User:Gta-mysteries/Brucie Dialogue

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Conversation one

Brucie: The thing is Niko, there is something you don't understand about me bro.

Niko: Definitely true.

Brucie: I know it all seems straight forward - what you see is what you get. Ok?

Niko: No, trust me, it seems pretty weird.

Brucie: But underneath these rock hard abs and biceps of steel, lurks the beast, bro.

Niko: What?

Brucie: I'm a wild animal, man. I'm a raging torrent, bro.

Niko: Sure - my English not so good. Can you keep it simple?

Brucie: I'm an animal on fire. I'm crazy. Loco. Lunatic. Look, all I'm saying, man, don't unlock the forces you can't possibly understand. Capiche?

Niko: I'll try not to.

Conversation two

Brucie: NB, man. You ever wonder why I look so good? Huh? You ever think, what motivates Brucie to sculpt his body into rock hard, cut granite?

Niko: Can't say that it helps me up at night, but I'd guess that it's because you're a bit insecure. There's nothing wrong with that.

Brucie: You're a crazy bastard, man. Fucking crazy. I love you, man. I love you but you're wrong, bro. Okay, I'm cut like I am because I can. Most people are happy with being average. They settle for what a midsize car, 2.4 kids and a chubby fucking wife. Huh? Yeah right.

Niko: I'd settle for people stopping trying to kill me. That's an average life I could go for.

Brucie: You don't mean that! Shit, you like to push shit to the next level as much as me. As I was saying, people settle for the average and don't look for any more okay? I wanna be everything I can be. I will pump iron, hit the cardio, juice to the max - I'll do, I'll do all that to look the best I can. That's why I've got the hottest bitches in my bed, the sweetest rides in my garage, the coldest ice on my wrist okay? You know it NB. I don't let anything stop me from hitting the pinnacle baby.

Conversation three

Brucie: Let me let you in on a little secret, NB.

Niko: Sure, as long as it doesn't involve what you really get up to in the gym.

Brucie: You want to learn something or you want to make fun?

Niko: Make fun.

Brucie: Tough - it's time you learnt something, okay? Look, you're fast and you're powerful, but unless you turn speed into velocity, unless you have direction, you might be going in the wrong direction, okay?

Niko: Thanks for that Brucie - really interesting.

Brucie: Yeah I'm writing a book. Yeah and I've got my own website - all about life coaching.

Niko: Good luck.

Brucie: No I don't need luck - I've got vision bro. In short, my philosophy is: "Life is about making the best of yourself."

Niko: Amazing. How do people do this?

Brucie: A lot of hard work down the gym, some excellent supplements and two-hundred egg whites a day.

Conversation four

Brucie: So, man. I was in the doctors office waiting to go in and have some shots in my forehead and lips, right? So, I'm sitting there and I'm reading one of those women's magazines. You know the ones I mean?

Niko: Sure, Brucie. The ones that give the teenage girls of America low self esteem and eating disorders.

Brucie: Yeah right. What would we do without them, right? Anyway, there was this article about bitches digging guys who don't work out. I mean, what the fuck man, what's that?

Niko: Takes all sorts, people got different tastes.

Brucie: You believe that shit? Right? You believe that shit. Girls like poor guys too, right? Whatever. You crack me up, man. That's just a rumour made up by guys who don't got the bods bro. That's it.

Niko: Yeah, I didn't realize that. I thought people had different opinions.

Brucie: Alright, look... look, when a bitch sees you all cut, standing there just out of the shower... water's dripping down your abs, your veins are popping out cause you're jacked, and your towel is like slung real low. They see that shit and it's just more interesting bro. bitches like hard straight lines, they don't like flab, alright? I'll show you a picture I took this morning when I got out of the shower. You'll see what I mean.

Niko: I'm alright, Brucie. I'm really alright.

Conversation five

Brucie: You know what the secret to my success is NB?

Niko: Yes, that bullshark stuff.

Brucie: No! that's fuel man, it's not the engine.

Niko: Okay.

Brucie: The engine is my mind - it's a steel trap. It's solid steel.

Niko: I can tell.

Brucie: It's a coiled spring of pure power - and what drives it is control, okay? You've got to get more control. Learn to resist.

Niko: Sure.

Brucie: You know what - you've got to learn to abstain. You know, once I abstained from pussy... for six months alright. No sex for six months, can you imagine? I was so pent up.

Niko: I'm not really enjoying the images that are running through my mind.

Brucie: And no masturbating, either. That was the hardest bit.

Niko: Will you shut up?

Brucie: What?

Niko: Just shut up.

Brucie: Oh. Sorry bro. Sorry.

Conversation six

Brucie: You know what, NB. You crazy immigrant killer. You know that I look at you and I see myself. You know that?

Niko: It's funny but I look at you and I don't see myself. Must be a one way mirror or something.

Brucie: That is exactly what I'm talking about, man. You can't see yourself in me because you haven't unlocked your full potential. Look, between you and me. I used to be an out of shape guy with anger issues just like you bro. You're gonna have to trust me on that one because I burnt all the photos.

Niko: I can believe that.

Brucie: Dude, I had low cheekbones as well. Thank god for implants, man. Okay. Okay, so I was this guy who was going nowhere and I changed my life. Hit the weights right, hit the 'roids, then the bull shark. I didn't get angry anymore. I was happy! In myself! Maybe that's what you need?

Niko: I don't want to sound like a dick, Brucie. But didn't you get me running around town, killing people, because you got 'roid rage? If those aren't anger issues, I don't know what are. At least when I decide someone's gotta go, there's a good reason.

Brucie: All I'm saying is I'm a more rounded person, that's all. Alright, maybe if you started to look after your body, you'd start to look after your mind, man.

Conversation seven

Brucie: Let me ask you, NB - what are your personal goals, bro?

Niko: I don't know - to find resolution, I guess.

Brucie: Whatever - you sound confused, pal. I know mine. You wanna hear?

Niko: Not really.

Brucie: Listen, you might learn something important okay. My goal is always the same... to win! Okay?

Niko: Incredible. Win at what?

Brucie: I don't know... win... at everything.

Niko: Great - well you're certainly winning the tanning competition. I've seen handbags that are less leathery. Anything else?

Brucie: I'm a winner, man. You need a lot of help, bro. Okay - to unlock your potential. To be something. To turn heads when you walk into the VIP bar or a high rolling environment.

Niko: Sure.

Conversation eight

Brucie: Shit man, I'm fucking done with it - alright. If one more person asks me I'm gonna flip alright? The hate is gonna descend and I'm gonna start breaking thing. I fucking swear it, man.

Niko: If someone asks you what?

Brucie: Whether steroids give you funny balls. Right? Steroids don't fucking shrink your balls, man. My balls are actually pretty big.

Niko: Yeah, man. I'm sure they are.

Brucie: They are, man. You wanna feel them? Touch my balls and end this once and for all bro. You can tell everyone that juicing don't actually shrink people's balls because Brucie's are fucking huge. I was juggling them like melons just the other day bro.

Niko: I really don't want to touch your balls Brucie.

Brucie: Come on, Niko. Just cup them bro. One time.

Niko: That ain't going to happen, friend. Let's drop this.


Calling Brucie

Niko: Brucie.

Niko: Brucie, man.

Niko: Brucie, what's up?

Niko: Hey Brucie.

Niko: Man.

Niko: What's up, man?

Niko: Yo.

(If Brucie hasn't been contacted for a while)

Brucie: Hey, Nicky, you think I'm a fucking bitch, not callin' me for so long? That ain't cool, not again man, not again.

Brucie: Shit, I don't know if it was the juice but I didn't think you was gonna call me, man. You back though.

Arranging an activity

Niko: I'll be around soon.

Niko: I'll come get you, Brucie.

Niko: Let's do this Brucie, wait for me.

Niko: Nice one, Brucie. See you then.

Niko: See you in a bit Brucie.

Niko: Sounds fun man, I'll pick you up.

Niko: Sounds good, I'll come get you Brucie.

Niko: We will do this Brucie, see you.

Brucie calls

(If Brucie hasn't been contacted for a while)

Brucie: Nicky. I don't want no excuses or nothing but why the fuck haven't you called me. Shit.

Arranging an activity

Brucie: Nice one, NB. See you then.

Meeting Brucie

(If Niko is in a car)

Brucie: Hey NB, let's roll.

Brucie: Let's get the fuck outta here, homeboy.

Brucie: Let's take it to the max, man - come on, let's go.

(If Niko is on foot)

Brucie: Hey, NB - we need a car, man.

Brucie: We need a whip, homie.

(If Niko is on a bike)

Brucie: Hey NB - that's a cool bike. Brucie likes bikes. They're manly, but also classy. Like me, yeah-heh baby!

Brucie: Nice bike, man.

Finishing an activity

Brucie: Can you give me a lift home, bro?

Brucie: Can you take me back to my crib, homie?

Brucie: Can you take me home, man?

Brucie: Yo, can you drop me at my pad?

(Taking too long)

Brucie: Hey! Stick to the fuckin' plan, bro!

Taking Brucie home

Brucie: Good rolling with you NB. Let's hang out soon. We're winners man, fucking winners. Yeah!

Brucie: Good times, homie - good times - see you soon - and do some crunches, man - for god's sake. Shit!

Brucie: Good times, NB, good times. I'll see you soon, man.

Brucie: That was good times. They'll write books about times like this. Winners relaxing, know what I mean?

Declining an activity

Canceling an activity

Brucie: Alright, man. Whatever. Hopefully see you soon bro.

Brucie: Alright, NB. If that's how you're playing it. We're gonna hang real soon though.

Brucie: Don't worry about it, NB. Another time.

Brucie: No skin off my back, NB. That's all cool baby. Another time.

Brucie declines

Niko: Alright, stay cool, man.

Niko: Alright man, see you soon hopefully.

Niko: Okay Brucie, some other time.

Niko: Shit Brucie, we'll hang another time.

(If Brucie is unavailable)

Brucie: My alarm is set for 8, man. I need some sleep until then or my complexion is gonna be all screwed up, you fuck.

Brucie: What the fuck, NB? I'm trying to get some rest from my intense cardio session, man. Call me after 8am, alright?

Niko: Shit, man, didn't mean to interrupt your beauty sleep. Another time.

(If Brucie hasn't been contacted for a while)

Brucie: If you wanna roll with the bling and the bitches you gotta call me more often, bitch.

Brucie: NB. You leaving me hanging for so long hurting, you know? Maybe we could chill another time?

(Brucie's answering machine)

Brucie: This is Brucie. I'm pushing it to the max, rolling deep, baby. Leave me a message.


Niko calls

Niko: How about we take a powerboat out?

Niko: I really feel like powerboating, how about it?

Niko: I think we should take a powerboat out.

Niko: You wanna go powerboating?

Brucie: I can dig that. Wait until the bitches scope us. I'll wait for you for an hour, alright?

Brucie: I can vibe some boating. Yeah, boating. Grab me in the next hour.

Brucie: Powerboats. That's some bling shit, NB. Let's roll. Pick me up in the next hour.

Brucie: Powerboats? That sounds good. The bitches will love you and me on the river. Come get me in an hour, babe.

Brucie declines

Brucie: Even Brucie has to work on his god-like delts. We'll go boating another time, a'ight?

Brucie: I can't do it, NB. I've got some 'roid rage right now and the motion of water might push me over the edge, bro.

Brucie: I got a date with my own perfect abs. I'll be in the gym for the next three hours. No powerboating for Brucie.

Brucie: The amount of bling I'm wearing right now. I'd sink right into the fucking water.

(If the two recently went powerboating)

Brucie: Can't do it again so soon, NB. Hit me later, bro.

Brucie: Man, I'll get seasick if I go out again so soon. Another time, B.

Brucie: You're a powerboating fanatic, NB. I can't do it with you right now, okay.

Brucie: You're an animal, man. We just went boat riding. Some other time, yeah? Yeah? Yeah? A'right.

Brucie calls



Niko: Can't actually do that boating with you no more Brucie. Another time.

Niko: Sorry man, looks like I can't hit the river with you. Some other time.


(Meeting with Brucie)

Brucie: Nice one, Nicky. You can see we got a lot to handle with these two ladies. Let's go.

Brucie: Nicky, you're a winner. Let's treat these ladies right, my man. Move out, bro.

(The four drive to the powerboat)

Brucie: Okay, Niko, girlies, let's live it up a little, yeah.

Brucie: Okay Niko, ladies, let's get in the boat.

(Brucie setting a destination)

Brucie: Cruise over to Pier 45, Nicky. We ride in style.

Brucie: Let's hit up the driving range, Nicky. We can laugh at those silver medalists who don't have the cabbage to buy boats. Ha ha haaa!

Brucie: Let's show these ladies some romantic shit. Prove that us alphas got a sensitive side too.

Brucie: Maybe we should show these ladies some industrial shit. Make it so, Nicky.

Brucie: Take us over to the Statue of Happiness. That's some intense shit.

Brucie: Let's show these girls those crazy rusted up ships, Nicky. Industrial decline, man. The exact opposite of me - yeah, scientific progress.

(After visiting said destination)

Brucie: I could hit a ball harder than any of them, check out these triceps. Head back, Nicky.

Brucie: Impressive shit, right? Not as impressive as the steel I got in these calves, but cool. Go back now, Nicky.

Brucie: Ladies, looking at my body, you got to know I think things should be kept in perfect condition. Head back, Niko.

Brucie: Me and Nicky are the tightest motherfuckers in the city. That's a fact. Cruise back now, homie.

Brucie: You girls can't even concentrate on this shit. You're thinking about my pecs, right. Let's go back, Nicky.

Brucie: You ladies are much hotter than that bitch. Let's cruise back, Nicky.

(Arriving back at Brucie's)

Brucie: Ice cold, Nicky, you're a fucking prince. He's a prince, ain't he ladies? Ain't he?

Brucie: NB, you must have learned that shit in the red army. Mad crazy. We all love you, bro.

Brucie: Nicky, the ladies and me are real grateful, brother.

Brucie: Thanks for being the pilot, Nicky. I would have let these chicks thank you but I got plans for them. Yeah!

Brucie: You can captain my boat any day, I'd let you captain these ladies but they want the Brucie.

Conversation One

Brucie: Hey, you ever see two bitches as tight as these babes?

Niko: I dunno Brucie. Yeah, they're pretty.

Brucie: No, they're fucking hot man. They're smoking. We met up in a club and it was intense. Wasn't it babe?

Woman: Yeah.

Brucie: I was standing at the bar ordering a magnum, scoping the floor you know, flexing my pecs, and I saw these girls and I felt it. They saw what I was packing and they felt it too. Didn't you?

Woman: Yeah, sure.

Niko: It wasn't the amount of money he was spending that attracted you to Brucie, was it ladies?

Woman: Nah.

Niko: What you talking about man? These girls were as impressed with the body I was rocking... as the bling I had on and the readies I was dropping. Alright? Get rid of the attitude, you're a winner too bro.

Conversation Two

Brucie: Babes, you ever think that there's more to life? I'm a winner, yeah. I got a successful business, I got the readies, I definitely got the body. I can get hot chicks like you to hang out with me. But there's gotta be more, you know.

Niko: How could there be more than that?

Brucie: You know what I mean, I'm alpha. I'm the hunter gatherer. I dominate the fucking savannah. Eating wildebeest and fucking all the bitches in the pride. You get me?

Woman: No.

Brucie: I'm a winner but I'm so spiritual. I feel that deep shit. I listen to, like trance music and shit. I burn scented candles and I look after my chi. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. You get that?

Woman: Yeah.

Niko: Makes a lot of sense, man. A whole lot of sense.

Conversation Three

Brucie: Alright let's party, then... let's have a good time... you ready to party, babes?

Woman: Fuck yeah!

Brucie: Great... I'm glad we hooked up - you girls are gonna have the night of your lives - me and NB - we're tigers, babe, Tigers, tigers, you know what I mean?

Woman: Yeah..

Brucie: Tell me about yourselves - let me know your darkest secrets - let me know what floats your yacht, sinks your swimmer, are you a crunches or lipo girl? Are you an angel or a devil? Are you a good girl, or, you know, are you a fox in wolves clothing, you know what I mean?

Woman: Got me.

Brucie: Let me put it another way, I've got great abs, but I've also got a big cock and a big bank balance. I'm the complete package. Niko's more your tough, and rough diamond type, but he's prime rib, all the same. He's a tiger,, even though he looks like a... you know, like a...

Niko: Please shut up, Brucie...

Brucie: Don't mean to embarrass you, NB.

Conversation Four

Niko: So what you guys got planned later on?

Brucie: Shit, Nicky. We're close and all that but I ain't sharing these girls like that. What we're gonna do is private bro. You wanna have a good time, babes?

Woman: Yes.

Brucie: What about you, hot stuff?

Woman: Naturally.

Brucie: Brucie's gonna put on some good shit for you babes. After this, we're going back to my place and I'm getting out the massage oil. You like the sound of that?

Woman: Yeah, yeah.

Brucie: You're going to oil up my arms and chest, then I'm gonna let you find ladies watch me do some reps. I'll be flexing the kind of body you tell your grandkids about. And if that don't get you hot then call the morgue because you bitches have got to be dead. You looking forward to that?

Woman: No thank you.

Woman: Dream on.

Niko: They're real lucky girls, Brucie. Real lucky.

Conversation Five

Brucie: Alright ladies... you having fun? I'm glad we hooked up, you glad darling?

Woman: Yeah.

Brucie: Cool. You know, when you smile, I see a lot of good things. I see farmhouses and kids and a future. I've got a poetic side, babe. Can you tell?

Woman: Yes.

Brucie: I'm a playboy, I'm a hunter, I'm a swordsman, I'm a rapier thrust into your panties. But I'm also looking to settle down. I'm looking for a little gaggle of baby Brucies. You know what I mean?

Woman: Uh huh.

Brucie: But I haven't met the right person... I need someone who understands executive VIP lifestyles, a go getter, a risk taker, a hunter, but soft and gentle.

Niko: Where are you going to find a man like that?

Brucie: Very funny NB. If I could clone myself, I would. Genetically different, man. That's my motto.

Niko: And it couldn't be more true.


Niko calls

Niko: How about some bowling?

Niko: Shit, I feel like going bowling.

Niko: You and me should bowl together.

Niko: You wanna go bowling?

Brucie: Bowling? You fucking read my mind, NB. Pick me up within the hour.

Brucie: Dude, I could bowl. Don't expect to win though, I destroy that shit. Pick me up in the next hour.

Brucie: I love that bowling shit, I'll wait for you for an hour, NB.

Brucie: You know I bowl like, three-hundred with one arm behind my back. Pick me up in the next hour.

Brucie declines

Brucie: Bowling, huh, you gotta find someone else to roll with, I've gotta go a cardio session.

Brucie: You wanna bowl? Sorry, I pulled a rear deltoid doing a free weight. Another time baby.

Brucie calls

Brucie: Hey NB, we been kicking it a bit now man. How about you and me hit the bowling alley, yeah?


Niko: Shit, Brucie. I ain't in a bowling mood right now. Some other time.


Niko: Brucie, sorry about this but I gotta cancel our bowling date.

Niko: Sorry Brucie, I can't actually go bowling with you right now.


(Arriving at a bowling alley)

Brucie: Let's put some b-ling into the bowling scene baby, yeah.

Brucie: Let's show everyone how two winners bowl.

(If Niko loses)

Brucie: The best your gonna do in a competition with Brucie is second place. Remember that.

(If Niko wins)

Brucie: Maybe you won, but the game is about flare. And I had more of that, bro.


Niko calls

Niko: Drink?

Niko: How about we go for a drink?

Niko: Let's go drinking.

Niko: You wanna go for a drink?

Brucie: Champagne popping? You know I like to roll like that, man. Come grab me in the next sixty, bitch.

Brucie: Drinking? Yeah baby, you speak my language, NB. See you at mine in the next hour.

Brucie: Some alcoholic beverages? As long as they're expensive, I'm in. I'll wait an hour, NB.

Brucie: Two hard bodies like ours out on the town. Bitches beware. ETD next hour. A'ight?

Brucie declines

Brucie: Afraid not, brother. Tell the bitches they're gonna miss out on us tonight.

Brucie: Sorry man, I'm dehydrating so my veins stand out. Another time, okay.

Brucie: Sorry, NB. Can't have those toxins in my system. Another time, a'right.

Brucie: Wish I could drink with you, NB. But I'm on a detox diet, baby. Raincheck until the retox.

(If Brucie and Niko recently went drinking)

Brucie: NB. We just went out. I'd hate to see the state of your liver. Another time, bro.

Brucie: We just went out. I've gotta hit the gym hard to get rid of those ah, you know, calories hello.


Brucie: Brucie, sorry but I can't go drinking with you.

Niko: Hey Brucie. Sorry but we can't get that drink right now.

Brucie calls



(Comrade's Bar)

Brucie: Man - not my usual style, but whatever.

Brucie: Okay, let's have a drink then.

(After drinking)

Brucie: Ah, not enough rich, superficial people for my liking, you know what I'm saying? It was alright.

Brucie: That was fun.


Conversation one

Niko: That was fun.

Brucie: Yeah, man. We're the fucking best bro. Nobody can touch our shit. I mean no one else was flashing the cash that we were, right? Nobody was rocking bling like ours. No one could touch our bods. We're fucking pimps. We are the money. Did you see the way those bitches was scoping me? They love my shit. Yeah, that's right.

Niko: I missed that Brucie.

Brucie: Oh, you must have been in the can or something.

Conversation two

Brucie: Did you see how those women were looking at me, man?

Niko: No.

Brucie: They were hellcats, hunters, cougars, baby just like me.

Niko: Vain, drug addled, full of plastic?

Brucie: Ah man, shut up, just shut up... why you always so negative bro? Winners are never negative. I'm a positive person. I'm the best. I'm unstoppable. I'm genetically different, man. That's my vibe. And I'm sticking to it. I fucking love you man.

Conversation three

Brucie: Man, I love drinking champagne. It's the fucking best bro, fucking best. That's why it costs the most, because it's the shit.

Niko: It's okay.

Brucie: You see how I went in there and I got the most expensive shit they had. That's how I roll, okay? I don't mind laying down the readies. I just wish more people saw me man.

Niko: They saw you drinking the champagne.

Brucie: Yeah, but that don't mean they knew how much it cost. They might have thought we was drinking some sparkling wine... shit or something. You'd think the barman could put a price tag on the glasses. Fucking asshole! Everyone would know then.

Niko: You should ask them next time.

Conversation four

Brucie: I'm going to have to hit the cardio hard tomorrow. There were some serious carbs in those drinks bro.

Niko: Yeah? I didn't notice.

Brucie: You should start looking after yourself more. Start counting carbs bro, hitting the weights. I got a good line on juice if you want some.

Niko: I got enough of a temper, thanks Brucie. I don't want to think what would happen if the 'roid rage took hold of me too.

Brucie: That was just an offer man. Alright? An offer to a friend. I fucking love you man.


Niko calls

Niko: How about we get some food?

Niko: Want to get something to eat?

Niko: You hungry? Let's eat.

Niko: You wanna grab some food?

Brucie: Alright, I could eat with you, NB. Scoop me up in the next sixty minutes.

Brucie: Eating? Yeah, oh yeah, that'd be sweet, NB. Pick me up in the next sixty, alright?

Brucie: Food? As long as it's low cal, I'm in, bro. Pick me up in the next hour, ok?

Brucie: I'd love to eat with your ass, bro. Not your ass, with your ass. Grab me in the next hour, alright?

Brucie declines

Brucie: Food, sorry NB but this juicing fucks with my appetite. Another time, okay?

Brucie: Sorry man, about to do some hardcore cardio and I'd probably puke it up. Later, bro.

Brucie: Sorry man. I've gone macrobiotic for the time being. Don't know how long that's going to last though. Another time alright, babe?

(If Brucie and Niko recently went eating)

Brucie: Shit, not for me. We just ate. Are you depressed and getting into comfort food or something, pussy?


Niko: Brucie, we can't eat together right now. Another time.

Niko: Sorry, Brucie. I gotta cancel our meal.

Brucie calls



(Burger Shot)

Brucie: NB - do I look this cheap?

(Cluckin' Bell)

Brucie: This isn't really my style, man.

(After eating)

Brucie: Man, that revolts me - this body is a temple and it's been desecrated, motherfuckers, shit!

Brucie: That place is foul, shit! - I need to work out hard as penance.

Helicopter Ride

Niko calls

Niko: How about we go for a ride in a chopper?

Niko: I feel like seeing some of the city from the air. How about a chopper ride?

Niko: Why don't me and you take a bird into the air?

Niko: You want to take a spin in the heli?

Brucie: Chopper ride? You are one bad ass bling motherfucker. Let's do it. I'll wait an hour.

Brucie: Choppers? You know my vibe. You know how I roll. Come grab me an a hour, B.

Brucie: Man, NB. That's a sweet idea. We'll pimp it up with the sky. First class shit. Pick me up in an hour, bro.

Brucie declines

Brucie: I can't do that chopper shit right now. Hit me up later, alright B?

Brucie: It ain't the time for a chopper ride, NB. Alright? I'll speak to you soon.

Brucie: Sorry, NB. We got to put a raincheck on that chopper action. Another time, bro.

Brucie calls

Brucie: How about we take a ride in my chopper.




Brucie: Get in the chopper, everyone. Get in!

Brucie: Get in.

(Once everyone is in the chopper, Brucie sets a destination)

Brucie: Head over to that standing erection, homie. Let these ladies check out the length of it.

Brucie: How about we show these ladies Dragon Heart Plaza from the air, bro?

Brucie: Take us over to Broker Bridge. That thing is almost as cut as my delts.

Brucie: Why don't we go to the Get a Life Building, NB? Buzz the tower. Show them what life really is like for those who know how.

(If the chopper needs to be higher or lower)

Brucie: These girls want a good view, NB. Get the chopper up a bit.

Brucie: Get up a bit, baby.

Brucie: Give us some altitude, Nicky. The ladies want to see this thing.

Brucie: We need to be higher for the sweet view, bro.

Brucie: Get higher, man.

Brucie: Lower, Nicky. These girls want a better view.

Brucie: Get lower, Nicky.

Brucie: Take the chopper lower, man.

Brucie: Take it down for a better look, NB.

(After visiting said destination)

Brucie: Man, we're winners. Do you know anyone like us, girls? C'mon, we're fucking beautiul. Head back, Nicky.

Brucie: Ladies, you see the bridge. You see Brucie. I know which you prefer. Let's head back, man.

(Heading back at Brucie's)

Brucie: It's fucking beautiful, man. I love that shit. If I was that big chimp I'd climb it too. My arms aren't probably as big as his but fuck it. Hey, head back, Niko.

Brucie: Hold on - we're gonna have some fun... man I love flying in these babies - everytime I go in one of these I know I'm wheat, not chaff. Man - I fucking love these things.

Brucie: NB - man - you better remember this one - we're fucking winners brother. I'm not a sad fat lose that no girl will kiss, anymore. No, I'm a winner who can pay any woman to have sex with him.

(Landing the helicopter back at Brucie's)

Brucie: That's it ladies. The show is over. All you get to look at is Brucie's body. Lucky you.

Brucie: These girls were impressed, Nicky. They don't know that we roll like this everyday. We're winners, man.


Conversation One

Brucie: Alright let me tell you something... home cremation. That's how I want to go, alright. I read this amazing thing about it online the other day. What do you think babe?

Woman: No way.

Brucie: Why the fuck not? Viking shit is where it's at. Of course, you guys will be dead long before me - I'm planning on hitting a buck fifty. Seriously.

Niko: Life seems longer when I'm with you...

Brucie: Very funny, NB. Argh! Oh my God - what is that, babe? Is that cellulite?

Woman: Why are you picking on me?

Brucie: It better not be. Brucie does not do cellulite. Brucie does not do five hundred crunches a day so he can cuddle fucking cellulite.

Niko: Brucie - chill out - who cares... they're real women.

Brucie: Above all, NB, Brucie does not do real women. I'm living the dream man. Viking dreams, baby. Christ! When I'm gone, you'll understand.

Niko: When you're gone, I'll be one hundred and fifty.

Brucie: Take this thing down a little bit, homie. We want a good view.

Brucie: This is the life, ain't it girls? Flying over the city with a pair of rock hard studs. Something to tell your grandkids, man. You should go back, homie.

Brucie: This is the way to travel, amigo. I know, I get wood every time I go in one of these fucking things. Serious wood man, alright, let me tell you.

Niko: Please be quiet.

(Arriving back at Brucie's)

Brucie: Nicky, you work that thing like a fucking professional, alright? You're a winner just like me, bro.


Niko calls

Niko: How about we go see a show?

Niko: I feel like seeing a show. Wanna come?

Niko: Want to go see something?

Niko: You wanna go to a show?

Brucie: Alright man, I'll get ready. Come pick me up within the next hour.

Brucie: For sure, Nicky. Come get me in the next hour.

Brucie: Shit, man. Sounds like a date. Come get me in the next hour, bro.

Brucie: That's a plan, man. Come get me in the next hour.

Brucie declines

Brucie: I can't deal with that shit at the moment. Another time, NB.

Brucie: Nicky, you called me at the wrong time here. I'm about to start a workout. Don't be scared to call black. Love you, man.

Brucie: Sorry, homie. I just juiced, think I might get up on stage and start kicking ass. Another time.

(If Brucie and Niko recently went to a show)

Brucie: I got a hot bitch coming around, Nicky. I can't hit up a show again.


Niko: Sorry Brucie, something came up. I can't hit that show with you. Another time.

Brucie calls




Brucie: Alright man... Cabaret? This the shirt they made you watch in the Red Army, bro?

Brucie: Shit, man. Cabaret? Woah, we could have stayed in and watched America's Top Hooker, you know?

(After the show)

Brucie: NB, what the fuck man. You're in America now, bro. Don't go to this shit.

Brucie: Shit, Nicky. That stuff's not for me, man. I'd rather have worked on my fucking delts.

Strip Club

Niko calls

Niko: How about we roll together and scope bitches at the strip club?

Niko: Wanna hit a strip club?

Niko: Want to hit a strip club?

Niko: You want to go to a nice gentleman's club?

Brucie: A strip club? Alright, NB. Let's roll. Pick me up in the next hour, bitch.

Brucie: A gentlemen's club? Yeah sure, NB, I'm excited, yeah. I'll wait at my place for an hour.

Brucie: Strippers? I'm in. Scoop me up from my crib in the next hour.

Brucie: When you've got what I got, you shouldn't have to pay for pussy. But I'm in bro, come collect me in the next hour.

Brucie declines

Brucie: Shit, I'm dating a couple of strippers at the moment. I don't want stuff to get complicated. You know what I mean?

Brucie: Sorry man, no strippers for me. I'm hitting the gym, bro.


Brucie: Brucie man, those naked chicks are gonna have to wait. Another time.

Niko: Hey man, me and you are gonna have to get horny together another time. Right now won't do.

Brucie calls

Brucie: NB, I think you and me, we know each other well enough now to hit up a strip club. You in?

Brucie: You wanna go to a gentlemen's club?

Niko: Alright, Brucie. Let's go watch some strippers. Wait for me for an hour.



(Arriving at a strip club)

Brucie: The women may ignore you because I'm here, yeah that's it, don't let it damage your fucking ego, asshole, yeah-heh!

(Leaving the strip club)

Brucie: Man, those women were all over me, bro!

Standing Brucie Up

Text Messages

(Not contacting Brucie for a while)

NB - where you at, bro. Don't treat me cold because my delts are more cut than yours. Hit me up and we'll hang. - B

Shit man, I'm starting to forget about your alpha male Eastern European ass. Let's stick it to the bitches soon. - B





Chopper service

(Phone call)

Brucie: I just wanted to say - you ever need a lift in the helicopter, gimme a call alright, yeah.

Niko: Wow, thanks, Brucie, I appreciate that.

(Calling for a chopper)

Niko: Brucie - it's Niko - I really need you and your helicopter.

Niko: Brucie, can you pick me up? In the helicopter man.

Niko: Brucie, can you pick me up in that chopper?

Niko: Brucie, I need that helicopter ride now.

Brucie: Sure, no problem, bro.

Brucie: That's how we roll - NB - in the sky!

Brucie: No worries, bro.

(If Brucie is unavailable)

Brucie: I'd love to, but it's fucked just now, bro.

Brucie: Love to but the thing is in the shop just now - some problem with the left wing, I mean rotor blade.

Unscripted dialogue

Brucie: This is what feminism is all about, bro.

Brucie: I can't believe these people. They're animals. All of them.

Brucie: Hell yeah, NB, take that shit. Just like we take the bitches we want to clubs.

Brucie: It's gonna blow!

Brucie: Better than a poke in the eye.

Brucie: I wonder, who's the dog and who's the bitch today?

Brucie: Wassup, homie?

Brucie: What the fuck?

Brucie: The car's gonna blow.

Brucie: What the fuck?

Brucie: What up, NB?

Brucie: Yo!

Brucie: Lucky, but well done.

Brucie: Get us the fuck out of here.

Brucie: Faster, NB, faster!

Brucie: How did that happen?

Brucie: That's to be expected, bro.

Brucie: Wow, I love this shit.

Brucie: What are you doing?

Brucie: Prepare to be amazed.

Brucie: NB, get the fuck out of here!

Brucie: I eat beats, bro. Man beats, and beats, and more beats, and rice.

Brucie: I think my balls chipped or something.

Brucie: Can I turn this shit off?

Brucie: A strip club? Now?

Brucie: This game is incredible.

Brucie: Strike!

Brucie: Put some pace on it man. You should do some cardio work.

Brucie: Don't do that shit.

Brucie: Sure.

Brucie: That's the shit, now let's party.

Brucie: You're not genetically superior.

Brucie: You're lucky.

Brucie: I'm all about gold. You can have silver, NB.

Brucie: You're like genetically average, bro.

Brucie: You didn't mean that.

Brucie: Yeah, let's do it.

Brucie: This game is crap, bro.

Brucie: Man, this is serious fun, bro.

Brucie: Will you hold up a minute?

Brucie: Awesome. I love pussy and pussy loves me, baby.

Brucie: Genetics always win out, baby.

Brucie: I swear, I felt a small earthquake there.

Brucie: No, I think I'm about to score, bro.

Brucie: Let's be real for a minute. This game is shit.

Brucie: Unlucky.

Brucie: You've still got much to learn, amigo.

Brucie: You're a fucking alpha male, man. You take what you need and I love it.

Brucie: Don't they know who I am?

Brucie: How the fuck you'd get so lucky?

Brucie: Shit, unlucky NB.

Brucie: I could have gone pro at this.

Brucie: What the fuck is this?

Brucie: Winner! Hello.

Brucie: You're an addict, man. Let's take a break.

Brucie: You came like second, bro. Does that even count?

Brucie: My ball was broken, man. But you did well.

Brucie: Get in the car.

Brucie: This game is crazy, crazy, man.

Brucie: Hell yeah.

Brucie: And the silver medal goes to... some nobody.

Brucie: At least I got real fucking lats, you asshole.

Brucie: Come on, get in.

Brucie:Something's wrong with this lane.

Brucie: I can't get busted, dude. I'm on probation for 'roid rage.

Brucie: Spot the alpha male.

Brucie: High score? You got to be kidding me.

Brucie: I don't wanna go down, NB.

Brucie: Fucking stop that.

Brucie: Ok, now watch and weap.

Brucie: I wanna hear some hip hop, man.

Brucie: What a surprise.

Brucie: Can we just chill out to some tunes?

Brucie: Don't let them get me, NB.

Brucie: Listen, just listen to some music, homie.

Brucie: Don't mind me.

Brucie: I let you win, bro.

Brucie: You make that shit look easy, baby. You're a fucking animal.

Brucie: You ready to see perfection?

Brucie: We should split, homie!

Brucie: Bro, enough already.

Brucie: Shit.

Brucie: Can we just listen to some music, man?

Brucie: This game is for dorks, bro.

Brucie: I need to think, so let's listen to some sounds.

Brucie: Let's get out of here.

Brucie: Keep me out of jail, man.

Brucie: Hey, jump in.

Brucie: Spot the genetically superior one.

Brucie: Are you really a winner, NB?

Brucie: Shit, Niko, your car skills and my body, people are gonna be petrified of us.

Brucie: We need a vehicle, man.

Brucie: Who says I don't value women?

Brucie: What are they doing?

Brucie: I'm pretty good at this.

Brucie: Yeah, sure.

Brucie: Well done, my friend, well done.

Brucie: What did you expect?

Brucie: NB!

Brucie: You bowl like a girl, bitch.

Brucie: Look, let's play some music, man.

Brucie: You got no stamina man. Hurry it up, move it.

Brucie: Me - gold, you - silver. It's nature, my friend. Nature.

Brucie: Wait up, man.

Brucie: What are you, twelve? Can't we do something else?

Brucie: Look at that, baby.

Brucie: Watch this.

Brucie: That's a fluke.

Brucie: You lucky bitch.

Brucie: You're seriously lucky, NB. Seriously.

Brucie: Nicky, hold up.

Brucie: Don't get jealous now, bro.

Brucie: You won't take me alive, man.

Brucie: I'd like to see you try and take one my cars, NB. Not a fucking chance, baby.

Brucie: At least I got abs, bitch.

Brucie: NB, don't bowl like a bitch.

Brucie: I think that must be a bug.

Brucie: The fuck you doing?

Brucie: What did you expect?

Brucie: Are you into dudes, homie? The fuck?

Brucie: Where's that hip-hop show I like?

Brucie: Yeah, I don't think we're gonna see a cat fight tonight.

Brucie: No way.

Brucie: Well played.

Brucie: We're gonna die.

Brucie: Dude, I've got ADD. Can we do something else?

Brucie: Bellic baby. You are a cat that other cats should not be messing with.

Brucie: I'm all about competition.

Brucie: Perfect, that's my homie.

Brucie: I'm no coward, but this ain't cool. Let's book.

Brucie: Hussle, baby. Brucie don't wait for no man.

Brucie: I don't want to burn to death.

Brucie: Don't get jealous now.

Brucie: Is his leg broken?

Brucie: Move it, baby, move it. We got shit to do.

Brucie: Lucky.

Brucie: At least I know now, you ain't gay.

Brucie: Nice.

Brucie: NB, I'm getting bored.

Brucie: NB, you drive, I'll philosophize.

Brucie: Shit, man. The bitches don't wait for no man. Let's go.

Brucie: Niko, hurry that shit up, man.

Brucie: Unlucky, bro.

Brucie: You drive, NB.

Brucie: I expect we'll see some cat fights over me, baby.

Brucie: Let's go, get in.

Brucie: I can't believe you just did that.

Brucie: I knew it'd be fine.

Brucie: I can't even hear myself think.

Brucie: It's all about abs, lats and eyes, like life.

Brucie: I love my country.

Brucie: Come on, babe, let's hustle. Hustle.

Brucie: Well, it's a spare, but I prefer it to strike.

Brucie: Screw you.

Brucie: Yeah, okay.

Brucie: This don't feel kosher, amigo. Let's split.

Brucie: Man, I love this.

Brucie: The women tend to go crazy for me, bro.

Brucie: I never turned down pussy, but I wasn't expecting this bro.

Brucie: Can we listen to some hip-hop, man?

Brucie: This is shit.

Brucie: Homie, I need to meditate on life. You drive.

Brucie: He's genetically superior, like me.

Brucie: I think I'm in love, for real.

Brucie: Three-hundred? Incredible!

Brucie: Yeah, I've had enough too.

Brucie: Prepare to get schooled, my fucking European chum.

Brucie: Spare.

Brucie: Please, man.

Brucie: No problem. All good here.

Brucie: We ain't walking. Can you get us a vehicle?

Brucie: No.

Brucie: Unlucky, homie. You found your limit in life, bro.

Brucie: Intense, you are extreme, man. Fucking extreme.

Brucie: Love this. Just wish the game had more tits.

Brucie: NB's a winner.

Brucie: Don't be a cock!

Brucie: Get us a car, man.

Brucie: Ok, let's bounce, homie.

Brucie: Not bad but not good for me.

Brucie: Homie, drive.

Brucie: But this is like Heaven, bro.

Brucie: Who made this crappy game anyway?

Brucie: Man, her implants are almost as big as my pecs, bro.

Brucie: Get off my lats, bitch.

Brucie: You want pussy? Why didn't you say so?

Brucie: Give it up, homie.

Brucie: No way.

Brucie: We're cool. As I predicted.

Brucie: That must be a bug. How did that happen?

Brucie: Firing a piece up in this shit? You're a fucking animal, man.

Brucie: Have fun in there.

Brucie: They fuck guys like me in jail.

Brucie: I think it's time for the silver medal ceremony.

Brucie: You need to pay more attention, son.

Brucie: Let's get this party going here.

Brucie: Sure, I already made a mess.

Brucie: Only a spare. Damn!

Brucie: Excuse me a minute.

Brucie: Don't you love this country, NB?

Brucie: We need a car, son.

Brucie: Here's a lesson in life, homie.

Brucie: You wanna drive, homie?

Brucie: I don't wanna go back inside.

Brucie: This game was made by dorks, man.

Brucie: Lose some body fat, asshole.

Brucie: I don't wanna be someone's prison bitch!

Brucie: Lucky.

Brucie: Nice!

Brucie: I'm al spoken out, man. Let's just listen to some music.

Brucie: This is fun. All this game needs is bitches.

Brucie: Get in.

Brucie: Yeah, baby. Let's see who the alpha male really is today.

Brucie: Shit!

Brucie: Come on, man. Winners don't waste time.

Brucie: So, now maybe we listen to some tunes.

Brucie: Have fun, bro. I'm afraid you'll be getting the scraps off my table.

Brucie: Shit, you lucky bastard.

Brucie: Jesus!

Brucie: You dick!

Brucie: Asshole!

Brucie: I'm a winner, asshole!

Brucie: Fuck you!

Brucie: Watch it.

Brucie: Careful, bitch.

Brucie: Watch the tan.

Brucie: Nicky, look out.

Brucie: Shit.

Brucie: Nicky, for fuck's sake.

Brucie: Fuck this bitch shit.

Brucie: You dick.

Brucie: The car, you bitch.

Brucie: Jesus!

Brucie: Nice, Nicky!

Brucie: Hammer it, Nicky.

Brucie: Come on, NB. Hammer it!

Brucie: We're winners, man. We drive fast, yeah.

Brucie: We're on an expressway to the top, man. Express!

Brucie: Man, adrenaline, testosterone, it's all the same, homie.

Brucie: We're upside down.

Brucie: Not cool, NB.

Brucie: You idiot, NB

Brucie: Nicky, you're a tool, man.

Brucie: Nicky, we're fucking upside down. We look like gimps.

Brucie: Shit, you hit him, bro.

Brucie: Fool had it coming to him, bro.

Brucie: Survival of the fittest. Fuck.

Brucie: That's real time natural selection, baby.

Brucie: Cold. Man, you just wasted that idiot.

Brucie: You are ice cold, homie.

Brucie: Man, come on, that was not cool.

Brucie: I don't think they're gonna make it.

Brucie: Shit!

Brucie: I don't like this!

Brucie: You European prick!

Brucie: Man, this is freaking me the fuck out!

Brucie: Come on, homie. Stop chillin.

Brucie: Homie, Brucie doesn't do mellow.

Brucie: What is the girl driving bullshit, homie?

Brucie: Homie, you're driving like a bitch.

Brucie: NB, this is some seriously feminine driving shit, bro.

Brucie: Have you got a vagina, NB? Stop driving like this, bro.

Brucie: Cops. Always biting winners, man.

Brucie: Watch it. Police.

Brucie: Look out, homie. 5-O.

Brucie: Pigs, NB, everywhere.

Brucie: We got pigs all over us.

Brucie: Watch it, man. There's the cops.

Brucie: You dick!

Brucie: Whoa!

Brucie: Motherfucker!

Brucie: Watch it!

Brucie: Shit!

Brucie: Dicks!

Brucie: NB, don't make me angry.

Brucie: NB, what the fuck?

Brucie: What are you doing, Nicky?

Brucie: Don't push me, man.

Brucie: You wanna make me angry, homie.

Brucie: Hey, less of those love taps, bitch.

Brucie: Stop fucking around, NB.

Brucie: Not cool, man.

Brucie: Give me the car back!

Brucie: Who the fuck do you think I am?

Brucie: I'm a dog, not a bitch, pal.

Brucie: Give me that back!

Brucie: I love this shit.

Brucie: This is my music, man.

Brucie: I love this track.

Brucie: I love this record, bro.

Brucie: This is a fucking tune, man.

Brucie: Shit!

Brucie: Fuck this bitch shit!

Brucie: Whoa!

Brucie: Oh my God!

Brucie: What's wrong, NB?

Brucie: NB, stop fucking around, man.

Brucie: NB, don't be a dick.

Brucie: Please, NB, please.

Brucie: What are you doing?

Brucie: Hell yeah. Thanks.

Brucie: Thanks.

Unused dialogue