Crystal Maze/Script

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The following are dialog and mission scripts for "Crystal Maze", a mission in Grand Theft Auto V.


Janet: You sure as shit are one dumb, ignorant, white trash, hillbilly, Wallis.

Wallis: You're damn right.

(Trevor walks into the Yellow Jack Inn)

Trevor Philips: Cheng, Spreadsheet, let's head outside and talk terms.

Tao Cheng's Translator: (in Mandarin Chinese) Come, come, come. Hurry!

(Tao Cheng and his translator walk outside to meet Trevor)

Trevor Philips: Gentlemen, I think, I have proved that my organization can handle weight. And I think I have proved that my organization is a reliable supplier. In short, it's you and me, now give me some of that Goddamn X.

Tao Cheng's Translator: I'm afraid we want to go down a different path.

Trevor Philips: What?

Tao Cheng's Translator: We want to explore other opportunities.

Tao Cheng: (in Mandarin Chinese) You big crazy man. You crazy. You want a massage?

Trevor Philips: Shut the fuck up!

Tao Cheng's Translator: Our boss, Mr. Cheng's father, wants something a little larger. We want to move drugs, perhaps guns.

Trevor Philips: This is my life's work. I mean since I was a little kid I-I dreamt big. Y'know, I've always wanted to be an international drug dealer and... weapons trader. Alright, so I'm begging you, let's make this happen.

Tao Cheng's Translator: I'm very sorry.

Trevor Philips: You're sorry? You're fucking sorry? I just spilled my fucking guts out to you and you say to me you're sorry. Who you working with? Hmm, who?

Tao Cheng's Translator: I'm not at liberty to say.

Trevor Philips: Oh no, no, no. You're at fucking liberty, in fact I'd say you are obliged.

(Trevor grabs Tao Cheng's head)

Trevor Philips: Who?

(Trevor begins to push Tao's head on to a supporting beam, once for every use of the word "who")

Trevor Philips: Fucking who, who, who, who?

Tao Cheng's Translator: The O'Neil brothers.

Trevor Philips: The O'Neil brothers, huh?

Tao Cheng's Translator: Yeah.

Trevor Philips: Are you shitting me?

Tao Cheng's Translator: No.

Trevor Philips: 'Cause those fucking O'Neil brothers, I hear a little birdie tellin' me that they have a bit of a problem, since one of them is going to have to be surgically removed from the skull of the other. Fuck you guys and fuck them.

(Trevor storms off into his vehicle as the translator tends to Tao)

Trevor Philips: Arghhhh!

(Trevor starts driving towards the O'Neil ranch. The following dialogue occurs only if Trevor has a non-rock station playing)

Trevor Philips: Arghhhh. This music's all fucking wrong!

(Trevor changes to a rock music radio station)

Trevor Philips: That's what I'm looking for!

(Trevor continues driving to the O'Neil ranch and receives a phone call from Elwood O'Neil)

Elwood O'Neil: Trevor Philips.

Trevor Philips: Elwood O'Neil, fuck. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Elwood O'Neil: Trevor... it's business.

Trevor Philips: That wide eyed idiot was mine!

Elwood O'Neil: It's business, fella. You wanna discuss it, we're at the farm. Ernie, Earl, Walton, Wynn, Dale, Doyle, Daryl, Dan - all of us.

Trevor Philips: Start writing those names on tombstones, 'cause I'm on the way to your lab, and we're going to see how much of a family meth business you got when I'm done! Arghh!

(Trevor hangs up)

Trevor Philips: All! Of! You! Are! Going! To! Die!

(The camera shows the O'Neil and members of the family from different angles before settling on a group of four who are quickly joined by Elwood and another family member)

Elwood O'Neil: I just spoke to that maniac Trevor. He's coming. Get down to the meth lab to protect it.

O'Neil #1: Alright.

Elwood O'Neil: I hope he don't get through these idiots, but... we know they're idiots. Come on.

(Two other O'Neils run off)

Elwood O'Neil: Come on, let's go see those Chinese fellas.

(Elwood and two other O'Neil brothers, presumably Walton and Wynn, get into a car as the camera returns to Trevor)

Trevor Philips: Oh how many brothers you got you imbred freaks? I don't know how I'm gonna to do it but I'll kill all of you and I'll torch your cook house.

(If Trevor shoots one O'Neil standing next to close to another O'Neil)

O'Neil #2: Ned? Ned? Ned's dead! Shit! Gunfire! O'Neil #2: Ned's down! He's here!

(Missing an O'Neil brother while shooting with the sniper rifle)

O'Neil #3: He's missed me!

(When Trevor is spotted/discovered)

O'Neil #4: It's happening! Get out here!

O'Neil #4: Fucking guard this fucking place!

(When Trevor is being shot at inside or outside the house. Not the dialogue below is random and not in a set order.)

Trevor Philips: How about a merger you pricks?

Trevor Philips: It's over!

Trevor Philips: You're all fucked!

Trevor Philips: This don't look like a larger operation to me.

Trevor Philips: Fucking O'Neils!

Trevor Philips: I'm coming for you.

Trevor Philips: Let's see if we can't cut you down to size.

Trevor Philips: Takeover time!

Trevor Philips: You assholes!

Trevor Philips: Get your own fuckin' business.

(When Trevor is being shot at outside the house. Note the dialogue below is random and not in a set order.)

O'Neil #5: Well fuck me, if it ain't him!

O'Neil #5: Hey, fuck you. Go home!

O'Neil #5: Fuck you!

O'Neil #5: Find him, or he'll kill us.

O'Neil #5: Keep him away!

O'Neil #5: You stay out there, we'll stay in here!

(When Trevor enters the house is being shot at. Note the dialogue below is random and not in a set order.)

O'Neil #6: You gonna be buried in this basement!

O'Neil #6: Get that motherfucker out the house!

O'Neil #6: He ain't taking our crank!

O'Neil #6: The motherfucker's in the house, boys!

O'Neil #6: You motherfucker!

O'Neil #6: You in our house now!

O'Neil #6: Hey, back to your fucking trailer!

O'Neil #6: Fuck Trevor Philips, man. Fuck him!

O'Neil #6: Yeah, fuck you, dealer man!

O'Neil #6: You get out this property!

O'Neil #6: Keep him out the lab!

O'Neil #6: You fucking weirdo, get gone!

O'Neil #6: Crap! He's heading for the basement!

O'Neil #6: You ain't getting at the lab!

O'Neil #6: You gonna die in this cook house!

(Trevor, having killed all the O'Neil brothers present, heads to the basement)

O'Neil #7: Don't let him down here!

(Trevor starts going down to the basement)

O'Neil #7: Aww shit! He's down here! O'Neil #7: Shit! He's in the lab!

(Trevor reaches the bottom of the stairs)

O'Neil #7: Don't come any closer, alright? You win. You can have the contract. We ain't got the ambition, man.

(The O'Neil brother in the basement, if not yet killed, will reach for a gun)

O'Neil #7: I don't know how many of my brothers you smoked, but you ain't touching this lab. Get outta here!

(Trevor picks up the jerry can)

Trevor Philips: Well look at this!

(Trevor begins to pour a gasoline trail out of the house)

Trevor Philips: See what's left when I'm done.

(Trevor continues to pour gasoline)

Trevor Philips: I'm gonna burn it to the ground.

(Trevor continues to pour gasoline)

Trevor Philips: Where you gone, fuckers?

(Trevor shoots the gasoline trail from outside the house)

Trevor Philips: Burn, you disrespectful pricks.

(The fire spreads into the basement where the meth lab explodes, which causes a major fire and considerable structural damage to the house)

Trevor Philips: Arghhhh!