Easy Fare/Script

The following is a script of the mission "Easy Fare" in Grand Theft Auto IV.


Vlad: Come on hottie, forget about the fat serf.

Mallorie: Vlad! Shut up!

Vlad: But he's a serf, and you're a countess. Talking about serfs...

Mallorie: Oh, hey Niko.

(Niko walks in looking for Roman)

Niko: Where's Roman?

Mallorie: Huh. Good question.

Vlad: Hey, yokel. Your dumb cousin isn't here. Go get me a coffee.

Niko: What?

Vlad: Get me a fucking coffee! Come on... I'll get you one. What? You keep staring at me, I'll burst one of your eyeballs. Gorgeous, this guy's a fucking creep!

Mallorie: Give him a break. He's new in the country.

Vlad: I can see that. Did you walk here from nineteen eighty five?

Niko: Yeah.

Vlad: Excellent! Now stop fucking staring at me. I mean, I know I'm good looking and everything, but come on.

(Roman walks in)

Roman: Aah, hey, Mallorie. Hey man!

Niko: Hey

Mallorie: Huh. About time.

Roman: Vlad... Vladdy boy... what's going on?

Vlad: Roman! Roman boy... you tell me what's going on.

Roman: Nice aftershave! What is that? "Sex Pest"?

Vlad: No, it's "Where Is My Fucking Money"?

Roman: I had it, I had some of it... then those Albanians you said you would deal with came and smashed my computer.

Vlad: So it's my fault?

Roman: I didn't say that...

Vlad: Good.

Roman: Anyway, Niko dealt with them... broke Dardan's arm, then beat up a couple more. Then we teach them a real lesson.

Vlad: Is that so? I'll tell you what... while you don't pay, maybe you and Niko can do me few favors.

Roman: Sure.

Vlad: Good

Roman: Why not?

Mallorie: Later, Vlad.

Roman: What?

Mallorie: The phone's ringing.

(Roman answers the phone)

Roman: Hey? Yeah... okay... no, I can't do it: my cousin will do it. Yes he can drive. No, he's not a cop. His name is Niko. He'll be right over. Niko, sorry to ask, cousin... can you go pick up Jermaine, one of my regulars? He's over on Rotterdam Hill on Mohawk Avenue.

Niko: Whatever.

(Niko leaves)

Roman: What was this all about?

Mallorie: Niko came in looking for you and Vlad told him to get him a fucking coffee and Niko didn't want to.

Roman: Coffee? What was he thinking?

Mallorie: I know.


(Niko picks up Jermaine)

Jermaine: Thanks for coming. Can you take me over to Masterson Street?

Niko: Masterson Street it is, Jermaine.

Jermaine: Shit. I thought Roman was gonna pick me up. I need someone I can trust for this run.

Niko: I'm Roman's cousin. If you can trust him, you can trust me.

Jermaine: Ahh, he told me about you. You're Niko, right? The hotshot lady's man cruising around the Mediterranean, breaking hearts and making millions?

Niko: Yeah, I traded in the yacht for this cab. That's exactly the kind of bullshit I can imagine Roman making up. You've got to give him credit for his imagination.

Jermaine: Yeah, you gotta. I had a feeling you sounded to good to be true. The question is, are you willing to get your hands dirty?

Niko: My hands haven't been clean for a long time. Being here in Liberty City is just making them dirtier.

Jermaine: Ok, ok. I've got to pick up some hot parts from my lockup, you down?

Niko: I ain't got no problem with that. Just don't tell me if you stole this shit from a hospital or a school for sick kids. My conscience is troubled enough already.

(Niko drives to the garage)

Jermaine: That door isn't meant to be open. Wait here while I take a look.

(Police show up at the garage)

Jermaine: The cops are onto me. Get us out of here!

(Niko is in the wanted zone)

Jermaine: I'm spinning out, man. Get these cops off our tails.

Jermaine: Help man, you gotta shake these cops.

Jermaine: I ain't going down, man. Get rid of this heat.

Jermaine: Lose the cops, man. Lose the fucking cops. Shit.

Jermaine: Shit man, you gotta lose these cops.

(Niko escapes the wanted zone)

Jermaine: I don't think they see us. Now, if we can stay outta their sights for a little longer we be all good.

Jermaine: Alright, I don't think they know where we are. Don't attract an unnecessary attention.

Jermaine: Cool, I think we managed to shake them. We just need to la low for another minute.

(Niko loses the police)

Jermaine: They're gone. Thank you.

Jermaine: Great, we've lost them.

Jermaine: That's a weight off my mind.

(Niko drives to the Pay 'n' Spray)

Jermaine: So, what brings you to Liberty City, Niko?

Niko: Roman, I guess, and some other things. I'm looking for something.

Jermaine: Good luck finding them. How's the hunt been going so far?

Niko: It has not really started yet. I'm getting settled in, you know? Roman has had some issues with loan sharks that needed to be resolved. There's this asshole called Vlad who he owes money to as well...

Jermaine: Good luck with that...

(Niko drops Jermaine off at the Pay 'n' Spray)

Jermaine: Okay, we're here. Thanks, man. Keep looking after Roman, a'ight.

Alternative dialogue

(Niko picks up Jermaine)

Jermaine: Thanks for coming. Can you take me over to Masterson Street?

Niko: Masterson Street it is, Jermaine.

Jermaine: Where's Roman? Are you a cop? You've got to tell me if you're a cop. That's the law.

Niko: Actually, I don't think I would have to tell you if I was a cop. That's just some bullshit that cops circulate to trick people into doing deals with them.

Jermaine: So, you're not a cop.

Niko: No, I tried to join the LCPD.

Jermaine: Yeah...

Niko: I'm Niko, Roman's cousin.

Jermaine: Shit, you just shoulda told me that. Jesus. You nearly gave me a heart attack. I wouldn't want to no cop driving me to pick up a load of hot parts.

Niko: You shouldn't have said that, Jermaine. I've grounds to arrest you now.

Jermaine: Ha ha. That's a joke, right? A funny fucking joke. You should let your cousin stick to the jokes. Making funny don't suit you.

(Niko loses the cops)

Jermaine: Did you come to Liberty City to drive cabs then?

Niko: No, I didn't. Just like every other chump who gets off a boat here, I thought things might be more exciting. This is just the beginning. It seems I need to sort out my cousin's life before I can work on my own.

Jermaine: Oh yeah, what's wrong with Roman's life?

Niko: He appears to owe money to half of Hove Beach. I got rid of one group of loan sharks but this asshole, Vlad, he has his hooks into him as well.

Jermaine: Roman is lucky to have you here, Niko.

Post mission phone calls


Niko: Roman, I got your friend, Jermaine, where he wanted to go.

Roman: Good Niko, thanks, thanks... can't talk, see you soon.


Vlad: Yokel, fatty Roman's cousin, it's Vlad.

Niko: Vlad? Name doesn't ring any bells. I'm sorry.

Vlad: You better start remembering important people you dumb peasant. Your cousin owes me a lot of money. If you don't want to make things real difficult for him you're going to come to Comrades Bar on Mohawk. I have a work for you.

Other dialogue

(Niko leaves the car)

Jermaine: Hey man, I thought you were driving me?

Jermaine: This thing don't drive itself, get in.

Jermaine: What're you doing? Get back in the car.

Jermaine: Niko, yo, Roman said you were reliable.

Failing the mission

Jermaine dies

Niko: Roman, man, I got some bad news. Your client, Jermaine, he got hurt.

Roman: Shit, Niko. He was one of my only regulars. This ain't good at all, man. Later.

Roman's car is destroyed

Niko: Hey Roman, sorry about this, but your cab got trashed.

Roman: Niko, how come you trash my cab but you never trash those tanks you drive back home? This is real bad, man.

Unused dialogue

(Dialogue which isn't heard in-game)

Niko: Hey, Roman ain't much better when he's behind the wheel. Sorry about that screw up.

Jermaine: I own a Pay 'n' Spray shop over there on Gibson Street. Take us there.

Jermaine: Thank you, man. Tell Roman to stay out of trouble, you hear?

Jermaine: We're trapped! Smash through that fence, man.

Jermaine: You really got to get some practice driving on the right side of the road. Roman shouldn't have let you out of his cab.