User:A-Dust/Sandbox/Lifeinvader

Franklin’s page

17 friends (end of GTA V)

Prior events

• Lamar: OGs got beef with you dog – why didn’t u show for the meeting?
• Denise: Whatever that gym sock is under your bed I want it gone by the time I get home
• Lamar: ok we goin large tonite its time to get your dick wet nigga u cant run around after the same girl from high school your whole life.
• Jamal: I swear I just saw lamar on one of them dumbest criminal bloopers shows
• Denise: If this house is 50% mine why am I cleaning 100% of it?
• Tonya: where u been hidin playa? JB say u still owes him a 20 from 98?
• Stretch: Enjoy your last few days of thinking you call any shots. Hope you missed me.
• Demarcus: What’s this forum thing I’ve been hearing about? Hope you know what you’re doing homie.
• Tavell: Is this seriously all the friends you got? Or are you just too cool for Lifeinvader?
• Lamar: We gotta put something together homie we aint gonna be retiring any time soon from this repo errand boy shit
• Lamar: You wanna go out tonight so I can school you in the art of seduction?
• Simeon: If you continue to apply yourself and learn from my leadership I think you have a bright future in the requisitions department. I can fasttrack you to assistant manager in five years!
• Tanisha: Don’t be a stranger. I still want to be friends ok??
• Simeon: I need you and Lamar out in the field. Some of our customers have foolishly over-stretched themselves again with their credit schedule. And you wonder why America is in a crisis!
• Lamar: Answer your phone dog! Where r u? We gotta check out Bertolt Beach House for Simeon.

GTA V events

• Darryl: Am I dreaming or did I just see you and lamar tearing up the del perro freeway on some sick wheels??
• Lamar: Employee of the month? Not that’s some bullshit.
• Simeon: What the hell happened with that bike? Why must you make a simple job so complicated?
• Lamar: That was wild down at Vespucci, dog. We need to ask Yetarian for a pay rise.
• Denise: Where’s all this supposed money from this supposed job you’ve got? Cause I aint seen a cent come my way. It's your grandmother's fault for spoiling you too much! Classic only child.
• Nicolson Bell: What's with your aunt? Walking around like a duck hollering about womenhood?
• LS Customs: Street braakes, sports brakes, race brakes. We got it all at Los Santos Customs.
• Lamar: Ok that thing with D and the phone call maybe not my smartest move ever but that's how I do it, F! When you got apache blood you fly a little closer to the sun!
• Tavell: I never seen so many crazy deathwish drivers in Liberty City - you'd fit right in here!
• Lamar: Thanks again for getting us fired! Last time you get up my face about making dumb moves.
• Lamar: Just saw your aunt Denise she is not happy with you (and im definitely gonna hit that btw)
• Beverly Felton: First Miranda, now Poppy... you are my lucky charm, homie! Don't sweat the money - I always look after my peeps! Keep it real.
• Denise: Does this new crib mean you've moved out or you haven't moved out? How many homes do you need before you put some food in the fridge?
• Dana Ellis: Is it true you stylin it with a crib in vinewood hills these days coz I mustve missed my invitation to the party :-)
• Herr Kutz: Bad hair day? Put the Shutters on it for just $38 at Herr Kutz!
• Beverly: You KILLED IT with that shot of Poppy, bro! That should fetch mega bucks! Just remember that any commission will have to scaled on experience. What an industry, huh? Gotta love it.
• Demarcus: Lot of talk in here about Chilli D - stay far away from that shit.
• Stretch: That shit at the warehouse today that's what happens when you try to be something you're not. Don't try to run before you can walk especially in shoes that you aint big enough to fill yet.
• Lamar: Me, you and Stretch back in business! CGF makin it count baby!
• Stretch: Whats this about you saying I set you up? Keep runnin your mouth like that you gonna take a fall.
• Tavell: Just on the news about MC Clip gettin jumped. You can only fake it for so long before something real comes at you.
• Stretch: Don't know what happened with that thing in Davis but I'll find the homie that turned us.
• Demarcus: Grove Street burning! Which set ran up on them? Carson Ave?
• Tanisha: Sounds like things are bad in South LS right now - hope you're safe x
• Andre Barnes: OGs got a microscope on you no more moves without gettin greenlit u feel me?
• Tonya: All these hot dates people gonna talk :-) 4 real tho u know how to treat a girl right thanks again boo xxxxx
• Lamar: Just caught Chop humping a cat! We gotta explain to him what we mean by pu$$y.
• Devin: You're young, you're hungry. I like that. This shark has always got room for the right remora.
• Jamal: So what? You done with Forum Drive now, big shot?
• Nicolson: What did you do to Stretch? Nigga's badmouthin you all over LS.
• Devin: You've got real potential, Franklin. Just don't let dead wood hold you down. Surround yourself with hasbeens and soon enough you'll become one yourself.
• Lamar: So what's the skinny? You a tow truck driver now? That's about the least gangster thing I ever heard.
• JB: Good lookin out for your boy I owe u 1 soon as I got myself stra8
• Andre: Is it true what they saying about you working as a male geisha for white boys these days?
• Devin: Good work again, slick. Keep it up - you know I'll look after you. Stick with Team Weston and you'll always be a winner.
• Tavell: Maybe I made the right move after all coming out here. Shit looks crazy in LS right now. Look after yourself, F.
• Lamar: Who that vegan hippie billionaire sociopath son of a bitch think he is playin us for our scrilla???
• Tanisha: You did the right thing, Franklin. An idiot who loves you is better than no idiot at all. Be happy.
• Denise: Bumped into Tanisha and her new man today. So I seen him now and, believe me, time for you to move on.
• Dom: I'd send you the bill for out playdate today but it would bankrupt you :-) Seriously dude how next-level was that? I bet there aren't many guys in your neighborhood who can say they've driven a quad bike out of a plane???
• Darryl: You still alive? When are we going to a Feud game?
• Dom: Maze Bank Building...tick it off the list! Done. DOMINATED!! I want you to stand in front of a mirror tonight, put down your pants, and tell me your dick isn't that little bit longer. Hanging with me is better than Mollis, dude!

Lamar's page

107 friends

• Gerald G.: Stay the hell away from me.
• Stretch: If u think ur so Native American I'm gonna start calling you Big Chief Talking Bull and Little Dick Running Mouth
• Lamar: Next time someone ducks when I reach for my wallet in a store I'm just gonna pull out my gun. Post racial society? Aint where im standing. #symbolofoppression
• Lamar: ladies were flockin last night like seagulls on a hotdog and u know I mean footlong bitchzzzzzz
• Jamal: Wat was that shit last night dog? You the worst wingman ever
• Andre: Working repo for the Armenians? Yeah you real gangster Lamar!
• Demarcus: Two years inside and I seen you yet which means either 1) u still a baby g or 2) 5-0 are slippin coz u about the weakest playa I know ;)
• Lamar: LD don't half step he go hard on THREE legs u feel me!
• Stretch: You best start rolling out that red carpet coz I'm getting out next week!
• Simeon: With loyalty, dedication and my careful mentorship I think you could be a capable requisitions executive. Keep up the good work.
• Andre: U hear about that Vagos kid gettin clipped down at Vespucci Beach? People saying it was a Families hit.
• Tanisha: I never thought I'd say this but I miss you and the rest of the Chamberlain crew.
• Lamar: Send u a postcard bitchz coz lamar davis is goin places!!!
• Lamar: RIP Lil Rhino. Another soldier down. I know you bled green. Peace & respect.
• Demarcus: What are you playin at? Ballas are bugging up in here. Watch your back.
• Stretch: Holla at me whenever u and franklin put each others dicks down for a minute
• Lamar: Me and Chop got a special understanding that's my apache blood at one with the animals
• Lamar: Got Chop stoned and now he busting out the disco leg!
• Leon@VanillaUnicorn: Aint seen you at the club for a while??? Must be why the girls are all so happy and disease free recently!
• Simeon: ALL I did for you! You can blame Franklin for blowing your only chance at escaping the ghetto and making a career for yourself in automobile industry. I am glad I withheld your commission now - it will go towards repairing my showroom.
• Jamal: If u got that girl's digits last night she musta given you them in brail.
• JB: Remember that threeway with the girl with the lazy eye from the pizza place? We didn't know who she was telling to do what! Hahahahaha! #oldfriends Can you lend me $200?
• Jamal: Wen r we gettin blunted???
• Stretch: That mess at the plant that aint on me. Your eye's off the ball. Don't get it twisted CGF is in your DNA you can't change that. So whatever this Forum shit is you and Franklin got going it need to get gone. Keep your boy in check.
• Darryl: South LS blowin up dog. What the fuck went down on Grove Street???
• Lamar: U cant grow if u dont have roots. Never forget where u come from
• Darryl: u still owe me a 20 dog answer your phone!!!
• Lamar: Just made a whole heap of nuthin for a whole heap of hustle. Never trust rich white suits to make good on their word. I'm keepin my business in the hood from now on where it belong.
• Tonya: If ur on forum drive pass by the liquor store spot me 40 Ill spit u 100 :-)

Denise's page

126 friends

• Denise: The house stinks of weed again. That boy needs to get his act together!
• Denise: Come on ladies, where's the fight? Riots not diets!
• Denise: How is it that Franklin can only pee around the toilet and not into it????
• Denise: I am on my period. I AM ON MY PERIOD. From now on I will be proudly open about my menstruation!
• Pippy Eggerton: Quantum energy healing you should really try it. It's completely realigned me!
• Denise: When will I ever learn not to trust someone on the Sagittarius-Capricorn cusp????
• Denise: No wonder I never get a second date with that boy walking in every time I have a man home for coffee.
• Denise: 50 vegan chia brownies going spare! Another pathetic turnout for the Chamberlain Hills Feminists meeting last night!
• Julie Pollock: See you at pelvic floor boot camp!
• Denise: How hard is it to find gluten-free food in South LS?
• Denise: Is it too much to ask for a little gratitude from my nephew??? I am not a maid!
• Denise: Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway
• Denise: We are women and we are free! Bringing an end to the patriarchy!
• Mattie Horten: Just got my vaginal cone! Next level of pelvic floor!
• Denise: I hate living opposite a liquor store! All I see when I look out of the window is that crackhead Tonya!
• Denise: All these years I've been telling Franklin he needs to save up and move out then he goes and gets a crib in Vinewood Hills???? Where was all that money when I was buying groceries?
• Magenta: When should we reinvigorate our femininity again? Tuesday good for you?
• Denise: Another disaster date! Why are men so intimidated by strong women?
• Denise: That boy is disloyal to his roots! Ignoring his homeboys acting all superior! His grandmother would turn in her grave!
• Lamar: What up Denise you and me kick it some time? Must be difficult for you dealing with that clown franklin day in day out.
• Denise: Blood is thicker than water...But family can stab you in the back too!
• Denise: I'm a new woman! Spirit walking is cardio for the mind and body!
• Mattie: I went to a Faith Gazer yesterday - completely changed my whole perspective on the universe and my path in it without saying a word. Best $400 I have ever spent!
• Denise: If you want a committed man, look in the mental hospital
• Denise: Once and for all - is it pronounced broccoli RARB and RABAY?
• Denise: Looks like another tantric evening for one :-)

Tonya's page

53 friends

• Tonya: My man be many things but least he ain't turfed up like every other homie round here.
• Tonya: Queen of Forum Drive right here kickin ass and takin names baby!
• Tonya: Can anybody lend me $40 until the weekend?
• Tonya: Damn Dakota's baby so ugly no wonder she's gotta be drunk to breastfed it.
• JB: Phone is outta juice probably jus gonna crash here not feelin so gud. xoxox
• Tonya: Crazy the things u lern when u spend your days kickin it by a liquor store.
• Lahronda: Saw JB in a bad way on Capital Blvd pants all stained hustling for quarters...u sure he's ok?
• Tonya: Landlord given us notice again and JB awol AGAIN I need to find a man with rocks in his pants not his pipe
• Tonya: Who seen JB? He aint picking up his phone.
• Tanisha: Hey girl what's new with u? All good here with me. Moved in with Jayden a few months back. Hope things are going better for you and JB. Call me.
• Tonya: Cold 40 and a fat one #breakfastofchampions. I know how to look after my man
• Tonya: Thought JB was down on one knee to propose but he just collapsed L
• Nia Briscoll: What this about u getting into my man's car? Stay away from him u crack whore.
• Tonya: Anybody want to to do their nails? $10
• Tonya: What's the deal with that Denise Clinton chanting all that shit about patriarchy? That girl gone and lost it.
• Tonya: Must be somethin in the air coz every homie got the tonya fever today!
• Tonya: Ballas? Families? What happened to a family man with balls? That's a true pimp in my book.
• Tonya: I know its been a while but still cant believe they gave prom queen to Shanice Jenksins. I was the people's choice.
• Tonya: Can anyone fill in for JB's shift at the towing yard today?
• Tonya: All you bitchz out there look at yoselves before you judge me. I am FUNCTIONAL
• Tonya: A new day a new Tonya! Thist time I really am getting clean!
• Tonya: Gettin my groove on to west coast classics. Lovin myself some DJ Pooh right now. I would ride that man into the sunset!!
• Tonya: Starting to think there aint a man out there who deserve me
• Colin Daniels: Are you going to be on forum drive around 2pm? Want to make a quick $20?
• Tonya: Lamar Davis who you tryin to fool frontin like you some OG now? I remember you when your balls were still up inside you.
• JB: Hey baby sickness got its claws outta me now ill make it to work tomorrow I swear xoxoxox
• Tonya: Thinkin back to that night behind burger shot with franklin Clinton. 13 years old and never been kissed. Homie been sweet on me ever since
• Tonya: My man Franklin doin his thing. Even if he got no love for the hood no more he still got his girl's back.
• Tonya: Just seen Brianna damn that girl been EATING!!!
• JB: Sorry I aint come home in a few days lost track of time u are my world baby I love you.
• Tonya: every day with the same gang banging green purple bullshit homies need to man up and know who you is not hide behind no labels
• Tonya: Shout to my Forum Drive homeboy Franklin. Don't care what they say about him rentboyin on the side. I owe you, boo.
• Tonya: Miracles do happen. JB actually back at work!!
• Tonya: Im so lucky I dont have to work out to stay lookin good
• Tonya: Representin in Chamberlain hills - why would I ever wanna be no place else?
• Sharonda Mills: When we gonna his some clubz girl?
• Tonya: To everyone I owe money to stop bugging youll get it theres an economic crisis on right now
• Tonya: Just heard they canceling the Davis High reunion after last year's shooting :-(
• Keeara Nelson: Deonte saw franklin Clinton with that white boy again ;)
• Tonya: Damn I am looking fine as all hell today!!!

INK INC's page

2,261 friends (including Franklin, Lamar + Tonya)

• INK INC: Come experience the ancient art of drunken self-expression at Ink Inc
• INK INC: A tattoo is a rite of passage for the 21st century American douchebag.
• Taylor Hoyte: I can't explain it but that oriental coy fish and asian writing really express who I am.
• INK INC: Tattoos used to be about rebellion and self-expression. Now they're about conforming. Don't stand out from the crowd - get a tattoo today.
• Andy Whitford: I got that mermaid tattoo on my forearm to look tough but everyone thinks I'm gay!
• INK INC: Come on. You won't get a job in a coffee shop without one.
• INK INC: Pick from a catalogue of stock images - because it's an expression of how creative and individual you are!
• INK INC: If you think it's expensive and painful now, wait for the removal operation in 10 years when you realize how ridiculous you look!
• INK INC: Remmeber, you skin is a blank canvas for shitty art you can never get rid of.
• INK INC: Now available - the Impotent Rage tattoo! Because a cartoon on a grown man says he doesn't take himself too seriously!
• Mike Hathaway: I'm a white guy who's never left the USA but my African tribal tattoo really defines me. Thank you!
• INK INC: Get a hot girl tattooed on your lower leg and you'll have jerk-off material for life.
• Harvey Pritchard: No! My lucky horseshoe turned septic!
• INK INC: Come on guys, nothing says you've worked through your Oedipus complex like a "mother" tattoo
• INK INC: Tip us the first time, we won't push so hard the second time.
• INK INC: The "Lion on the shoulder" - our best selling drunk tattoo last month!
• Steve Welby: I put on 50 pounds and now the skull on my stomach looks like a pepperoni pizza :(
• INK INC: Tourists take home a souvenir you won't forget - a Los Santos tattoo!
• INK INC: We don't want ink your stink! Please shower before you come in.
• INK INC: Why do big guys always cry the loudest?
• INK INC: Show how in touch you are with your spiritual side by getting a huge Chinese dragon burned onto your back.
• INK INC: A tattoo isn't just a fashion statement, it's a permanent display of how self-absorbed you are.
• INK INC: Middle class white kids, we've got all your favorite gang symbols!
• INK INC: You're never too young to get a tattoo. It'll still look great when you're 70, honest!

LS Customs

• LS Customs: Come on in today! An economic crisis is the perfect time to slap thousands of dollars of accessories on your car!
• LS Customs: Don't neglect your car. This is Los Santos - everyone has had work done.
• LS Customs: Currently sold out of stripper poles
• LS Customs: Check out all our locations at www.lossantoscustoms.com
• LS Customs: We offer 4 levels of FMS Upgrades - just what you need for the busiest city center in America!
• LS Customs: Street races going OFF around Los Santos right now - you didn't hear it from us.
• Hank Sidwell: I love my clown horn! I'll never get laid again!
• LS Customs: Fast, discrete resprays guaranteed!
• LS Customs: Don't ask us to pimp your ride - it's not the 90s.
• LS Customs: When Jill Von Crastenburg wants her car covered in endangered animal fur, she comes to LS Customs!
• Gary Harby: Check out my snorkel intake! Now when traffic gets too bad in LS, I just take the river!
• LS Customs: Make sure that what you do in your car, stays in your car. Blacked out windows - $700.
• LS Customs: Back by popular demand..custom tire smoke - pick your color!
• Sam Waters: Couldn't be happier with my bullbar and winch - great for freeing up parking spaces!
• LS Customs: 91% of Los Santos residents now own a firearm. Bulletproof tires on special this week!
• Lamar: Hao gives the best rim job in town!
• LS Customs: Get your own stimulus package at LS Customs with full turbo tuning for $12,500
• I went to Los Santos Customs by the airport for my Diamond Cut wheels! I love Hao - he's the best!
• LS Customs: Lower your suspension, raise your cool factor! $500 at LS Customs.
• LS Customs: The question isn't why multi-colored licence plates - it's why not?
• For the guy who just got a hot pink and lime green paintjob, we hate to break it to you but that is NOT a "pussy wagon"
• LS Customs: Hate your neighbors? Get kitted out with a Dual Titanium exhaust! $899 today at LS Customs.
• Poppa Lennan: Finally me and my whip got matching chrome grills!
• LS Customs: In Los Santos, there's no such thing as too much armor on a car.

Feuds page

5,418,932 friends (including Franklin, Lamar, Stretch, Tavell and Demarcus)

• Darnell Stevens: ELS Ballas in the house. Your house. Thanks again for givin us Grove Street bitchz!
• Sara Pratt: WTF!!!! Morales couldn't catch a cold if someone coughed in his face!
• Sterlin Lawson: Go Feud! It's a gree world!
• Graham Ramsey: What was that pitch? I've seen better curves on an anorexic chick!
• Benton Cox: We family! Ballas Killas! The original shotcallers!
• Reshay Mills: Let's go Feud! We gettin that green tonite!
• Antoine Potter: Ball Till You Turn Purple. When we hit, we don't miss!
• Reshay Mills: The only place pruple should be is on your dick.
• Trenton Mayberry: Slayed by the Boars again! Can't Stop, Won't Stop Ballin'!
• Regis Welsh: Boars 6 Feud 2! See Families can't even look after THIS turf!
• Moderator@TheFeud: Guys, can we please keep this about baseball?
• Darryl Knox: The only reason you like Boars so much because your dicks are all small and you women are all pigs
• Lonny Gideon: FFS - will you PLEASE ban all the Ballas from this page?
• Taye Buckley: Come to Carson Avenue - all of you gonna get dealt with.
• Tyson Fillmore: The last time Rivero found the plate twice in a row was at an all you can eat buffet
• Karl Raven: What's Dowling's problem? I've seen a longer arm on a T-Rex
• Adric Howard: Only bitches wear green. Original Covenant 4 life.
• Moderator@TheFeud: This is a fan page for The Feud. Please keep comments on message.
• Lamar: Forum Gangsters representing!
• Jax Santana: You wanna see real BALLERS come to a Boars game!
• Moderator@TheFeud: I would like to remind everyone that The Feud neither condones not affiliates itself with any gang activity.
• Nelson Weller: Families nothing but a bunch of weakass busters!
• Tyson Fillmore: Somebody tell Rivero the steroids aren't working!
• Erik Duncan: Are you kidding me? Crespo gets paid a million a week NOT to hit the ball!
• Feud: Well done guys! Great win over the Swingers last night!
• Graham Ramsay: Come on McKensie! Cinderella gets to the ball faster than you do!
• Tyson Fillmore: Danny Rivero couldn't pitch a sloppy blowjob to a fat girl!

Sprunk's page

14,371,628 friends (including Franklin and Dom)

• Todd Ramsey: It's like I can FEEL my sperm count decreasing with every can!
• Sprunk: Sprunk is proud to sponsor the Los Santos Dust Devils, because everything's better over ice.
• Sprunk: Parenting tip... Tired, cranky baby? Mix Sprunk with formula
• Sprunk: Sprunk - the official drink of the San Andreas school system. We believe in education.
• Sprunk: 7 out of 10 dentists have now been paid to recommend Sprunk
• Vince Halsley: Is it true it contains ether?
• Sprunk: You'd have to drink 10 cups of coffee to get the same caffeine as a can of Sprunk, and that would be disgusting.
• Sprunk: Invest in America's favorite soda. Let's create a better future together!
• Sprunk: Drinking a can of Sprunk has been known to cure gunshot wounds.
• Sprunk: Sprunk now comes with slightly less benzene!
• Sprunk: Diet tip. Replace one meal a day with a can of Sprunk and watch the bone density melt away.
• Sprunk: Housekeeping tip. Sprunk doesn't spoil like fresh juices.. Shelf stable for the apocalypse.
• Joshua Walsh: Number 1 Sprunk fan! Btw, is anybody else experiencing problems with incontinence?
• Sprunk: Struggling with your homework? Drink a can of Sprunk!
• Sprunk: New semi-independent survey concludes that soda makes you better at sports.
• Kate Morton: Woohoo! I haven't slept in 4 days!
• Paul O'Hagan: My doctor says my son has high blood pressure. He's 7!
• Sprunk: Now with more caffeine to give you that extra burst of energy for the 3 hours of exercise it takes to work off the 500 calories in each can!

Herr Kutz's page

1,903 friends (including Franklin

• Connor Shipley: I've been getting my hair cut at Herr Kutz since I was a boy and I've got the scars to prove it!
• Herr Kutz: Remember - the more you tip, the less it will hurt next time.
• Herr Kutz: The management reserves the right not to serve guys who stinks.
• Aaron Fisk: I asked for a number 1, not to get scalped!
• Herr Kutz: Fresh to death or your money back (and if we don't do something about Donna's myopia, maybe literally)
• Herr Kutz: In a hurry? We're the quickest hair cut in town!
• Herr Kutz: Where men can still feel manly about spending $100 on a 2-hour cosmetic procedure.
• Donna@HerrKutzBarbers: Remember gangsters, when you come in here, I'm the one with the blade.
• Gerry Colford: Herr Kutz is the best! I love that there's never anyone in there when I walk in.
• Herr Kutz: Party at the back! Our $60 mullet is the top-selling in Mirror Park! Ironic or not - the choice is yours!
• Herr Kutz: Tramlines - $25!! The nineties are only dead if you want them to be!
• Herr Kutz: Two words people - CASH ONLY
• Herr Kutz: It took two months but the lice problem is finally cleared!
• Herr Kutz: Don't ask for a shampoo. It's a barber's shop not a beauty parlor.
• Jon Henley: How do you get off charging $28 for triple rails????
• Herr Kutz: @kevinprendegast Congratulations on being the 10,000th customer at our Paleto Bay shop! Sorry again about the ear
• Herr Kutz: Scissor disinfectant is for sissies
• Herr Kutz: For the old school barber shop experience at modern prices, come to Herr Kutz
• Herr Kurt: @kevinprendegast Congraulations on being the 10,000th customer at our Paleto Bay shop! Sorry again about the ear
• Herr Kutz: Scissor disinfectant is for sissies
• Herr Kutz: For the old school barber shop experience at modern prices, come to Herr Kutz
• Donna@HerrKutzBarbers: Major shakes after last night - hope nobody ask for a shave!
• Jamie Ellis: Loving my cornrows! Who says they don't look great on a white man?
• Herr Kutz: Remember when a men's haircut was $5? Not any more. Blame the hipsters.
• Herr Kutz: Please note (again) that we do not style, cut or in any way touch chest hair
• Phil G Scott: How do you manage to be in so many places at once?
• Lance Wharrie: Rocking my new Mellowplex!
• Donna@HerrKutzBarbers: New contact lenses - fingers crossed they do the trick!
• Herr Kutz: Successfully bribed the hygiene inspector again
• Herr Kutz: Your local barber shop - one of the few places where it's still acceptable to ban women unless they're serving you.

Redwood Cigarettes

7,628,263 friends (including Michael

• Redwood: The Redwood man - men want to be him, women want to be on him.
• Redwood: Redwood Cigarettes. Helping teenagers get accepted by their peers for over 200 years.
• Redwood: Coming soon. Redwood Organic. $45 a pack. Free-trade, for all you hipsters out there.
• Redwood: America needs tobacco's tax dollars. Help your country get back on its feet by smoking Redwood.
• Redwood: Redwood Cigarettes. Less virgins thn any other cigarette.
• Redwood: Bruce Spade is now proud to smoke Redwood Cigarettes.
• Gerry Huckford: My granddadddy smoked Redwoods, my daddy smoked Redwoods... I never knew either of them, but from what I hear, apart from some truly awful final years, they were fine men.
• Redwood: Coffee and a Redwood. Breakfast of champions. Start your day the Redwood way, by hacking bile into a cup beside the bed.
• Gemma Kipley: I love way a Redwood brings out the cool in everyone!
• Brian Moxton: I just love the refreshing smooth taste of a Redwood. There's nothing like it!
• Kelly Rutherford: Every drag reminds me of when American was great!
• Redwood: Thank you to all our posters, none of whom are paid contributors.
• Redwood: The Redwood Man. Virility without the sperm count. Safest sex you'll ever have.
• Redwood: Redwood Cigarettes. Proud sponsor of little leagues across America.
• Redwood: 9 out 10 real men smoke Redwood.
• Redwood: Best of luck to the Redwood Legal Team in the upcoming class action lawsuit. 82 wins this year. Let's make it 83, guys!
• Redwood: We are appalled at the murder of the 4 jury members in our case, and even more appaled at the accusations that they had any connection to Redwood Cigarettes. We WILL make this go away.
• Redwood: Even though our share price is in free fall, we would like to urge all investors not to panic. We will still win this class action lawsuit even with a new jury. We have 700 full-time lawyers. When have we ever lost?
• Redwood: Redwood Lights are not official known as Redwood Silver (because that will really stop people from getting confused)
• Redwood: Redwood Cigarettes. One of the few things still made in the USA. Be proud.
• Redwood: 500,00 people allegedly died from smoking last year. The other 40 million smokers are doing just fine!

Ludendorff

142 friends (including Trevor)

• Ludendorff: Ludendorff. 3 churches, 3 liquor stores, 3 Ammu-Nations. What more do you need?
• Ludendorff: Congratulations to Eddie Joyner for winning the largest raddish in North Yankton for the 9th consecutive year - you betcha!
• Ludendorff: Visit Ludendorff - the best fish boiled in lye in all of North Yankton!
• Ludendorff: School closed today for the opening of snipe hunting season.
• Ludendorff: 51 degress F again today! If this heatwave continues, we might even get the snow tires off this year!
• Ludendorff: There will be no Ludendorff Weekly this week owing to the complete lack of news.
• Ludendorff: Will Bill Petty please return his overdue library books?
• Ludendorff: The North Yankton State Patrol are doing everything they can to get to the bottom of the shootout at the cemetery. We haven't seen anything like this since the bank got robbed 9 years ago.
• Ludendorff: Home to the Mid West's Biggest Beaver.

Simeon's page

84 friends, 2 family members

• Simeon: I just closed another great deal at competitive interest rates. The customer tried to discriminate against me but I called him out on it and stood proud! He will not rush to judge another man's 5 o'clock shadow!
• Lamar: You one dirty dog, Simeon. Those photos you sent me the link to were straight up nasty!
• Simeon: Why don't you really ride shotgun this weekend by test driving a vehicle at Premium Deluxe Motorsport? Right next door to Ammu-nation!
• Simoen: I see all my employees as the sons I would have had if I was more open-minded about interracial marriage.
• Sacha Yetarian: I'm wonder whether we should be investing more in precious metals, Uncle Simeon? And I was also wondering when you were going to pay me for last month?
• Simeon: I have put myself forward for another 'hero of the community' award. I hope they have got rid of the racist panel of judges who denied me last year.
• Simeon: At Premium Deluxe Motorsport, we do not discriminate. We offer financing to anyone! No credit? No problem! You're approved!
• Anak Horozian: You have to do something about Sacha's twitch. It is like he is trying to bite his own ear off.
• Simeon: My showroom vandalized by an employee I treated like a son! Once again I pay the price for offering impoverished youth a chance at a new life!
• Sacha: I tried to warn you about Franklin and Lamar, Uncle. Will you reconsider my proposal to create an Assistant Manager position within Premium Deluxe Motorsport?
• Simeon: Tired of being turned away for loans? Come to Premium Deluxe Motorsport in Pillbox Hill. No credit check! We trust you!
• Yerghat Tankian: Can you believe the Armenian sisters from that awful reality show? All they do is talk about their private places and marry basketball players!
• Simeon: I am pleased to report that my new requisitions team is learning fast under my mentorship.
• Simeon: My new business cards arrived. All 8 job titles!
• Anak: Thank you for the kind birthday gift. I will add the Premium Deluxe Motorsport voucher to the others you have given me on every previous year.
• Simeon: Please tell all your friends about Premium Deluxe Motorsport. Credit crisis? We don't see crisis, we see opportunity.
• Simeon: I don't believe it! A bum just urinated on my air dancer promotional sign! I thought this neighborhood was supposed to be gentrified!
• Simeon: To the lovely Barbara thank you for a delightful first date and sorry again for forgetting my wallet!
• Barbara Watkins: Stop texting me. I never want to see you again.
• Owen Yates: So this is the only way I can get in touch with you now? By tricking you into accepting my friend request? Where is my deposit? You can't just call me a racist and hang up every time I ask for my money back!
• Simeon: You are all very dear to me, even those many of you I haven't met. This weekend Premium Deluxe Motorsport will be offering a special price on selected vehicles for all my Lifeinvader friends!

Stretch's page

78 friends (including Tanisha, Tavell and Darryl Knox)

• Lamar: Do you even know how to use this old-timer?
• Stretch: Caught a chump dry snitchin broke his face codes the code mothafucka.
• Stretch: Im getting 5 days in D-seg for breaking that homie's jaw guess I shouldn't write this stuff on lifeinvader
• Stretch: Inside or outside I'm still running the show.
• Lamar: Word on the street is you're a prison wolf now? Well don't come howling at me when you get out. LD don't cross swords.
• Stretch: Just got out of the hole more man than I went in they cant break me
• Stretch: PG Jackson might be the biggest sellout in the history of hiphop
• Lamar: u anyone's wife yet? Only one thing gettin stretched by you these days!
• Stretch: New tattoo leakin real nasty I said that needle wasnt right.
• Stretch: They trying to place me in a cleaning job when I get out. Only thing ill be cleaning is ballas outta davis.
• Stretch: Crossing lines, building bridges, doin my thing. I'm getting diplomat up in this mofo.
• Stretch: You do your time, you keep your mouth shut.
• Lamar: How many times a day are you getting turned out now?
• Stretch: Any of the bitches stalking my page on lifeinvader wanna marry me so I can get a conjugal visit? #needafemalehole
• Demarcus: You must be getting out any day now right?
• Lamar: What's happening OG? Original GERIATRIC. Hit me up about later.
• Stretch: You expect homies to carry on in your absence but younguns got no respect no more.
• Stretch: Just a quick update to prove that I have 100% not broken curfew
• Stretch: Take your finger off the pause button coz I'm out bitchzzzzz! Bolingbroke Prison I hope I aint seein you again no time soon.
• Lamar: When are we going out on the prowl for ladies assuming you still like them?
• Stretch: All I'm seeing out here now in South LS is a lot of baby G's
• Tonya: Sharonda said you got out? If you lookin for company im by the liquor store on forum most days. We all got needs. Xoxoxo
• Stretch: Chamberlain Hills got full of bitches in the last couple of years and not in a good way.
• JB: The man is back! If u got paper and wanna party u let me know ok?
• Lamar: U sent us into a war dog!!! I thought you said shit was straight with the ballas???
• Demarcus: how's it going on the outside? You seein to business?
• Lamar: You and me we're done. What was that shit you sent me into? You nothin but a busta who gonna get got.
• Renatta Sidwell: You been out for this long and ain't even come see me or the little one?
• Stretch: You gotta be smart to get old in this hood

Tanisha's page

239 friends (including Franklin, Lamar, Tonya, Stretch, Demarcus, Tavell, Denise)

• Tanisha: Nice to be with a guy who saves lives rather than takes them
• Monette: Hey girl tel me about this new man????
• Tanisha: Is there a doctor in the house? In mine there is!
• Denise: For what it's worth I think you made the right move. He'll never grow up.
• Catrina: What's this about you shacking up with a doctor?
• Tanisha: Sometime I have to pinch myself. Life is SO great right now!
• Tanisha: I cant believe I live in a neighborhood where people correct the spelling of graffiti!
• Dana Ellis: You too good to come back to the hood now?
• Tanisha: Jayden told me off for buying prosecco instead of cava :-(
• Lamar: How's that super-nigga working out for you?
• Tanisha: Finally my home life is filled and satisfied, if you know what I mean :-)
• Tanisha: It's so great to be able to wear purple again!!
• JB: Now you a rich girl wat about breakin off a piece for your homie?
• Tanisha: Going for cocktails in the Richman hotel tonite!!!
• Tanisha: old worlds and new - thinking of my peeps on forum drive today much love xx
• Tanisha: Guess what I got for my birthday...Johnny Tung shoes!!! There one doctor getting very lucky tonight!
• Lamar: You keep walkin with your nose in the air sooner or later u gonna take a fall.
• Tanisha: I really love sushi now.
• Tanisha: Makes a change to live on a block where the closest thing to gangbanging is rival book clubs!!
• Tonya: That doctor of yours got any friends who can handle this much woman?
• Tanisha: It's so sweet the way Jayden corrects my pronunciation in front of people.
• Tanisha: Jayden's been teaching me proper table manners. He's such a gentleman!
• Tanisha: Looking around this tennis club I'm willing to bet a lot of money Im the only girl from Chamberlain Hills in here!
• Lela Yarris: Where have you been hiding? Haven't seen you in ages girl!
• Tanisha: Jayden says he's going to take me to Paris next year!
• Tanisha: Sometimes things happen to make you realize that you cant cling to the past forever. Why should I feel guilty about wanting to move on? I can't wait for the next chapter of my life with the man of my dreams!
• Lamar: I heard what u did. I owe u girl 4 real. That yuppie homeboy better treat u right or Ill be on him like a rash.
• Tanisha: Going to get my nails done. Jayden told me they look too ghetto.
• Tanisha: So I guess I put camembert in my mac and cheese now :-)

Tavell's page

182 friends, 2 family (including Denise, Franklin, Lamar, Tanisha, Stretch, Demarcus, Nicolson Bell)

• Tavell: Just moved into my new place in Schottler - escape one hood to live in another!
• Tavell: 6 months in Liberty City! Been there and got the tshirt baby!
• Denise: Hope you're taking care of yourself and not trusting anyone. Maybe you can persuade your cousin to move out there with you?
• Tavell: Just saw Tony McTony outside the meTV building and I believe the camera adds 5 inches!
• Tavell: Sharing an apartment with 2 Jamaicans and a student from Senegal. 4 black dudes who don't understand each other!
• Tavell: Just sprayed CGF on the Broke Bridge. Representing!
• Nicolson Bell: How's life treating you on the Least Coast? You started wearing a blazer and eating chowder yet?
• Tavell: You should've seen this fool Pathos trying to get me to buy his CD on the street corner. If a home'd hassled me like that back home he'd have got laid down!
• Tavell: Man I miss home. I just experienced 4 seasons in one day!
• Tavell: Weird that people actually use the train in Liberty City.
• Tavell: Got a job as a "barista" - Italian word that translates as "fool who serves rich people coffee"
• Tavell: Why is everyone so neurotic here??? Where's all the new-agey heavily medicated peeps??? #missthewestcoast
• Lamar: What up little playa? Hope you puttin those broker females to the sword.
• Tavell: Don't nobody know how to barbecue on the East Coast?
• Tavell: Roman's Taxi Service = worst cab company ever
• Tavell: Just spotted Jill Von Crastenburg running in middle park - does anybody even care about her any more?
• Tavell: Props to my cousin Franklin pimping it with a crib in Vinewood Hills now!!
• Tavell: Finally smoked a blunt on the top of Rotterdam Tower!
• Tavell: Ok - Little Italy??? I might be a black man from South LS but even I know that aint real Italian food.
• Tavell: They're saying that MC Clip got jacked at a photo shoot! I know it's cold but that fakeass wannabe had some bad karma coming his way for along time.
• Tavell: Went on the Firefly Fly Screamer today! "antique" and "rollercoaster" aint two words that should go together!
• Tavell: Feeling a long way from LS today. Missing my ma, my big cousin Franklin, Aunt Denise.
• Tavell: Ok I think it worked it out. People in Liberty City say fuck you and mean how you doing, people in Los Santos say how you doing and mean fuck you.

Dom's page

32 friends (including Franklin)

• Dom: Killer business trip. Holla to my girl in Luxembourg. That tax haven is shaven!
• Dom: Last chance to join me on the cave diving extravaganza! Stop being so female, ladies. And by ladies I mean all of my lame male Lifeinvader friends
• Dom: Free-climbed into work today. Top floor office so go figure.
• Dom: That Australian pilot is such a ditherer. He's like a mother hen in flip flops.
• Gary Harby: All those guys who keep saying what an enormous douchebag you are they're just haters! You rock Dom and you're the best boss I've ever had!
• Dom: I just discovered a live-in maid I didn't know I had #onlyinmyworld
• Mark Pearson: You're a dick.
• Dom: Look death in its eye. Get right up in its grill. Smell its rank breath.
• Dom: Made a million, broke an arm. Just an average Tuesday.
• Jeff Chartier: I wish I had your balls, Dominator. No, seriously, I wish I could phyiscally replace my testicles with yours.
• Dom: To call my new hottub a "tub" is the understatement of the century. Think more Hot Lake.
• Dom: Tell all your friends to stalk me! Let's get my count where it needs to be!
• Dom: Just trashed some Speedophiles for no reason. Oops!
• Jeff: Wingman in the sky, wingman on the ground. Gnarliest dudes in LS, mate!
• Dom: I'd go to work today but the sun's out and I made 10 million yesterday
• Dom: I just made mother nature my birth AGAIN!
• Dom: Amazing how many people you have to bribe to let you do crazy shit. It costs a lot of money to live life on the edge.
• Dom: I've subdivided all the girls I don't want to get with on Lifeinvader into blue chip (fat), high risk (skank) and illiquid (frigid)
• Dom: I don't live my life at 100%, I live it at 50% to give the reswt of you a chance.
• Karen Lichti: When are you going to meet your daughter deadbeat.
• Dom: Props to my boys for a major mach session today.
• Dom: Looking into the eyes of a first-time base-jumper is like the night you are first with a woman - terrifying pleasure!
• Dom: What would be considered an obscene amount to spend on a mountain bike? $10,000? Ooops! Yes I did.
• Dom: Four days on the run I nearly died doing something crazy. This is getting boring now. NOT!!!!!
• Dom: I spent this morning pounding the Asian markets. Thanks Wai Ling
• Dom: Evaluation of my risk tolerance and volatility = HIGH
• Dom: I do my blue sky thinking at 10,000 feet bitches.
• Dom: Major wipeout!! What do you do when your parachute doesn't open and you land in a tree and nearly break every bone in your body? You get straight back in the helicopter and go up again!
• Dom: You can't out-dominate the Dominator!
• Dom: Who spends 6 figures to drive a quad bike out of a cargo plane? Guilty as charged, your honor!
• Dom: Next stop - Maze Bank building! I already out-traded every drone in there!
• Dom: You know how I'm always talking about how I have a black friend? Well now it's trye. I really do have a black friend.
• Dom: I just jumped off the tallest building in LosS antos - what did you do today?
• Dom: I wish you could all be me for just 5 minutes to see how awesome it is.
• Dom: I am already planning my chef d'oeuvre! It will be something nobody has ever done before! I will finally out-dominate myself!
• Jeff: RIP Dominator. You were the best and only friend I ever had.
• Gary: Hope you find peace, Dom. We had a minute's silence in the office today which a few people cheered through. You will be missed.

Beverly's page

68 friends (including Franklin), 1 family

• Beverly: Celebts aren't the victims. They crave the attention! The day I'm not pointing a camera in their face is the day they're FINISHED!
• Ray Gordon: Hey bud just driving through Del Perro did I see you in a dumpster????
• Beverly: I'm still looking for my retirement shot. My Sudan!
• Beverly: I can't believe that weasel Madison got the photo of Billy and Bobby Blue penis fencing. That should have been mine!
• Alan Felton: This is what we spent so much money on your education for? It's not just humiliating for you, it's humiliating for me and your mother too.
• Beverly: Hiding in a tree outside the Pillbox Hill Medical Center. Got word that Bill Anthony's undergoing emergency surgery after a botched penis extension!
• Beverly: I really have to stop assuming every black man is Clay PG Jackson. It's the curse of my waspy upbringing.
• Madison Fox: Another front page on Starstalk for yours truly. Shame you were 4 days late to the party. Bad luck.
• Beverly: A cellphone does not make you a photographer! I am an artist, a historian, a documenter of side boob!
• Beverly: My photo of Jill Von Crastenburg taking a dump could go front page! I'll be the defining cultural historian of our generation!
• Beverly: I can confirm that Bruce Spade is definitely a grower not a shower.
• Beverly: No way! I thoguht I had a PERFECT crotch shot of January Natasha Vasquez but there's too much glare from her labia piercing. 4 days wasted.
• Beverly: Cloe Parker spat in my face today. Stank of vodka and stomach acid. No wonder she can't keep a husband longer than a month!
• Beverly: Lyle Cleethorpes V getting a rim job from a homeless man! Booyaa! The people deserve the TRUTH!
• Beverly: Shot of Charlotte Crown purging WITH visible vulva! This could make my career!
• Beverly: I've been sitting outside Martha Term's house for 4 days now. DO SOMETHING YOU LAZY ADDLED COW!
• Beverly: Ok, students of the human condition. I'm off to stake out that old hag Miranda Cowan. Wish me luck!
• Beverly: Madison Fox you are a man without honor! A leech! How do you sleep at night?
• Beverly: Samantha Muldoon has taken another restraining order out against me. That copuntry accent is fake!!!!!
• Beverly: I can't reveal too much but suffice to say I irrefutable live, close-up, graphic proof that Poppy Mitchell is 100% NOT a virgin. They'll write books about me! My name will echo through the halls of eternity!
• Beverly: The Sloppy Poppy meltdown continues! And Team Beverly was there to capture it all in HD!
• Beverly: Her royal HIGHNESS Princess Georgina likes to get royally blazed! And guess who got the photo? I am on a roll!
• Beverly: The reality show is happening! It's really happening! From celebrity hunter to celebrity!

Devin's page

1648 friends (including Franklin

• Devin: Devin's rules # 16 - real power is not having to vote. Because you own both candidates already. #Joke #Notreally
• Devin: The best leverage you have in any deal is someon's weakness
• Devin: Another embarrasing day for IAA security. What is this country coming to?
• Molly: Can't get through to you on your phone but I'm happy to stay late again if you need me
• Devin: Some people have their own jet at the airport. I have my own departure lounge.
• Devin: Sue Murry and Jock Cranley are both so desperate for my endorsement on their gubernatorial bid I'd feel embarrassed for them if I knew what embarrassment felt like.
• Devin: I ran 20 miles before breakfast, then skipped breakfast. #bedevinweston
• Molly: I know your schedule is crazy today so if you miss dinner feel free to stop by my place and I can give you something.
• Devin: The last time I flew commercial you could still smoke on the plane and the hostesses dressed like hookers.
• Devin: Fortunately for the rest of the business community, my work life balance is 10/90
• Devin: Always do unto others as you would do unto your staff
• Devin: If you want to feel inspired, check out my website www.bedevinweston.com
• Ray Navarro: Killer racket ball session, boss. You ever gonna let me win?
• Devin: Is there anything more fun than screwing over your so-called rich friends?
• Devin: Just had my body age evaluated again. I'm still getting younger.
• Devin: The golden rule - nothing over 21 unless it's vintage wine or a vintage car
• Devin: Another honorary macroeconomics Phd. Yawn.
• Ray Navarro: Had to twist some arms but got the numbers looking real solid for the audit :-)
• Devin: Just completed 5 multi-million transactions whilst meditating - I am now literally trading in my sleep!
• Devin: Another assistant bites the dust. If I tell you no complex carbs in the office, I mean NO COMPLEX CARBS IN THE OFFICE
• Devin: Jackie, thanks for the date last night and for leaving so promptly this morning. I am now de-friending you.
• Devin: I now employ 4 people just to deal with my personal Lifeinvader page. I get 3000+ friend requests a day.
• Simon Halcrow: Thank you so much for finally accepting my friend request. You are my number 1 hero. I hope one day I can become a spiritual capitalist just like you.
• Devin: And another intern cries wolf...
• Devin: I only drink coffee anally these days.
• Devin: 5 hours day-trading in the lotus position. I've never felt so relaxed getting rich.
• Devin: Made the top ten sexiest financiers list for the 12th consecutive year.
• Devin: President Lawton called me personally this morning for advice on the economy. Makes a change, normally it's his wife calling me ;)
• Devin: I don't go to my happy place, I live in it 24/7
• Devin: Never work with children or animals - and most ex-cons are a combo of the two
• Devin: If my aggressive acquisition strategy goes to plan, the Weston Racing team will soon have the most enviable fleet of ars in the world. You're welcome, guys!
• Ray: Just heard about Molly. Let me know how you want to move on this.
• Devin: Molly, you were one of the most committed and ruthless lawyers I've ever had on my books. I promise you that your death will not be in vain,
• Devin: Congratulations to Richards Majestic on the premiere of Meltdown. I am proud to be the majority shareholder and to have played such a crucial role in keeping America's great movie industry alive.

Demarcus' page

131 friends (including Franklin), 1 family (Hailey Bradley)

• Demarcus: Still don't know how I got caught, but I'm innocent
• Stretch: So they transferring you to Bolingbroke?
• Demarcus: It's like a Davis High reunion up in here! Half the class of 2005!
• Demarcus: A fun afternoo of terrifying white collar criminals
• Hailey: Though you should know I've redecorated your room and turned it into a home gym. Love you, Mom x
• JB: When r u getting out? Don't forget about that $5 u owe me.
• Demarcus: My new cellie stinks like rotten ass
• DemarucS: How are fools like Lamar Davis on the outside and I'm on the inside? Life aint never fair.
• Deja Medwell: Hey lover missin you like crazy counting down the days stay strong xx
• Demarcus: I got a better tv in here than I do at home
• Demarcus: Just got a friend request from the guard on my wing. It's a messed up world
• Demarucs: This new batch of psychiatric meds is awesome!
• Demarcus: You show emotion, you show weakness. You show weakness, you become female. Prison evolution.
• Demarcus: I never met a prison dentist who ain't a total psycho.
• Deja: What's that crack whore tonya doing sending you photos of her nasty ass????
• Lamar: So you and Stretch boyfriend and girlfriend yet?
• Demarcus: Watching my cellie brush his teeth - if only he knew where that toothbrush had been :-)
• Demarcus: You can make all the jokes you want about dropping the soap. You drop the soap in Bolingbroke you sure aint laughing.
• Demarcus: To all the crazy, lonely ladies there writing to me in prison, the best way you can show me that you love me is by sending cigarettes.
• Demarcus: Hearing the Ballas got ripped apart in Davis! Grove Street's coming back where it belongs!
• Demarcus: I hope this blindness is only temporary. Damn that prison wine fucked me up.
• Demarcus: I just made the best shank ever.
• Demarcus: It ain't gay if you're both straight.
• Demarcus: Refused parole again motherfuckas gonna make me do every day I know it
• Demarcus: Shout out to all the Chamberlain Hills crew! Green and proud baby!
• Demarcus: Since when was spaghetti bolognese grey??? Tasted like someone ate spaghetti bolognese shat it out then left it in the sun for a week. #prisonfoodsucks

Trevor's page

2 friends (Ron and Wade)

• Ron: Trevor - you might be right. Social media isn't that fun.
• Ron: Best thing you ever did scaring my wife off like that.
• Ron: I think you're right - government definitely monitor these things.
• Ron: Did you urinate in my moonshine still again?
• Ron: Our own airstrip! Trevor Philips Industries! We're going places!
• Ron: Sorry about your statue. You were incredibly today Trevor. I wish I was a trained airforce pilot like you!
• Ron: Great to have you back Trevor. The dream team! And I'll get you that gasoline.
• Ron: Do you think your Mexican maid can clean my trailer too?
• Ron: Ain't you gonna introduce me to your mom?

Ron's page

14 friends (including Trevor)

• Wade Herbert: Trevor made me put my johnson between my legs and wear the wig again.
• Wade: Is Trevor ever going to pay us?
• Cletus: Wanna grab a couple of cold ones and shoot some shit up?
• Ron: People are fools to post anything on here. It's all wired straight to the government.
• Ashley Butler: You'll pay for what happened to Johnny. All of you.

Wade's page

• Hank Terrel: You heard from Daisy Bell or Kush-Chronic nobody's seen them since you went to the gathering last year?
• Wade: I love spraying soda over people while listening to horrorpop whoop whoop!
• Wade: First time in Los Santos!!!
• Floyd: You have to get that psycho out of here. Debra will ke me.
• Floyd: Please tell him to leave Mr Raspberry Jam alone! I'm begging you!
• Floyd: Finally he's gone! Peace at last.
• Wade: I live in a strip club now! Dreams can come true!
• Jenny Tillman: Have you heard from Floyd or Debra recently?

MaryAnn's page

• MaryAnn: One day I'd like to compete against myself and win. Just one day!
• MaryAnn: Between my career and staying healthy, how would I ever find time for a family anyway?
• Jonathan Aubrey: Is it you putting those threatening notes on my car?
• Richard Trindall: Wow, you caused quite a scene at the company party last night.
• Mother: Please don't fly off the handle, darling, but your father and I found you a lovely man at bridge club. He's a little older but very successful. Will you consider meeting him for coffee? We're not trying to interfere - we just don't want you left on the shelf, that's all.
• MaryAnn: Every guy in my department is such a wet blanket. So your boss is a woman? Get over it! Grow a dick!
• MaryAnn: Laid down some fat watts today! Serious core work! BMI = 22. How do you like me NOW!!!
• Jonathan: I've changed the locks to my apartment. I can't come home to find you in there again. That was terrifying. You need help, MaryAnn.
• MaryAnn: Home made mascarpone ravioli, a crisp arugula salad with lemon dressing, a large glass of Barolo. Saturday night = Me Time. I love my life
• MaryAnn: Personal best on the step machine and my ass still looks a burst beach ball! AAAAAGHH!!!!
• NaryAnn: I've realized men are split into 4 categories 1) They hate their mother 2) The love their mother too much 3) They still live with their mother 4) They want me to be their mother
• MaryAnn: Having to really dig deep for those dopamines today.
• MaryAnn: For the last time... I don't play sport, I WORK OUT. Games are what little boys play.
• MaryAnn: My team at work are such morons. It's like managing a group of special needs kids.
• MaryAnn: 40 in 3 months. I'm totally fine with it.
• MaryAnn: Dear skanks who come to the gym dressed like they should be on roller skates serving daiquiris to Japanese businessmen in titty bars, FUCK YOU!
• MaryAnn: 2 hours of cardio and I HATE MYSELF! COME ON!!!
• MaryAnn: I swear if my assistant doesn't stop giving me that sympathetic look and "start wearing a bra", her days are numbered. I'll run you into the ground, you skinny bitch!
• MaryAnn: Tear fest at today's performance reviews. What a bunch of namby pambies
• MaryAnn: So my swimming coach is setting me up on a blind date. Expectations somewhere between low and horrendous...
• MaryAnn: The blind date with Adam went surprisingly well - he was generally tolerable, not married, not disgustingly fat, not super-rightwing and didn't scratch his balls in front of me. 7 out of 10.
• MaryAnn: Second date with Adam and he's already annoying me. Decide what you want you cowed little momma's boy!
• MaryAnn: I'm meeting up with Adam at Galileo Park near the Vinewood sign. I'm going to annihilate him on the bikes, see if I can locate a spine anywhere in that wimp!
• MaryAnn: My tapering strategy s completely fucked! I just got beaten in a run by a chubby guy who must have been at least in his mid-40s! I've never been so humiliated in my life!
• Dr. Wetherbrook: I thought I should reach out as you haven't been to therapy in a while? Everything ok? Call me any time.
• MaryAnn: I'm in the pits of an awful cardio slump. Triathlon training was a DISASTER! Some ringer posing as a weekender tore the last of my morale to shreds. I'm a broken woman.
• MaryAnn: Today couldn't have been any more shitty. First I have to dump Adam for being a dickless commitment-phone and then some complete freak of a human specimen smokes me in a downhill bike race! I'm so deconditioned! I hate myself! I'm going to die alone!

Kyle's page

• Liz Macallen: Last time I surprise you at work. It's over, you pig.
• Billy Pennington: Wanna meet up for a juice, bud?
• Kyle: There's some dirt you can't wash off.
• Kyle: Any of my old college friends around tonight? I really want to hang out with someone my own age.
• Alice Tinsley: I can't believe we had to move away. I'll miss our Friday afternoons. You showed me that, with the right grip and a firm, confident stroke, I can smash it like a woman half my age... and that's a lesson I'll take with me for the rest of my life. xxx
• Kyle: Mrs. Brooke on Kimble Hill Drive has had so much work done she squeakes when she runs!
• Susan Chavis: Is it true what you said the other night after you drank all that whisky? About crying yourself to sleep every night because your life is so pitiful and empty? Call any time, peanut. Love, Mom.
• Alex Deane: Yeah, you're a pro alright. You should be standing on a street corner. Stay away from me and my family.
• Kyle Chavis: I can't even imagine what it would be like not to be tanned all year round.
• Amanda: How's your schedule tomorrow? I'm really having trouble with my backhand again.
• Kyle: Ladies, talk to your husbands. $150 an hour. If you want to double up, I'll do you both in an hour for $250.
• Dena Spears: I hate it when you teach all those other women.
• Kyle: I was once ranked 42nd in the country age 14-16. What have I become?
• Rebecca Powell: My husband says I can't have any more classes for a while :(
• Kyle: You'd never know @Amanda De Santa was in her 40s ;)
• Kyle: And another possessive midlife crisis psycho tries to kill me! I am so over this!
• Kyle: I'm thinking I should maybe get away, make a fresh start.

Hayden Dubose's page

• Hayden: I want those golf clubs Mark Fostenburg has from Japan with the seal skin grips.
• Hayden: Third wife's a charm! If I keep getting older and they getting younger, we're all good, right? Only joking, honey!
• Hayden: And the kids are gone! Boarding school - never die me any harm. Made me the man I am today.
• Hayden: I'd like to apologize again to Mr Hernandez for asking him to wait outside with the other help at last night's Neighborhood Watch meeting.
• Hayden: The housekeeper just put my 1943 cabernet in the coq au vin. I want to cut her throat! Only joking. But COME ON! Were you raised in the wilderness?
• Kyle: Does the new Mrs Dubose want tennis lessons like the other two did?
• Hayden: Unanimous vote to renew my tenure as Head of Neighborhood watch AND Chair of the Edward Way Block association last night. Hard for that not to go to your head!
• Hayden: Whoever came up with the idea of alimony should be taken outside and shot.
• Hayden: The maid called in sick for a second day!!! I don't know if I can handle living in this squalor for a minute longer!
• Hayden: Well, this neighborhood certainly has become cosmopolitan in the 7 years I've lived here.
• Hayden: They're talking about letting women into the Golf Club again. It doesn't bear thinking about. #sicktomystomach
• Jasper O'Hare: 7am tee-time. Me, you, castro, rogers, bentley. Cognac and happy endings. Home by lunch. Are you in or out?
• Hayden: Does that tennis coach have to get in quite so close???
• Hayden: Working hard on this new merger - got to keep my little lady in new shoes!
• Hayden: It's like a honeymoon every night in my house at the moment. TMI?
• Hayden: Cooking in the nude with Kimberly tonight and the gazpacho nearly wasn't vegetarian! #closecallwiththeblender
• Melinda Dubose: Dad, please, this so humiliating. Every time I read one of your posts, I die a little inside.
• Hayden: No financial crisis in my portfolio - 3 year high!!!
• Hayden: I saw a suspicious-looking black man hanging around the De Santa house again. I don't know whether it's the economic downturn or what, but this community doesn't feel as safe as it should any more given how much money I spent to live here.
• Hayden: Why did I buy all that Lifeinvader stock??? So dumb.
• Hayden: Long session at the club last night. Castro's wife threw him out again :)
• Hayden: I'm not one to gossip but it doesn't sound like domestic bliss over at the De Santas!
• Hayden: If those are really are gunshots, whatever's happening at the De Santas goes way above the remit of the Neighborhood Watch Society.
• Hayden: How the hell did the Union Depository get broken into? I thought it was supposed to be impenetrable! What's this going to do to the dollar?
• Hayden: Apparently, someone is waging a campaign of terror against the realtor who sold me my house! Lenny Avery. Nice guy, great hair. What is Rockford Hills coming to???

Lester's page

• Lester: Ok, which of you young bucks wants to be schooled in the art of first person shooters?
• Lester: What are all you people still doing on Lifeinvader? It's a redundant platform built on stolen code!
• Lester: I've never seen a larger collection of egos with so little to say.
• Lester: If one more person posts something about their lunch I will literally start deleting bank accounts.
• Lester: When are these rapacious CEOs going to get their just deserts? End the culture of corporate greed!
• Giles Heskell: Why do you need social networking when you just read all your freinds' emails anyway?
• Lester: Lifeinvader - the perfect storm of information with no content.
• Lester: It's so hilarious to me how many of you place your blind trust in Anteater antivirus software! It's about as safe as a Honduran street whore. Why don't you just walk around handing out cards with your banking details on them?
• Niles Harris: All you do is talk shit about Lifeinvader but you secretly love it!
• Kanya Suttikul: Did you still want me to come over later, baby? 200 roses same as last week.
• Lester: I don't care what anyone says. I still love playing Loot & Wank.
• Maurie Lelland: Let's jump back on Righteous Slaughter! Are you really only 16? My dad wants to know...
• Guadaloupe Romero: 2 men from union asking for boss again
• Cheryl Maroney: Have you been siphoning my text messages again?
• Lester: Lifeinvader's new product certainly exploded onto the market.
• Lester: Back in the hospital again - this wasting disease never gets any more fun.
• Lester: Checking out of hospital early to protect some idiots from themselves.
• Lester: You leave clowns to do a job, you end up with a circus.
• Lester: What a buy Debonaire Cigarettes stock turned out to be. You never know.
• Lester: Oh dear. How are Façade going to steal all our private data without their Head of Product Development?
• Lester: Looks like I'm taking a trip to the seaside. And by seaside, I mean a toxic stagnant lake in the middle of the desert.
• Lester: The Sandy Shores motel I'm staying in is worse than a Cambodian prison cell.
• Lester: More labor disputes at the factory and all manufacturing on hold indefinitely. Again. Heaven forbid anything actually gets made in this country!
• Lester: Nothing like getting together with old friends to stick it to the government...
• Lester: Off the back of a fortuitous golden windfall, I am officially retiring from the garment business. And I think it might be time to upgrade the bungalow.

Amanda's page

• Amanda: New Gammi Forapundo handbag. Bester $3000 Michael ever spent.
• Amanda: I love the way that maid looks at me like I'm the help. Yeah, well if you want vacation pay, senora, declare some taxes.
• Amanda: I think I went a little overboard with the bleaching. Hope I can sit down ok for my hair appointment.
• Jimmy: I'm in my room, can't get to phone. Ate a whole bag of cake batter, might need a medic.
• Fiona Larsson: You and Mike wanna come over for fondu at the weekend? Or is he still in a mood?
• Sandra Carelli: Just bumped into Tracey. She is SO like you!
• Sandra: I got your voicemail. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you with the Tracey comment.
• Fabien Larouche: Did you speak to you husband about signing up for another 6 private classes? For you, just $2000!
• Amanda: Stinks of weed in this house!
• Peter Kerr: Any oddjobs need doing again this summer, Mrs De Santa? I've got my driving license now.
• Amanda: The doctor says that Jimm's 'rash' is from over friction.
• Fabien: Let me walk you along the path to your sacred place.
• Amanda: Where did I go wrong with my kids? Actually, don't answer that.
• Amanda: How many drunk Rockford Hills women does it take to change a lightbulb? Six &3 cute firemen! Lightbulb stil needs changing, btw :)
• Amanda: Stripper workout class at the gym - nailed it!
• Amanda: Those bastards messed up myprescription again! I will destroy them!
• Amanda: My gyno just asked if I sent Tracey in by mistake - love that guy!
• Keri Barker: Credit card wars on Portola Drive tomorrow?
• Amanda: I seriously think Jimmy might be a bulimic who's forgotten to purge
• Dr. Stanovicz: I'm concerned. We haven't scheduled you for a procedure in over six months. If you aren't unhappy with the last wave of collagen work, please let me know. I'd be happy to discuss some alternatives.
• Amanda: Has anyone done this POW Cleanse? www.thepowcleanse.com
• Fabien: Do not fear the unknown. Be the now. Namaste.
• Amanda: A daughter staring at a phone, a son staring at a game, a husband staring a TV - and they're all stoned. Just another Tuesday morning at the De Santas.
• Kyle: That's a killer forehand you're developing, Mrs De Santa! Same time next week?
• Lisa Barclay: Where did you get your breasts done again?
• Amanda: This guy Gary that Tracey is seeing is the definition of a loser. He makes Jimmy look like a gigolo.
• Kyle: Great session today. Always a pleasure working with you. And I WILL call you Amanda :)
• Kyle: My schedule's wide open let me know when he isn't around.
• Amanda: My insecure jealous husband takes his next victim...
• Tracey: The tennis guy? Way to go, mom. Real classy.
• Lester: Long time no see. The years have clearly been kinder to you than they have to Michael. You've got the body you never had when you were 20.
• Jimmy: fyi dad just attacked those porno guys you rented the house to last summer
• Jimmy: Shoplifting? Isn't one criminal enough in this parenting duo?
• Fabien: I have to say your home life is not that zen
• Amanda: Just when I think hell can't any worse, in walks the devil.
• Fabien: You've done the right thing. That man is a tangled ball of negative energy.
• Amanda: I am done with this excuse for a life. I deserve more.
• Amanda: I wasted my best years on that man. Well this is MY time!
• Amanda: Fabien appreciates my inner and outer beauty. Michael never noticed either.
• Amanda: Fabien talked through the entire couples colonic AGAIN.
• Amanda: Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but this tantric sex just feels like sitting for a long time with a tampon in.
• Amanda: How can any man be this obsessed with my rectum, and not in a fun way?
• Amanda: If he says "Namaste" or "impacted" again, I might scream.
• Amanda: Giving it another try. He's a philandering selfish untrustworthy psychopath of a man, but he's my philandering selfish untrustworthy psychopath.
• Amanda: Jimmy might actually get a job and Tracey might actually go college. What is going on???
• Amanda: I'm a movie producer's wife now :)
• Amanda: "Everything's going to be fine, baby." Yes, honey, until an army of psychos invaders your home...

Jimmy's page

• Jimmy: Me and my friends were just discussing how you look like a bald anemic sloth
• Jimmy: When the door's locked, you knock! How difficult is that for my parents to understand?
• Tracey: Why do yuo always look like you've just been swimming in duck fat?
• Jimmy: Biggest shit ever dude! Almost broke the bowl!
• Colin Easton: You roast rump
• Jimmy: Where do the days go? I don't know how employed people find the time.
• Jimmy: You know it's going to be a good day when you wake up thinking you finished all the nachos last night only to realize there's still half a bag.
• Tracey: for a kid with learning difficulties you sure picked up masturbation fast
• Jimmy: Any of you pussies want to get pounded on Army of Menace 3????
• Amy Turner: By the way, that thing you found in my drawer was a back massager
• Jimmy: You know what time it is! Slaughter time!
• Jimmy: Why does my third grade teacher still call my mom all the time?
• Amy: Stop phoning me or I'll call the police.
• Jimmy: I hate it when my dad tries to act like he's my friend. No, I don't "want to throw a ball around", Mike.
• Evan Arnold: Can I get my cope of 'Ass ist gud ja' back now?
• Jimmy: I honestly think I might have the most dysfunctional family in America
• Colin: Your mom makes me feel funny in my pants
• Jay Wallace: How is your game that weak? You totally creeped those girls out last night, dude!
• Tracey: you're going to die a virgin
• Tracey: Stop locking yourself in the bathroom for half an hour with my high school yearbook! It's so gross!
• Jimmy: The lesson that love conquers everything is not one taught in our house
• Tracey: I can smell the rotting cheese in your neck rolls from my room
• Colin: You bite pillows
• Jimmy: I'm not joking. I think I have bedsores after that 10 hour session on RS7!
• Tracey: Stop staring at my friends when they come over.
• Ross Connon: Are all your internal organs lying in a pile on the floor between your legs? Because I just VIOLATED you on Level 9, dude!
• Tracey: if your tits get any bigger I'm going to have to lend you a bra.
• Evan: It rocks you can smoke weed in your house.
• Jimmy: Is there anything more fun than systematically assassinating someone's character online?
• Colin: You smoke pole.
• Jimmy: Stairs suck. When I get my oiwn place. No stairs.
• Amanda: Stop ordering food on my credit card and make do with the 3 delicious meals provided
• Jimmy: I've realized I don't need my dad to buy me a car. I can get my own financing. There's these really amazing deals with zero down and no credit check at Premium Deluxe Motorsport.
• Jimmy: All u losers bow down! Big J's gotta new whip! Canary yellow Karin BJXL" Oh yeah! Bitches will be FLOCKING!
• Jimmy: Looking at this paperwork again and think I might have got stiffed a little with this car deal. I'm guessing double digit percentages aren't a good thing? And are weekly payments normal?
• Tracey: just saw a show about primordial dwarfs - I think that's what's wrong with your penis.
• Jimmy: Only my dad would return my new car at 100mph through the dealership window!
• Jimmy: So that car thing didn't work out. But new plan. 1) I need money 2) My dad's boat is just sitting there 3) Are we all doing the math?
• Jimmy: So that boat thing didn't work out. Lucky for me my dad's a lunatic or I could be dead right now!
• Jimmy: Oh and I did I mention that my dad is now best friends with the burglar who broken into our house? Don't even ask.
• Jimmy: So tripped out about Jay Norris! I was all ready to camp out in line for that mobile device!
• Jimmy: In weird 'De Santa' family news... Dad smashes TV in blind rage, Jimmy + Dad go on gay bike ride, Dad hijacks a boat and steals sea shark. Oh, and Tracey does porn (ok no news there).
• Tracey: You weasely little shit telling dad about the party on the yacht. Get a life of your own!
• Tracey: Don't tell Mom and Dad about the auditions ok!
• Tracey: Why did you tell dad about fame or shame you disgusting little turd??? I hope you eat yourself to deah.
• Ryan Bennett: Can't believe your folks sprung you for all that green!
• Jimmy: oh great uncle trevor's back
• Ahron Ward: Got your message. Whatever you need, I'll be at burger shot.
• Jimmy: Who's checked out that viral Poppy Mitchell video? I would tear that ass up.
• Jimmy: I've moved out bitchzzz! J-Dog is roaming free!
• Ahron: How did that thing work out with your dad?
• Jimmy: Feeling kinda bad about what I did to my dad but then I'm also kinda over it.
• Jimmy: Has anyone got a sofa I can crash on?
• Jimmy: That creepy Lazlow guy is totally grooming Tracey!
• Jimmy: A patronizing French yogi in his 20s is now bottom of my future father in law wish list.
• Jimmy: I am seriously low on funds. This whole independent thing is expensive, dudes.
• Jimmy: Dad beat up mom's boy toy with a laptop so I'm moving back home! Who's online later for some Slaughter time???
• Jimmy: Watching my dad beat up my mom's boyfriend then tattoo a penis on the slimy TV dude trying to bang my sister, it's a filial love I've rarely felt.
• Jimmy: The De Santa family is almost getting along. It's weird. I don't know if I like it.
• Jimmy: Somehow my dad's become a movie producer and my sister's become a reality TV star! I really do need to do something with my life now!
• Tracey: Wow you actually stepped up and did something not cowardly for once in your life.
• Jimmy: I'm a hero! I teabagged an elite special forces assassin and not just virtually in a game this time!
• Jimmy: Everybody go see Meltdown! It's so awful it's awesome!
• Jimmy: So that comedy writer I've been giving constructive criticism to online? Turns out he REALLY can't take a joke.

Tracey's page

• Tracey: I'm so excited for the new season of Fame or Shame!!!
• Ian Keister: I would totally hit your mom
• Jimmy: Are you playing the field or just fucking the team???
• Tracey: You've gotta love it when my dad threatens to kill my boyfriends and they have no idea how serious he is :)
• Tracey: I've decided to focus on dancing instead of modeling. I think it expresses who I am a lot more. I mean why do I need to go to college when I can make a fortune in entertainment?
• Tracey: Ok, here we go. Fourth new social circle of the year!
• Tracey: Who saw Fame or Shame last night? I've got more talent than all of them combined!
• Bree Young: I'm phoning, texting and lifeinvadering you at the same time! And I don't even know what we're talking about!
• Tracey: I seriously think reality tv is the new world literature
• Lisa Wallin: So... it's confirmed - Steve Grayson isn't just immature emotionally ;)
• Tracey: That video I put on electric tit has got 26 views! (although I have clicked on it a lot myself)
• Tracey: That moment when you catch a glimpse of girl's reflection in a store window, think who's that ugly cow, then realize it's you. #reasonstokillmyself
• Tracey: Acting, modeling, singing, dancing. I'm the quadruple threat.
• Kim Traylor: Crazzzzy night! I don't remember anything but I think I've got a new boyfriend! Win win!
• Tracey: I feel like such a hippo right now
• Kim: Luv u! You're sooooooo hot. Am I? Tell me plz, and on my page, not private message. Thxxxxxx
• Tracey: Everyone defriend Shannon Toyle NOW. From now on that bitch is a pariah! Invisible!
• Tracey: I want to die. I seriously think I might have a fatter ass than my mother.
• Tracey: Fact. Older guys just get me.
• Tracey: I don't know what my mom's done to her nails. Skankarific. You can take the girl out of the trailer park...
• Bree: Did you honestly make out with Danny Niles? Ewwww that's so gross.
• Tracey: So the test was negative. Phew!!!
• Tracey: My parents are the worst role models ever.
• Foster Matthews: Karl totally wants to do you.
• Tracey: You know your family's got problems when you're not allowed to post photos on Lifeinvader
• Lauren Deboer: You were such a slut last night
• Tracey: How is it my brother manages to look like a child and a pedophile at the same time?
• Jimmy: I seriously think you might have broken some record for most DNA consumed by a human body.
• Tracey: I jsut saw Jimmy break a sweat putting on shoes. It will be a miracle if he lives past 30.
• Tracey: Why are all the guys my age such pathetic douchebags?
• Ralph Danforth: Can u do to me what Derek said you did to him? :)
• Tracey: Sometimes I wish I could just trade in my family for another one (so long as they were still rich)
• Tracey: Day 2 of the diet. Eating is cheating!!! Sooooooo tired!!!
• Gary Scales: Thanks for a hot date last night. Sorry again about that mayonnaise packet splitting in my pocket. xx
• Tracey: Cracked on the diet and ate an entire tiramisu. Hate myself.
• Tracey: OMG who saw Lacey Jonas in Stastalk yesterday? She looks like a roadkill crackwhore. I'm SO much hotter than that.
• Amanda: If you refuse speak to me directly, this is the only way. Stop acting like a spoiled brat and be thankful for what you have. I have created a monster.
• Tracey: My parents are driving me CRAZY. I have to get my own place soon.
• Tracey: Gary's different. He kisses me like it means something rather than just a token 10 seconds before trying to get my bra off like all the other guys.
• Tracey: I really think Gary might be the one :)
• Jimmy: I take it all back. Maybe you will be famous... for having the most cavernous gaper in history.
• Tracey: My mom won't let Gary stay the night. Why's she the only one who gets to be the whore? She is such a dictator!
• Tracey: That adult film guy Freddie has invited me to hang out on his yacht with all his entertainment industry friends. So cool! This could totally open doors for me.
• Tracey: I'm officially over Gary. I hope he dies in a horrible accident. And for you other girls out there, he's like a cashew nut, so don't even bother.
• Tracey: I have the most psycho dad in the world. He just dragged me away from the coolest yacht party EVER!! I seriously think he needs some kind of mental intervention.
• Freddy 'Footlong' Slade: Fuck you and your crazy dad. You owe me a new Seashark. Good luck getting into the industry now
• Jimmy: So now you're doing porn too. Congratulations on exceeding my skanky expectations once again.
• Tracey: Something is very wrong. My Dad has friends over and he's in a really good mood. I think I might be trapped in a parallel universe.
• Tracey: Big thanks to Bree and Kim for helping me making the hottest audition tape ever!
• Tracey: Just heard back from Weazel about the audition tape. I'm going on! Don't tell my parents.
• Tracey: I have the worst Dad in the history of parenthood!!! He completely sabotaged my Fame or Shame audition!!! I was going to be famous! My life is over!!! I HATE HIM!!!
• Tracey: Looks like I'm officially from a broken home. Mom boned one guy too many. Dad brained one guy too many. It was only a matter of time.
• Tracey: Can't believe it! Lazlow from Fame or Shame got in touch with me! He wants to know when I'm going to make it up to him for Dad and Uncle Trevor demeaning him in public! And you should have heard some of his ideas ;)
• Tracey: If Fabien tells me one more time that my energies are blocked or asks me to back into his pelvis I won't be responsible for my actions.
• Tracey: I never thought I'd say this but I think I might just miss my Dad a tiny bit.
• Tracey: Lazlow is texting me like 5 times a day now! he keeps asking me to call him jackrabbit. It's kind of sinister and creepy but whatever... CELEBRITY!!
• Tracey: Mom acts like such a pathetic teenager with no self-esteem around Fabien. It makes me want to vomit.
• Tracey: No way! Lazlow wants to meet me at this tattoo parlor to talk about getting back on the show! He said to bring black lipstick and not to tell any responsible adults where I was going (so I told Jimmy)!
• Tracey: My Mom & Dad are back together! And I made it to the finals of Fame or Shame on pure talent alone!
• Tracey: I'm totally going to college as soon as I'm done with the celebrity thing.
• Tracey: I have stalkers now! #priceoffame
• Jimmy: If I'd known masturbating monkeys were the next big thing I'd have gone on Fame or Shame myself.
• Tracey: Fame or Shame finals SO amazing. I've watched myself like 100 times. Still can't believe I didn't win!!
• Tracey: Ok, that didn't last long. Looks like we're moving out AGAIN. Slight private militia home invasion issue.

Michael's page

• Jimmy: Minor emergency. No food in the house. Taken car and credit card. Later on.
• Amanda: Answer your phone Michael! If you're banging a stripper again!
• Hayden: Great looking at the yacht with you buddy. Hope you didn't mind me tagging along. She's a beauty. "Jacqueline" Bet there's a story there :)
• Kyle: Just so there's no confusion Mrs De Santa was already passed out when I arrived for the session today. I don't need another one of those court cases!
• Jimmy: Do you ever find it a little weird being a grown man with no friends?
• Tracey: Do you feel good about yourself now? Why do you have to scare off every guy that shows any interest in me? We were only cuddling. Thanks for ruining my only chance at happiness AGAIN.
• Amanda: Will you clean the juicer after you use it?
• Hayden: How's the day trading going? I had another double-digit month!
• Redwood Cigarettes: Smoke your way out of the economic crisis with Redwood. The cigarette that built America.
• Amanada: Just test drove the new Pegassi. Sooooooo ME! We can't be fully maxed on the 'mortgage', right?
• Kyle: So when am I going to get you out on the court, bud? I hear you were quite the high school athlete.
• Tracey: If you keep refusing to pay for my modeling portfolio I'll have to get them on the cheap with some shady backalley type. Is that what you want?
• Hayden: Thanks for loaning us your maid and for being such a good neighbor (you can imagine what I first thought when I heard the "De Santas" were moving in!) I owe you a beer some time.
• Kyle: Sorry to trouble you Mr De Santa but I'm still waiting on last week's money. $450 (including overtime)
• Amanda: Stop flicking cigar butts in the flower beds!
• Hayden: So apparently my wife wants to switch to the same pool boy Amanda uses? Can you pass on contact details?
• Jimmy: Go on, update your status, dad, prove you can operate the internet.
• Amanda: How much is that smarmy shrink of yours again? Because you need a refund, Psycho.
• Hayden: Thanks for lending me that Rum Runner movie. There's something about that girl in the wheelchair...
• Jimmy: I've been souting from my room for like 10 minutes now but nobody's answering. Are you home? Can you bring me another soda?
• Amanda: Call me when you regain consciousness. I love that you get at me about daytime drinking. Major pot kettle.
• Jimmy: I watched that many wives of alfredo smith movie like you said. It sucks massive dongs.
• Amanda: Thanks for forgetting our anniversary again.
• Kyle: Mrs De Santa is really making great progress with her long strokes
• Tracey: I don't know who pervs my friends more you or Jimmy
• Tracey: 5 Lifeinvader friends? That is so tragic I don't even know where to start.
• Hayden: Keep leaving you voicemails about golf - anyone would think you were ignoring me, neighbor :)
• Jimmy: Do you even know how to use this, old man?
• Jimmy: I'm sorry about the shady lease but was it really necessary to destroy the car? And can I get another one? Maybe by tomorrow? Got plans that's all thx.
• Jimmy: Are you sure you aren't completing losing your mind? I saw you staggering around Legion Square earlier yelling shit about aliens? It's textboo midlife crisis, Dad, get a grip.
• Jimmy: So yeah sorry about the boat I was just trying to use my initiative and make a contribution to the finances like you keep saying I need to. Gotta get creative in a recession! At least I was outside right??? That home invader turned out to be pretty cool btw.
• Amanda: Don't blame Kyle. I thought we had an understanding??? It can't be one rule for you and another for me. What about those three charges to Honkers last month? You think I don't look at the bank statements? Anyway, let's move on... you know, for the kids and all that.
• Kyle: Listen bud, sorry again. Not cool. Again, goes without saying that I'll comp the session. No hard feelings I hope.
• Hayden: I was driving through Vinewood earlier and saw a guy dressed like a moronic teenager who looked the spit of you! I must be going crazy!
• Lester: Ok, I'd say you've atoned for that decade of poor friendship. How ironic we're both on Lifeinvader? Too soon?
• Lester: Wow, you really made yourself hard to find with the whole family on here.
• Jimmy: Good hanging out today at Vespucci Beach, pop. I think. Although I'm kind of weirded out by it. And I have these scary pains in my thighs. Let's just do something inside next time where my glandular issues and your angers issues won't get us in trouble?
• Tracey: I hate you. How could you embarrass me like that? Why do you have to be such a fucking caveman? A couple of the guys on that yacht were legitimate industry people. Are you trying to ruin the rest of my life? Do anything like that again and I really will get into porn just to punish you.
• Jimmy: So seriously what is the new TV situation? Because this needs to get rectified like asap.
• MaryAnn: Don't get any ideas. The only reason I tracked you down was because I don't want you to think that winning that run was anything other than poor mismanagement of carbs on my part. Just so we're both clear that on any other day I would have annihilated you. Best, MaryAnn.
• Amanda: I realize it's been a bad run recently what with the misunderstanding with the tennis coach and now the misunderstanding with the shoplifting but if there was ever a man who didn't have the right to judge? Try to focus more not on what I am doing but WHY I am doing it.
• Lester: Nice job. A real gem, you might say! Just like the good old days.
• Tracey: That was my big break! I was going to be famous. Lazlow said the camera loves me! Why are you never there when I need you as a father but ALWAYS there when I don't??? Don't you want me to be happy? I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.
• Tracey: And wtf is uncle trevor doing here? How is he even still alive?
• Amanda: I thought you promised me we'd never see that psycho again? This clean slate of yours seems to be getting dirtier by the day.
• Lester: I'm still amazed to find possibly the most antisocial luddite in history on here.
• Jimmy: You'll thank me for anaesthetizing you one day, I promise. I hope it gave you some perspective into how unbelievably fucked up our lives are. We all need some distance.
• Lester: Next time you pick a job maybe try something that isn't going to start World War 3? When did you get so stupid? Oh wait, yes, during the last 10 years you've spent sitting in the sun drinking yourself to death. I forgot.
• Amanda: Makes a change to be with a man who can satisfy me phyiscally, emotionally and spiritually.
• Jimmy: I know this is kinda awkward after the whole spiking incident but I've already blown through all the cash I took from you. Can you sopt me $1K for the next couple of weeks? I'm still your only son after all. IM me or something. Later.
• Tracey: You know I do miss you, in some weird codependent way. But this is so much healthier for everyone right now.
• Lester: Are you too technically inept to post anything, or is this just another one of your masterful attempts to stay "hidden"?
• Lester: Just had a quick peek at your day trading accounts - wow you're shit.
• Lester: Hope you're enjoying your vacation, idiot. I hear Mexico is lovely this time of year?
• Lester: Can't believe you brought me out to this backwater shithole. Everybody looks like they're related.
• Hayden: Are you guys on vacation? Haven't seen anyone at the house for a while? Just being a good neighbor!
• Tracey: Jackie from across the street says the house has been empty for days - what's going on? Where are you?
• Tracey: Hope you're taking care of yourself, Dad. I know what a magnet for absolute chaos you are.
• Amanda: I hope none of this stuff I'm seeing on the news has anything to do with you.
• Tracey: If it makes you feel any better, Fabien is a real douchelord.
• Lester: Glad to hear you haven't been turned into high-fat-content burger meat. Didn't I tell you there's an app for everything these days? Never say I don't look out for you.
• Jimmy: This bouncing from crib to crib sleeping on couches blows dick. I was thinking maybe you could rent an apartment for me and then you could even crash there sometimes where you get really lonely (you'd have to call ahead of course)?
• Tracey: Hi Dad. Hope you're staying out of trouble and not just eating junk food. Things are going great for me, looks like that TV thing might work out after all. Take care of yourself PLEASE!!!
• Amanda: Just let me know you're ok?
• Jimmy: Physically assaulting annoying celebrities and yoga instructors! When it comes to father-son bonding that's so much more speed!
• Tracey: Al those guy friends you've violently assaulted in the past and finally this time it might actually get me somewhere! Fame or Shame here I come!
• Amanda: We can do this. I know now that this family is too irreparably damaged to have any hope of a normal relationship with anyone else. We're stuck with each other. And that's as close to a "I love you" as I've been in a very long time.
• Tracey: Now that I'm almost famous and have stalkers and shit, this psycho-over-protective-dad routine is finally starting pay dividends. Love you, Pop. xx
• Amanda: I just got an invitation to a movie premiere! First thing I've opened in years that hasn't been a bill or a court summons. xoxoxo
• Jimmy: Can't believe you're a movie producer! You're almost cool, Pop!
• Jimmy: Can't believe you're a movie producer! You're almost cool, Pop!
• Tracey: So much for everything being fine now. Yeah, apart from the robo-soldiers in my bedroom with machine guns!!!
• Amanda: See you in a few days. The house is going to take some cleaning.
• Lester: So now we're running strategy meetings from a strip club? You're really letting Philips run with the ball these days.
• Jimmy: I've learned my lesson. No more flaming people online unless it's 100% anonymously.
• Lester: You can retire for real this time, old friend.
• MaryAnn: I just got beaten in a bike race by a homeless crackhead. Thanks. You've put some kind of creepy middle-aged man curse on me.