|Full Name||Leslie Gardner|
|Main Affiliations||Weazel News (employer)|
Merryweather deny they are already working at the Port of Los Santos.
- After Nervous Ron
Controversial firm Merryweather Security Consulting denied they are already working a security detail at the Port of Los Santos. The port, the world's second busiest, has long been seen as a potential weak spot in the war on terror, with up to a third of America's imports and half of all exports passing through. After several lapses in security over the past 3 years, Don Percival, Merryweather's outspoken CEO has been lobbying for the contract. Given the controversy around outsourcing government defence contracts, Merryweather felt compelled to say they were not working there yet, until the matter was properly resolved. Percival's spokesman told us, "Yes Don has friends in government. Yes Don sometimes takes his friends on expensive vacations and yes, Don is competing for highly lucrative government defense contracts. We see no possible conflicts of interest. If you can't trust a xenophobic psychopath with a private army, who can you trust? He's the perfect American, so why would he want to defraud a country he loves."
Drone bases promise to make American safe
Fort Zancudo will soon have a shiny new drone base, and people are celebrating. The announcement promises to bring much needed jobs to the area. We also hope they will change the law to enable drones to help fight the menace of illegal aliens who are pouring over our borders like one of those medieval films where they CG a million orcs and trolls storming a castle. A few wingnuts have expressed concerns about civil liberties, however the military says that drones have had no collateral damage in overseas operations and they don't expect anything to change just because they built a drone base on some freshly drained pristine coastal wetlands.