Friend Request/Script

The following are dialog and mission scripts for "Friend Request", a mission in Grand Theft Auto V.


(Michael knocks on Lester's front door and, noticing the camera, looks into the camera)

Michael De Santa: (giving the double finger to the camera) Fuck you, Lester. You gonna let me in or what?

Lester Crest: Gimme a minute.

(Lester unlocks the door and Michael walks in to find Lester at his computer)

Lester Crest: I was wondering when you'd show up.

Michael De Santa: I was dead.

Lester Crest: Praise be! I guess you weren't very dead. You... need my help.

Michael De Santa: How do you know?

Lester Crest: 'Cause you came here. Why else would you?

Michael De Santa: I haven't been a good friend for you, Lester. I know that.

Lester Crest: And you're gonna make it up to me by doing whatever I ask. Or rather, I-I mean... I need something done, you need to know something, so, why not help each other?

Michael De Santa: I gotta make some dough.

Lester Crest: So you're back in the game?

Michael De Santa: I guess. Look, Lester, about what happened before...

Lester Crest: I know you never mentioned my name. I know I'm not on any lists anywhere. I know you never betrayed me. As for you, you gotta figure that I never told anyone. That instead of gently decomposing in North Yankton, you're angrily decomposing in Los Santos with a shrink... and a wife who don't love you no more.

Michael De Santa: Yeah... yeah, well. Since you put it like that.

Lester Crest: Hey, shut up a minute. I'm getting an Eyefind alert. That little college boy, sack of shit, phony, fuck!

Michael De Santa: Who? Jay Norris?

Lester Crest: Yes. That fuck is a lying bastard. I've read his fucking emails, he's a fucking cheat.

Michael De Santa: I-I-I heard him say that he saved America...

Lester Crest: What? By outsourcing all the jobs? By selling us little bits of plastic, restricted-access shit? Well now it's payback time, you lying turd.

Michael De Santa: The hell are you talkin' about?

Lester Crest: You are about to get that white collar gig that you always dreamed of, Mikey. Here, take this err, fashionably retro, 'weird-for-a-forty-five-year-old-man-but-I-cannot-let-go-of-the-1980's bag, and dress yourself up like a billionaire math genius with low level Asperger's. You better be ready for the minor glitch of your repulsive pseudo-messianic life.

Michael De Santa: Okay, Lester...

Lester Crest: Get out of here! Call me when you're ready. We are about to put the Darwinism back in social Darwinism, and brother, it is gonna be fun.

Michael De Santa: You fuckin' kiddin' me? I'm a bank robber, not a web designer.

Lester Crest: So we'll go robbing... soon. I'll find something. Just like the old days.

(Michael leaves Lester's bungalow and drives to the Sub Urban store in Vinewood)

Michael De Santa: Ah, excuse me. I got this interview with this tech company. I'm thinking I need something. I don't know... Geeky. Youthful.

Sub Urban Shop Clerk: Lost your job and the world's moved on, huh? That's too bad.

Michael De Santa: I didn't lose my job.

Sub Urban Shop Clerk: Of course. Got too old, got outsourced. Same thing happened to my dad. Now you gotta fit in with a different generation. What about... A vest and some cargo shorts?

(Michael tries on an item from the Gilets clothing rail)

Michael De Santa: Alright.

(Michael completes his outfit)

Sub Urban Shop Clerk: Tragic, but they'll do. Sub Urban Shop Clerk: Dignity aside, I think that might just work.

(Michael starts walking to the door)

Sub Urban Shop Clerk: Good luck at the interview.

Michael De Santa: Goodbye.

(Michael begins driving to the Lifeinvader office and receives a phone call from Lester)

Lester Crest: Michael.

Michael De Santa: I'm all dressed up. Now, you wanna run me through this thing?

Lester Crest: The prototype is somewhere in the Lifeinvader office. Find it, and fit it with the device in your bag.

Michael De Santa: They just gonna let me in?

Lester Crest: Why wouldn't they, if you look the part? Hang around till someone opens the door and act entitled.

Michael De Santa: Fine.

(Michael drives to the Lifeinvader offices and lights up a cigarette shortly before Rickie Lukens walks out for a cigarette)

Michael De Santa: Hey.

Rickie Lukens: Hey.

(Michael offers to light Rickie's cigarette)

Rickie Lukens: Oh, great. PM's pushing for more functionality, but we are maxed. I mean if anything we have to strip features, especially if we're planning on releasing a fully priced update a year later. You know, it's all this...

Michael De Santa: Yeah, well, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. You know?

Rickie Lukens: Er, I mean, we're talking beta in Q4 maybe Q3. Look, milestones are one thing, but when design is changing its mind seemingly overnight, there's not much you can do about it... You know what I'm saying?

Michael De Santa: Look, my Union-allocated smoke break's about up, so...

Rickie Lukens: Wait a minute, do I know you?

Michael De Santa: Yeah, I think so.

Rickie Lukens: I-I-IT temp, right?

Michael De Santa: Yeah.

Rickie Lukens: You know you gotta do something for me.

(Rickie opens the door and allows Michael in)

Michael De Santa: Ah, you gotta it in a ticket.

Rickie Lukens: Err... No. I'd like to keep this one out of the database, if you know what I mean?

(Michael begins to follow Rickie to his desk)

Rickie Lukens: I'm totally becoming a tech evangelist when the big boys 'vest. Maybe not even tech, I'll evangelize anything. Rickie Lukens: I'm turning consultant when we release - consulting consulters.

(Rickie and Michael walk up some stairs)

Lifeinvader Employee: Hi.

Prospective Employee: Oh, hi.

Employee: Chill out on a bean bag. Marcus will be right out.

Prospective Employee: Oh, erm, I'm gonna take a normal chair, I have a terrible back.

Employee: Really? The brief was for a relaxed creative individual. The kind that preferred a beanbag over a real chair, but if your so 'bound' to social restraints...

Prospective Employee: N-No, no, no, no. I'm not restrained at all. I'll, I'll take a seat.

(The prospective employee sits down on a beanbag and makes a noise to show his pain)

Employee: See.

(The prospective employee makes another sound)

Employee: Your relaxed already. Let your creative juices flow.

(The employee walks over to a colleague playing on an arcade machine)

Employee: Ka-boom! You just got pwned, my friend.

(Michael walks towards Rickie at his desk)

Rickie Lukens: Here you go. If you guys let me use the OS I requested this wouldn't be a problem.

(Michael sits at Rickie's computer, notices all the popups and begins closing them)

Michael De Santa: You've been at it on this PC. Huh, got any antivirus software?

Rickie Lukens: I think so. Behind this junk, on the left. Clicked an NSFW link, bro. Bit me on the ass.

Michael De Santa: Yeah, not safe for work, eh. You know, my son's computer runs into the same kind of problems. I'll close the popups, see what I can do.

Rickie Lukens: Your son codes? Start 'em early, bro. You write your best stuff in your tweens. After that it's just a hack job.

(Michael continues to close the popups. Note the below dialogue is randomly generated and will not necessarily appear in this order)

Rickie Lukens: You wanna massage? 'Cause my hands are free.

Michael De Santa: These hacker kids. Always coming up with a new way to screw your network in the ass.

Rickie Lukens: Rocking out might get you in the right headspace.

Michael De Santa: My son probably wrote this, the little shit bag.

Michael De Santa: We'll get there eventually.

Rickie Lukens: I need to write some product, broheim. I'm feeling the itch.

Michael De Santa: Gimme a second, will you?

Rickie Lukens: My glitch fixing is gonna be way down today.

Michael De Santa: I'll see what I can do.

Rickie Lukens: Those popups might be why I get all these migraines. Seriously, it might be why.

Michael De Santa: They gotta send me on another one of those seminars.

Rickie Lukens: Wow! Your job is kinda stressful to, ain't it?

Rickie Lukens: This place is fuelled by java, bro.

(If Michael attempts to use the AntEater Antivirus software before closing all the popups)

Michael De Santa: I guess I got to close the rest of 'em down.

Michael De Santa: Ah. Won't run with the popups up.

(Michael closes all the popups)

Michael De Santa: Okay, we got some space, I'll try to boot up the antivirus.

(Michael uses the AntEater Antivirus)

Michael De Santa: Alright, we got some empty space so I'll try to boot up this antivirus.
Michael De Santa: Scanning.
Michael De Santa: And we scan.

Rickie Lukens: You want to take a break for some air guitar, gimme the wink, bro.

Michael De Santa: See, I don't have the manual on me.

(The AntEater Antivirus software removes all the popups)

Michael De Santa: And that should do it. Why don't you try and keep things strictly "safe for work" from now on?

(Michael turns around to see Rickie doing air guitar)

Rickie Lukens: Hey, have you seen the prototype in the demo room? When Norris announces it at the keynote, minds are gonna blow.

(Rickie begins doing air guitar again)

Michael De Santa: Yes, they are.

(Michael rigs the prototype and starts walking back through the building)

Rickie Lukens: Making history, dude. Hey, and we couldn't do it without the little guys!
Rickie Lukens: Dude, when it blue screens again, you're my guy.

Michael De Santa: Bye now.

(Michael, on the way out, overhears the prospective employee being interviewed by Marcus)

Marcus: Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. Think fast.

(Marcus kicks a ball at prospect who falls of his chair)

Prospective Employee: Ow!

Marcus: Come on. You're gonna have to learn the footbang if you want a job. Here, follow me.

Prospective Employee: Okay.

Marcus: Ooh, how's your air guitar? Alright?

(Marcus and the prospective employee play air guitar)

Marcus Alright, follow me.

Prospective Employee: Okay.

(Michael continues to walk out of the Lifeinvader building. If Michael walks back the way he came, through a small kitchen area, he will overhear a conversation)

Female Employee: Some a-hole drank my effing hemp milk. There was a totally non-passive aggressive note on it. If I drown in mucus, it's your fault you bitter effing c's!

(If Michael leaves through the front entrance)

Receptionist: Hold on, I'll buzz you out.
Receptionist: Let me get the door for you.

(Michael starts heading back to his house and phones Lester)

Lester Crest: Hey... Michael... hold on... hold on... domed! I domed you...

Michael De Santa: Lester? The thing's in the prototype, I'm going home to watch the keynote.

Lester Crest: Teabag time, my friend!

Michael De Santa: Lester, did you hear me? Are you playing that game?

Lester Crest: Yeah yeah. Sorry... Phone is rigged. What's your problem, you don't like shooters?

Michael De Santa: They're all the same, besides, you know me, I'm a movie guy. Classic Vinewood.

Lester Crest: Classic Vinewood ended thirty years ago. Now it's just superheroes, romantic comedies and remakes. None of which interest me.

Michael De Santa: Hey, I believe this country can still make interesting movies. There is no better way to define American life than a two hour plot in which the hero looks good and defeats evil.

Lester Crest: Whatever you say... enjoy yesterday. Anyway, just call the device after he's unveiled it, and then we'll talk.

(Michael returns and walks towards his living room where Tracey is watching television)

Lazlow: and tours around the country before disappearing back to bitter obscurity.

Fame or Shame Announcer: The finals continue with... She Male Bop.

Tracey De Santa: O my God. You guys are so lame.

Michael De Santa: Out.

Tracey De Santa: No! I'm watching Fame or Shame!

Michael De Santa: Tough fucking tits!

(Michael attempts to grab the remote control from Tracey)

Tracey De Santa: No! No!

Michael De Santa: Give me that...

Tracey De Santa: No! Argh!

(Michael can now change the channel to Weazel News. The following dialogue is if Michael does not change the channel)

Fame or Shame Announcer: The most racist guy in America.

Billy Lancer: You all disgust me!

Imran Shinowa: America loves you! You are in the finals!

Fame or Shame Announcer: Recorded live from the Vinewood Bowl! Who will win it all? Find out tonight on the Fame or Shame finals.

(Michael changes to Weazel News. Note that Fame or Shame will continue until the player changes the channel.)

Lifeinvader Keynote Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome Mr. Jay Norris to the stage!

(Michael, watching his television, sees Jay Norris walk out on the stage to a lot of applause)

Jay Norris: Hey. This company has come a long way since we started it in my parents' pool house in East Carraway. Today, you're about to witness a new phase. Full on, weapons grade, red alert, world domination!

Crowd: Wooo! Wooo! Wooo!

Jay Norris: We have put a billion people's private data in the public domain, and we have milked every penny we could in the process.

Crowd: Wooo! Wooo!

Jay Norris: We have one of the youngest work forces in the world! An average age of only fourteen point four years. That's no just impressive. It's revolutionary!

Crowd: Wooo! Yay! Wooo! Yay!

Jay Norris: Today. Right here. We are about to make the next step! Prepare to witness... The future.

Crowd: Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock!

Jay Norris: The Lifeinvader mobile device.

(Michael can now phone Jay Norris. The following is if Jay is allowed to continue to speak)

Jay Norris: Yes, we've invented something no one else has ever thought of. A small personal computerized device. Now, you're going to be able to stay docked twenty-four seven. On the bus. You can dock. On the subway. Stay docked. You can be docked in at home, and at the same time you're docking with some kids at the public pool.

Crowd: Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock! Dock!

Jay Norris: We went to the guys at Fruit Computers and we told them we wanted to make our hardware as compatible as possible. But you know what? They're not interested in "sharing" their technology.

Crowd: Boo! Boo!

Jay Norris: So we went and made it compatible anyway. Now, you can dock your Lifeinvader to an iFruit phone or any other device, and it'll take all the data off it and reformat it into Lifeinvader-friendly information.

Crowd: Wooo! Woo, woo!

(Jay will wait for the phone call)

Jay Norris: At around this point in my presentation there was meant to be a call from my product team to introduce the device, but we're experiencing some technical difficulties.

Crowd: Boo!

Jay Norris: I hate to keep you waiting any longer, but trust me, it's worth it. And don't worry, I will fire several people for this.

Crowd: Boo

(If the player has yet to phone Jay, he will storm off stage and the player will fail the mission)

(When Michael phones Jay)

Michael De Santa: And... fuck you.

Jay Norris: Hold on a second. I think someone's trying to dock with me.

(Jay answers the phone)

Jay Norris: Hello?

(The phone explodes and kills Jay)

Michael De Santa: Oh! Ach! Oh! Jesus! Whoa! Lest... Whoa.

Post mission phone call

Lester Crest: Ha ha.

Michael De Santa: Lest! That was heavy! You watching the news?

Lester Crest: I don't have to, I'm watching the markets. I'll be trade pure alpha till close.

Michael De Santa: Alright. Hey, about that other thing? You know, the score?

Lester Crest: Oh yeah, yeah... absolutely. Let's do it. Put on a suit, look somewhat professional, and meet me at my warehouse off the LS Freeway... Oh, and I'm about to email you a link for the exchange. You can put in some trades of your own.

Michael De Santa: I'm trying to stay off the day trading, but maybe I'll take a look.