Spokesman said “when you think of cults, you think of deluded, self-appointed demigods wearing silly clothes, inventing silly words and telling everyone how to live. That’s not Epsilonism at all. We are a religion. We all like the same color and we are all involved in writing great work of scripture just like any other religion. The Tract is not yet written but it will be soon. This is a great day for mankind. In fact it’s the best day for a billion years or more. Kifflom”

Weazel News: Security Agencies go head-to-head for funding

Cynthia Kelly – Weazel News They are often described as the “twin pillars of our national security”, but now the FIB and the IAA have found a new enemy – each other. Following calls for balanced budgets and a proposed reduction in defense and security funding, both agencies have been lobbying hard in the Capital recently to explain why their budget should stay intact. FIB spokesman Gary Lane told anyone who would listen “reducing out budget now would be crazy. It would be how a crazy person would act. And the person who did it would probably discover that not only were they crazy, but also all of their dirty secrets were suddenly made public so everyone could decide if this is the kind of country we want to live in – one run by a crazy person with a mistress or two.” International Affairs Agency spokesperson Lucinda Jacob said “presidents that have tried to stop the IAA from performing our duty in ways we see fit have tended to wind up having their heads blown off. No. I’m only joking. Come on? Who can’t take a joke? The point is this – every day you’re not killed by terrorists or communists is a day you should give thanks to the IAA. We love this country. We love everything is stands for, like freedom and apple pie and things like that. We will repress any freedoms necessary to keep you free and fed on apple pie, or something like that. Listen, we need to keep our funding. It’s that or someone is going to get you in the can.” Both agencies criticized the other and blamed them for America’s problems domestically and overseas. Neither would do so on the record.

Los Santos Media: Gang Crime on the rise again in Los Santos. Media to blame due to lack of coverage.

Robin Wark – Los Santos Meteor After years of falling interest in gangs and gang culture, a recent rise in gang violence and in gang membership across Los Santos has led to calls for greater regulations covering media portrayals of violence. A broad spectrum of politicians were united in condemnation of the media yesterday after figures showed a recent upsurge in gang violence. The issue this time, according to experts in the field – a lack of recent movies and video games about gangs has apparently convinced young people that it is an acceptable choice. San Andreas gubernatorial candidate Sue Murry was one of many voiced wanting to be heard. “It’s simply irresponsible of Vinewood not to cover social problems. Without education from movies, how are children supposed to learn that shooting each other has serious consequences? Video games are even worse because they donate even less money to social causes and they love violence, especially the wrong kind.

Liberty Tree: BAWSAQ swings wildly, pain shoots through traders.

Ian Garraway – Liberty Tree From the moment the opening bell rang in the financial district here in Liberty City, there was shouting and screaming heard on the trading floor – in the streets and out of the windows of some of the largest trading firms. Wild dips were seen as companies lost 10 percent of their value in minutes as supercomputers executed millions of trades per second and their human masters sat back in horror as our financial system threatened to come crumbling down, before surging up in a late rally and ending the day just about to flay. “This is not conjecture, this is fact,” conjectured trader Adam Feinstein. Meanwhile regulators have been asked to look into the practice of computers automatically executing trades and causing wild swings in the markets. The practice has been banned on trading floors across Europe. “We’re not going to anything Europe does, since it’s probably wrong” said one trader.

Daily Globe: Congress Privitaizes Defense as Weston takes big stake in Merryweather. CEO Percival ‘delighted to be of service. Disappointing at lack of scope.’

Mike Dunn – Daily Globe A motion in Congress was defeated yesterday that would have prevented the expansion of companies such as Merryweather Security Consulting’s domestic operations. At the same time, it was announced that famed investor Devin Weston had bought a stake in the company. Merryweather CEO Don Percival has spent the last few months lobbying congress for more domestic contracts. Now he’s got his way with the firm being awarded several national and state defense contracts, although not yet the contract he craves with the Port of Los Santos or any of the country’s international airports. This means for the first time American is no outsourcing its domestic – as well as overseas – defense needs. Percival described the decision as “a farsighted and cost effective way to protect the nation. We will provide well-trained private contractors to do the job overly-entitled federal employees were doing for twice as much money.” At the same press conference, Merryweather announced it had sold a slug of its business – thought to be between 10 and 15 percent – to controversial investor, Devin Weston. Some eyebrows were raised at the timings, but Percival rejected these concerns as “pure coincidence masquerading as incrimination.”

After Repossession

Bleets

@pato_grande26: They sayin Los Santos Vagos got run up on bad. I mean like ten homies face down bad. Shit just got turned up.
@Alcopatch: Product recall for Alcopatch 12 pack. Use causes impotence and domestic violence in men. Please return product for refund.
@sexxisandra_ruggirl: My boyfriend says my thoughts before I even think them. I luvvvvv him SO MUCH. Id marry him if it werent for all the slappin around.
@AlDiNapoli: Sometimes it's really tough being a famous hard man as everyone just wants to fight you but they soon see I'm just a big old softie. Despite what my ex wife says in her book.
@princess_gemma29: If one more of the fuglies I went to school with bleets about how happy their life is Im totally switching off my feed for 24 hours
@CreditCardConsolidationKings: Stop blaming yourself for debt. Wipe the slate clean at www.creditcardconsolidationkings.com then go out and treat yourself to something nice.
@ERIS: Erus Pump-Ups back AGAIN by popular demand and because we can't get anybody to buy our new products! They really are limited edition this time!
@gogodave: major shootout goin down rite near the boardwalk at vespucci beach I can hardly bleet im rolerblading so fast
@JoshBernsteinRealtor: From selling the dream to living the nightmare. I hope you sleep well tonight Lenny Avery. I'll be trying to extract the knife from my back.
@Kevmeister_up: #drinkingtoomuch I woke up with dick drawn on my head. Didn't notice till mom pointed it out. #drinkingtoomuch

News

Daily Globe: Paps smear.

Shelia Hitano – Daily Globe The Street Photographers Union who represent accredited paparazzi say that cameraphone wielding amateurs are putting hardworking celebrity stalkers out of business. In a recent high-profile incident, paparazzo Gene Admanson attacked a teenage girl who was snapping cameraphone pictures of pop-turned-country crooner Samantha Muldoon. “I make my living hiding in trash cans, jumping out in front of celebrity cars, trying to take pictures of their intimate areas. This is an art, and I will not be trodden on by amateurs,” he told the judge in court. It is estimate that one in five residents of Los Santos is a paparazzo, and the spread of cameraphones is threatening to put 20% of the city’s workforce out of employment.

Los Santos Meteor: Lifeinvader to revolutionize with new product

Anna Foster – Los Santos Meteor Lifeinvader, the social networking site that changed the way that people think about privacy, human interaction and photos of cats forever is poised to make history again with a new product launch this week. The product, which is rumoured to be a stand-alone mobile device, has been described by Lifeinvader’s CEO Jay Norris as “game-changing”, “totally creat-iv-spiring” and “the result of a lot of blue-sky hammock time”.

Daily Globe – Possible breakthrough in Leonora Johnson case

Shelia Hitano – Daily Globe Since 1975 the brutal murder and dismemberment of pretty young startle Leonora Johnson has remained unsolved, captivating conspiracy theorists and lonely nutjobs. Now police believe they have made a breakthrough. Ira Richards, director of marketing at Richards Majestic and grandson of golden age movie mogul studio founder David Richards told a reporter in a drunken moment that his grandfather claimed to have destroyed a confession letter in the weeks before his death. Mr. Richards passed away last year aged 103. His son, Solomon Richards, has run the family studio since 1978 and told reporters he knew nothing beyond the fact his son was a moron, and his father was delusional. Several theories have been put forward as to who committed this brutal crime, which was follow up with a series of anonymous letters to Ms Johnson’s parents. To find out more, visit www.whokilledleonorajohnson.com

Los Santos Meteor: Several dead in suspected gang shoot-out

Frank Edwards – Los Santos Meteor Police are scratching their heads as to what caused a violent shootout in Puerto Del Sol yesterday that left several gang members dead. The recent rise in gang crime continues unabated. An alley of Magellan Avenue in Vespucci Beach was turned into a war zone and the battle then spilt out onto the surrounding streets. Police are uncertain if this means drug wars between Hispanic gangs have reignited, or if this was simply a deal or an altercation gone wrong. The Vagos are known to have long-term turf wars both internally and with the city’s other major street gangs, including the Aztecas who have been largely forced out of Los Santos into Blaine County, the Ballas and the Families. No one is clear on what caused this massacre, with LSPD spokesman Lee Whitless stating “We are desperately searching for someone to blame. We haven’t found anyone yet, so we are probably going to try to say something silly like ‘it’s the fault of junk food or pollution’ simply for something to say.”

Weazel News: Gang wars, gun smuggling terrorize region

John Rios – Weazel News The smuggling of weapons from the US into Mexico has transformed the Senora Desert region into a warzone in recent months, with rival traffickers including Mexican gang Varios Los Aztecas, El Salvadoran gang the Marabunta Grande and a network of independent traffickers working under the cartels. These groups are threatening to transform the Senora Desert region into a Wild West once again. Officials are concerned about how the violence will affect tourism.

After Pulling Favors

Tonya Wiggins: Is that Pete? It's Tonya. You know more than one Tonya? Yeah. JB's girl. His cell's oututa minutes so he asked me to let you know that the job's all done. Be easy now, his allergies been givin' him hell. Nah, I'd know if he was into any of that. Cold forty and a Redwood, maybe a fat one on the weekends, that's as far as it goes. What you mean? Work ethic's that nigga's middle name. J..E.. no J...W...E...B... whatever, you feel me. He don't half-step. You seen the style I put out, I wouldn't be with no deadbeat. I'll tell him. Don't you frey now, work will get done.

Text

Lamar Davis: Stretch is getting out homie! Strizzzzzzetch! His bid's almost done. We goin holla u dawg.

After Complications

Franklin

Phone calll

Lamar Davis: Say again! How the fuck we get fired?

Franklin Clinton: Man, it was partly all that bullshit you pulled... and partly this repo's old man making me crash the car into the dealership.

Lamar Davis: You the crazy-ass motherfucker in this partnership. You better spend 'em while you got 'em.

Franklin Clinton: Yeah, if you say so.

Michael

Text

Amanda: Michael you bought that court but never use it. My grip and ball control has des improved. Coach is V hard on me. xx

E-mail

DrFriedlander@eyefind.info Progress- and you'll see results.

Dear Michael, Very good seeing you yesterday. I want to stress how important it is that we continue therapy. We are on the point of a major breakthrough in your treatment. It's a fascinating process. When it seems pointless and exploitative is when therapy works the most! Life isn't meaningless. You're deeply trouble but together we can make you a functioning member of society. I recommends you keep taking the medication, continue to read the books I gave you and really try to understand what is causing these temper outbursts. We'll crack you yet, amigo! We're in this together. As you know, I really enjoy working together - you're a fascinating man, Michael, but I'm afraid medicine in this country is not a charity, and with that in mind, I am afraid I am going to put my rates up again. Only by 75% which I think is very reasonable, given the stresses and strains of my work. Yours, Isiah Friedlander

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Jimmy De Santa: I'm sorry about the shady lease but was it really necessary to destroy the car? And can I get another one? Maybe by tomorrow? Got plans that's all thx.

Amanda's page

From Kyle Chavis: Great session today. Always a pleasure working with you. And I WILL call you Amanda :)

Jimmy's page

Jimmy De Santa: So that car thing didn't work out. But new plan. 1) I need money 2) My dad's boat is just sitting there 3) Are we all doing the math? Jimmy De Santa: Only my dad would return my new car at 100mph through the dealership window!

Franklin's page

Lamar Davis: Thanks again for getting us fired! Last time you get up my face about making dumb moves. Tavell Clinton: I never so many crazy deathwish drivers in Liberty City - you'd fit right in here!

Simeon's page

Sacha Yetarian: I tried to warn you about Franklin and Lamar, Uncle. Will you reconsider my proposal to create an Assistant Manager position within Premium Deluxe Motorsport. Simeon Yetarian: My showroom vandalized by an employee I treated like a son! Once again I pay the price for offering impoverished youth a chance at a new life! Anak Horozian: You have to do something about Sacha's twitch. It is like he is trying to bit his own ear off.

Lamar's page

Jamal Reynolds: If u got that girl's digits last night she musta given you them in brail. Simeon Yetarian: All I did for you! You can blame Franklin for blowing your only chance at escaping the ghetto and making a career for yourself in automobile industry. I am glad I withheld your commission now - it will go towards repairing my showroom! Leon@VanillaUnicorn: Ain't seen you at the club for a while??? Must be why the girls are all so happy and disease free recently! Lamar Davis: Got Chop stoned and now he busting out the disco leg!

Bleets

@SwingersBaseball: Absent Dad Day at the game tomorrow - attempt to bond with the son you lost in the divorce over $20 hot dogs at $150 seats in the nosebleed section.
@stayathome_helen23: My baby just waved at me! I knew you'd all want to know right away! Pics to follow! Yay for smartphones!
@Lazlow #onedayatatime: Not feeling great about myself this morning. Should have known class drinks after Sex Addicts Anonymous group was a bad idea. #onedayatatime
@PremiumDeluxeMotorsport: Again I am victim of vicious hate crime. Vandalized and attacked by another racist who cannot stand to see hardworking taxpaying armenian american succeed.
@Benefactor: Soccer moms, check out the new Benefactor Serrano luxury crossover. It's an SUV, it's a minivan, it's a station wagon, it's none of the above. It's practically hip.
@BobbyBlue #UpnAtom #notasellout: Just had a great #UpnAtom burger sometimes as an artist I just love to eat original burgers because its food from wheen we were morally superior. #notasellout
@redfishturd: Why do hospitals need to advertise on TV? Don't everybody just go to the nearest one? Just sayin. #thoughtoftheday
@WhizWireless: Drone recall! Do not take cock pics as the software has been accidentally texting pics to everyone in your address book
@jenny_wordup: I'm starting to think the bad smell I've been complaining to everyone about all day might be me.
@JimmyDS: u think uve got it bad dikheads sum mothafucka just robbed my new wheels sux a massif dick lemme tell u.

News

Daily Rag: Rash of ATM robberies.

David Christian - Daily Rag Citizens and visitors to Los Santos are being warned to stay on the alert after a spate of violent robberies at ATMs across the city. The LSPD is urging people to scan the surrounding area for suspicious characters before approaching an ATM. "We certainly do not want to encourage profiling," said police spokesman Lee Whitless, "but we would advise people to use cautious prejudice; you know, hide it behind a smile, the liberal way."

Public Liberty Online: Weston goes into showbusiness

Gavin Mason - Public Liberty Online Los Santos's most prominent financial guru and investor Devin Weston made a typically unexpected move yesterday. Just as conventional wisdom is moving out of movies in general and Vinewood studios in particular, Mr Weston bought a significant stake in legendary 'mini major' Richards Majestic. Founded in 1929 by current head honcho, Solomon Richards' late father David, Richards Majestic has endured turbulent times as a string of remakes, rom coms and super hero pictures have bombed at the box office. The result - Richards Majestic, the last true independent film studio - is now at least in part, under the ownership of a man who knows how to make money, if not movies. Mr. Weston told our reporter "I could not be happier. I love this town and now I've finally made an investment in its biggest industry. Richards Majestic has two movies currently in production; "Meltdown" and "Deep Inside". We expect to make money with both. I couldn't hope to learn from a better teacher than Solomon Richards, but I'm also hoping he can learn a thing or two from me."

Public Liberty Online: Big Brother in your bathroom?

Gavin Mason - Public Liberty Online A new online feature by Internet search juggernaut Eyefind has some privacy experts concerned. Eyefind Street Maps uses thermal and high resonance imaging to scan every house inside and out as an Eyefind truck travels down the street. High resolution images of the inside of your home are then viewable for anyone to see. "I like it," says resident Mindy Thompson. "It lets all your friends see what your place looks like." The online outcry has been from so called privacy experts. Liberal lawmakers heralded the move. "This is another great example of how Eyefind has successfully monetized our private information. They've taken every TV, gilm, song and even picture of the inside of our homes and monetized it for their gain. It's a true American success story," said Representative Richards Eggers.

Los Santos Shepherd: Joyrider smashes into cars dealership in Pillbox Hill

Makayla Taylor - Los Santos Shepherd Traffic accidents are common enough in Los Santos. Traffic accidents involving parked cars are not uncommon. Traffic accidents involving cars parked inside a dealership are still unusual, however, but that is just what happened yesterday in Pillbox Hill. A deranged or possibly drunk joyrider drove his car straight into the showroom of Premium Deluxe Motorsport. The owner, Mr Simeon Yetarian, was injured in the accident, but the driver fled the scene before cops could get there. Mr Yetarian told our reporter "I am a well known philanthropist and charity worker as well as an excellent car dealer. Therefore I can only say it is greatly unfortunate that a chubby alcoholic would consider my showroom an acceptable place to crash his car. I am hoping given all the work I do in the community and especially for race relations that the city will help me pay for the damage," A spokesman for the city commented "we have no comment at this time."

After Chop (mission)

Lifeinvader

Franklin's page

Lamar Davis: Ok that thing with D and the phone call maybe not my smartest move ever but that's how I do it, F! When yuo got apache blood you fly a little closer to the sun!
LS Customs: Street brakes, sport brakes, race brakes. We got it all at Los Santos Customs.
Nicolson Bell: What's with your aunt? Walking around like a duck hollering about womenhood?

Lamar's page

Lamar Davis: Me and Chop got a special understanding that's my apache blood at one with the animals
Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: Holla at me whenever u and franklin put each others dicks down for a minute
Demarcus Bradley: What are you playin at? Ballas are bugging up in here. Watch your back.

Bleets

@balla4life_realtalk: if Families BGs want beef they gonna get dealt with. Sum bitchz never lern.
@BrotherAdrian: Find out for yourself. Find out about yourself. Discover the divine within. www.mydivinewithin.com
@bitchinlionel_14: Don't u h8 when ur textin in bed and the phone falls on ur face? Hahahahah LOL :--------0)
@Brucie_K #geneticallydifferent: When you fly with the bald eagle, ladies, remember that it's a bird of prey. #geneticallydifferent
@AccountantTVShow: Finally we've made accountants sexy. Watch the next episode where Tracy explains the minutia of American tax law during sex.
@BahamaMamasWest: RIP to our dancer Jade Sparkle who passed away lasy night. She had such a bright future of degrading herself for money.
@mrshfchadwick: I still don't understand @ and #. Why does it have to be so complicated? Can someone forward this to my grandson?
@railroad_pete47 #trippedout: so im on my break and a dude runs past getting chased by one them huge psycho ghetto dogs. nature program apex predator shit man no joke #trippedout
@DevinWeston: Before you ask, I follow no one. Humility is for the humble.
@eyelashannie #familypartiessuck: It should be illegal to have to kiss your uncle on the mouth over the age of 16. #familypartiessuck

Afer Father/Son

Franklin

New contacts: Michael & Jimmy De Santa

Phone call

1

Franklin Clinton: Eh, look, man...

Simeon Yetarian: "Look"? You were like a son to me. Employee of the Month! Does that mean nothing to you?

Franklin Clinton: Man, the dude had a gun to my head.

Simeon Yetarian: No loyalty! No integrity! You should have taken the bullet! My business. My totally legitimate business. You are fucked, my boy. Fucked!

2

Franklin Clinton: Wassup, homie.

Lamar Davis: Eh, look. Chop got to stay round your crib for a while, homie. That's cool?

Franklin Clinton: Yeah, man, it's cool. It's the best place for him, anyway.

Lamar Davis: HA. Like it ain't nobody out there gunning for your black ass. Bullshit, nigga. Just take care of him, man, alright?

Franklin Clinton: Alright, I got you, dog.

Text

Jimmy De Santa: Yo F-dog! Ive added you on Lifeinvader accept my request and we can hang! hit me up anytime bro... ANYTIME and we goin chop it. Peace - Jizzle
Lamar Davis: Eh, u moody motherfuka. Im givin u tht bagger we boosted. left it at yr auntz crib ;p

Michael

New contact: Franklin

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Jimmy De Santa: So yeah sorry about the boat I was just trying to use my initiative and make a contribution to the finances like you keep saying I need to. Gotta get creative in a recession! At least I was outside right??? That home invader turned out to be pretty cool, btw.

Amanda's page

Kyle Chavis: My schedule's wide open let me know when he isn't around.

Jimmy's page

Jimmy De Santa: Oh and I did I mention that my dad is now best friends with the burglar who broke into our house? Don't even ask.
Jimmy De Santa: So that boat thing didn't work out. Lucky for me my dad's a lunatic or I could be dead right now!

Tracey's page

Tracey De Santa: That adult film guy Freddie has invited me to hang out on his yacht with all his entertainment industry friends. So cool! This could totally open doors for me.
Tracey De Santa: My mom won't let Gary stay the night. Why's she the only one who gets to be the whore? She is such a dictator!

Bleets

@debbiebabes85: If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery I must be really trying to impress a drunken slut.
@muttonjohnpoo #westcoastcrazy: You know you're in Los Santos when...there's a driveby shooting on the Del Perro Freeway over a yacht. #westcoastcrazy
@tonymctony: To the person who started the rumors about me getting leg extensions at Implant Outsource - I'll sue you so hard your inbred great-grandbabies will still owe me money.
@SeriousCougarShow #HospiceIsHot: Congrats to Jesse Turner - he's put Mildred Keane in the ground with a smile on her face - #HospiceIsHot
@profkevin_2cool: "Does it look like I give a shit?" is a great example of a rhetorical question.
@SueMurry: I used to teach my class that just because Juan's lunch smells weird and is wrapped in a leaf doesn't make him different or better. Latinos have a special place in my heart www.SueMurry.com
@PussycatPorn: Congratulations to Holly Waterpark for taking the Loudest Pregnant Milf Orgasm award last night. Her Golden Dong trophy didn't make it past security.
@veggie_suej: Guess what...I'm on vacation...AGAIN! One of these days my life will get shitty. Luv u all xxxxx
@SorryCommodeBand: Sorry Vice City - we were too wasted to play - but your local drugs are fantastic!
@fearfirst27: Just heard those Merryweather private soldier psychos from Iraq and shit are in LS!

News

Weazel News: Celebrities still choosing Epsilon program.

Rick Simpson - Weazel News Despite recent controversies, including a court case over accusations of being a cult, more and more celebrities are choosing to become Epsilonists. The Epsilon Program, a Los Santos based religion that has been derided, attacked, ridiculed and accused of everything from charlatanism and fraud to slavery and prostitution continues to grow. Yesterday, at an Epsilon event in Los Santos, several celebrities revealed they were committed Epsilonists and vowed to help spread the message. Prominent actor Bruce Space told reporters: "I'm a patriot so I wanted an American religion, because I believe in America and that's what Epsiloniam is all about." Celebrity and internet entrepreneur Tony McTony told reporters "I have an incredible sense of self worth and that's what Epsilonism encourages - it has really helped me understand why I am so important. Heartthrob and rising star, Jimmy Boston announced "Cris Formage is a prophet. He saw something in me and since then my career has really taken off. Now I've got a couple of movies lined up. If that isn't a cool religion, I don't know what is." The Epsilon Program also announced a plan to recruit one hundred trillion more members within five years which will ensure they will remain the world's fastest growing religion for quite a while.

Daily Rag: Los Santos Transit Authority to shut streets?

Reed Brazier - Daily Rag The Los Santos Transit Authority announced a 16 billion dollar project to install a network of streetcar rails throughout the city. "People love streetcars. They are in a lot of old movies, and you can jump on or off. And sometimes a woman gets on the streetcar in tears, and it starts to pull away, and then you chase after it, but it's too fast, and you never see her again. So you go to a boozy gin mill and pick up a floozy sitting next to you, secretly loathing her and yourself. We think this will be a big boost to tourism." City official Jack Ingram said. Others say that it's a massive waste of money in a town addicted to cars. Still others say they welcome the streetcars as something new to throw yourself in front of.

Los Santos Meteor: Chinese steal drug market

Anna Foster - Los Santos Meteor Not content with attacking the fundamentals of our capitalist economy with their cheap labor and vibrant industrial base, it appears that China is now coming after our shadow economy. At a press conference earlier today announcing a new intergovernmental strategies to combat drug trafficking, a spokesperson from Globopol revealed that criminal organizations from mainland China are attempting to infiltrate the US drug market. The international policing organizationclaims that senior gang members from a number of Chinese organized crime families have entered the country illegally in recent months, including Wei Chen Triad that operates out of Yangshan in Guangdong.

LS24: Classic 60s arthouse film returns to local theaters.

Annie Frost - LS24 To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Emanuelle Pasorelli's legendary picture, Capolavoro is returning to local theaters. As confusing as it was when the movie debured, the story winds its way through the mind of a man who betrayed his best friend and is fighting with retirement, his wife, and himself. The dialog is in several languages, adding to the art of it. Art isn't supposed to be understood by just anyone and this is a prime example of something you can feel good about yourself for getting through.

Daily Globe - Terror on the highway.

Forrest Simon - Daily Globe Motorists on the Del Perro Freeway were thrown into a panic when a high-speed gun battle broke out between two vehicles, one of which was carrying a yacht. What sparked the clash and the identity of the two groups of men involved is not yet known, but this leads us to our reader poll of the day: "Is a drive-by shootout over a luxury yacht a sign that Los Santos is in economic crisisi, or out of economic crisis?"

After Marriage Counseling

Michael

New contact: Lester

Phone call

1 Lester Crest
2 Isiah Friedlander

Franklin

Text

Michael De Santa: Franklin. You gotta sharpen up on your shooting. Put some time in at the range if you can.

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Kyle Chavis: Listen bud, sorry again. Not cool. Again, goes without saying that I'll comp the session. No hard feelings I hope.
Amanda De Santa: Don't blame Kule. I thought we had an understanding??? It can't be one rule for you and another for me. What about those three charges to Honkers last months? You think I don't look at bank statements? Anyway, let's move on... you know, for the kids and all that.

Amanda's page

Tracey De Santa: The tennis guy? Way to go, mom. Real classy.
Amanda De Santa: My insecure jealous husband takes his next victim...

Hayden Dubose's page

Hayden Dubose: I saw a suspicious-looking black man hanging around the De Santa house again. I don't know whether it's the economic downturn or what, but this community just doesn't feel as safe as it should any more given how much money I spent to live here.

Kyle Chavis' page

Kyle Chavis: And another possessive midlife crisis psycho tries to kill me! I am so over this!

Bleets

@cunningstuntacademy: Suicidal? Don't get therapy. Get paid for it! Come by the academy today! Vinewood needs disposable guys like you. Become a stuntman today.
@rockford_privatetennis@ I've had it with jealous husbands. Maybe if you took your mid life crisis out on the gym instead of me, bud, you wife might actually want to sleep with you.
@RustyBrownsDonuts: Get your mouth around the new Red Ring of Death - cherry, chocolate and just the right amount of BURN!
@anythonyrules11: turns out grabbing your crotch isn't an acceptable form of flirtation in mexico. Knew my dad was full of shit.
@PROP14 #proposition14: Let's get people back into crafts and parlor games and make sobriety cool again! Join the temperance crusade! #proposition14 www.abstinentamerica.com
@BitterSweetCellPhone: The Drone and iFruit phone are not smart phones. They're for idiots. We are the original mobile phone for American business - slow to change, inefficient, and ugly!
@VinewoodLionel67 #recessiongonemad: What the hell is wrong with people today? A couple of guys just literally pulled an entire house off its stilts in the Hills! #recessiongonemad
@loggerlight #guiltfreeblackouts: Half the calories of normal beer but you need to drink 12 of them to get a buzz! #guiltfreeblackouts
@cameltrenthuge: Note to self: never eyefiend "blood in poop" again.
@peter_dogbiscuit: Just gave a speech at a feminist convention and they gave me a standing ovulation. I AM KILLING IT TODAY LOL
@lombankmonkey: Dick McFattyface on the desk opposite me keeps looking at me like he knows I call him Dick McFattyface.
@DrugObservationAgency #DOA: Report anyone that looks high to our hotline - you could be saving their life. #DOA
@alphadev_87: I know Lifeinvader is equal opportunity and non-ageist but some of these 40-something IT guys they've been hiring recently just can't plug into the vibe.
@pillpharm: Drugs, beer, junkfood and cigarettes all under one roof. We've got your wellbeing covered!
@flagfirstgordon: This is the last time I do meth at a funeral. I really mean it this time.
@DrDaleJenkins: It's not enough to be agnostic. Agnostics are the Swiss of dogmatic belief systems. You need to stand up and be counted. Wear your atheism with pride. www.accept-the-chaos.com
@CluckinBell #CluckinBellCruelty: To the dimwits at #CluckinBellCruelty - Chickens aren't the only things massively overweight, raised in crowded quarters and so drugged and fat they can't walk - hsve you visited the South?
@oliviahelluva2: Bleeter is like having a diary I deliberately leave open in a place I know everyone will find it.
@DIGIFARM: Our servers are back! Sorry for the glitch that wiped out everyone's farm with locusts.
@JimmyDS: jumpin on righteous slaughter 5 if any of u bitchz wanna get fucked!

News

Weazel News: Patriots to defend border.

John Rios - Weazel News Frustrated at the half-hearted enforcement of our nation's borders, some angry patriots are starting to take matters into their own hands. Weazel News has received a number of calls in recent weeks - almost all overwhelmingly positive in tone, we should add - supporting claims that vigilante border patrol guards are operating in rural San Andreas, mostly in and around the Alamo Sea. The men, who allegedly call themselves the Civil Border Patrol have been rounding up undocumented workers and handing them over to the authorities for a fair evaluation of their residency status. It is entirely understandable that some self-starting citizens would want to step in to pick up the slack where the government has failed to do so. Well done, we say.

Los Santos Meteor: Greed and green screens killings jobs as Meltdown production begins.

Robin Wark - Los Santos Meteor Key Grips, Best Boys, Set designers, fluffers, on-set blow dealers and many other professions that rely on film and TV shoots say their jobs are being outsourced to China as even more pictures are filmed entirely on green screen. "At first we thought that CG was amazing. I mean, movies with no real story and just lots of cool effects. It was great. But when it starts to take away jobs for romantic comedy and dramatic thriller shoots, that's when we cry foul. Foul! I mean, Richard Majestic's new picture is set in Liberty City. But instead of shooting it there, it's being filmed in a shed in Los Santos." howled Film Union representative William Veranzic. Movie studios say that the cost of production is astronomical and that making drivel will be a lot more economical with increased green screen use.

Daily Globe: Dorks line up! Line already forming 3 months till launch of new iFruit phone

Mike Dunn - Daily Globe Sean Douglas has a girlfriend. A group of great friends he loves talking to. A fantastic job. At least, in his mind. In reality the Dukes resident is resting in a sleeping bag outside the iFruit store in downtown Liberty City as the first in line for a phone that won't be released for 3 months. Defecating in plastic bags, eating cans of tuna and being spit on by strangers will all be worth it says Douglas. "Nothing is more important than having a phone two days earlier than everybody else. Some say that iFruit's glory days are behind it - in fact a reporter said that to me yesterday. That's nonsense!" he told us.

Daily Rag: Stilt house collapses in Vinewood Hills

David Christian - Daily Rag One of the famous hillside stilt houses of Vinewood came crashing down to earth yesterday in an incident that has police claiming foul play. The house, which is registered to a Mexican holding company, fell down the hillside. Some eyewitness repors claim they felt some kind of local earthquake, while others said they saw two men trying to pull the house down. Insurance investigators have been at the site since this morning trying to figure out what happened. On told us "we will figure out what happened." Stilt houses, mostly built in the late 1950s and 1960s have been popular stops on Los Santos architecture tours, and this home, designed and built by legendary émigré architect Tueton for his Finnish movie star mistress, was considered a particularly fine speciment. Rebuilding costs are estimated at between one and three million dollars.

The Long Stretch

Franklin

New contact: Stretch

Lifeinvader

Franklin's page

Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: Whats this about you saying I set you up? Keep runnin your mouth like that you gonna take a fall.
Lamar Davis: Me, you and Stretch back in business! CGF makin it count baby!
Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: That shit at the warehouse today that's what happens when you try to be something you're not. Don't try to run before you can walk especially in shoes that you aint big enough to fill yet.
Demarcus Bradley: Lot of talk in here about Chilli D - stay far away from that shit.

Harold 'Stretch' Joseph's page

Tonya Wiggins: Sharonda said you got out? If you lookin for company im by the liquor store on forum most days. We all got needs. Xoxoxo
Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: All I'm seeing out here now in South LS is a lot of baby G's
Lamar Davis: When are we going out on the prowl for ladies assuming you still like them?
Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: Take your finger off the pause button coz I'm out bitchzzzzz! Bolingbroke Prison I hope I aint seein you again no time soon.

Lamar Davis' page

Harold 'Stretch' Joseph: That mess at the plant aint on me. Your eye's off the ball. Don't get it twisted CGF is in your DNA you can't change that. So whatever this Forum shit is you and Franklin got going it need to get gone. Keep your boy in check.
Jamal Reynolds: Wen r we gettin blunted???
JB Bradshaw: Remember that threeway with the girl with the lazy eye from the pizza place? We didn't know who she was telling to do what! Hahahahaha! #oldfriends Can you lend me $200?

Bleets

@Sprunk: If you want all of the tase with none of the waist, try our new improved Diet Sprunk. We replaced the sugar with cancerous neurotoxins - you'll never know the difference!
@handledisttut2: If any1 wans to kno whr I am im sitting with chantelle in burga shot textin each otha xoxoxox
@Jock Cranley #cranleyforgovernor: Who would you trust with the future of San Andreas? A God-bashing pinko divorced vegan or a man who can throw himself out of a moving car at 110mph? #cranleyforgovernor www.jockcranley.com
@recyclehugo17: omfg insane shootout at the warehouse in rogers junkyard guy here says its ballas and families shit again sum wars never end.
@LesterC: I hear Jay Norris's funeral will be free, restricted access, minimal design, with guest-targeted advertising.
@FameOrShame: VOTE VOTE VOTE! Will Mimes on Fire make it to the next round?
@terriplaya_undies: Ok it's official that last fart wasn't a fart! It'll be a miracle if this goes to a second date.
@dingleharvey3: my life is an 80s training montage nobody watches.
@LOMBANK: A second mortgage is always a solution to your financial woes. Double down today! It's only upside when you gamble with your life's biggest investment.

News

Senora Beacon - Gangs and death in Alamo Sea

Claudine Shorn - Senora Beach First it was the bikers, now the Mexicans- Not wanting to get the Senora Beacon in any further legal trouble with my sweeping generalizations, I should add that I am talking about gangs, of course; specifically the Lost Motorcycle Club and, more recently, Los Varios Aztecas. According to my sources - which are primarily Janet at the Yellowjack Inn - Los Varios Aztecas, a Mexican-American street gang, are now using the Alamo Sea region as their main base of operations, having been largely forced out of Los Santos by vicious turf wars with rivals Los Santos Vagos.

Los Santos Shepherd - Suspected drug deal turns into bloodshed

Makayla Taylor - Los Santos Shepherd Something went very wrong as a drug deal at a recycling plant in La Puerta descended into a violent shootout, leaving several gang members dead and police confused as to what has cause these recent upsurge in extreme gang crime. The dead mostly seemed to be affiliated with the notorious Ballas gang. If this was an internecine struggle between different 'sets' within the gang, or parts of the Ballas eternal struggle with The Families, or a falling out with another of the city's many street gangs, is at this point unclear. The LSPD called for additional funding to look into the program and potentially restart some of their long since discredited anti-gang programs. Vinewood has applied for the movie rights to yesterday's events.

Public Liberty Online - Reclusive director Dreyfuss back at work?

Kate Ohajan - Public Liberty Online Vinewood legend, uncompromising artist and aesthete, control freak, pervert, genius, recluse. Just a few of the labels used to describe Peter Dreyfuss. Now, it seems we could add another - comeback of the year. Rumors are rife in movie business circles that Mr. Dreyfuss is about to get back behind the lens for the first time since his confusing flop "Last Will & Testament" baffled audiences and critics alike, leaving Mr. Dreyfuss incandescent with rage and vowing never to work again. While he was away from the camera, his legend just continued to grow in all directions. Prominent critic James Lavergne called him the one true American genius of the 1970s. Several women came forward and described him as a sex offender and a danger to all. Some claim to have seen him meditating in the Himalayas. Others claim he was teaching philosophy in Italy. Now it seems he's back in Vinewood and ready to work his magic again, pursuing his savage post-deconstructionalist absurdist aesthetic. The question remains - does anyone know what his pictures are about?

Public Liberty Online - "Please! I need my medicine!" local man says of Proposition 208.

Michael MacKenzie - Public Liberty Online Timothy Wilkins was diagnosed at a young age. "The doctor said that I had a weak ego and it was because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. I've wrestled with it for years. Its affected my work, my home life, my relationships. In order to get medicine I need, I have to break the law. And that's wrong." Wilkins said. He is one of many residents who are working to pass Proposition 208 and legalize what most say is a harmless drug: cocaine. "When I take it, everything is ok again. I feel confident. I walk up to a girl in a bar and am not worried about rejection. Before you know it she is doing a line off my cock." Mr Wilkins said, beaming.

The measure will be voted on in the upcoming election.

Michael

Texts

Martin Madrazo: Michael. My money - where is it? You do not want me to visit you again... next time will be so much worse. MM

Phone call

Dr. Isiah Friedlander

Michael De Santa: Doc, hey.

Isiah Friedlander: Michael, I'm looking through my appointment book, and I don't see your name.

Michael De Santa: Yeah well, I'm more of a walk-in guy, Doc, you know that.

Isiah Friedlander: Walk-ins are more expensive, but I'm always happy to accommodate.

Michael De Santa: Sure, you'll accommodate me as long as I got money in my pocket, right? Hey, I'm in a bad way, Doc. I might come by soon.

Daddy's Little Girl

Unlocks: Triathlon

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Jimmy De Santa: So seriously what is the new TV situation? Because this needs to get rectified like asap.
Tracey De Santa: I hate you. How could you embarrass me like that? Why do you have to be such a fucking caveman? A couple of guys on that yacht were legitimate industry people. Are you trying to ruin the rest of my life? Do anything like that again and I really will get into porn just to punish you.
Jimmy De Santa: Good hanging out today at Vespucci Beach, pop. I think. Although I'm kind of weirded out by it. And I have these scary pains in my thighs. Let's just do something inside next time where my glandular issues and your anger issues won't get us in trouble?

Tracey's page

Jimmy De Santa: So now you're doing porn too. Congratulations on exceeding my skanky expectations once again.
Freddy 'Footlong' Slade: Fuck you and your crazy dad. You owe me a new Seashark. Good luck getting into the industry now.
Tracey De Santa: I have the most psycho dad in the world. He just dragged me away from the coolest yacht party EVER!! I seriously think he needs some kind of mental intervention.
Tracey De Santa: I'm officially over Gary. I hope he dies in a horrible accident. And for all you other girls out there, he's hung like a cashew nut, so don't even bother.

Jimmy's page

Tracey De Santa: You weasely little shit telling dad about the party on the yacht! Get a life of your own!
Jimmy De Santa: In weird 'De Santa' family news... Dad smashes TV in blind rage, Jimmy + Dad go on gay bike ride, Dad hijacks boat and steals sea shark. Oh, and Tracey does porn (ok no news there).

Amanda's page

Jimmy De Santa: fyi dad just attacked those porno guys you rented the house to last summer

Bleets

@pickled_piedrops #gottagetlaid: omg its been so long I think my vagina is closin over like a pierced ear. Im serious. #gottagetlaid
@MitchDexter: In my day there was none of this obsession with ethnic diversity. Actors got roles on merit. We just happened to all be white.
@tummytodd_92 #shortstootight: wtf 2 lunatics on seasharks shootin at each other in the vespucci canals and cant get my phone out in time to take a pic!!! #shortstootight
@DrFriedlander: Just re-watching my 'guest psychologist' appearance on Rehab Island. It sends such an important message to young people about the importance of emotional health. Hope I didn't steal the show!
@Kerrymcintosh: You can't always look forward in life. If you don't look back sometimes, you wont see that you've turned the corner. Love the NEW ME!
@Debra_PuertoDelSol: Work is great when home life is under whelming.
@CherenkovVodka #GoAllNightPoundHerGood: The ultimate seduction - Cherenkov martini with the edge of the glass rimmed with cocaine, a joint, a Mollis pill for your little guy. #GoAllNightPoundHerGood
@hank_pritchard: @emma_pritchard you know you can really tell a lot about a person by hacking into their computer.
@footlong_freddie: Talk about buzzkill. Crazy dude crashed the yacht like some fucking pirate and made off with his daughter on our Seashark!! Just getting her warmed up too.

Tonya's second mission

Before

Tonya Wiggins: Hey, boo, I knew you couldn't stay away.
Tonya Wiggins: You lookin' fine, boy. Get over here and let me see you.

Random Event

Patrick McReary

Patrick McReary: Jesus H, you're a moron! What we going to do? Is everyone in this town so dense? Of course you are! You! Pal! We need your help! On your knees! And stay down till we're gone!

(Patrick and H enter the car)

Patrick McReary: Good kid. You're good, kid. Let's lose this heat. What the hell was that?

H: I said I had a score, I didn't say I thought of everything.

Patrick McReary: Well, you coulda thought of something. A car! Everyone in this shithole city's got a car!

H: Go back to Liberty City, you Irish prick.

Patrick McReary: You know where we'd be if this guy hadn't come along?

H: We wouldn't be sharing the take is where we'd be.

Patrick McReary: We'd be sharing a jail cell! You know I ran bigtime hoods in LC. We took major scores. You can't even handle a drug store.

H: You and your stories! Shut up about LC! Shut about the bank job, and your family, and your friends. I don't care.

Franklin Clinton: So, at least I know I ain't the least competent crook in the city.

Patrick McReary: I swear, it's just this guy. Look, man, can you just lose the cops?

(Franklin loses the police)

Patrick McReary: This kid's alright. Drop us off round the corner, and we'll give you your cut. Hey look, I know I seem like a hothead, and an idiot. I am a hothead, and a bit of an idiot, but I work, okay, and I can handle myself. I ran with some big guys in LC, and the only guy I know over here is him. If you ever hear of something, a score that needs bodies, would you think of me?

Franklin Clinton: Alright, dude. If someone were to mention something like that... I got you.

(Drop off location: Sinners Passage, Textile City)

Patrick McReary: This is your share, bro. Think of me. Packie McReary of Dukes, LC.

Heist member: Patrick McReary

Man beating his girlfriend

Lady: Stop, please! Somebody help me! This crazy guy's smacking the shit out of his girlfriend. I don't know what to do. I think he's going to kill her! Come on, quick. This way She was screaming, "No!" and he just kept hitting her. It's just over here.

Gang member: We got one! Go, go, get in there! You fuckin' move and you're dead. Give me the fuckin' money

The Good Husband

Amanda shoplifting (accessed after Friend Request)

(Phone call) Amanda De Santa: (to store detective) Don't touch me!

Michael De Santa: Oh, you don't have to call to tell me that.

Amanda De Santa: Not you, the Didier Sachs store detective. There's been a misunderstanding. I need you to help clear it up.

(If Michael agrees)

Michael De Santa: Oh, now you want me. Alright. Im coming.

Amanda De Santa: The one phonecall rule is for real policemen, you worthless turd.

(Michael begins to drive to Didier Sachs)

Michael De Santa: Now she needs me.

(Michael arrives and steals the police car)

Police Officer: Hey! Hey! Stop right now!

Amanda De Santa: Go, go, go, go, go.

Michael De Santa: I'm on top of it.

Amanda De Santa: I do not want to go to prison.

Michael De Santa: Relax, I got this.

Amanda De Santa: Drive, Michael.

Michael De Santa: Chill out, it's under control.

Amanda De Santa: They're coming, Michael. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Michael De Santa: Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.

Amanda De Santa: Get us out of here! Let's go, Michael. The cops are still after us.

(Michael loses the police)

Amanda De Santa: Is that it? Is it over?

Michael De Santa: Lemme get the keys to those cuffs. There you go. You remember those, don't ya? From the old days, when you used to do the girl cop routine?

Amanda De Santa: Really? Now? You're a pig. Don't say it!

Michael De Santa: What?

Amanda De Santa: That I have everything I want, so why am I stealing?

Michael De Santa: Oh, my lips are sealed.

Amanda De Santa: 'Cause if you say that, I'll say the same to you.

Michael De Santa: I'm not saying anything... ...I'm just doing my best to keep us out of jail.

Amanda De Santa: I mean, who are you to judge me?

Michael De Santa: Oh, I', not judging. No not at all.

Amanda De Santa: You're loving this, aren't you?

Michael De Santa: Oh yeah. Risking prison. Getting shot at. Love, love, big love.

Amanda De Santa: So, this is what it's like to be you.

Michael De Santa: Ah, not really, honey. See, I'm a semi-successful crook. You're a bit of a failure. But, hey, kudos for trying...

Amanda De Santa: Not that successful if you're in witness protection.

Michael De Santa: Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we see what Agent Dave and the FIB thinking of this lovers on the run act? You know, I'm sort of thankful for this.

Amanda De Santa: Thankful? This is the worst day of my life.

Michael De Santa: Aw come on, you're doing your part. Your spending habits've got us into a sticky financial situation. So you're cutting corners.

Amanda De Santa: Really, my spending habts? I've see your day trader account.

Michael De Santa: Whoa. Hey. That's private. I swear, password protection, it ain't even sacred no more...

Amanda De Santa: Give it up, you pissed our savings down the toilet.

Michael De Santa: Really? Our savings?

Amanda De Santa: Yeah. Our savings. I gave up everything to start this life with you, you selfish shit.

Michael De Santa: Yeah, okay, alright, whatever. Our savings. It's just, look, You can't look at the day by day figures. You got to look at the overall, the, you know, the net figure.

Amanda De Santa: I've seent he net, it's a fucking disgrace.

Michael De Santa Hey, I'm bringing it around.

Amanda De Santa: Sure you are. Just, please, give me some warning before they repossess.

Michael De Santa: It ain't that bad.

Amanda De Santa: A couple of weeks. A day even. I don't wanna be there.

Michael De Santa: Honey, we're fine.

Amanda De Santa: Sure.

(If Michael takes a while to go to the De Santa house)

Amanda De Santa: You gonna go, or what?

(Michael and Amanda arrive back at the De Santa house)

Amanda De Santa: Get rid of the car, Michael. It can't stay in the driveway. Oh, and, yeah, thank you.

Michael De Santa: Is peace and quiet too much to ask for?

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Amanda De Santa: I realize it's been a bad run recently what with the misunderstanding with the tennis coach and now the misunderstanding with the shoplifting but if there was ever a man who didn't have the right to judge? Try to focus more not on what I am doing but WHY I am doing it.

Amanda's page

Jimmy De Santa: Shoplifting? Isn't one criminal enough in this parenting duo?

Talking to Tracey - high

(After Daddy's Little Girl, De Santa house)

Tracey De Santa: I really love you, Dad. You're the best dad in the whole world.

Michael De Santa: Ahh, you make me so proud.

Tracey De Santa: You got any blow, Dad? My dealer is not answering.

Michael De Santa: God fucking help me. She cannot be from my loins.

Tracey De Santa: I am.

Michael De Santa: I love you, Trace.

Tracey De Santa: What're you doing here? Everybody in this house hates you.

Michael De Santa: Yeah, well, that makes us all even.

After Friend Request

Lifeinvader

Michael's page

Lester Crest: Wow, you really made yourself hard to find with the whole family on here.
Lester Crest: Ok, I'd say you've atoned for that decade of poor friendship. How ironic we're both on Lifeinvader? Too soon?
Hayden Dubose: I was driving through Vinewood earlier and saw a guy dressed like a moronic teenage who looked the spit of you! I must be going crazy!

New friend for Michael: Lester Crest

Hayden Dubose's page

Hayden Dubose:Why did I buy all that Lifeinvader stock??? So dumb.

Lester's page

Lester Crest: Lifeinvader's new product certainly exploded onto the market.

Amanda's page

Lester Crest: Long time no see. The years have clearly been kinder to you than they have to Michael. You've got the body you never had when you were 20.

Jimmy's page

Jimmy De Santa: So tripped out about Jay Norris! I was all ready to camp out in line for that mobile device!

Bleets

@wibblyhymen: RIP Jay Norris. This is a tragic day for social media. I am having a minute of silence on my Lifeinvader page and posting on Bleeter instead.
@fabienlarouche: Did someone say yoga? Let's look deeply into ourselves and each other's crotches. Private sessions from $400. Namaste www.fabienlaroucheyoga.com
@SwallowClothing: Clothes for American 12-year-olds, made by Indonesian 12-years-olds. Who says you can't be sexy before puberty? www.swallowco.com
@peterpetersthe4th: When will all the idiots at my school realize that prayer is only contraception that works?
@baconandexactly: PLZ tell me Bleeter isn't responsible for Jay Norris's death. I can't take it. Don't make me choose.
@CrevisOutdoorApparel: High-performance mountain gear worn by inner city drug dealers. You make the rules.
@ceri_parrotlips: My new shooes look PURREFECT with the red dress. In order news my grandma's dead.
@cashncarrie22 #hatemylife: I close my eyes and I'm see myself on a yacht on the Carribean. I open my eyes and I see my roommate passed out on the floor with his privates showing. #hatemylife
@PoundersFootball: Because of greedy TV executives, Pounders games will not be on cable or satellite until further notice.
@SebastianDixFashion: Our new fashion line unveiled in Milan - models defecate in trash bags and then wear them as a dress - This is the fashion of the future.

News

Liberty Tree - The Lost Found: Biker gang rises from ashes. Now menacing desert communities in Blaine County, San Andreas

Ian Garraway - Liberty Tree A few years ago, they were involved in a civil war in Alderney that left many dead and made some believe the Lost motorcycle club was consigned to history. Now they've resurfaced in the Alamo Sea area in the desert north of Los Santos and are once again raising havoc. For years, the Lost were involved in a seemingly non-stop war with the Angels of Death. Then came 2008's bloody civil war that apparently wiped them out for good. Now, they are back and worse than ever. The Lost are known to be heavily involved in two of the biggest industries for the impoverished desert towns on Blaine County: Illegal arms dealing, especially supplying violent gangs and separatists in Canada with American hardware; and the manufacture and distribution of crystal methamphetamine, the nightmare drug that has devastated small town life in too many rural communities, but been a great boon to the washing machine industry.

Weazel News - Stocks take a wild turn, egged on by unscrupulous traders and philandering author.

Cynthia Kelly - Weazel News The BAWSAQ market went into freefall in late trading today. Economists are growing concerned at the wild fluctuations of the market and the future of America's economy. Many amateur investors are being encourage by the book "Mounting Bulls and Riding Bears" by Karl Kelly, which some say is shoddy and reckless advice from a well-known philanderer who recently left his beautiful wife for a woman helf his age. She intends to take him for everything he's got, including all future proceeds of that shitty you hair backed small dicked balding egomaniac and if you think you're going to ever see your kids again buddy, you are as deluded as every chapter in your idiotic book. Go fuck yourself asshole.

Weazel News - Life invaded! Jay Norris killed giving key note live on tv.

Rick Simpson - Weazel News Viewers were horrified yesterday to witness the worst act of corporate espionage in American history. Jay Norris, the controversial, outspoken champion of openness and data mining had his data mined all over the stage when his head was blown off while giving a keynote speech at a shareholder meeting at the Vinewood Bowl, Los Santos. Mr. Norris, CEO and founder of social networking site Lifeinvader had made many enemies in his rise to the top, but nobody thought he was a likely assassination target. He had recently been championing the rights of companies to share and use data as they saw fit more freely. He had also helped block proposed legislation to regulate the use of out sourced labor, arguing that is "un-American of us to tell foreigners how many hours a mature 12 year old should work, or what their minimum wage should be. In some countries you can live very well on 35 cents a day." He was demonstrating the company's much hyped Lifeinvader "docking" smart phone when his head was blown off, killing him instantly.

WNKA International - Merryweather offer world's most secure courier service.

Faith Bailey - WNKA International What do you give the person who has everything? Well, whatever you give them, make sure you get it shipped by Merryweather's infamous courier service. Alongside their private security and bodyguarding divisions, Merryweather inc, the controversial company sometimes called "Don Percival's private army" is now trying to supplant the postal service - at least for the extremely wealthy. They now offer a worldwide deluxe courier service, advertised as the world's safest, ideal for moving art and other valuable treasures. Percival told reporters "With an ever greater and more powerful elife demanding better and better services, we saw a gap in the market. Now we can protect your Ming vase or luxury sports car from the common herd with the same care as we protect you as you both move from A to B."

Phone call

Michael

Lester Crest: Haha.

Michael De Santa: Lest! That was heavy! You watching the news?

Lester Crest: I don't have to, I'm watching the markets. I'll be trading pure alpha till close.

Michael De Santa: Alright. Hey, about that other thing? You know, the score?

Lester Crest: Oh yeah, yeah... absolutely. Let's do it. Put on a suit, look somewhat professional, and meet me at my warehouse off the LS Freeway... Oh, and I'm about to email you a link for the exchange. You can put in some trades of your own.

Michael De Santa: I'm trying to stay off the day trading, but maybe I'll take a look.

Michael #2

Michael De Santa: Yeah, who's this?

Rickie Lukens: It's Rickie from Lifeinvader. I know you're the bro who deactivated Jay, bro.

Michael De Santa: I have no idea what you're talking about, pal.

Rickie Lukens: What you do's your business, bro. Anyway, Jay really got a big head once people started calling him a god... guess yo proved he wasn't one. They reintegrated my team in Burundi after the design got signed off, and my shares are worth dick.

Michael De Santa: Sorry about that.

Rickie Lukens: I need work, and I thought maybe you could provide. I mean, I'm smart enough to trac you down aren't I?

Michael De Santa: I guess you are. Hey, I'll be in touch if anything comes up.

New heist member & contact: Rickie Lukens

Email

Michael and Franklin

MODS@lossantoscustoms.com
New parts just in!
Mod your ride with new bumpers, wheels, tires, skirts or tune up with a new engine, transmission and muffler now available!
LSC

Michael

t34b4g99@eyefind.info
Stock trading
Michael, it might be a good time to start making some moves on the stock market. Here's a link to the market to get you started. www.Lcn-exchange.com. Buy lowe, sell high!
Lester.

Switching to Franklin: Lamar in a fight

(Franklin holds Lamar back from two other men)

Lamar Davis: Nigga, I'm on, nigga! Call the police and tell 'em to bring out the bodybags.

Franklin Clinton: It ain't worth it, homie. Go home.

Lamar Davis: Man, I bust on these ol' bitch ass niggas and sleep like a baby.

Denise Clinton

Yoga

Denise Clinton: Whoo baby! Ugh. Ugh.

Denise Clinton: Contract. Two. Three. Four. Release! Whoo!

Denise Clinton: And contract. Two. Three. Four. Release. Two. Three. Four.

Denise Clinton: Ohh honey. I've got a pelvic floor like a sumo wrestler.

Denise Clinton: Ohhhh. Nice and tight. Eighteen inside, baby.

Sitting on the couch

Denise Clinton: I'ma have a gentleman call in later... so make yourself scarce.

Denise Clinton: Are you cooking for me tonight, boy?

Michael interacting with Eva

Michael De Santa: Hey, Eva, you're doing a great job.

Michael De Santa:Hey, Eva, keep doing what you're doing.

Michael De Santa: Hey, Eva, keep looking after us!

Michael De Santa :Hey, Eva, keep working hard! I love it.

Michael De Santa: Hey, Eva.

(separate conversation)

Eva: Mrs. Amanda like to see herself in everything.

Eva: Wife always say, "not clean enough."

Eva: I nearly done.

Eva: Ohhh. Looks broken. You no want. A-A-Ahhhh

Eva: Mrs. Amanda drink a lot. She need lot of glasses.

Michael interacting with Amanda

Michael De Santa: So what's up, Amanda?

Amanda De Santa: Very little is up, Michael. Almost everything is down.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: Hey, Amanda. Amanda De Santa: Hello, Michael.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: What's up, Amanda? Amanda De Santa: My husband is a murderer! That's what up, angel.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: What's up with you? Amanda De Santa: Nothing is up with me, Michael. Everything is pretty down.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: Amanda! Amanda De Santa: Oh, shut up, Michael.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: How you doing? Amanda De Santa: Just wonderful... seriously. Wonderful.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: How you doing, Amanda? Amanda De Santa: Just trying to find some internal peace, Michael.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: What's going on, Mand? Amanda De Santa: I'm wondering where my life went wrong, Michael.

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: All good, Amanda? Amanda De Santa: Yes - I'm married to a sociopath - life is simply fantastic!

(Separate conversation) Michael De Santa: You okay? Amanda De Santa: Not really, but I know you don't care.

(Separate conversation) Amanda De Santa: Shopping is the only thing that makes living with you bearable. Michael De Santa: Death is the only thing that makes living with you bearable.

Michael interacting with Carlos

Michael De Santa: Carlos! My man!

Michael De Santa: Hey, Carlos - keep up the good work.

Michael De Santa: Keep working hard, Carlos!

Michael De Santa: Keep doing what you're doing, Carlos.

Michael De Santa: All good, Carlos?

Michael De Santa: Looking good, Carlos?

Lester's warehouse

Raine vending machine

Office

Kronos clock
First aid kit (unusable)
Certificate - Department of Health and Safety

After Casing the Jewelry Store

Hanging around office

Lester Crest: It'll take some time to research this stuff. Don't hang around.

Lester Crest: I'll call you when I've got the information.

Lester Crest: I'm working on the next steps. Leave me alone.

Lester Crest: You know what, I can't work with you here. Get lost.

Phone call

Franklin Clinton: Eh, wassup.

Michael De Santa: Hey man, it's me, Michael.

Franklin Clinton: What's going on?

Michael De Santa: Listen... err... I gotta get hold of the money for the house we pulled down, so, well, I'm getting a crew together for, you can guess. The pay'll be awful, and the risk'll be high, but you might learn something, if you're interested.

Franklin Clinton: Man that's not exactly a great sales pitch dog, but I guess I gotta start somewhere.

Michael De Santa: Thank you. Maybe one day you can put together your own deals, you own... jobs. So, there's still some preparation I gotta do, so sit tight a while, my buddy Lester will get in touch with the details.

Texts

Lester Crest: Bugstars Pest Control have some vans at their warehouse in the Port of Los Santos. There's security in the port, so go in quiet around the back, or him em hard and fast.

Meeting Baygor as Franklin

Baygor: You can ignore me, but you cannot ignore the truth.

Franklin Clinton: Sup home, how's everything goin' with you?

Baygor: Great, really great. How are you? Well, I know how you are.

Franklin Clinton: So it's true what they say about you weirdos, then?

Baygor: Hey, last night, I was in forty five different places at the same time. I know my truth, brother-brother.

Franklin Clinton: Good for you then, homie.

Baygor: Trees can talk, but only some people can hear them. That's a fact. Sperm is a lie. It does not exist. You were told about sperm to make you believe in the great evolutionary myth. If evolution were true, we'd be able to fly just like planes. And that's a fact.

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: We are all related, father-brother. We're all related aside from people with red hair. They are not decended from the great wise one known as Kraff. I know you doubt, but doubt is the pathway to faith!

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: Do you want to be happy? Don't mock my happiness. You may think it's funny, but where will laughter get you? Laughter won't make you happy. Pick a new set of lies. Pick a fellowship of like minded adults who tithe money (subtitled as moey) for eternity and merit badges. Kifflom.

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: Salvation comes at a price, and it's a price worth paying. Salvation is available to anyone who wants it, and to anyone who can afford it. That's a message of truth. Pick your own truth. Be whom ever you want to be. This is an American religion and it's basis is lies, money and polyester leisure wear. I'm talking about Epsilonism, but can you hear me?

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: Do you want happiness, or do you want the truth? Do you want success, a great and varied sex life, and a satisfying relationship with the only thing you can change - the truth? Then it's time to embrace America's religion, Epsilonism. Find out more at epsilonprogram.com.

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: I'm an epsilonist. Yes, I'm an Epsilonist. This is our time. Don't believe what they tell you. Why not be happy? Why not buy into a system that frees you from nonsense and gives you something sensible to believe in? Your own happiness. Life is a gamble, change the odds.

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: Let me ask you a question. What is the point of your life? Where do you find happiness? I'm happy. I'm free. And for a reasonable investment of time and money, you can be too. Find joy the American way... at the end of your credit card bill.

(prolonged gap)

Baygor: You can ignore me, but you cannot ignore the truth. The truth is that dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are too weak. The world is only 157 years old. We are all decended from the same tree. Find out more at epsilonprogram.com. Kifflom.

Taxi firm: Three VIPs

Phone call, prior

Dispatcher: Mr. Clinton, we've got three guys waiting for a pick-up saying they're big VIPs. I don't want to send the wronig person, do you think you'd be able to take this one?

Franklin Clinton: Gotta do my thing for the business, I guess.

Mission

(drunk guy refers to all three, did not make a note of which one said what) Drunk guy: Bring it in, dude! Okay, we got three stops, bro. Paulie here's the closest. The Maze Bank, Alta Street. Quick as you can, we're kind of late. As you can see, we're good for a tip.

(Franklin begins to drive to Maze Bank)

Drunk guy: Drunk massage!

Drunk guy: Whoop-whoop!

Drunk guy: On the company dime! We're skipping work. Banking, dude... they want you there twenty-four seven. You have to let off a little steam sometimes. No use making all that money if you can't enjoy it. On that note, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Holla! Blaze that bad boy!

Drunk guy: Are you four twnry friendly, bro?

Franklin Clinton: Whatever.

Drunk guy: Oh yeah, bail-out blunt! It's happening.

Drunk guy: Nothing like a few drinks and a smoke before gambling with someone's retirement. Driver, do you want a hit?

Franklin Clinton: Nah, I'm cool. Smells kinda weak to me.

Drunk guy: This is prime green, man!

Drunk guy: Yeah, this is high-end. It gets delivered by a guy with a briefcase and shit.

Franklin Clinton: I'm good. I'll leave it to you professionals.

Drunk guy: Whoa, take it to the dome! This is some straight-up dank.

Drunk guy: Will you hurry up with that? Seriously, puff puff pass, Paulie! Sharing is caring.

(Paulie leaves the taxi after arriving at Maze Bank)

Drunk guy: Next stop's FLEECA Bank on Hawick Avenue. Thanks, bro.

(Franklin begins to drive towards the FLEECA bank)

Drunk guy:Is that the last of the weed?

Drunk guy: Yeah, afraid so. Man, I am so relaxed. That Olga gives a serious massage. I still can't believe Pauly got the dude!

Drunk guy: Pauly asked for the dude! Deep tissue, no hands!

Drunk guy: Whatever, yours looked like she used to be a dude.

Drunk guy: So, did you end happy?

Drunk guy: Didn't get a chance. I blew my wad into the towel halfway through. You can't knead a man's thigh like that!

Drunk guy: Good times, bro.

Drunk guy: Oh God, I so don't want to go back to work.

(Franklin arrives at the FLEECA bank)

Drunk guy: Okay that's me out. Next time, we call a different cab company, okay?

Drunk guy: Okay, screw going back to work! I need to get some junk food in me. Can you drop me at a 24/7? I think there's one on Innocence Boulevard.

(Franklin begins to drive towards the 24/7)

Drunk guy: You ever been to the Richman Hotel?

Franklin Clinton: It ain't one of my usuals, no.

Drunk guy: You should check it out. Killer cocktails, great spa. Can't believe we only dropped two grand this time. Must be slipping! But if we'd tipped any more, it would have been awkward. What about those two, huh? Top guys. Always a crazy time. Lobster in the sauna, though? Schoolboy error. Think fat girl's vagina. You live and learn, am I right?

Franklin Clinton: I think we're nearly there, thank god.

Drunk guy: Oh man, I am so hungry. A dozen donuts here I come!

(Franklin arrives)

Drunk guy: This is it. To be honest that ride kind of sucked... but, whatever, we're here now.

Phone numbers

555-0168 Growler's owner "Stop prank calling me!"

555-0131 Unknown "Stop prank calling me!"

323-555-0139 Apartment rental number Results in music being played even after the phone call has ended.

555-0142 Glass Heroes Results in a request to check the company website for hours and availability.

555-0167 Toke-a-mon Smokers Emporium "This number is no longer in service."

555-0160 Atomic, Red and white "For Rent" signs Results in a request to check the company website for hours and availability.

555-0176 Minky the Clown "This number is no longer in service."

555-0171 "Move in Special" "We're not here, call back later!"

555-0194 24 Hr Locksmith "This number is no longer in service."

555-0182 BSC Machine Maintenance Modem dial-up noise

323-460-6020 Backlot Books & Movie Posters Unknown - Busy

555-0157 Malismo Appliances Music

555-0149 East Los Santos Appliances "This number is no longer in service."

384-555-0144 Davis Electricals "We're not here, call back later!"

555-9955 "Plumbing
Plumero" Unknown - Busy

555-0142 "Plumbing" sign Results in a request to check the company website for hours and availability.

555-6746 "Plumbing & Electric" sign Unknown - Busy

555-0143 "Roofing" sign "This mailbox is full. Goodbye."

555-0146 Plumbing & Electric sign Modem dialup noise

555-0109 "For Lease" sign Beep noise then hangs up

555-0102 Kennedy Sneaker Co. Music

555-0135 Autoshop - Cypress Flats "We're not here, call back later!"

555-7334 Hardwood & Lumber Supply Unknown - Busy

323-555-0103 "Se Renta" sign "This number is no longer in service."

555-1715 Gas Migtig Arc Plasma Supply Unknown - Busy

696-555-0199 "For Lease" sign. "We're not here, call back later!"

310-555-0135 Mom's Tacos "We're not here, call back later!"

555-0168 "I CAN LENGTHEN YOUR PENICE CALL STEVIE" ad "Stop prank calling me!"

555-0178 "FIX YOUR ACCENT" ad" "Your business is important to us, but nobody is here to answer the phone. Please call back later."

555-0164 "i love 72, Dragon Brain and surfing the web.
BE MY FRIEND" ad Modem dialup noise

555-0180 Lost dog sign "We're not here. Call back later!"

555-0133? "Porn site" ad "Thanks for calling! To check for hours and availability, visit our website."

555-0109 Evan's owner Beeping noise, then hangs up.

555-0161 Wolfs International Realty "This mailbox is full. Goodbye."

555-0143 Eclipse Pharmacy "This mailbox is full. Goodbye."

555-0149 Eclipse Pharmacy "This number is no longer in service."

555-0107 Eclipse Pharmacy - Fax no. "This mailbox is full. Goodbye."

323-555-0166 The Banjo String Music

323-555-0114 Reflex Nails "Your business is important to us, but nobody is here to answer the phone. Please call back later."