Los Santos Meteor
Cranley on Murry: "She's a real : ©#%!"
Written by Frank Edwards.
That's what governor candidate Jock Cranley said about his opponent Sue Murry shortly after he bombarded her campaign headquarters with feces. Sue Murry says she's had enough. " It's disgusting to stoop to this level in politics, where we're throwing feces. But two can play at that game," Murry said shortly after hugging a veteran. Cranley has vowed to eliminate tax in the state by selling off all unneeded park land and reducing education budgets by 98 percent, proposals that many believe make sense in a time of belt...
Gang Crime on the rise again in Los Santos. Media to blame due to lack of coverage.
After years of falling interest in gangs and gang culture, a recent rise in gang violence and in gang membership across Los Santos has led to calls for greater regulations covering media portrayals of violence. A broad spectrum of politicians were united in condemnation of the media yesterday after figures showed a recent upsurge in gang violence. The issue this time, according to experts in the field – a lack of recent movies and video games about gangs has apparently convinced young people that it is an acceptable choice. San Andreas gubernatorial candidate Sue Murry was one of many voiced wanting to be heard. "It's simply irresponsible of Vinewood not to cover social problems. Without education from movies, how are children supposed to learn that shooting each other has serious consequences? Video games are even worse because they donate even less money to social causes and they love violence, especially the wrong kind.
Several dead in suspected gang shoot-out
Police are scratching their heads as to what caused a violent shootout in Puerto Del Sol yesterday that left several gang members dead. The recent rise in gang crime continues unabated. An alley of Magellan Avenue in Vespucci Beach was turned into a war zone and the battle then spilt out onto the surrounding streets. Police are uncertain if this means drug wars between Hispanic gangs have reignited, or if this was simply a deal or an altercation gone wrong. The Vagos are known to have long-term turf wars both internally and with the city's other major street gangs, including the Aztecas who have been largely forced out of Los Santos into Blaine County, the Ballas and the Families. No one is clear on what caused this massacre, with LSPD spokesman Lee Whitless stating "We are desperately searching for someone to blame. We haven’t found anyone yet, so we are probably going to try to say something silly like 'it's the fault of junk food or pollution' simply for something to say."
Lifeinvader to revolutionize with new product
Lifeinvader, the social networking site that changed the way that people think about privacy, human interaction and photos of cats forever is poised to make history again with a new product launch this week. The product, which is rumoured to be a stand-alone mobile device, has been described by Lifeinvader's CEO Jay Norris as "game-changing", "totally creat-iv-spiring" and "the result of a lot of blue-sky hammock time".
Prescription pain junkies flock to pharmacies
At one time Americans dealt with pain by having a stiff drink, a barbiturate, and lying down on a therapist's couch to cry. But now people are skipping the therapy and going straight to the pills. Up to one in four Americans is addicted to pain pills like Deludamol and Zombix and some warn that this spells trouble. The pharmaceutical industry has denied accusations that they are overzealously advertising morphine-based painkillers for profit. They said that the sponsorship of stock car races, football games, and little league soccer is their way of giving back to the community.
Chinese steal drug market
Not content with attacking the fundamentals of our capitalist economy with their cheap labor and vibrant industrial base, it appears that China is now coming after our shadow economy. At a press conference earlier today announcing a new intergovernmental strategies to combat drug trafficking, a spokesperson from Globopol revealed that criminal organizations from mainland China are attempting to infiltrate the US drug market. The international policing organization claims that senior gang members from a number of Chinese organized crime families have entered the country illegally in recent months, including Wei Chen Triad that operates out of Yangshan in Guangdong.
Greed and green screens killings jobs as Meltdown production begins.
Key Grips, Best Boys, Set designers, fluffers, on-set blow dealers and many other professions that rely on film and TV shoots say their jobs are being outsourced to China as even more pictures are filmed entirely on green screen. "At first we thought that CG was amazing. I mean, movies with no real story and just lots of cool effects. It was great. But when it starts to take away jobs for romantic comedy and dramatic thriller shoots, that's when we cry foul. Foul! I mean, Richard Majestic's new picture is set in Liberty City. But instead of shooting it there, it's being filmed in a shed in Los Santos." howled Film Union representative William Veranzic. Movie studios say that the cost of production is astronomical and that making drivel will be a lot more economical with increased green screen use.
NEW LEADS IN ROCKFORD HILLS JEWEL STORE JOB.
The police have turned up new leads in their investigation into the recent robbery of Vangelico jewelers in Rockford Hills. They believe the crime was tied to an attack on a Humane Labs and Research shipment carrying BZ gas. Police also believe the van used by the robbers was recently stolen from a Bugstar Pest Control Warehouse in South Los Santos. Despite making these connections, investigators are no closer to finding the suspects who cleaned out the store for millions of dollars worth of jewels, escaped on motorcycles, and evaded police in the LS River. The police are not yet close to making an arrest.
Weekend warriors leaving city in droves, invading Blaine County.
Jeff Osterman and his friends are successful professionals who work as animators at Fred's. But on weekends they put on skintight bike riding unitards and ride their $10,000 well tuned feather light bicycles through the hills and valleys of the Alamo Sea in Blaine County. The area is becoming popular with many Vinewood professionals and Mirror Park hipsters looking for a weekend getaway to see the other side of life. "You see all sorts of crazy stuff out here," said Osterman. "The locals mostly just leave us alone. We had one group of drunk guys who were having a big BBQ with ATVs, a trampoline and mud wrestling throw some rocks at us last month, but we laughed it off. These people are so primal, it's really fun to see them in their habitat."
Are men going soft on Mollis?
Betta Pharmaceuticals' long reign over the erectile dysfunction market might be under threat from a controversial rival product that claims to be cheaper, stronger and more fun with alcohol. Called "Priapol" and manufactured by Bilkinton Research, the drug is still unapproved by regulators and there have been alarming reports of severe reactions to the pill ranging from urethra splitting to heart failure. However, Bilkinton Research’s CEO, Bret Lowrey told reporters yesterday that Priapol's side effects had been grossly exaggerated, and that final approval was just "days away" and suggested customers should continue to party like men half their age until they hear otherwise.
Residents to Farmers Market: Go back to your farms.
When the farmers market takes over a city block, residents say it's like a plague of locusts has descended on the neighborhood. "Oh my god it is awful. These people mill about, buying overpriced crap, talking about recycling and hippie nonsense. It's all so phony," one resident complained. The farmers market has become a staple of southern San Andreas city life, where residents say they need to make themselves feel better and more connected to the earth in a place that breeds self-loathing and the electronic mechanization of our everyday lives. However, most people agree that food belongs in a grocery store, not being sold in the streets by people who compost their own feces.
Cop artist: I’m painting the perps!
Sergeant Tim Kenner never forgets a face. "That's because I paint pictures of every criminal I apprehend, and their faces are typically a bloody mess by the time I'm done," Kenner says. The paintings are all the rage among conservative arts patrons. Groups say that many of the people Kenner paints are never convicted of a crime and that is effectively trolling the streets in a patrol car looking for subjects to paint. He also paints homicide scenes. "It relaxes me," Kenner said.
Di Napoli kidnapping has family in tears.
Al Di Napoli has been kidnapped by a group of unknown, possibly elderly, assailants who pursued him in a high-speed chase through the streets of Los Santos, leaving a trail of carnage in their wake. Eyewitnesses report seeing the actor being put into the trunk of a car outside the Pillbox Hill Medical Center by what looked like a homeless man. It's a story unbelievable enough to be reminiscent of the kind of action movies Al used to star in before he discovered methamphetamine, and police are curious why the kidnappers picked Di Napoli, whose career has been on the skids for over a decade, rather than somebody more famous or relevant. At this time, no ransom payment has been requested.
Greusome end to Al Di Napoli.
We can confirm that Al Di Napoli has been found dead on the train tracks by the Palmer-Taylor Power Station. Emergency workers have still not recovered all the actor’s body, which was only identified by his distinctive over-sized veneers. Our thoughts are with the Di Napoli family. While they were preparing for the worst after his kidnapping, surely getting mangled by a freight train was not high on the list of possible outcomes and, if it was, police should probably talk to them.
Al Di Napoli rescue lightens mood of city.
Al Di Napoli has survived his kidnapping ordeal and is back home safe and sound. The actor issued a statement saying that he doesn't want to talk to police, the press or anybody else about what happened during his abduction, calling it the "most humiliating experience of (his) life", but will be accepting calls from agents and producers about possible direct-to-TV movie roles to help him heal as an artist.
Could you be thrown out of your home?
Tim Sheperd loved quirky Vespucci Beach when he bought a home here. That is, until residents told him to leave. In a neighborhood where homeless artists ply their wares, drug addicts sit in the middle of streets annoying people, and every patch of skin has some ink, the city council has decreed that residents must adapt to the new code. "We expect a certain type of resident to live here," City Council President Betty Cummings said. "And Mr Sheperd, while being a nice man, doesn't have any ink, piercings or distinguishing body art. He doesn't even have an ironic lumberjack bear. We can't lose the flavour of this city with the wrong kind of gentrification. He had to go."
McIlroy says Meltdown will melt box office.
Dismissing reports of squabbles with legendary producer, Solomon Richards, Milton McIlroy told reporters yesterday that rumors of his unhappiness were "gross exaggerations". 'Meltdown', which is set in Liberty City but being filmed on set in Los Santos, has been a source of limitless innuendo with both actor and director Anton Beaudelaire apparently miserable. McIlroy dismissed these stories yesterday – he told me via phone "look, making movies is hard. Otherwise any idiot could do it, and trust me, I'm not just any idiot. Of course, we've had squabbles – we're all passionate prima donnas used to getting our own way, but trust me, this picture, it's like a return to the golden age of Vinewood – it just makes the financial crisis seem so interesting and understandable. People will love it."
Talent agent murdered.
Vinewood agent and promoter Rocco Pelosi has been found dead. Police have not yet issues any official statement but the death is being treated as murder. Pelosi, who some thought had connections to organized crime in Liberty City and was known in Vinewood more for his physical clout than industry clout, had no shortage of enemies on either coast, and the list of possible suspects is expected to be long.
You are drinking feces.
The recently published study that reveals what is actually in our drinking water should be of no surprise. Living in LS we are well aware that the water tastes like crap. The study commissioned by Flow Independent Research proves what we already know - that drinking bottle water is the cleanest, safest and most environmentally sound option without question.
Terror in Los Santos
Usually it's kept to the movies, but Los Santos erupted in real terror yesterday. Many agents were left dead as the IAA and the FIB fought valiantly to defeat an unknown enemy assailant in a bloody battle at the Kortz Center. Private security contractors from Merryweather were also thought to have engaged the enemy as the war on terror hit our streets. Shocked passersby watched agents as they battled bravely to stop the terrorists. Confusion reigned, and at certain moments it seemed as if the agents were fighting each other, but order was soon restored. FIB spokesman Gary Lane told reporters at the scene - "we will not sleep until we have identified the people responsible for this incident. Several agents fell in the line of duty, but luckily no innocent people were affected." Both IAA and FIB officials called for increased funding to fight the war that has now arrived in our city.
Steve Haines, FIB Agent and TV host murdered while shooting TV show about being FIB Agent.
Steve Haines, decorated FIB agent and host of the popular TV show "The Underbelly of Paradise" unwittingly helped expose that underbelly further yesterday as he was assassinated while filming a segment of his TV show on the Ferris Whale on Del Pierro Pier. Agent Haines, who had twice recently been injured in the line of duty, had been an agent for nearly 20 years and a TV host for five.
FIB spokesman Gary Lane told the Los Santos Meteor "Agent Haines died a hero, doing what he loved, which was presenting a TV show. He really helped combine the chaos of anti-terrorism and the mindlessness of network television into one highly successful career.
Mr. Haines, who was not married, lived with his mother.