12,236
edits
Tony Smith: Difference between revisions
no edit summary
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
| Line 2: | Line 2: | ||
==Online Articles== | ==Online Articles== | ||
===Ochoa Takes Aim at Illegal Weapons Trade=== | |||
Keeping our constitutional rights off the streets of Liberty City? | |||
{{quote | |||
|Idealistic Liberty City Mayor, Julio Ochoa, vowed to rid our city's streets of illegal firearms yesterday, "Our gun laws are in place for a reason. It is my duty as Mayor to enforce those laws - whether that means prosecuting the thugs possessing weapons here in Liberty City, or the salespeople providing those weapons out of state." Mayor Ochoa's task force has launched cases against Ammu-Nation stores as far a field as Los Santos and Vice City. The mayor boasts of low crime rates in the city and a high murder conviction rate. | |||
<br><br> | |||
However, police brutality and corruption have dogged his time in office. There are also allegations of statistical tampering. Lawyer Tom Goldberg has pointed out that the high conviction rate comes from the clearing of so called "cold cases" after examination with new forensic evidence, "Mayor Ochoa and the Liberty City PD are using statistics to blind the people as to the true nature of life on the streets of this city. It's dangerous - your children are not safe." | |||
<br><br> | |||
Last year over 10,000 illegal firearms were recovered by the LCPD. There were over 500 gun-related homicides. Is Ochoa's campaign a case of too little, too late? Will his jaunts to sunnier cities save our children from their almost certain fates? The sale or possession of firearms is illegal here, in Liberty City. Does that mean that weapons are only in the hands of people willing to use them for evil? It remains to be seen. | |||
}} | |||
===Red, Black and Blue?=== | |||
Police accused of brutality against protestors | |||
{{quote | |||
|Reacting to angry citizens' groups claiming that police brutality is on the rise, Liberty City's Police Commissioner for Public Affairs, Tom Pireni, told reporters, "Our police are here to make you feel safe. Sometimes you are acting in an unsafe manner or not standing in a designated free speech zone, at which point we have to take action quickly and violently." | |||
<br><br> | |||
After a major scuffle at the Broker Bridge earlier, citizens lined up, showing welts, bruises and bullet wounds from what they say is a macho police force gone seriously overboard. Some passersby had other opinions. "You Americans bring this upon yourself," Natalya Shironova told Weazel Radio, "When we fix elections, all dissenters are rounded up and sent to salt mines. It soon stops anyone from complaining." | |||
}} | |||
<!--2--> | |||
===Worse Things Happening at Sea=== | |||
Body of ship's captain found in Humboldt | |||
{{quote | |||
|Another day, another body dragged from the Humboldt River. This time it is ship Captain, Zorba Philippidis - his body bloated and partially consumed by water rats. Autopsy results cite drowning as the cause of death but reveal massive quantities of alcohol in his system. Captain Philippidis recently arrived in East Hook Bay on his ship, the Platypus. All members of the crew of this ship remain unaccounted for since it was unloaded. | |||
<br><br> | |||
A Spokesman for the National Office of Security Enforcement in charge of customs and border protection is concerned. "This is a major security breach. One member of this vessel's crew is dead, the others are likely to be in our country without visas. Please, if you see anyone who looks remotely foreign, report them to the nearest police officer. These people are likely to be criminals, terrorists and sexual deviants - they're not from here." | |||
}} | |||
===Taxi Hike=== | |||
Liberty City Cab Prices Sky Rocket | |||
{{quote | |||
|Before the War on Fun stormed the shores and alleyways of Liberty City, when Star Junction was equal parts grit, glamour and gutter, pills were popped, noses were white, and highball glasses shattered in passionate domestic violence altercations. It was a time when the only tip you left for a cab driver was a stain on his back seat and helpful suggestions regarding his mother. Now citizens are hostages in their own city - held handicap by taxi prices that have gone through the roof. | |||
<br><br> | |||
Liberals are complaining that our war mongering President has driven up the price of gas. Conservatives say immigrant cab drivers are greedy, un-American pro-union bullies and we should close the borders. The Taxi Drivers Association says the price increase is due to the increased risk of terrorism in Liberty City. We think it's because all the hipsters and neophytes have moved out of Algonquin and into Broker and drivers can't tell the difference between an unwashed trust fund kid who dresses like a street urchin and an actual hobo, so they cut their losses and overcharge everyone. | |||
<br><br> | |||
Whatever the reason, this reporter is going to be driving home drunk, as he certainly can't afford a cab. | |||
}} | |||
<!--14--> | <!--14--> | ||
===Nameless Killer Strikes Again=== | ===Nameless Killer Strikes Again=== | ||
| Line 7: | Line 44: | ||
{{quote | {{quote | ||
|The serial killer our unimaginative police force and media cannot name has struck again. This time, a jogger in Alderney got the chop as a headless body was found in some bushes by the river. The body had been badly mutilated and taken advantage of, and police have still not identified the victim. Local residents are starting to panic. One local heavy-set woman, Siobhan Phillips, told us, "They say keeping fit is good for you; well, it wasn't good for this man - he went running and had his head chopped off by a maniac." Of greater concern for many is the failure by our police force to name the killer. Surely a man who chops off heads for fun could inspire a funny nickname or moniker of some sort? | |The serial killer our unimaginative police force and media cannot name has struck again. This time, a jogger in Alderney got the chop as a headless body was found in some bushes by the river. The body had been badly mutilated and taken advantage of, and police have still not identified the victim. Local residents are starting to panic. One local heavy-set woman, Siobhan Phillips, told us, "They say keeping fit is good for you; well, it wasn't good for this man - he went running and had his head chopped off by a maniac." Of greater concern for many is the failure by our police force to name the killer. Surely a man who chops off heads for fun could inspire a funny nickname or moniker of some sort? | ||
}} | |||
<!--16--> | |||
===Hate Crimes in the Park=== | |||
Suspected gay basher in Middle Park | |||
{{quote | |||
|As if Middle Park was not dangerous enough, a suspected gay basher is on the loose. Several gay men have been attacked over the past weeks. Deputy Mayor Bryce Dawkins believes that this spree of beatings is down to a lack of family values. "Homosexuality should not be flaunted around parks where impressionable young children or I might see." | |||
<br><br> | |||
Others have been more forthright. The Police Commissioner warned that, "This man is a repeat offender and must be stopped. Hate crimes have no place in our city, unlike financial fraud, insider trading, counterfeit goods, or political corruption." Suddenly, a walk in Middle Park doesn't sound like a good idea. | |||
}} | }} | ||