Vertical Bird/Script

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The following is a script of the Vertical Bird mission in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.


(Carl, Maccer, Kent Paul and Madd Dogg inside the recording studio in Madd Dogg's Crib)

Maccer: Go on... Go on... Come on... Come on... Go on...

Kent Paul: Will you please leave yourself alone!

Maccer: Oh, fuck!

Kent Paul: Oh, you manky mongrel!

Maccer: Ooh, sorry geez.

Kent Paul: You shouldn't be choking the gecko in the first place! Remember what happened at that gig in Hamburg?!

Maccer: That groupie loved it!

Kent Paul: That wasn't a groupie, that was a roadie!

Maccer: But she had great tits.

Kent Paul: MAN tits! They were MAN TITS!

(The recording equipment stops working.)

Carl Johnson: Hey, what happened? Hey, where the sounds at?

Kent Paul: I dunno, bruv, it all just went!

Maccer: You're fucking shite you are, P.

Kent Paul: I can't be held responsible for dodgy gear, alright?

Carl Johnson: C'mon, keep it together, man - we can't fuck with his flow.

(A voice comes from a speaker from somewhere in the recording equipment.)

Mike Toreno: Finally! I thought I'd never get through to you.

Carl Johnson: What the... Toreno? Is that you?

Kent Paul: What's happenin' here?

Carl Johnson: Toreno?

Mike Toreno: Listen; you gotta pull one last string for me, OK? Communists at the gate, Carl.

Carl Johnson: I'm tired of this, Toreno.

Mike Toreno: I'm outside. Let's take a ride.

(The sounds are back and Madd Dogg continues rapping.)

Maccer: Now I'm hearing things - fuck me!

Carl Johnson: Hey, I gotta get out of here. You got this? Hey, Dogg, I gotta go hit a marketing meeting, I'm gonna catch you later!

Kent Paul: Right, mind how you go, sunshine. Yeah, sweet as... Come on. You having that, Maccer, you having that?

(CJ and Toreno outside the mansion.)

Mike Toreno: Well, no invite to the housewarming, huh, kid?

Carl Johnson: I knew you'd come anyway.

Mike Toreno: Yeah, well, that's not important right now. I'll bring you up to speed on the way, get in.

Carl Johnson: How long's this going to take? I got my own shit to worry about.

Mike Toreno: Would you like to see your brother this week?

Carl Johnson: Yeah, what can I do?

Mike Toreno: You just gotta steal a military jet off an amphibious assault ship and use it to destroy a flotilla of spy ships, nothing big.

Carl Johnson: Oh man, you shittin' me.

Mike Toreno: Would I shit you, Carl? There's a boat. All the gear you'll need is on board. I'll keep you briefed as you go.

Carl Johnson: I ain't coming back from this one, am I?

Mike Toreno: Yes you are, don't be ridic- here take this earpiece. Trust me, do as I say, you'll be home for a blow job and a bologna sandwich.

(On the earpiece Toreno instructing CJ.)

Mike Toreno: OK Carl, the ship is moored in the Easter Basin Naval Base.

(CJ arrives outside the Easter Basin Naval Base, with Toreno speaking on the earpiece.)

Mike Toreno: Sneak in the back without being seen. Once you're on the inside, I cannot help you.

Carl Johnson: Well, can you help me now?

Mike Toreno: Oh, well, no. Actually, no.

(CJ makes his way inside the base and steals the aircraft.)

Mike Toreno: Ya see? Ya see? What did I tell you? It was a snap!

Pilot: Stolen aircraft; prepare to be vaporized!

Carl Johnson: Did you hear that?

Mike Toreno: 'Prepare to be vaporized' what a bunch of bullshit. Ignore them. They shoot at you and it's an international incident. You're not a British tank, so you should be fine.

Carl Johnson: For real?

Mike Toreno: Yeah, well, probably. Now make your way to the flotilla and sink the fuckers!

(CJ destroys all the ships.)

Mike Toreno: You see? Child's play!

Carl Johnson: FUCK YOU, TORENO!!! I never want to go through this again! I think I'm gonna hurl...

Mike Toreno: Ooh, what a big whiner, you want some cheese with that wine? Hey, you were spectacular. You know what, I'm beginning to think my little Carl is a double agent. Oooh.

Carl Johnson: Shut up, Toreno. Where do you want this thing?

Mike Toreno: What thing? I don't know what you're talking about - you stole it. Got nothing to do with me, I don't know what you're talking about. See ya 'round.

Carl Johnson: Toreno? TORENO! SHIT!