RAILS Breakfast Cereal Under FDA Scrutiny

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RAILS Breakfast Cereal Under FDA Scrutiny is an article written for the Liberty Tree newspaper in 1998 by Beverly Clamhopper. The article can be found in the manual for Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories.


Their slogan may be "Breakfast just got quicker," but the early morning craze that is sweeping through our city is now under an FDA probe. The popular breakfast cereal you snort, RAILS, by Mendez Foodstuffs of Medellin, has been wowing food retailers since it was introduced last year, but some parenting groups are concerned and now the FDA has launched an investigation.

Reports of children having nosebleeds abound, while some parents insist that after enjoying a healthy serving of RAILS, their kids talk at length about how they are going to take over the world and become obsessed by conspiracy theories.

Meanwhile some schools are reporting a RAILS epidemic. "I want to report a RAILS epidemic" said one school spokesman, who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity. As his comment was unfeasibly banal, we are only too happy to oblige. "More RAILS please" may be the slogan kids are shouting across the country but parents are wondering, "Are RAILS really such a good thing?" The kids may be confident but at what cost?