libertytreeonline.com

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Libertytreeonline.com

www.libertytreeonline.com is the website for the fictional Liberty Tree newspaper in Grand Theft Auto IV. The website is updated as the player progresses through the game's story. Most stories are published in relation to missions that are completed. Seen in the screenshot is a story about Roman's Taxi Firm being destroyed after the mission Roman's Sorrow.

Journalists

Staff Writer

Articles that are not under a named journalist are named under Staff Writer.

Boy Trapped For Six Years In Flat-Pack Hell

Parents offered 20% discount card

Today the Liberty Tree witnessed an emotional reunion between an Algonquin couple and their son who was lost for six years in a KRAPEA store. A well-known pedophile at Krapea's Alderney branch alerted staff to a pallid youth whom he had spotted sleeping in the same bunk-bed on his last three visits. The child's mother told reporters, "It's a miracle. We were sure that our son was dead and had even converted his bedroom into a home gym. He appears to be a little institutionalized and cannot understand why we don't have fifteen adjacent kitchens but it's great to have him back."


Sneaker Giant Puts His Foot Down

Accusations of child labor continue

Eris founder, Pete Vassal, finally responded to the barrage of criticism over the company's use of child labor with a defiant message on www.erisfootware.com: "Eris receives a lot of flak in the liberal media for its corporate practices, especially our third-world production line.



These are lies. Our workforce is strictly volunteer now and besides, what would you rather do? Starve or earn 10 cents an hour? 401k and gym membership isn't going to put food on their floor. Children require less sleep and women are better at multi-tasking. It's simply good business sense. We spend billions every year on advertising and celebrity endorsements and that has to come from somewhere." The battle over morality vs. overpriced sports fashion continues to rage. Many of Eris's sponsored athletes came out in support of the company, saying they were each getting paid $10 million to wear the logo and the human rights scandal is overblown.


Internet Kills Man

Kitchen of the future?

The tragic death of Charles Pathmanson became even more tragic as investigators say a tragic tale of tragedy is unfolding in the tragic emails sent to Pathmanson days before his tragic tragedy. Known to have built the "Kitchen of the Future", Pathmanson had been battling hackers who had broken into his appliances and began turning them on and off, setting his oven at 500 degrees in the middle of the night, fatally breaking the ice machine, and continually making the toaster pop up and down. In an act of desperation, Pathmanson attempted to install a firewall and new motherboard in the toaster, at which point hackers switched it on and electrocuted him. Police are trolling online games and "asking these snotfaced little egomaniacal griefers if they know anything about it," Police investigator Mike Loretti said in a statement.


Ecstasy Generation Still Nervously Awaiting Backlash

Memories blurry, nerves twitchy

The music was powerful, the conversations were earnest and the sex was mind-blowing. It seemed like the party was never going to end. Then it did. You got a bit fat around the middle. You began having serious conversations about mortgages. Ravers and party goers emerged from the best decade of their lives only to be hit with the grim reality that they were going to pay the price for all that fun. Ten years later, people are starting to worry when all the devastating long-term effects are going to kick in. The answer is any minute. "Every time I get a cold or forget my keys, I am convinced that it's the beginning of the end; that I'm going to be found rocking in darkened room in a state of permanent catatonia from all that LSD, Ecstasy and weed I did," said James, a 33-year-old lawyer from Algonquin, "If it doesn't happen soon, I'm going to dust off the white gloves and glow sticks and get back out there."


Eunux Says "No Girls Allowed"

The downside to sexism?

The group of young, white, middle-class male virgins who make up the broad spectrum of the Eunux community has launched a hate campaign against a young woman in Alderney City who was discovered to have installed the open source operating system. The girl, who has asked not to be named for fear of an attempt on her life, is being relentlessly flamed in chatrooms by Eunux zealots across the country for having dared to step foot in the male-only world of open source software.



One disgruntled fanboy, blogging from his parents' basement in Broker, told the Liberty Tree, "Girls aren't allowed to touch Eunux. Just like I don't want to get on a plane with a female pilot, I don't want some chick messing around with my source code. We deliberately create ugly interfaces and make it as hard as possible to install programs in order to discourage women. First they start drinking beer and now this. Is nothing sacred any more? What next, a female president? I've tried speaking to girls in real life but all they do is laugh at me. I hope her kernel explodes." Many are already drawing parallels between this story and the female plumber who was run out of a San Andreas town last year.